extremo behind on photos, when they were took, why, who what where etc etc zzzz. i am also lightyears irritable right now (what else is new) and had suicidal cramps all nite long, hot water bottle necessary cramps, fought through them cos we were playing risk til 2.30 in the morning and i am a competitive dickhead but then i couldn’t take the pain anymore so cut it short. next time can we start at 3 in the afternoon please? fuck, i love risk. everything always goes down in kamchatka. in summation, i am going to take out my present anger on… POSTSEEEEEEECRET! for the newbies, you are in for a treat.

ready set GO!

aw that’s sad, you buy tickets? hahahahEHHEheheheehe sorry. no really, i get it. concerts make me very sad maybe that’s why i hate live music so much. it’s so isolating standing in the dark as still as possible (toronto rules) getting zero attention or if you do get it you wouldn’t know it because no one approaches anyone. so many wasted nights and outfits. instead of trying to find someone to go with you to the concert, try to find someone AT the concert.

what are you a four year old? (by your multi-coloured pencil crayon words i’ll hazard a yes here) get the fuck out of his email you meddling lunatic. MOVE ON.

AKA i get laid never and desperately needed to let the world know about your pity laying me. this is you, oh me on my oh bother, what to do what to do oh my heavens. liar, you l.o.v.e.d. it and can’t stop thinking about it. make it happen again or shut up and ps. the word orgasm makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. you are not a harlequin romance novel, get with the times.

and i have tears welling in my eyes right now from how much of a pussy you are for not following through with divulging said secret. time waster. i’d be super pissed if i was the post secret mail carrier, or the guy who has to scan all this shit in. right in the garbage with you. do you think you moved ANYONE with this secret teasing, or the imagery of you on a bus with some hobo woman crying in your save it for oprah moment?

you should abandon christianity and get laid as soon as possible. you’re a sex-deviant waiting to happen, don’t fight it for stupid reasons you’re only fucking yourself up in the long-run. see you on intervention in like 3 years, looking forward to being annoyed by your clued-out parents who thought prayer could fix the problem they think you have. sex is healthy and natural and not so super duperly important that it needs to be saved for some prick you don’t even like when you are “ready”.

that’s heartbreaking and adorable. does he even deserve you? if you told him, would he freak or be flattered? tell him and based on his reaction, you will know what your next move is. i bet i am reading into this way too much. he’s probably simply a flirtatious customer oh my god jump his bones already!

bAHAHHAHAhHAah i knew a derek and he’s a complete fucking idiot.

here’s a comment someone left me beneath this card.

There’s a company that caters to that fear, run by non-Christians who won’t be going anywhere. In case of rapture, they’ll care for your pets — for an annual fee, paid in advance of course.

eternal-earthbound-pets.com/

how do i get eternal earthbound pets to hire me? fuck that i’ll start my own hahaha.

A+++++++.

people don’t change. don’t waste your time. no one can be cured. we are who we are and the sooner we accept it, the easier our lives are for it. maybe you can temporarily manipulate someone into bending to your ways but really, do you want to cage a bird? no, you do not, and you are a giant asshole for going there. fuck with yourself, not with others. ps. who are you this guy’s mother? more like smother.

it’s down ON you and i’m pretty sure she isn’t getting fat either. you are living in a cliché dreamworld. you’re the bridesmaid, she’s the bride. it doesn’t mean you are living in her shadow, you are only choosing to stay there cos in a fucked up way you enjoy it because it gives you something to blame everything on. focus on your own life, fuck, you pretty much bring it on yourself. do you know how many people populate the planet? you know it’s possible for you to NOT have anything to do with your sister, right? i am a fan of letting people know they’ve wronged me, so instead of making believe like your metaphorical cookies will have any sort of impact whatsoever on her write a goddamn email and blast her out of the water like a real woman instead of harboring this resentment for years to come and carrying it into future relationships that don’t even exist yet (your niece/nephews to-be) in short, GROW UP.

oh here we go again. humans are competitive bitter resentful spiteful pieces of shit. do you really feel good about yourself because you can only feel good about yourself over someone else’s weight fluctuation? loser.

why bother faking it? i have never faked it. if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. the end. i am annoyed on your behalf.

what are you a made-for-tv movie? who the hell says blowing coke? you are full of it girl, and i’ve heard this before from chicks who want to come across hardcore but really they’re just fat wimps LIKE YOU!

