dude can i have some fucking room please? i mean JESUS. i couldn’t even fit all of him in the shot he just goes for miles and miles. anyway hello, good morning, TFIF! (thank fuck it’s friday) not that it makes a lick of difference ’round here nahmean? coffeetime wheee!
don’t forget to vote i will be right back to nag you some more don’t you worry.
January 8, 2009
Dear Raymi
I took a long look at your blog last night. One of the most interesting things to me is that you look much different now than you did even a month ago. You look a lot younger, even radiant. Whatever you’re doing with diet, exercise, love, etc., it’s working. I was like, “damn, Raymi went from 25 year old hipster party-face to glowing, youthful sex-kitten in like a minute.” There’s also a twinkle in your eye that wasn’t there before. You look more grounded and confident. Maybe your health is helping you to feel more sane. I know that when I started getting healthier in body, my mind followed suit…somewhat. But the funny thing is that I had a crazy panic attack when I was reading your blog, but that’s probably because I was high and realized that the earth would implode with all kinds of ironic energy if we ever met. Congratulations. I literally had an intense physical/mental reaction to experiencing your blog.
Have a splendid day.
Vane$$a
the only thing that’s changed in my face is that i am using a different camera, the one before washed my face out and made me look terrible, so really i wasn’t all that rotten-faced before, twas the camera’s unforgiving fault not mine oh and im wearing a shade of makeup thats too orange/dark right now, they didn’t have my shade bla blah thanks though
funny re: anxiety, i get it every time i load/leave a comment on scarnage i don’t know why i bother i get carved to pieces there, even a death threat which gave me the wickedest panic attack of my life ugh
i was worried you were going to be mean to me or something and i was too hung to deal with it and your email was a nice happy surprise so thank you, i too had a panic attack this morning though it was booze related, that’s the one thing left in my life to conquer
what’s your gig i want to see what you look like, no fair etc
I don’t know that I was going to be mean to you. Maybe for the sake of entertainment, but not literally. It’s all a big joke. I thought about completely objectifying you in a real sexist way, waxing pseudo-erotic/poetic about your body and how you remind me of Anna Akhmatova, but then I read your blog and decided to just say hello. But yeah, it’s a rough crowd over there, but I bet most of the posters at SC are real sweet when you meet them in person.
I get most of my panic attacks when I’m driving on busy highways or standing in line at a store. It can get a bit dangerous when you’re behind the wheel on an expressway. To say the least, I don’t do much driving anymore. One of my theories about panic attacks is that they’re what happens to sane intelligent people who are freaking out about living in a world dominated by complete morons. It’s pretty scary, right? Most of us probably have at least one if not many deep traumas in our past with some everyday retard. It makes perfect sense that we have panic attacks.
I never thought that you looked “rotten-faced.” That’s quite the trick though, looking better when you get a camera that produces clearer pictures. Most people look worse when we can see their faces better. And you do remind me of Anna Akhmatova, but with a much smaller nose. Your face is real distinct and intelligent yet classic and abstract. A true beauty.
So, you want to put a face to my persona? Sorry, but if I had a dime for every request I’ve had along those lines…I’m not hiding anything, just paranoid and not ready to give it up to people who I don’t know. Trust doesn’t come real easy for me, especially since I have a few enemies in cyberspace who I know would go to devious lengths to find out who I am. I admire your openness a lot, but I just can’t go there right now. Here’s a hint, I’m very European looking. haha. Does that help? If we become friends I’ll eventually let you look at my flickr account or something. And no, I’m not hitting on you. I just think you’re interesting. Another thing we have in common is that we’re both attached to infinitely pretty people. It can be rather hard on the ego. See ya.
embarrassingly i had to wiki anna akhmatova, thank you
i wish i focused more on writing rather than my looks, i feel time is running out and i know how i look plays a big role in this stupid blog culture game, i wonder how long i can do this for and think there are so many younger twinks coming onto the scene but then tell myself to shut up and maybe play it from a rock angle, sort of, not to care as much
understand completely as to wanting to remain faceless i have a few friends on the internet/real life who refuse to have photos of their faces shown but yeah, that’s what trust is for, so as rash as it is for me to go yeah you can trust me, just saying that i can actually be trusted and i do keep secrets and i’m in the same boat too, is all, i have enough pieces of shit stalking loons on my plate for entertainment
ok how old are you then
I had no idea that you’re a celebreblogger and former Vice intern. It’s like you went to college at Irony University. I finally put it all together yesterday. Nice post today, but you’re so harsh on the male of the species. When you were talking about the Japan guy I pictured you with a knife in your hand, going for his balls. Pretty scary.
