these are my two rotating holiday outfits so if you see me in one it’s cos i wore the other one the day before. just helping.
requisite tree pose. like why? for my nana? like she cares.
ghetto red tips.
XL? yeah thanks mom but no thanks.
festive.
now you know how nice my family is to me. secret’s out you dicks! that’s my mom’s writing and my brother’s drawing. there’s fifty billion of these since the beginning of time. anther fave nick was to refer to me by bee stings. assholes.
mary kate vortex.
took off my awful nails swapped for some sparkly red.
i loooove that there’s an f21 at mapleview mall so much more room to shop and less twerps milling about getting in your way. the shirt, ring and charm necklace i merry christmased myself from there.
that too. scratch on wrist is a mystery.
this little fiesta number i got for ten per cent off cos i take after my mother, well, there were some material pills (quils?) pokin’ out and it was the last small.
an unrelated haha. thank bri.
just a teensers update for now. hope everyone’s hav’n a swell holiday.
look i made you a poster for hanukkah! or a desktop for kwanzaa!
time for hung shopping (haven’t used that word enough today) i just realised tomorrow is christmas eve and i was planning to grinch it out this year but all the sudden i got guilted feelings over it so everyone’s in luck they’re getting some cheap kitschy joke junk gifts. i might have to start drinking right now to power through this next week. seriously it’s tomorrow why didn’t anyone tell me? i thought christmas eve was friday!
oh my god i haven’t had a hangover in months. MONTHS. not since late summer. i can’t believe i used to wake up feeling this way practically everyday wow brutal. i did not miss this feeling at all. however, what got me to it was fun as hell so whatever. once in awhile is alright. ok so here’s last nite in fifty pictures how did i ever blog so much hung before i am amazed by myself.
the nite began with liza minelli, myself and dave gracing the cock & pheasant of streetsville with our collective presences. jen’s dad lives in the ‘saug so that was cool to be able to show off my old hood (streetsville) and give a little background gossip on several bar patrons milling about. oh how festive that guy was in a ton of my classes nice to see him grinding his jaw a million miles an hour and so on.
reunited and it feels so wasted. can’t wait to get my teeth whitened. bar one was all about catch up and making fun of everyone we know until we ran out of people.
dave was a good sport.
shit got boring fast so we moved over to the bowling alley and were told it was closed. yeah sure. i had to pee but felt personally attacked (buzzed) when we were lied to (weren’t haha) so as we left proclaimed they did not deserve my piss. dumped all my shit on the bank floor. good times.
banks are hard to make work.
the bartender hated me maybe it’s because i talk normal and not like jenny all disarmingly sweet. i told her several times to tone it down a little. eventually the bartender liked me. obviously she thought i was in a gang cos i was wearing a leather jacket and inquired about pool tables, therefore intimidated.
this one’s cute because my forehead goes on forever.
oh i just realised i’m wearing the liza jacket here. i told her not to outdress me and she busts that thing out as well as purple pants. COOL.
none of these are in order does it really matter? no? thank you.
my one demand in text on our way to collect her was YOU BETTER BE MORBIDLY OBESE. she claimed to be fat and happy now. yeah um and where might that fat be other than your ego? liar.
this is right before jenny hit the wall. there’s some mucho embarrassing footage of a splits contest. by then we had inadvertently encouraged everyone to vacate the bar.
i am seriously trying to explain how to be straight gangsta.
it is hilarious to see dude’s reactions to jen oh fuck so funny they can’t believe their eyes and ears it’s like they’re seeing a mirage. a dad/son duo were feeling her and she played right into it, hysterical.