dude check your eyes! i didn’t get it either and i even met the motherfucker. he smelled, was rude and obnoxious but LOOK at him. don’t comment on pop culture just to be like “i don’t get it” cos i’m pretty sure that you DO “get it” and you’re just in the mood to debate and exhaust everyone’s patience. not getting pop culture is like not getting why water is wet. what planet are you from? in fact, sending in a postcard to postsecret was ultra pop-cultured of you, you may as well be whoever he is from twilight. BYE!

and i tell postsecret and everybody else all this because i desperately want to be seen as a sexual creature. what’s with all this sexy talk all the time? i demand better secrets. not secrets about secrets about secrets about dumpy chicks who get laid once a year then write a fucking memoir about it. ps. yoga doesn’t make you better in bed. being flexible doesn’t make the skill of sex more finely-honed. being sexual does. yoga farts, not.

so you only go for dinners on business trips, take the hint. he isn’t feeling it or you. eat alone in your hotel room, don’t allow him the pleasure of your company. if he doesn’t want to take you to dinner in your own town, he doesn’t want you, sorry. this shit comes from within not from what other people see, or want. the guy is no fool, whatever magic you had over him is long gone, like you should be.

you’re not doing them any favours, trust me. so don’t stay. people misguidedly think that the livelihoods of their kids are better in a nuclear family setting, not so. show them how strong you can be, don’t cling to a dream that is now a nightmare for you. live for yourself not your kids. they will understand and appreciate you so much more if you do yourself this solid. don’t lie to yourself anymore, you do not HAVE to stay “for the children” and you know it, you’re staying for yourself because you’re afraid.

oh get over it guy. if it can fuck you over career-wise then why are you bringing it up here? stop selling yourself so shortly there are other things in this world far more enriching than football for crying out loud.

that sucks. i have no jokes for this one. i’d treat myself to a tropical getaway every holiday if i were you.

“that month” way to back your mom you little bitch.

this is so sweet. please tell her. acknowledging the weirdness of others and relieving them of the burden of living in their head too much about it is probably one of the most selfless acts one can do.

yeah, welcome to the rest of humanity. you are boring. i feel sorry for you. i get that you want to be involved and feel special, and hey at least you made the effort but really, next time try digging deeper and coming up with something real a la jeff buckley.

again, we get it, you’re SEXUALIZED and in-tune so NEXT LEVEL HOT WOW YOU GO GIRL GET ON WITH YOUR BAAAD SELF.

well your brother must be super rich if he can afford that many women.

um dude how the hell are you masturbating, on cinder blocks? and what’s the kneeling for? ever heard of oh i dunno, LYING DOWN? maybe i’m being vanilla here or something but, jesus, hahahaha i can’t finish this one.

yeah i dare you to do it i’m sure the reactions all ’round will be highly favourable. may as well follow it up with mentioning christ and aliens to a schizophrenic.

this postcard was meant for the fridge IN THE OFFICE KITCHEN you passive aggressive dish washing asshole. stop doing their dishes, they will never learn if you clean up after them.

i will keep this in mind next time i get trapped discussing garbage i have no desire discussing with a smug university student who is dying inside, forty grand in debt and starving.

HAHAHAahahaahaHAHHA still funny weeks and months later. whoever you are i am totally down to hang anytime. making a point to inform the world how unimportant sports are to you is hysterical. you’re all HEY I DON’T LIKE ANYTHING AND NOTHING, PEACE!

hmm hmm HMMMM gee now, how could you achieve this mind buster? maybe by downloading some on his computer when no one is looking. though aside from that, don’t be such a shitty scoundrel. get over him, psycho baby.

you should go on a date with pees in the shower genius, you seem to be about the same speed for each other. i bet you don’t even know what a meme is.

exactly. coming from an arrogant twat who has never been molested or raped, my go-to sympathy motto is do not let this person (or these people) who have hurt you, continue to further hurt you. rise above, carry on, show them they haven’t trampled your spirit or destroyed it. fuck them, they are nothing, and you are something.

good girl.

COOOOOOL! i think?????

ask him to or is part of the kink for you actually busting in on him? whatever just make it happen already then write a postcard about it zzz.

you are a self-entitled lazy beast woman, deserved of all the unhappiness you clearly suffer. clean your own fucking house or get fucked by someone else already you cruel menopausal bitch.

i am proud of you.

i met a girl who can only come from doing sit-ups. never got to witness it though.

or, die. what a magnificent loser you are.

ok i can’t do this anymore, way to downer myself in the middle of menstrual depression.

LOVE YOU LONG TIME!