Mid-thirties. You know I’m a dude, right? Maybe you didn’t know that? No, of course you did. Vane$$a started as one of those innocent jokes that goes too far and then you can’t stop.
I’m viciously hung over today. Are you a French alcoholic too (my mother’s a DuTois, father’s a LeRoux but neither of those are my last name)? I’m afraid that I’m starting to get booze-face like your cousin got when he moved back to Lowell. Not sure what to do about it. When I was a kid, my parents had that wine bottle coaster that says, “un jour sans vin est comme un jour sans soleil.” It should be more like, “a social event without whiskey is a social event with many panic attacks.” brrrrrump-bum. I slay myself.
Hope you’re having a fabulous Lauren kind of day. Much peace to you and yours.
no i did not know you were a dude no wonder ha
im v gullible and lazy
ive been online exchanging correspondence with loons for far too long i have no extra capacity/energy to go rootin around for bg info so i pretty much just take it as is until they get sketchy on me then it’s like whoops shoulda been more careful with that one
the drug dealer thing i wrote that went on up carnage i never should have linked it from my blog, it gave voice for all these turds i had long ago banned and was really bad timing all around
i have some far out there psychos i don’t even know where to begin to start
the only thing i’ve learned from all this is that i think people are kinda done with hearin’ it like it is ie. the vice way and that’s how i created my online persona and it really worked for awhile there
so now i’m trying to go half-soft half-prick
i don’t hate dudes i just hate arrogant fucks who advertise their intentions like that, i just think that poor woman
plus i have been wronged before and i don’t think i can let it go
why am i writing you this
Everyone at SC and Vice always mentions the gender thing and Vane$$a. To be more specific, they give me a lot of shit about it. They treat me like I’m this immensely confused guy, sitting at his computer in drag, saving up for that sex change op. It would be pretty funny if they ever met me in person, especially since i could probably kick all their asses with one hand. I wrongly assumed that you had come across it some time during the last 3 years, but I got suspicious when it didn’t come up. My fault.
I don’t think you hate men. As you said, you’ve been wronged. That’s obvious. It’s also pretty evident that you really love Phil and your life as it is. It amazes me that men read your blog and that somehow that doesn’t sink into their soft little brains.
You’re gullible? I know how that is. I actually believed you when you said that you exploit men for money. I honestly thought that you were a hooker with a heart of gold or something along those lines. Your gullibility makes me laugh when I think about you among the vampires in NY and LA. It brought back memories of my life in Chicago. I can only imagine the stories.
Half soft, half prick? Hilarious. People will never get tired of hearing it the way it is. Instead, they’ll always love hearing people with a talent for telling it like it is tell it like it is. They’re becoming more discriminatory after years of the internet and dealing with the opinions of people who can’t write and don’t really have opinions worth hearing. The half and half thing works for you. You’re evolving.
Haha. Yes, why are you writing me? I’m just a harmless thing who writes all day and chooses unsuspecting people to briefly inflict myself upon when I need some interaction. Sometimes it develops into real friends, usually it doesn’t. In real life, I’m exceptionally asocial. No need to respond to my ramblings. I enjoy telling people what i think of them. It’s not as if this is a fair dialogue anyways. I have tons of info about you, but you know virtually nothing about me. Sounds dull as hell for you.
