today’s raymi activity features two willing participants ready to give my cooking skills a review. the tables have turned. tarek and april. batter’s up.
taking their orders. now, april is a genuine BOOM expert and fan, she’s there all the time, is a mayor of the college street location i believe? so i was not going to get away with blowing this.
James even popped in to give me some grief over missing today’s and monday’s sessions. that’s his job to make me feel guilt, well it works but no need after this weekend in the south and all that food and not working out, man, guilt big time.
ok so here is my retarded order on a napkin, i forgot to ask tarek how he wanted his eggs. well i thought i did as he said well done which in eggs world means flip it over and over, almost fried? over hard is the technical term. woah relax there eggs. EGGZACTLY. you know what else is fried other than tarek’s eggs? my brain right now.
do you get to make a design? i asked jeffrey. um yeah sure he says. not really though you just pour the warm milk in then glob the foam high on top and sprinkle chocolate powder or cinnamon. ok what drinks do they make the design for you then? ahh who cares.
oh no no, two huge saucers will not do for this tray i am about to walk over. so i got a tinier espresso one for april’s americano. (they’ll never know).
it was easier to carry than it was to place all that crap down on the table elegantly i wobbled like crazy and then was like you know what guys here and just slammed it all down one by one dramatically. breakfast and a show. took the cup independently off the tiny (inadequate) saucer (who’s idiotic idea was that anyway jeffrey!? ha mine.) while april and tarek just howled with laughter and off i marched back to make their food.
tarek’s pancake. he ordered the threesome. of course he would (slut).
THREESOME 9.69
two eggs, pancake, your choice of strip bacon,
ham or Canadian sausage, with toast and
fresh fruit garnish
ps. don’t forget the raymi discount you get for all the cheapskates out there thinking boom is sooooo expensive (really? please) go this weekend for brunch and get your hst covered.
needs more batter. i’m not wearing a hat because i’m just cooking for my friends. if was legitimately cooking for real customers i’d have to wear a hairnet or a hat. whatever my hair is pristine and clean enough to eat.
it was a lot of fun in there. i could do it on a regular basis if dan was riding my ass telling me what to do the whole time. though it was really hot.
are you friggin serious this is a v-EGG-y burger? april’s order.
V-EGG-Y STYLE BURGER 8.29
made to order egg patty with sweet potato,
asparagus and Parmesan cheese, garni shed
with caramelized onions and roasted red
pepper, served on an English muffin
oh look a happy wife so happy to just be cooking in an apron your loyal devoted kitchen goddess slave. pfft right where is my throne? i am dying to eat that pancake right now.
time to flip the eggs. i got scared. i’m very dramatic and high strung. nervous. writing this draft is a good airplane distraction i have mega travel anxiety.
i seasoned arpril’s sweet potato fries more than dan would have because I KNOW FOOD TOO and i always liked watching the fries get seasoned at central. it is an art.
i guess i looked super ugly in all the making of the vEGG burger photos as they’re MIA but i assure you i made this and april said it was on par with how it always tastes. she orders it frequently.
scoring the chorizo i said hey look dan here’s a technique you dunno look what i taught YOU he’s all yeah yaeh sure totally culinary school, bah right raymi.
spreading guac. i ordered the nice white tuna. when dan saw the chit he was like of course this is yours i see what you order at boom. he asked me if i liked guac. sure i do why don’t you? i like to get in fights with people over things they refuse to eat pursely for stupid reasons, stubbornness mainly. i like to get to the heart of the issue. were you traumatized by an avocado once?
why the hell would i want another piece of lettuce on my sandwich? zero nutritional value and it gets in the way. dan agreed, about as healthy as sawdust.
look it’s the raymi D list POS, not just a button, an ENTIRE SCREEN! awesome. ps. everyone in my circle we are going to plan a boom holiday bender before christmas at the college street location. i’ll make an fb event for it. don’t forget when you’re out eating your regular brunch every day of the week you can get your raymi discount at any boom location. the food is delicious. the atmosphere is cozy. the service, friendly and charming. maybe you’ll get a raymi sighting out of it too.
pretty lazy with the wings, attached to the drum still. you have to order appetizers here so fat pisstanks don’t wobble in with their giant beers and no i haven’t had a hurricane yet, nor last time. i have class.
secret cloud beds you would die if you touched down in one and never leave. you’re stapled into it like a happy cocoon sponge. wonder what it’s like blasting in one. leslie?
great hair. shoulda seen it last nite. ok byeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
we’re an hour behind toronto time here too eh. so i have been waking up earlier and getting more out of the day. we have to go to a cigar shoppe today. i guess i’ll have to buy some ridiculous souvenirs too. maybe another mask. ps. blog post title apparently isn’t in poor taste according to you know who.
went to legendary storyland. they were cranking christmas jams, retro ones. it was pretty amazing to see something i’ve only ever seen before on the internet.
storyland survived katrina as it was buffered from the old world style of, uh, playgrounds. it was completely flooded. it’s all over the internet, freaks love it. so eerie and cool. three dollars a person. princess parties were going on. leslie tricked some kids into thinking i was a kid too. she’s a big kd. one girl goes yeah she IS a big kid. haha yeah replete with tattoos.
everything is done up too. reminds me of midnight in the garden of good and evil. they’re filming a movie with christian slater and christopher walken around the corner. saw the house that the song the house of the rising sun is about.
does this constitute as chil pr0n? i straddled snow white in front of a little girl we walked away and she did the same thing. i was horrified. leslie got a picture of it. i was posing for a picture and being funny not sexual. another lesson.