AS IF i can’t pull off hip hop. way to discourage me from buying this hat mr. jealousy.

ok that was the lead-in, now lets go back in order.

i was trying to look tough. instead i just looked like five o’clock shadow.

why i feel obligated to document every stupid outfit i wear, i dunno. one illness piled on top of another. i feel that it is noteworthy or subconsciously warrants my obsessive feeling of needing MORE clothes.

oh sure, tan time. no biggie. went to my old joint. she remembered me, but thought it had been two years since i patronized their salon. i believe it was pre-summer, as once it was warm enough to tan outdoors i hit the breaks. i don’t know why but i felt somewhat smug by her error in passage of time judgment and now i feel like a fucking asshole for sharing this with you.

dinner at the roxton. beet salad goat cheese w/ arugula. five stars.

grilled (cold) calamari over couscous and very syrupy balsamic and some other flavours i have no recollection of.

i love that it feels like christmas in there all the time and that it also (fondly) reminds me of my old crew of friends that dumped my ass once i broke up with fil. i’m sentimental and stupid.

jerk duck over dumplings and spinach. wolfed through it in moments then realized there was absolutely no flavour of jerk to be found. did they forget or was it that bland? a little too chewy too.

lemon Crème brûlée and bailey’s style and one pretentious persimmon? i ate it whatever it was. sweet, subtle. could not distinguish the difference in flavour of either these two brûlées. normally my palate is very on, though, not when i’m famished and slightly buzzed.

good morning world.

stand back, i got this.

my grandmother tried to teach me how to play once. fruitlessly. i just can’t get the knack of reading music. i can’t knit either. it’s like my brain is all and now you want me to do what??? HUHHH!?? i taught myself how to snap though, so i snap backwards, it’s bizarre. i’ll make a video of it someday. you should see how i tie laces. ps. this is how i get guys/girls, prattle on and on and on til they are disarmed by how much of a giant idiot i am then i’m IN.

actually so so sunny, can’t tell from this viewpoint. if you missed out on today oh man, oh brother, oh. such a good one.

you can have crushes on inanimate objects right?

aaaaaaaaand cue wind machine. oh my god i have a joke fantasy now of walking on to some set and casually mentioning how a wind machine is just a glorified fan oh gross i can picture myself repeating this to 40 other people too. i am SO that guy.

i’m so lonely.

time for some spring hues, not harlot.

went for the veg burg. not bad. not mindblowing. the real deal was better. good thing i annihilate animals.

your guess is as good as mine.

hi can i have a condiment sandwich? thanks! no it’s good. has inspired me to finally order one of the veg burgs off the central’s menu.

someone here is either really funny or hugely annoying. warhol is tsk’ing in his grave.

oh hey chelsea. she was at the central saturday nite with a pile of socialist university students, haven’t even blogged that yet, so backlogged (busy, in high-demand girl i am) but here she is now, sunny days make you bump in to no less than five people you know. she’s my longboarding buddy.

we had a little debate in ethics saturday nite. i just typed it all out then deleted it cos i don’t think the fall-out would be worth it.

who isn’t stoked for this place? who will review it first, torontoist or blogto? i picture both in a relay race, violently clawing at each other’s faces in the doorway. here let me spare the effort now: disaffected clockwork orange-looking mod types sitting over pints, gingerly masking appreciation of surroundings, trying to out-underwhelm one another, wearing their finest of course.

see what it says above my head.

so fat right now. i don’t even know what it was we got. almond biscotti tasting not biscotti cookies.

can’t exactly casually eat one of these walking down the street can you? no dignity.

you could treat yourself to some serious fine-dining for the cost of this mental illness headgear, as gorgeous as it is. i have a modest red/black feathered headband piece and i feel like the world is laughing at me when i (never) wear it and then i get a headband headache. i will make a point to wear it friday nite. nice eyebag though, nice lighting.

now this, is nice.

i want a better quote.

i knew a guy who had a fiero once, tackiest could never let the 80’s go motherfucker ever but that’s another story for another time.

despite how much of a piece of shit i am coming across right now, i had a wonderful day and am quite content. i am. also, lost is on tonite.

this is what i have in mind to go around my blythe tattoo so people can stop hazarding the stupidest no effort whatsoever guesses. hey what is that a tattoo of, a dog, a mountain? is that a refrigerator duh duh duHHHHHH. hahaha can you tell i’m ready for stand-up yet or the funny farm? don’t answer that.

it’s not a day in the market unless you come out of there with new shades. good thing that airplane timed itself to be in this shot with me. BFF!

took turns bumping into our respective peoples across the hood. i know it’s not a competition (yes it is). anyway, before i had the chance to say patio, beer, or, lets, this guy did the solid and then the rest of the house of cards, oh she fell.

good call stranger.

