i really wanted to wear one of my big stupid dresses for superbowl sunday i even partially curled my hair for it too but steph was goin’ for more of a babysitter vibe, so fine tickle trunk outfit it is.

this was during the fil fashion show i am still sour about anyway lets carry on.

steph does not live d/t and normally we drive to her place which blows for fil cos everyone gets laced and he just rides a minimal buzz so we took the subway then got on the wrong bus and had to double-back walk for ten minutes. THAT was fun. but in immediate hindsight a most welcome tramp as we were in for some serious chili dip and t-baycon burgs, beers and lots of chips.

DOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooood.

i am probably making fun of her outfit here.

i think i ate the most out of everyone AND i skimmed the top for the good stuff.

5 stars next time use light cream cheese please.

hey what’s your sign?

oh is that your wang?

i win this round chili dip don’t play with me.

i brought my little slippers and was on edge apparently cos i ripped off the little diamond ruby button thing that keeps the mary jane look together so babysitter steph sewed it back on for me. thanks!

look how hot my baby toe is, that’s from years of dance.

success.

i am still recovering from all this.

zzzzzz. i channel changed a lot and tried to watch funniest videos and fil got mad he said it takes away from his sense of it being an “event” i know haha that’s probably when i sneaked off to the kitchen and helped myself to a little swig of absinthe, smart move right after demolishing a burger right? WRONG.

yep still whimsical.

someone had their funny hat on.

r/r didn’t even know he was drinking my apricot beer took him like halfway to notice it wasn’t an OV haha ps. thanks for the OVs haven’t had them guys since oakvegas when it was on tap at the pub.

jesus. bacon and BEER ham. i ate the beer ham first then fork and knifed the rest on a half bun and was finished before their asses could hit the couch.

probably steph’s?

the burger won that round see how attractive i look.

family picture time is now outright DEMANDED which is fine of course but next time i am not doing the self-timer, not fair.

WINNERS.

ryan what the hell are you talking about STOP TALKING.

alright alright alright last one.

lets kick this party up a few, dewds.

yeah these are definitely after that personal green fairy treat.

where should i actually wear this thing out next, valentine’s day? nothing says romance like killing your retinas and making you think you hear wolves howling off in the distance of a fancy restaurant.

unnnnnnnng feel so fat.

meanwhile in fun town fil pulls a no-no (purposely)(hopefully).

yeah hi sorry there cool story.

maybe i’ll wear it with short shorts and nothing underneath.

GUYS WHO WANTS TO GO SHROOMING??? if you love me you will never ever say shrooming, thank you.

from my post secret rip post

haha that sounds terrifying and funny but please don’t say shroomed again, you remind me of this skid i used to work with at the hardware store who invited me to shroom with her and her friends DURING WINTER AT NITE IN A PARK and she was younger than me and thought she was all street. sorry i’d much prefer getting cozily drunk inside a warm bar with my fake id instead. she’s the type of genius who thinks 9/11 was an inside job cos her stoner friends say it. in summation, I GOT HIGH ON MUSHROOMS AT DISNEYLAND AND GOOFY PROBABLY KNEW.

ok back to more important things…

i just want peace in the middle east, you know? that’s all, it’s not much to ask.

what we have here is me placing an imaginary phone call to someone who enjoys marijuana to let them know that i have it.

woah things are getting pretty intense.

then everyone (save for one) is sold on my green fairy fun zone and decides to join.

diva moment. a little sentimental over the bottle ending, it’s ok just chuck some flowers in it.

i kept thinking he was wearing a late show with david letterman hoodie, that would have been way cooler.

paul newman played with those. (no we haven’t watched it yet)

big flippin’ deal.

wuh-oh fred penner turned up to ruin the card game.

you actually see steph has had enough (brews)(not of ME no way).

hey seriously now? come on guys get it together.

this concludes super bowl sunday four days later thanks for watching friends.

• superbowl

ahh man this nite was so retarded i can’t even begin to tell you how so right now.

haven’t seen these yet, look how graceful i am. you try dressing dancing in a curtain.

not complaining though this dress got me tons of attention and high fives.

oh and i found a HUGE caterpillar in a green pepper from the rat infested loblaws, the very last pepper in our bag. hot eh.

since these were taken the walls have been rearranged. i said out with all the ikea frames sorry yes cid as kitten shots are very nice and all but yeah, they and the dali and whatever other cliché poster-sized 90s era prints must go as we have both taken down our respective arts from their venues/spaces and they should go up here. i shall make a what is still available for sale set for you to peruse, shortly. i didn’t bother having a party at grapefruit moon, i feel a bit sore about it but not too badly, i didn’t want to take the thunder away from fil’s photo exhibit plus with the pre/post holiday season and overall too much going-on i didn’t want to bombard our collective set of pals with something else to come out to. also, kind of a weird space for a party, and it closes too early for the party kids’ likings.

it’s a shame i can’t ever show what our balcony looks like, it’s quite beautiful. the drapes are closed cos i must have just finished wii fit and i don’t like people looking at me hoola/free-stepping in my underwear.

i was not even aware of this back booth.

+++

Hi Raymi!