Hey, before I go can I ask you a business type question? Do you make any money from your blog? If you do, is it what we might call a living wage or is it chump change? I don’t want to pry or anything, so tell me to go fuck myself if necessary.
when did i say i exploited men for money, did i say that? i said i exploit the men who try and show me pics of their disgusting penises, but that’s not for money, that’s for laughing at
i do make money from my blog, i have ads and certain things i plug sneakily, my art sells for a fair amount based on my “celebrity” and i get money from the shitty book i wrote, i have another piece of garbage on the way i haven’t looked at in ages, a bit stressful to think about it, how lazy and spazzy i am
i am also currently working on another project i can’t really discuss yet
it’s tough, canada is tough, i feel like if i was in LA i’d of had a stupid show already, that’s what i keep telling people anyway, or deluding myself into believing
so vane$$a had me going and got under my skin a fair bit good work
This dialogue is a massive fuck that is clustered. You know that? I always associate the word “exploit” with money. When I laugh at someone, I don’t think I’m exploiting them, I just think I’m being realistic. But I see what you’re saying now. I really did think you were a prostitute at first. Isn’t that crazy? The blog seemed like a front for your business with the pics. Like you’re the pastry in the window. I doubt anyone else sees it that way, but I let the imagination go and then it just keeps going plus the exploitation reference. you did say that you exploit men, not for money, but for “material.” I thought you meant material items, not humor material. I was like, “I’m gonna get to the bottom of this. I’ve always wanted to be friends with a Canadian prostitute. I bet she’s real tough on the outside but sensitive on the inside and she’s probably been around the block many times and can relate to all the shit I’ve been through, and she’s probably using her hooker money to pay her way through med school, and on and on…Did you see how they kept fucking with Vane$$a at SC yesterday? Did i ever tell you about the on-line Nazi stalkers that hooked into her? Threatened to “end” her and what not. Scary but I know you can relate. It’s okay. Just as long as they get me and not my love, but I guess she really does love me so they might as well get her too. I’m sure that’s what she’d say. My paranoia raged yesterday. And saying I thought you were a prossy? That’s absolutely a compliment, although I probably know not of what I speak. Ciao.
ok if i was a prostitute then what about phil? haaha man oh man
what went on with vanessa yesterday i try not to look at the sc comments too much they really scare me and make me run for a crap
i had a massive anxiety attack on 911 thanks to a death threat on there i was supposed to host a karaoke party and i i barfed three times in the bathroom at the venue and had to go home it was brutal – thanks internet!
i was an online web girl “model” when i was 19 though, virtual hooking?
phil? ridiculously good looking gay guy that you plant in the blog as a fake bf/psycho deterrent and for real pimp-o-matic bodyguard. virtual hooking? better yet advertising and then you meet up at a swank hotel. yeah, when i found out you’re a celebreblogger i researched you and found your set of pics by the furnace and on the kitchen counter. so saucy. i felt like i had just found out something quite revealing about my baby sis.
at sc yesterday we had things said to vane$$a like “eat shit and die mother fucker” quite a few times. it’s funny at first, but then i need to run for the hills and hate the dark dark world because you can see the psychopath behind the screen. don’t bother looking, it’s real dirtbag shit but a bit funny in retrospect. i’ve been sober for three days. to say the least, i’m doing some overreacting. but still. fucking wankers. vane$$a was in filthy form herself. i remember you telling me about your death threat. sucks that it happened on 9/11 to boot.
i was just laughing my ass off picturing you getting all pissy because yuo’re too lazy to change a few words in our dialogue. good thing you quit the weed.
fil is too masculine to be gay
um, these stacked chairs were hilarious to me at the time i have ten pictures of them, not as funny now, i think i was being EXISTENTIAL.
bahahaha
just can’t get over them.
nug! awesome host!
i am sad my name wasn’t chosen, i didn’t even have adrenaline butterflies cos i was so tired, maybe next time. i wrote on my ballot that my nickname was rinky ren (is) favourite colour is red, hobbies are picking my nose and secretly eating it, tantric sleep and candle making. also yeti or bigfoot, fil told me to put sasquatch cos they’re all the same thing. SMRT.
i was dressed like dennis the menace and sass was dressed like this, she gave me one of her hoodies to wear in case i went on stage i was just not feelin’ comfortable, don’t wear stripes when you’re bloated.
then natalie came over for a nightcap so cid could hump attack her fur hat.
i didn’t know it was under there i just thought he was smelling the scent of her dogs off her boots.