i love spying. spectating. i know i say i love a lot of things and it’s like, oh whatever shut up simpleton, but it’s true. i love human behaviour. somehow you have to make up for all the things that you hate.

another good thing about voyeuring is when it’s of people you sort of know, recognize, are semi-famous in a specific circle. the more time you spend secretly watching them, the closer to bravery of approaching them you get like, of course they want to talk to me, i mean, it’s ME. word to the wise, don’t do it. you don’t remember their name and they certainly don’t remember you so save everyone the embarrassment and just stare holes into them. (you can totally approach me though cos if i don’t get enough attention it’s like i’ll die or something). the moral of all this is i saw some people i recognized across the street. THE END.

but now on the other hand, when one of these people is sitting down at your very own table and you went to school with them in england ten years ago and have even attempted making contact with them before in the past until giving up entirely because you couldn’t remember the spelling of their last name, by christ, you had better speak the fuck up, tap them on the shoulder, ask if their name is sarah, ask them if they still draw, sit down beside them and pose for a picture. hug them when you go. appreciate your good fortune. meeting someone on the other side of the world and not seeing them again for ten years in your own city, i think that’s quite special.

yeah i like my glasses. i wish i bought that hat though.

i never forget people who endear me. i have written about every single person i have ever met, or have a little story tucked away in my head for another day.

LOST TIME I’M LAAAATE BYE.

casie claims to not have known that i bought these shoes and i call mad bullshit on that despite how much the woman doth protest. you saw my UO tweet about the shit i had coming in so how could you have missed the incoming aldo shoes tweet? heheheh. whatever, i am not one of those only i can own it types. in fact, i heartily welcome uniformity. twins are hot. fact. go to redtube, type in twins. you’re welcome. if you go out dressed alike you get more dudes cruising you because you gave them a means to get over the insecurity shyness barrier: matching outfits. now they can approach you and say something unclever about being sisters.

i thought i was stronger, or she lighter. man i am just full of compliments today.

haha ahah hey remember when i tried to carry you ahuhuhhaha yeah that was funny.

do you remember what i was saying here?

oh who cares.

requisite blogger photo. sean, keri, carly, breanna, CASIE DUH, and crystal.

lady blogga loves it when i make fun of her. she’s pretty quick, but i nail her every time. the more challenged i am socially the more i fucking bring it. nothing personal. casie was making a point of (way too many times) informing me that apparently there is some sort of rival between us? um, i don’t even think we’re comparable. we’ll address it another day. i mean, if you want a rival, we can script one a la paris/ritchie. also, lady blogga theme party?

went meta a few times. oh look it’s me looking at me looking at me. cool party. no seriously it was i showed up late and i’d like to think everyone was half in the bag already. not breanna though, she’s cleansing (pussy).

adorable. her twitter thumbnail is FULLY to blame (thank) for me going back to bang’s land.

so many silent lurkers last nite. you guys are annoying.

i am so glad to be back in the city i cannot even tell you. i am very happy i’m so far west too so i can just saunter down to the beach by lakeshore. what’s the name for it?

oh what a spread, who’s the culinary expert?

time to get down to business.

BUT I AM SUCKING IT IN.

didn’t bring my camera down to the pool/tub area as i knew it would be underwater in seconds. oh well.

some people were actually interested in the oscars.

casie’s roommate sabrina did this. stealing the idea!

after swimming inhaled these. i am so bloated right now i want to go into hiding but i can’t, covering for kamila for a few hours. why not it’s gorgeous out i should go be somebody today.

caring is the new failure.

My Toronto: Raymi the Minx. The post piece came out. before the entire city hates me i am not doggin’ on wrongbar and no not everyone in parkdale is angry about another scenester bar opening up. i was getting at the whole gentrification thing, more bars, more businesses, more people equals rent increase. like what happened to williamsburg. though all-in-all yay, go me.

i ripped this other pic the photog (brett) posted on his blog.

last nite at casie’s was sooooooooo fun. oscars (snore) ignore-fest, hot tub pool condo jam pizza party. we livestreamed a ton of it. if you were watching and if i said or did anything stupid (never) or insulting (as if) or noteworthy, do remind me. pics of that shit show coming momentarily.

it’s so glorious out i may leave my cave at some point to enjoy it. must tune up the bikes.

oh and ps. if anyone out there is wanting to give me something (no junk please) under the category of FREE for me to influentially insert into my life (plug here) get at me: raymi@raymitheminx.com while the gettin’s good. i will show you my stats.

weekly:

# 26682 Visits
# 46391 Pageviews

monthly:

