the tree is coming down right now. i took off all the ornaments then began to feel quite weak and faintish. i tried to give’r last nite and my version of givering these days is like half a tall can of coors light mixed with gingerale and an inch of leftover (from NYE) hurtbag unopened champagne also mixed with gingerale and blammo, gunned. oh yeah dash on top of that some back in the saddle weed. this bug tricks you up, you think you’re ready but you so are not. a splitting night time headache follows it too, lasts two days!
remember these stupid things? standards back then were pretty low.
GAH! ghost moccasins are after me! those bell socks are funny you can hear me all over the place but i have become immune to their jingle jangling so i think i’m sneaking up on someone meanwhile i sound like a stampede of pots and pans coming at you. i find i’m a stomper now, i used to tread so lightly in the condo, respectful of naybes and whatnot and now it’s all four walls floor-to-ceiling un-surrounded so i try and walk as loudly as possible. i feel like a cow. while walking i think wow i sound so obese right now. ps. notice how you get the most retarded socks at christmas time (i mean i love them don’t fret) but like yeah is there not a not-retarded sock store available around the holidays? thanks i can wear these for today only and then you get another pair and another and another all stacked up ok nevermind i am obviously out of material when i start going into depth about socks.
red popsicles exist. ha these little fuckers made me fortunes. SUCKERS! kidding kidding love you thank you. though i fear the time of ironic outsider crappy art is dead. thanks economy tankin’ now i have to like, try.
coug party pants. oh yeah, mad cougs in burlington. watch out. yes i know i look like disgusting old party face, still regaining colour. what’s my excuse for all the other times though haha. yeah i’m cool i self-deprecate it’s fine you can like me.
the dogs’ christmas present to us. all the tampons were eaten. YUM sage you fucking lesbian. sigh sorry for swearing i just mean, it’s really irritating having to bring your feminine businesses wrapped-up to an alternate garbage bin under the sink lest you come home and find it tracked all over the upstairs hallway. not embarrassing or disgusting at all.
look i got my white picket fence hee-haw! actually it’s the neighbour’s.
first of all thank you i am better much much it was awful but i am thin now so i’ll enjoy it while it lasts. there’s always a point in my life where i get ultra-thin then i’m like now what? some goal eh? what’s the point. anyway. my resolutions were covered in eye weekly hello old friends and i won mondoville’s twit awards for most overlooked TWIT of 2009 and now they need to find out who will reign supreme for Mondoville TWIT of 2009. if you give a shit go vote please. totally didn’t expect to win in the first place guess my traffic annihilates theirs.
just ran out to do some errands. everyone we came into contact with was a right piece of work. so grouchy, bitchy and ‘tudey like fuck you thanks so glad i left the house.
i’m still pretty weak and dave is feelin’ rough again. we’ve been watching lost season 5 re-catching up holy shit confusing much. the one thing you can count on with watching lost is FEELING lost. hwahaha oh friends wish i had some.
what else what else.
i have an appetite but when i eat i feel pukey i don’t think the bug has entirely left me yet. my mom thinks she’s coming down with it.
so it wasn’t food poisoning after all it was/is some nasty flu bug virus dave’s aunt got and one by one everyone has come down with it and i will spare you no detail. i started painfully barf retching around 7 or so and ass shit fountaining simultaneously around 8ish? that was fun. that continued until 11.20 then i passed out til 12.30 so missed the midnite gay whatever moment then started barfing again. i haven’t experienced this special sickness since i was super young. i made up for all that non-swearing that’s for sure. the later stages of my puking excursion was the hot part as i have zero left inside to give so it felt like ulcer blood town as well i’m ultra paranoid of getting too dehyrated because i had a seizure when i was a toddler from barfing too much once so having that over my head guzzling water gingerale and popsicles just so i can barf more was the best. oh and i just retched now after taking a gravol so that came up mediciney and out my nose and mouth. radical times!
if your new year’s jam licked just feel comforted in the fact that mine licked worse.
when i get my strength up tomorrow i shall weigh myself that will be fun.
dave lost 9lbs from this! i said i would go into debt booking a tropical vacation following this epic illness what gave me a sick bikini bod cos it’ll probably be the only other time in my life it’ll happen so why not aren’t we all chasing that dream?
i lost 4lbs being around dave with his flu bug didn’t eat at all yesterday aside from some cheetos (best thing ever to vomit up) so i’d say i’m possibly riding underweight territory about now. i’ll talk about my hip bones later. excuse the delerium. craving lime jello something awful.
oh man i hope this vitamin water doesn’t come up ugggggggh.
we went out before everything closed at 6 and i felt this coming on. once we hit the grocery store i knew for certain what my nite was going to look like and commenced turning into little baby lauren. i cannot deal with barfing, knowing i’m going to. i cry like an idiot and moan and you get the idea.
k bye.
these were taken well before it all went down before i showered yesterday as i knew i was going to be ill and didn’t want to look like labyrinth garbage dump lady so no i wasn’t nakes the entire time in front of everybody. omg worst experience ever, just as bad as norwalk virus. if you get it let me know.
the lamer the balance tests, the older you are apparently. feh.
love this guy.
warmest socks ever. wil come in handy for tobogganing.
garbage dump lady whom i reference constantly but can never find a picture of online. also should have used a different camera. anyway this is me like every morning.
so what’s on the ticket tonite aside from obviously getting gunned? think i’m staying local, cheaper, less bullshit and so on. and i never make resolutions but this year i plan to be way less lazy and on top of that finally get my driver’s license as well as finish my book asap and to also finally change my phone plan i am sick of fainting every time i view my bills (burlington is long distance and i have a toronto area code) and first thing next week go to the gym i am still paying for and hassle them into killing the contract somehow. i figure i’ve been quietly acceptingly paying since summer so they might give me a break.