RTRD moment. glad i wore such an unapologetic shirt (bigups alicia!) for sitting down and drinking in haha in one photo it’s a full-on cascade waterfall of material and rolls.
who is more flexible? well i know i didn’t pull a groin muscle doing this. i pulled it on the weekend making stoner dance videos in the bedroom DUH. all stretched out and ready to rock.
i just want to get my pose on is that too much to ask?
a little super awkward there was a date going on in the corner and the girl (dumpy) party of which was scowling at us profusely, making fun of our antics etc whatever so finally jenny asks if they want to be in the picture with us all coy. they snort baha no thanks we’re good here. oh really? then stop staring at us. harsh. the girl says actually i was looking at the tv paahaha right you were watching sports sure you look like a sports girl (as in complete opposite) then jenny says enjoy your marachino cherry (she was sucking back martinis) that was the wickedest coldest diss delivery ever dave had to look away it was too much. they immediately left. they made fun of us for requesting miley cyrus holy they started it! ever heard of a sense of humour jesus.
so these were taken while that all went down.
guess who barfed all nite long and who didn’t? not i!
i have no idea how anyone could be made uncomfortable by this. everyone was gone by this point but i mean, what’s with all the stiffs everywhere all the time lighten the fuck up.
here’s your christmas card photo i forgot to send out.
ugh.
look at that big mac omg want.
no keep drinking cos the more wasted you get the funnier i get and my personality gets cuter too. FACT.
girls get hot for me when they get plastered around me. FACT.
familiar pose.
we played name five somethings. dave said name five cities in america. jen screamed out TORONTO and i said MEXICO. HAHAHAHHA that game is intense. whoever answers first wins the round, finishes naming five things in that category while the other person has to drink. once you start losing you continue losing as you get stupider the more you have to drink.
feelin’ smart.
we have differing rules for asshole.
as a typical rule one must get trashed with one they never see it’s packing in as much as you can for all that lost time. meaning, this is why you have to look at 50 of the same picture.
this bar used to be known as sundance (sundance saloon) and i used to go to karaoke there saturday nites when i was 18 along with a bunch of other people i used to hate, still hate. one time i showed up out of the blue and a girl confronted me in the bathroom, a girl dating a former flame of mine. she was all look i’m going to say this straight i.am.jealous.of.you. (that’s your problem not mine)(this guy isn’t allowed to be friends with me talk to me or even look at my blog LAME) why are you here? very fucking awkward.
no idea.
oh yeah liza jacket. jen update: she no longer tans and my fingernails are longer. i win.
glam. lets do this. here she is trying to wooh me with proclamations of how fucking adorable i am and how there is something about me raymes. aw thank you. and i agree.
do you think anyone would take me seriously if i wore sequins on a regular basis?
getting ready for my big debut.
i’ve moved on to wine glasses now.
sorry pipes leave some steroids for the rest of us jeez.
upstager.
jen haz raymi boner.
bloggers barf. wow that picture is SUPES INTERESTING MORE PLEASE!
spins!
ok that’s enough for now. dave has loads of stupid sloppy ones.
jenny is a spectac hang time. more pics here though i’m sure you get the point.
you know when you get something jammed under a fingernail what do you do? use a different nail to dig it out of course but then the dirt gets stuck under that nail then you use the initial nail what got shit jammed beneath it to get the thing out of the other nail and so on until you LOSE YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING MIND. and by you i mean me. yesterday i partook in this little bullshit back and forth ritual in the bathroom for what felt like ten minutes i was like oh so this is why i never have nails cool.
finally went for a tan. vitamin d burst was direly necessary.
i ruined dinner by throwing a frozen brick of minced chicken onto the veggies in the pan. the thing looked totally thawed out all around how was i to know it was an ice cube to the core? so went out for japanese where-in our waitress smashed a glass right beside our table and some shards landed on it then the food came and i recalled stating the last time we ate there that we would no longer be eating there again (thank you weed for the decent memory recall) the food is overpriced, not that mind blowing but mostly, overpriced. the sashimi kinda blows too you have to eat it pretty fast otherwise halfway through you realise what you are doing and can easily get sicked out about it, the fish suddenly tastes fishy. you’d think for landing shards of broken glass onto a customer’s table you might give them a dish for free? ichiban? ichiBANNED!
dave bought wii and wii fit plus and this other game that you can sit on your ass and play. my mii character looks like my old one except with blonde hair, kinda bizarre to see. i don’t feel like a blonde person. i think i will have to be platinum white before it sinks in and even then i still won’t feel it. i think honey soft blonde is more my style as i have dark eyebrows. oh yeah wii so it feels good to work muscles that have long since turned to measly mush. that combined with yesterday’s tan has me not hating on my body so much today.