i hung around my dad’s for band nite, this is a rare dvd called let it be, footage of whatever the fuck it’s all the same by now right? good luck finding a copy.
merkley???: what do you call two cowboys peeing on each other?
me: what
merkley???: brokeback fountain
i made that up
dont forget to tip your waitress
me: very good
i remembered your txt u sent yourself not too long ago the other nite when i was sitting in the car
how the term white supremacist is redundant
too bad that one cant be shared
merkley???: i have been quoted a few times on the internet with that one
one was a harvard professor quoting me
which is scary
me: yikes
any flack for it?
merkley???: no, its not a supremacist statement
you are taking it wrong
it’s actually anti white supremacist in a way
me: um there is only one way to take it
merkley???: whites already have power
no need to seek it further
me: yeah but people get their backs up a bit when you state that
merkley???: white people
me: non-white people as well
i just see it as an arrogant statement
but it’s funny that you texted it to yourself
merkley???: yeah well you are very pc
me: pfffft
merkley???: yeah i texted that brokeback fountain joke to myself last night too
me: whites get angry about it cos they are afraid of the repercussions
merkley???: otherwise i would have forgotten it
me: can i blog this anyway
merkley???: i only talk to you to get blogged
haha
me: hahahahha yeah who doesn’t
click to vote for me please thank you
me: its up
merkley???: i’m so excited to read it again
so fun to relive the recent past
me: ha
you are the opposite of obnoxious
merkley???: you kinda misquoted me in your memory — the quote was “my main problem with the term “white power” is my distaste for redundancy”
white POWER not supremacy — big difference
me: oh whoops
well, power is more offensive i think
merkley???: yeah but like it or not, whites have power — supremacy is another qualitative subject.
me: zzzzz
merkley???: anyay tack that last bit with my actual quote onto the end
me: fine
blah blah BLAH blah i am positively beside myself with mental right now do your deed then lets hang. but before i can even do that brb.
January 7, 2009
just for you
sorry i mean, “darius” “rucker”
i didn’t want to bud in on the country love-in line so i just stood in the shadows like the most un-creepy thing ever.
mary catherine gallagher, anyone?
sasskatoon blogged last nite.
so the thing on my shoulder is a keyloid (sp?) cyst pretty much, i have to go back for a biopsy, then they will laser the fuck out of it on seperate occasions. what do i want gigantic embarrassing red thing or cool scar. i’m goin’ for cool scar. i’m writing on my old laptop from my dad’s it’s sooooooooo sloooooow i have a pile of emails to go through and it’s way irritating having to do it in slow motion. i thought ok i ‘ll just have myself a little break from the ole internet today but like some stupid metaphor i can’t even think of right now it pulled me in. i killed some time in the biodome mall reading my book on a plush couch while a blonde clone of several other blonde clones talked incessantly on a cellphone right beside my head. i bought a new hat with the remainder of my gift card, i look like one or all of the seven dwarves in it. there’s a ridiculous new shoe store the size of the old supermarket in this mall, like an outlet for every insane name brand fashion foot apparel you could ever think of um is there spell check on this thing or am i just on a roll cos i see no red underline squiggly things.
ok back to business, dooce is gaining on me, don’t let her!
love you guys.
thanks for all the voting and support and well wishes, such pals.
did i say we went to sketch comedy at the riv last nite? i put my name to be part of the game show but it wasn’t drawn, i won an uncie herb simspons doll for having a gap between my teeth though then i looked in the mirror and realised it’s practically closed now. my mom’s did that too.
ok bye for real now
IT’S CLOSE! ASPLODE! ASPLODE! please keep trying i know it keeps crapping out i s’pose the server is overloaded or some other shit nerd excuse but anyway don’t give up on my babies i greatly appreciate your help.
i saw hootie tonite that was the big retarded secret. tomorrow i get my botfly cut out of my shoulder, maybe, if it’s covered, if it’s not, i just go home and blog some more. meh.
oh and guess the fuck what when i bought these shoes i told the guy hey i’m on my way down to the guy shoes dept i’ll brb do NOT throw out all that tissue paper there’s blue shoelaces in there! he says ok don’t worry i got this. apparently not my friends, cos i only have one blue shoelace over here.
STEAMED!
