that guy loved me. and you. if you don’t like me or the camera why are you looking directly into it? yes i understand the concept of stink-eye but now you are on the internet.
before all that at the skid bar, favourite people watching post. we even saw wayne go by (classic ICE COLD BEER seller, was fired last year for serving someone who looked under 25, didn’t card him. natch).
fil looks naked here.
pitt’s a full-fledged d-bag now hey. cigars? really? how is it being a cuban any sort of excuse? that’s the same IT’S VINTAGE justification fur jacket dinks give you.
if you were there what was this all about? we rolled in just as this was speeding away (slowly).
i had this in my sights lined-up real nice and then the little girl looks up at me (not that little at all actually if you get my drift and you probably don’t cos you are a vindictive asshole) gets scared i say oh just taking a picture of your balloon then she cock-blocks it wtf little girl i have feelings!
no that’s not the big J on fil’s shirt, layne staley drew it, yes it’s likely a depiction of jesus but more importantly who cares?
i have this annoying routine – grow nails out, apply polish, let it chip, rip off nails, start over.
haha hi chick.
michel and his banker buddy were told straight off the bat to SIT DOWN with boatloads of ‘tude from behind us which is a big mistake with these guys as it provided them with immature fodder for the rest of the game. every time someone stood up they’d obnoxiously mockingly whine SIIIIT DOWN ugh. we were even given our own special extra security to sit on the step beside our row. not even kidding. pitt said i have turned 35 over nite cos i was tsking my balls off. yeah i need to lighten up i guess.
well to be fair at one point i wandered off and bought a t-shirt for myself and fil (he returned his) that’s when you know i’m ripped (at a show, anywhere), i go buy expensive merchandise i don’t even want then i come back all proud feeling like i did the most generous thing ever here you go a shirt you didn’t ask for i love you.
i feel like this right now minus the forced jaw-grinding smile.
watch out king shit is here give some respect man that is one genuine, real deal, old school fan and that’s not even his seat he just plowed on down and sat for an inning, no biggie.
flattering.
yeah yeah you get it.
howling hour at casey’s and my sweater matches the seat. they were not expecting the stampede of post game attendees. pitt had words with our waiter, i will leave it at that.
pornado topato. actually, tornado potato. there was no actual tornado this time around, just a bunch of chips thrown together in a big mess, and the dipping sauce wasn’t disgusting but it wasn’t not disgusting. i remember it being better last time though i might be referencing the onion dip from reposado.
here come a bunch of unnecessary shots of me figuring out a hat and my head, hair. complicated, apparently.
that guy turned away cos he didn’t want evidence of him sitting in front of the least testosteroney store evs.
back to pocky store now and me trying to look as bitchy as possible. ha, “trying”.
ridic.
see, there they go with the gratuitous smiling again.
i feel you guy.
hey milk jug what’s up? oh not much, not much you know just juggin’.
AGHHH! they ain’t ringolos unless you crap your pants.
my favourite bin.
that bear obviously had a stroke.
bought this.
i don’t think that grin is genuine yellow bear, lookin’ a bit fruit-ay there.
that is one gay baby.
these guys are the chickens you’re gonna put in your soup oh and that’s the dude who slaughtered them. oh wait sorry these are the sluts who laid your eggs, why do i need to see a picture of the farmer though so, necessary? (don’t worry i actually appreciate it i think a lot of people who read my blog need a good lesson in satire) can i see what his car looks like too? thank you.
get over yourself calbee, not buyin’ it or you.
you’re one of the stupid assholes that came out of a mystery box i bought, nice mystery thanks. (i gave it to brad hahaa)
YUM! nothing quenches a pms salt craving like chips that taste like lemons.
bet your ass i bought this and got that bear whom suffered a stroke.
was crunchy taken or was the translator out takin’ a wizz or something?
no idea.
cooking with mama, literally.
hahahhaahot.
nicely worn in there guy. these aren’t actually porn, but comics. what a tease. matt told me their name, i forget.
i need this.
take this package of ramen and bring it to a chef?
dude, you are annoying that cat and the entire fucking neighbourhood.
took’er easy yesterday, grocery shopping, rented milk (fabulous, deep, intense, inspiring, i bawled my eyes out) and watched seth rogen on SNL (bad bad bad guy, stick to movies)(put me in one).
ssssalmon.
how insecure are you, third change now? fourth? you better get it right this time you are gettin’ on my nerves.
we made too much. one of these guys is wrapped up in the fridge right now.
epic caesar salad time. forgot the croutons. meh.
separate bowls, no sharing here.
sorry for the boring nothing post, just an in-betweener – on my way to postsecret to select some wieners. check ya later.