i filled up an entire sheet of paper (i have sloppy shit big loopdy-loop writing) with all the chain restaurants/fast food garbage i’ve consumed since i’ve been a suburbanite. some places more than once even. oh and i lost that list. i know i didn’t throw it out it’s just tucked away some place i won’t ever find again so here i go now:
applebee’s
turtlejack’s
mandarin
red maple buffet
east side mario’s
wendy’s
mcdonald’s (REGRETSY!)
tim horton’s (somewhat counts)
chap’s (twice)(texican is NOT a word)
shoeless joe’s (FUCK THEM!)
st. louis
royal coachman
bombay something
slye fox (was sick that nite)
brooklyn bar&grill (twice)(burlington bowl)
emma’s backporch
secret favourite mediterranean restaurant (multiple times)
another mediterranean place
new york fries
thirsty cactus
harvest burger (twice)
dominoes (a few times)
pizza pizza (twice)
some other pub
my thai
queen’s head
that other pub near it
then some other pub
then the pub around the corner several times
pita pit
tons of junk food like chips candy chocolate pop nachos chili dip etc
sushi doesn’t really count except for when you get sake beer and tempura rolls which is always. i still want to hit burger king. i’m sure i’m missing a huge chunk of places i’ll re-add if they come to me.
this thing is going to for sure take me down for a tumble it’s so long. i guess it’s meant for permanent bride dress style material clutching or some preggo angelina sauntering.
hey dewds just grabbin’ a brew maybe i’ll catch a few waves in a few ha tubular. that is so my dad’s face. it’s cool how i have a five o’clock shadow (whatever that means)(i mean i know what it means it’s just why can’t they say mustache gristle?) now.
i heard that the longer the person’s hair is, the more vain they are. toootally have a complex about it now and have ever since i heard that little tidbit.
yep i’ll just be floatin’ on in here scuse me now.
turd face no under eye makeups (as in, centimeter thick mascara glob).
too bad no smalls. this dress is by roxy.
one day i will clean that mirror. see how long this thing is!
can it just be summer again already.
this isn’t going to get any steadier i give up.
the earth is not flat only i am.
why do my ends go so thin and pointy like that why do i have christina aguilera dirrty hair what am i a fucking bratz doll?
amazing choc/peanut butter melt-aways. i brought up mint choc earlier because everyone got mint chocolate melt-aways in their stockings, had to help pre-pick them up for santa and i was like hold off i don’t want that shit sorry. they were out of the big size peanut bars so i got these little dudes instead. not the same apparently if they’re teeny. the point of this story is i made fun of the term (concept of) melt-aways for ten hours afterward. isn’t melt-away redundant?
boxing day shopping roadie necessity.
got that for nana, filled it with rosewood (banana republic, smells so good).
nana opening it.
nana enjoying it replete with nana face.
nana’s blurry tree.
this is what i was stroking my hair with. hahahuhhhh.
jeez relax calvin klein.
roomie for the week. barkley. enjoys barking also known by me as BARKLING. for example: why is he always barkling? he also enjoys nervous piddling.
and tons of weed. no just kidding.
the last few hours have been hellish. dave is extremely under the weather and i am terrified i’m next, this one’s a bad one. might be food poisoning though i doubt it as his aunt just had this on xmas day. i am a total total loser when i barf, i have a massive spew phobia so i am hoping big time it doesn’t come my way.
two things i haaaaaate: mint/chocolate combination and orange chocolate combination. blech. the mint/choc is thanks to my stuffing a junior mint up my nose once to gross out my brother, it got stuck then burst, melting and oozing down my nasal passage like the worst coke drip you will ever have and ever since i cannot stand the shit and when people hear something so ludicrous such as disdain for mint chocolate you have to tell them why so i’ve retold this story infinity times. i hate the flavour of orange and chocolate because they just do not go and that’s that. dave got one of those orange things for christmas (also doesn’t dig on the flave) and it was pretty funny seeing him pretend to be pumped about it. the only good thing about it is slamming it into a table. right now those “slices” are sitting pretty in a paper bag in a cupboard but will soon be at the bottom of a trash bag instead or maybe they’ll stick around for desperation stoner snacks.
FUCK SHIT PISS CUNT COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT COCK PUSSY DAMN DAMMIT FUCK YOU FUCK OFF FUCKER MOTHERFUCKER JESUS CHRIST!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
haven’t been able to swear since christmas eve we have house guests who aren’t for it. i’m actually doing quite fine but i sound like the biggest geek ever and removing a chunk out of your vocab not to mention a whole wack load of material leaves you with like, nothing. smiling and nodding and agreeing haha. lots of inside jokes too.
oh and according to wii fit i am 20 years old. can you imagine being twenty again?
sorry for lickin’ bag blog-wise. haven’t been feeling it nor have i had the time. here’s a video to get you started (wow i literally just uploaded it and some loser parked in my youtube already one-starred it so gay i so missed the shittiness of the internet while on hiatus pfft fuck everyone). this christmas has certainly been a long one and different. awesome gifts, so spoiled.
biosilk rules, you can also use it on your skin. thanks alison!
here‘s a set from xmas eve at my dad’s with some other bullshit in it uploaded a few days ago can’t be bothered to transfer.
here’s my dream summer maxi dress though.
and another garbage awesome christmas house.
cool effort, burlingtan.
finally have the house to myself time to get baaaaaaaaked.
oh look it’s raymii.
implementing new jeans into my wardrobe have to learn to be ok with them not being super skin tight. they’re ass hanger-offers like hi guys i had no idea these pants were perfectly slouched around my hips.
you heard it here first, junky is in for twenty-ten.