BYE and did you know Sparks got discontinued??!

your humble hero writes from beneath a fort blanket compiled in her mind what? ugh hi. i’m putting today on hold for a few, last nite was amazing, amazing and delicious and whimsical and fancy and i wore the green maxi dress yay. we dined at pure spirits (second time in three weeksish?) and were waited on hand and foot it was so nice then met up with the boys at the shoe, at howling hour when you shoulda probably have just gone home. oh well next time i’ll learn. right. more later in a bit as usual.

this is my new friend little m aka mara, she has been lurking my blog for a bit and finally decided to take me on a date.

i got a cute new shirt from joe for 4 dollars, last one xs so once it goes in the dryer steph you have a new shirt!

ahaha

god i am so behind on stupid story photo updates. this blogging thing is kinda overwhelming sometimes eh? oh and i tracked down some grey nail polish finally. go sally hansen go.

ps. i wish my name was sally hansen too.

growing a gay best friend from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

this (leave your pint at the bar) is a bad sign when it comes to cuisine in a sports bar. thanks fil for taking me here after sitting in your car for three hours reading nylon to keep you company. worst greek pasta salad ever, thanks for the “secret greek spices” which were where/what exactly? fil ordered a blackened chicken pizza and it pretty much tasted the complete opposite of blackened chicken. on our way out he goes oh right i’d only ever had beer in there before. GREAT.

canadians rule eh, someone tried to heat their car free?

well i guess it worked cos the spot was free heheheh.

this is how you eat onion dip when the dip is all the way at the bottom of the jar and your chips are just dust and crumbs.

put the teaspoon in the jar, get a modest (HUGE) amount then jam as many chip babies you want that’ll stick to it.

tell your hangover i say no problem. pay it forward dudes!

oh and now charting the progress of my new gay best friend:

in the first two hours expect some growth then forget about him completely and do your thing, he takes 72 hours to reach maximum size.

lookin’ a bit bloated there guy.

holy shit gross!

i think they got the jock best friend mixed up with the gay guy, gays would not wear flip flops this is a jock uniform.

next morning i think? my pics are all scattered i can’t be bothered to organize them or measure this thing.

so like, are you ready to go shopping yet?

zzzzzzzz.

now this morning do you see a difference?

alright so on our way back home last nite eastbound on the 401 just before mavis fil sees a car skid wobbling super fast so he accelerates and says holy shit i am leaning over fiddling with the radio and just as he exclaims holy shit i look up to see a car flipping up into the air hollywood styles does a complete 360 degree rotation landing back down on its wheels with snow exploding all around it and everything inside it jostled around (had it bounced in a slightly different way your hero here might not be writing this currently) fil immediately calls 911 i say should we pull over should we pull over omg omg OMG no it’s not safe to then we listen to 680 for the every ten minutes traffic report saying there’s been a collision and hopefully paramedics are on the scene. the rest of the drive home my heart was pounding in my head with adrenaline surging like an m’fer. that was my first real car crash witness holy fuck does that ever put some shit in perspective for you right on the spot no? i turned back and couldn’t see anyone in the car i hope that person was wearing a seat belt and hope to god no kids were in that car it was a pretty big doozy of a slam. fil hasn’t heard anything else about it on the news since. i still can’t get that flip out of my head and then the abrupt suspension bouncing and snow flying everywhere and everything inside floating slow motion and the sound jesus. it was kinda terrifying.

anyway, that’s enough about that.

• gif

my ego pure stroked here. didn’t post much today went on the road with the old man. lots of stories to share later.

fil’s take on my “departure” from what i normally wear is well, just that? not really a fan. whatever, he’s a dude. he couldn’t come up with one compliment yesterday other than whimsical, which doesn’t really count. there’s a few others i haven’t taken pictures of yet i’m waiting for penelope cruz to invite me over to her cocaine party from that scene in blow first.

• superbowl supersucked

just a sprinkling of last nite, fil and i have to shower and get a move-on.

haha midgetland where are we lost in toyland or whatever that stupid movie is, toys? something with toys and elves i dunno it’s been a sloppy ride guys.

god how much did you like the scene at lee’s bahaha.

um who are you are you famous? why yes, yes i am can’t you tell from the nightgown i am wearing jesus go back to the club district or the desperate place in your head where you think it’s tmz 24/7. one actual cool person approached me, said he liked my look and that we should do a music video. hey guy i hope that wasn’t just a pick-up line hook it up.

look it’s you, you stupid fuck.

ryan bequeathed us with bi-poletry that he texts himself i could not get it all cos i was laughing so hard and the macro just wasn’t synching. the funny meter last nite was oh so cranked. we had 24 wings and thought maybe we should order 48? or even 72, 96? how far can we take this funny? i won numerous rounds of asshole, how suiting.

okthanksbye.

wait these are notes not texts so it’s not THAT bad.

oh yeah someone threw a snowball at the rocking out thinks he’s brad pitt/scott weiland poseur and no one noticed or cared aside from ryan and i, couldn’t believe it, took his cock-rock down a few after that then he just gave’r. i thought it was pretty mean but that was the type of crowd at lee’s, very intelligent and i say that with as much sarcasm as there is available to me on this good earth. i think the rule is if you wear sunglasses out at nite and you come across some jocks you kinda have to just accept a snowball to the face while on stage?

once i was blasted enough and my little house on the prairie dress insecurity subsided i did cut a few rugs so it wasn’t all bad. there were playboy girls there too and a slew of skanks and they all complained in the bathroom about what a dive lee’s was hahahaa so good they all had quaffed cougar hairdos and stupid clone outfits on so didn’t get it at all.

thanks for the good times zack!

i’m growing a gay best friend right now wish me luck guys!

• lee's palace,
• red carpet glory,
• winter bash