i am even holding a can of strongbow to complete the effect. i wish i could nail his laugh better though, i will work on that. i should have said dude more, swore at least once, and somehow glazed my eyes over.
i tried to get matt to do an impression of me after, but he sucked he’s like HI I’M LAUREN AND I HAVE A BLOG. haha lame.
i am jealous of dave’s nervous breakdown white patch. it isn’t manic panic ravers, relax.
dave didn’t realise this was a “dare” he just thought i was a fucking idiot. nice.
burn.
burn.
matt knocked it over twice before he left after talking straight mad shit about the dare aspect of the game. thanks man ya fuckin’ wimp.
don’t do drugs kids! (seriously you are annoying when you’re high)(most of you) i offer to roll dope because i miss it. yes i am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in pure utter bullshit. thanks for tuning in!
it turned out shitty anyway i think. not my fault, it was sticky.
i’m using a pretzel to make room for the filter i forgot to make.
fil suggested i not post these, could be damaging. uhh i’m already damaged. merkley says did it damage woody harrelson or bob marley? good point. i think this could actually benefit my career right? maybe like, give it the oomph it so desperately needs. i better be careful this shit might catch on.
seriously, does someone want this couch it has to be out of here by next saturday. best offer and it’s yours, before i put it on craigslist. just think of all the things that have taken place on this baby. err, or don’t actually. it’s perfect for when your dirtbag friend needs to crash, fil can stretch out on it comfortably and he’s 6’4 in fact it’s great for those sleeping on the couch nites when you get in a drunk fight with your signif. other – morning shame totally free of charge. think about it.
grossarettes. dave says yummarettes. barfarettes, more like. ps. he has a funny/sick post about some things the previous tenants of his house left behind.
and yes time has definitely gone by. i scoffed at allison and said yeah duh i can do a back arch and touch my toes to the back of my head. oh wait, i could never do that. like maybe for a split second if i threw my head back really fast my big toe could skim a hair, maybe. anyway.
i do not CARE about your precious rob pattinson, a nobody regular dude who got lucky in landing a role playing a vampire out of a cult-followed book.
i do not have an STD because i encountered him in a bar.
i blogged about the experience because i knew it would receive a reaction, i was right, you are making yourselves out to look severely stupid and crazy.
allow me to repeat myself. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT HIM OR TWILIGHT I WILL NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT HIM OR THE MOVIE EVER FUCKING AGAIN ON MY “BIG DEAL CANADIAN BLOG” THAT YOU NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE BECAUSE YOU ARE HEADS UP YOUR ASSES OBSESSED WITH STUPID THINGS LIKE VAMPIRE MOVIES I LIKED THE FIRST TIME AROUND WHEN IT WAS CALLED THE LOST BOYS.
i am not a whore because i had the privilege of spotting your vampire god and you, didn’t. that’s the issue here, you’re jealous and you have absolutely no reason to be, it was not an epic experiece, i was wasted and didn’t care and he was amused by that. you’d be crushed if you met him and he dismissed you, we chugged on cos we didn’t care and he knew it. (i actually was way more impressed and starstruck when talking to feist. i experienced ZERO starstruck feelings when meeting rob, sorry) i held back a lot in my anecdote about him actually and in fact, if i hadn’t of written about it you wouldn’t have one more thing to obsess over. maybe i should have saved you the mental anguish.
in summation, leave me the fucking hell alone.
ps. keira is likely going to get a nice little sum for the picture she took. HA ha.
oh and thanks for the traffic my hits are through the roof today. how ironic is it that the post entitled ALL THE SINGLE CRAZIES is the one you are freaking the hell out over, google-search quoting repetitively, and harassing me about.
GET BOYFRIENDS FAST AND DON’T TELL THEM YOU LIKE TWILIGHT.
you are the reason the poor guy didn’t leave his hotel for 3 weeks.
lee is the more affordable version of susur, famous nyc chef guy fil says this susur is a toronto chef, made it big here recently he moved to new york to try his luck there foodie nerds jock him hard. the very next day they were rolling out the new york menu replete with prix fixe, of course that’s our luck. no biggie we were very pleased with our choices.
why do you get skinny the second you return home from vacation and not while on it? viciously unfair.
see-through tables!
the table of women behind fil were also celebrating a birthday, i may or may not have cried when they sang happy birthday to her. i liked that the woman who’s birthday it wasn’t, once blasted, overtook the whole table with her big annoying mouth and boring stories.
went for a tan yesterday. bring on summer. i need a new bikini for 70’s tan lines, one i can just drape on w/o tying ’round the back. i want butt lines, not back lines. oh that’s our own wine, they open it for you for a dollar. good money-saving tip it made our bill super cheap. i think they’re doing this for another month or so.