later on we’re hanging with jenny which i’m sure will be raising some people’s eyebrows if you have/had been following along since the beginning of blog. let me help you not waste your commenting time by stating here and now: 1. i do not fucking care what you have to say or think about her and her ex you-know-who in case you forgot this is MY blog and it existed well before these people ever touched my life. point being, spare me. people move on and grow up, it’s called life. be an adult and get over it. stop pining for something no one wants to discuss with you. 2. any and every person from here on in (i actually began implementing this not too long ago) who leaves me a piece of shit in my comments has their IP address outright banned from being able to even access my blog. re-release your ip? that one gets banned too and so on, in fact whole batches of ips have been blocked fucking over everyone in your hood too way to go jack. 3. i am not even friends with her ex anymore (shit happens) therefore you leaving me piss-ant comments about it is that much more embarrassing for you. 4. thank you in advance for the traffic hike ew bags.
ok so back to me and jenny. yeah she said some nasty shit about me and me her (she started it!) then some other stuff happened and i thought you know i should probably write her and make amends what’s the point in having shitty connections with so many people* all the time and for what? something that had NOTHING to do with me but i got dragged into anyway, no skin off my back right so i made contact, we said our i’m sorrys and here we are today about to get shit fucking drunk it’s gonna be awesome.
*have since copied this ideal and applied it to a few other relationships in my life as well you should do it too.
ps. i think it’s super lame that i have to have a warning disclaimer on my blog regarding some (should be insignificant) thing. everyone else who doesn’t care i apologize for making you feel like i am yelling at you. i am tired of fielding retarded comments from people who think i give a shit.
in case you can’t tell i am SO premenstrual right now.
a lot of raymisms have to be taken down this week. not suitable for christian eyes.
hahaha rye/steph this made me think of you guys. “no hope etc…mascara.” so me.
i love jhonen vasquez.
my dad laughs his ass off to these too.
don’t think moms would be into this one featuring people making fuck to nature.
still my dreamboat.
nothing says merry christmas more than this. that is an awesome antique piece (dresser).
brett michaels tribute. my hair is “combined of my [natural] hair and the finest extensions Europe has to offer.” HAHAHA.
dave finally cleaned out the manhole aka shithole. filled up a heavy duty garbage bag with his clothes cast aways. found some things to borrow.
hey guys who wants to hit the arcade ugh i can’t make jokes straight.
you should hang on to that one.
so, um, you like dirt bikes?
who’s ghost knees are those hahaha.
socks goin’ missin’ like craaaaaazaaaaaaaay.
welcome to skinny town. i invented the best dip ever not sharing it.
burnt out a billion times saturday. fell asleep at like the foot of the bed with my ankles hitched over the railing with all my clothes on so ghetto.
the corpse makeup artist better get my spackle right. i remember my grandpa had a ton of orange foundation on and it wigged me out pretty bad i was like THAT’S NOT HIM THAT’S NOT HIM my dad had to drag me away. cool first open casket experience.
total burn out. give me a break man trying to keep yourself entertained is exhausting.
roots don’t fail me now.
i’d be hotter if my head was permanently upside down. i’ve always felt that.
i called and asked when the black light bowling began and the guy was totally confused by it (how can you be confused and not know what a black light is when the place you work at is sort of fuckin’ heavily-centered/reliant on it?) so i said disco bowling and felt so embarrassed. genius on the phone has an epiphany and goes oh cosmic bowling? YES einstein whatever you chiefs call it by that when does that begin? all day on saturdays. oh wicked so i’ve been falling asleep all over the house all day long desperately waiting for ten o’clock for no reason at all? COOL.
mustache rides aren’t free.
apparently i put it on upside down.
i am so 80’s my dad right now. uncanny. i remember he shaved it off one day and i was like who are you? so weird.
you’re not supposed to use flash because you might distract all the other cosmic bowlers out there. so all you get is a blurry shot of dave as hitler cop.