# 102025 Visits
# 200451 Pageviews

and these numbers climb throughout the day, and week, peak-day being thursday. i have no idea how to interpret the charts but here:

let me tell you. there isn’t one blogger i know, moving in the circles i slightly move in (avoid) in this city, who’s traffic remotely touches the amount i pull in, and yet, they are showered in the merch. advertisers, you are missing out. the amount of traffic i receive in SIX HOURS is triple what the average social media blogger gets in a day. just a sprinkling of just sayin’ here.

don’t misinterpret me, i’m not hating on my fellow comrades, i’m hating on whatever anti-advertising-poon stench i seem to be emanating.

ps. yes i look hella tired in the post photos. cos, i was, and also pretty malnourished and stressed that week.

ahh just one-ah ‘dem days. late for blog hot tub roof sun party, it was a late one last nite. hopefully the last for awhile. i plan to detox this week. for the billionth time i’m behind i’m behind. the sunny weather is to blame. now here i am painting my toes singing my gorgeous little heart out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Y-kmFgggNk

this thing makes my body look a little weird. maybe i can shrink it.

and by weird i mean STACKED.

should i even bother with makeup today?

somewhat preserved from last nite but only if i am standing in a sunbeam. if in shadow, you do not want to see this business.

olympia.

nice little crotchety bulge area.

this facial expression is getting under my skin big time. it’s so, beachy?

arrogant.

prick.

hmmph.

six in the morning looks like this.

melodie has indulged my penchant for little things, she made me this mini origami shirt out of a gum wrapper.

i’m finding glow in the dark stars in the most absurd of places. some randomly fall from the ceiling here and there. i am an adult.

hi lucas.

from sadie’s. mmmmm. yesterday i was a garbage disposal, consuming non-stop.

bye for now friendsbians.

click here to buy tickets to our blog talk seminar party social media barf explosion. want to know how i became the unstoppable dickhead i am today? want to see and hear me bulldoze through some motivational if i can do it you can do it jargon? tell your employer to send you to this thing, they’ll cover the tickets. how many boomer generationers KNOW social media is the future (today) but don’t know what the fuck it is or how to navigate through it? it’s like learning to attach something in email but ten times more elusive to them. we’ll hold your hands through it. or just think of it as a bender. that’s how i do.

eventually you’re gonna have to get over yourselves and the whole blog stigma, more so, the raymi blog stigma. cos i know you wanna be friends, and i’m pretty friendly so…

i’ll be wearing this beauty tonite.

this is from an ex-bf.

Hey lauren,
Hope you are doing well.
I am currently in thailand and i was in the internet cafe today, and
someone was surfing your site.
just thought i would pass on the info that you are popular in S.E
asia. (where arent you popular?)

Take care.

a serious fake chat. taken seriously.

hawha so lusty. next time when i tell you to meet me at ronnie’s, leave the campfire hoodie at home. thank you sean.

i am in this book. (no i’m not).

word. and wouldn’t you know which aunt arrived yesterday?

number one party buzzkill: being taken aside and informed of a suspicious looking device in the men’s urinal, with buttons, a contraption of sorts and an exposed canister. it was our air freshener thing but still turning your head ’round the corner when you’re expecting to see a bomb then you see something that fully looks like a bomb, ack! i almost ran right the fuck out of there down the street. it was funny that the guy who told me was super cute and i was enjoying checking him out all nite only to realise he wasn’t straight, dancing hotly with his bf, i get over him just in time for him to bomb scare me. awesome.

this just in: i am limber.

raymiing up the place.

so many friends came in last nite to see old raymi. like a revolving door of past, present, and future. i love you guys. another friday in the pan oh man, best one yet i’d say. got cut early and stuck around to get plastered, first time as a patron. so fun. so fucking unbelievably fun. girl to guy ratio was like a billion to one. pretty much guaranteed to go lesbo by month’s end no avoiding. speaking of, we’re going to have a party for my birthday at the central and you are invited. bring your dancing shoes. i was apprehensive about having a party and being sad no one would come, or care. i have no expectations cos they never get met. no one ever plans me a party or a surprise one because they assume i have all these contacts i’m hoarding that they can’t get to, to invite? yeah nice excuse and you can’t very well plan your own surprise party. SIGH. also i’m too old to be whining about this shit now anyway. so i was planning to say nothing then be futuristically pissed off and bitter holding out for some last minute something that will never fucking happen OR maybe just go away for a week. whatever. there it is. what should i do?

casie took this one.

Hello Hello, my name is Jason B, Im a fourth year anthropology student at
York University. And I have two issues to discuss…

Your Friendly Neighborhood Anthropologist, Jason B

Totally down. My insight will make your project and you also just reminded me to contact high times.