like looking through the cn tower’s glass floor except you get a meal out of it.
this pretentious picture if making me LOL right now. i think i’m losing my marbles guys, whatever ones were there to lose in the first place.
this tower of slaw was recommended by someone at fil’s work. 18 ingredients, i can’t find it on the menu list but anyway, fantastic, nice fresh light start your palette will be happy. edible flowers too. the waitress ticked off each ingredient as she folded it all over, squashed it down, mixed it around. i was impressed. oh wait this is what it’s listed as Singaporean style slaw, contains nuts (for 2)
show stopper, this should have come out last it was hard to top it with what followed. for some reason it isn’t listed on the sample menu. this is boneless jerk chicken and that wall between it is deep fried skin! fil made a video of me talking about how it reminded me of the live action he-man movie when they eat kfc but i sound like a retard in it so no posting. the red sauce is something hot, the orange i forget, something mango-like. fabulous fabulous can’t thumbs-up it enough.
blurry but still, oh man, is it too pedestrian to go back and just order this?
paled in comparison for real, too bad it didn’t come out first.
Four satay (chicken, shrimp, pork and beef) with mint chutney, peanut and tamarind sauce see my last chicken round, i ALMOST gave it to fil cos i am nice like that, glad i didn’t cos what came next i made him finish on his own, i didn’t want it, but let him order anyway on my birthday no less.
fil is trying to tell me something with his wizard ring.
stuffed.
Braised beef, potato and leek puree, sour cream and crispy shallots not a fan. after the pulled short ribs quesildillas and the last time i had braised meat at the oyster house in the distillery, just not feelin’ it. i should have been more clear.
if you’re a fan of slow-cooked whatever then this is just fine for you but between you and me and the entire internet, fil’s sister’s pulled pork was the most tastiest slow-cooked anything i have ever had. hands down.
dig in, fil.
not selling it very well am i.
haha eat it baby. he was not thrilled. lesson learned i hope.
i cuffed one of my thighs on the edge of these tables so be careful. i have a nice collection of bruises from airplane travel and hotel furniture. if i were an animal i would be a gazelle with vertigo.
and then we went to sharpie/samir’s to pick up my keys (they babysat cid) and have a drink. those pics to come. then the next day i woke up to that harsh april fools computer virus, i mean, of fucking course i got it right. pfft. the red wine hangover combined with post-bday blues, vacation travel withdrawal etc was just like final straw, bad scene. call me lauren white wine from now on and remember that i said it, no more red for me (unless it is the teeniest sip in the universe). dinner alone with fil was wonderful and dreamy (except for when i cried), don’t think i’m ungrateful, i do not need anything you know, presents all that. however, it’s been a little anticlamatic after our trip, friends aren’t in town, feels like no one cares, (you know they do but still) making excuses, anyway just sharing my emo bye. i thought i was helping/making it more appealing by not opening the party up to blog-reading acquaintances/friends/strangers but apparently i was wrong.
+++
Hey Raymi,
It must be really shitty getting hate email. I’m such a sensitive sally that I’d probably just cry if I received the kind of malicious stuff you do. What’s ridiculous is that people actually sit down and take their time writing emails to people they claim to hate –in reality it seems they’re just jealous. Yeah, I guess that’s kind of a Maury Povitch token line. Y’all just jealous, sit down, sit down!
I just wanted to email you something positive to try to counteract all those negative d-bags. This year has been pretty rough for me because of some medical issues, and more than once I’ve found myself crying in my therapist’s office because all the anxiety and stress of life just gets me down. I’m not really proud of being a basket case, but it is my reality for now. My therapist asked me today if there was anything that I do where I just get lost in good thoughts, or rather, when I’m able to tune out all the bad catastrophic thoughts.
I thought about it for a while and then told him that there’s “this blog” I read where a girl (I always feel intimidated saying woman??) has about 9 years of archives. Sometimes I just read through some of that history and forget whatever it was I was panicking about –at least temporarily. He smiled and said that was good, to keep on doing that when I need to.
Your blog can be a really great distraction from my overwhelming anxiety sometimes, and for that thanks very much!
Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of my boner to send you.
i noticed carmen sent this to another email address somewhat similar to mine, i replied before i read it asking if someone was posing as me and asked her to search her inbox for emails from said address. she just received this winner: I am not Raymi the Minx, so I’d appreciate it if you stopped emailing me. I have no idea how you got my email or why you assumed I was her, but I am for sure not.
BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
anyway that was a super sweet email and fully cheered me up, thank you carmen.