FAHAHAA my brother is going to lose it.
oh my god i was so bad. they wouldn’t let me use the wimpy kid balls cos they might shatter. guys do you think i am launching them out of a cannon or something? burn on them as one was in our ball carousel (what is that thing called?) but you can’t fit your fingers in them properly also you get paranoid of shattering it thanks to those knuckleheads. don’t worry i gave them a hard time before going off to bowl i was like can i have a kid ball please? no? why not? those are the rules? you actually have rules about adults not being allowed to use children’s bowling balls? bullshit. i should have been like AND WHO WAS THAT IDIOT WHO ANSWERED THE PHONE WHEN I CALLED!? i made sure to throw the adult ones as hard as i could down the lane which is why i licked in the points department, in hindsight.
extra ‘staches cos i really wanted a blonde one. hipsters you know it’s over when your main accessory is available in a burlington bowling vending machine.
it’s the experience not the destination.
“always fun”? try ALWAYS EXPENSIVE. you have to pay per frame not the hour. maje maje rip.
my score for this round was better than each person’s in the party of four playing beside us.
side note, i am super fascinated by spying on, eavesdropping, anything involving everyone here. fascinated because i feel like i am on a different planet sometimes here. like, you guys actually for real live lives here, seriously before i arrived this is all real? kinda the same feeling i had living in maine. can’t describe it other than permanent-outsider feeling maybe. so spectating a foursome date bowling on a saturday night in burlington is something special to me for that alone. there is no irony whatsoever about it unlike my shithead self.
in hamilton at that bar we went to to see USS (rokbar?) anyway the bathroom was all black and sleek (kinda like the drake/tattoo parlour) i was pissing and i heard two chicks come in and totally got blown away by the bathroom’s decor so i race-pissed as fast as possible so i could go out and see what they looked like. one girl proclaimed that even the toilets were black and were in fact “pimp” and “even the water looked black” so i’m washing my hands making my face look as little smug as possible while i eyeball them in the mirror. i felt like my thoughts were so loud they would fully betray me but nope the girls kept digging on the bathroom and i left feeling like a total, total asshole. see what the city does to you? hardens you a little. whatever, let them have their pimp bathroom i felt that whole scenario was endearing anyway.
it’s ok to be jealous of my fly moves. good luck working out what is even going on.
dave slayed me both frames. rounds? whatever i blew. gunned bowling is the shit. pulled out a bottle of fireball in the truck and invented a new painful (and disgusting) way to give’r. take a slug, swallow, then a drag off a dewb you will not be disappointed. you will not even know your name afterward. later on we rented fubar oh right on.
bowling radio is also awesome. you didn’t select the jams therefore when caught grooving to ‘em you can be like hey man, it’s just bowling. i am actually trying to figure out how to track down a brutal song i dug on last nite based on the dismal amount of lyrics i can remember and i am too embarrassed to share them here. OMG it’s a miley cyrus song woah lame bait well at least it sounds nothing like her so it’s ok? it’s just bowling man.
i only wish there could be more lights on this house.
and it could rain snowflakes. or snow them.
or have arrows that direct you to where the driveway is complete with xmas lights carport in case it wasn’t obvious. though i think it is actually meant to invite you into the backyard for more light displays seriously these strangers disappeared to the side of the house to the back for awhile.
and my other wish is for the display on the front lawn to fade into a new one on a set timer!
this display is not at all eye-searing, obnoxious or fucked and i think that this house should go on a date with the house on my dad’s street with all the crazy junk shit in the lawn. also, good for you why not right? zany trumps ordinary any day for me.
angles, guys.
checked out mapleview mall’s extended hours, checked some names off the list ho ho ho. tried on and fell in love with a summer maxi dress (on clearance) didn’t do it. will now obsess and regret. i feel it’s wrong to buy summer garb for yourself a week before christmas not that i believe in any nativity scene scene or anything but i guess it’s like honouring thy other people i should be buying for right now vibe? plus the bleach blond cali-type girl was all are you going on vacation? uhh why? ooooh right um yeah no but you never know right? pfft girl i am going to wear this thing around the house until it falls apart. or in new orleans.
OK HOSERS I LOVE YOU!
szechuan stir-fry chicken with steamed veg paired with brown rice vermicelli noodles and loads of sriracha.