i asked leslie out of curiosity, not that i care or anything just wanted to know if i look like a shithead in pictures like say a girl looking at my blog and seeing me do they think wow, fuck her. i hate her? she said they think who does this chick think she is. basically. hmm.
i looked out and down from this perch and was like woah. dangerous. very wobbly and i so towered over the edge. brain damage for sure if i fell off it.
i guess it was similar-feeling to disneyland at christmas time though i wouldn’t know as i’ve never been. sad face. meaning more about how it is to see the christmas stuff in hot weather, the connection in the brain, wires crossed, as a canadian especially in a place like new orleans where they go big at xmas time.
the title of my post is something i said over the mic to these chicks at karaoke once. leslie loves it i can hardly take watching myself wasted rap blathering at the fox n fiddle (that hole) we’re going tomorrow to another place with her friend. she sent the video of me singing so what’cha want over to let her know what’s in store.
we went to a sex club last nite that is essentially a shit stripper hole. i gave away a lot of money because the sight of the cheap bar flies pissed me off a lot and sometimes i like to pretend i am daddy warbucks. there was a young pregnant chain smoking stripper too. almost got a great cell phone photo of some of the evidence.
ok sunshine time.
oh and my laptop has a virus again. thanks anonymouse.org you piece of shit. send help.
sometimes you run out of blogging steam. the energy required to conjure the properly adequate commentary about the mundane everyday doesn’t just grow on a magic bush in my backyard. yarn spinning IS work. ten years of yarn spinning work, audience building. i came across a loser messageboard yesterday wherein a few wenches were slagging your hero and the overwhelming conclusion i came away with was, they just do not “get” it. people who come across you only now think you just woke up yesterday and started landing deals, and it’s sooo easy. well, it isn’t.
i just lost the energy and focus on my own rant here, it isn’t constructive anyway. i’m arguing with babies essentially who can’t seem to recognize that i struggle just like they do, that none of this is a fluke, and i set out to do this when i was 17 years old for bloody crying out loud so really, you’re just complaining about a seventeen year old’s wild fantasies that eventually came true for her, after years of suffering abuse from assholes and haters and people calling you crazy for having the audacity to do something different.
and then there’s the word trainwreck. i’ve been called a trainwreck since i was nineteen. you know, when a trainwreck happens it takes maybe a week to clean it up once forensics is done with the scene. but really now, if i am such a trainwreck how am i able to function on a daily basis? how am i able to write, to work, to go to my appointments and meetings, make deals, party, all that? you guys are shitstains. i put myself together more than you do everyday knowing i will be photographed (whether by self or others) all for the sake of my blog, my art, my business. if i don’t do it nobody will. do you get that? a trainwreck wouldn’t be able to do that, WOULDN’T do that. a trainwreck would be blow hung for days on end while OTHER people are out there achieving.
it’s just tiresome and disgusting to me the nature of this city (and the internet at large) that the thanks you get for all your hard work is FUCK YOU and KILL YOURSELF. numerous other hurtful things. they don’t even hurt anymore which in and of itself is kinda bad. to be desensitized like that. the bigger you are the less you are supposed to acknowledge these losers but i wasn’t born famous and still consider myself a regular guy so i’m just fascinated by how ignorant our culture is and bored.
wooden cutlery. cute. impossible to saw through the bread though. we overcame adversity despite that because we don’t lose. ordered everything off the menu. it was a little menu. one of those spillover joints, local was busy, so we sat at the bar here. rob showed up later fresh off the coat tail of a bender and after one drink he was in heaven.
darius and rob are going to go on a muff crawl in nyc. they’re the twin towers. rob says women there are just so pleased to see not short guys. he gets all arrogant when he drinks. we are too similar. i was like hey so remember drunk dialing me last nite and telling me to “shake things up” and “i’ve been doing the same for too long now” and “i’m a good writer” he has no recollection of this conversation he was passing my house half passed midnight i wasn’t even home and he was telling me all this irish drunken shit i’m like i KNOW rob thank YOU for the advice. haha.
darius overheard people talking about me outside while smoking, not bad things, just that they recogized me and the photo taking was certainly a tip off.
i told darius we should go to AA next week then go out drinking afterward. i recognize we are all drunks. holiday season is the worst for this. i am going to give the sauce a break pretty soon.
we played the insult game using the alphabet taking turns. i started. darius, you are an asshole. raymi, you’re a bitch. yeah well you’re a CUNT. some of these words we had to whisper as they were too prejudice and no i am not typing them here on my politically correct blog.
we played the game again but this time complimenting one another and rob joined in. it was harder to dole out compliments. insults are so much easier. people don’t compliment each other enough.
we like this place. we will haunt it some more. i overheard some genuine food players getting really animated about booze or food or something. i liked it.
mitzi’s is getting a time out from me. i am tired of the disgruntled RUDE middle-aged lesbian server’s attitudes. i’ve dumped half my bank account into that fucking place you think she could smarten the fuck up i mean, DO YOU KNOW I AAAAAAAAM?! hahah. legendary establishment employees, everyone talks about you just as much as you them, don’t think you’re invisible.
got my roots did yesterday after my session at TMR (abs are so sore) the show must go on even when you’re sick. i had ethiopian food two nites ago and the heat made me think i was cured. it loosened up a lot of phlegm and now i have this painful chest cough and my throat feels as thick as a tree trunk.
this reminds me of a photograph my new york city ex boyfriend would have sent me of himself in a bar when i was 18 (he was 29) to lure me away after high school and it worked. WE ARE LIVING THE LIFE COME JOIN US. hair was curled then i biked and some of the curls came undone. just as well as i didn’t want to deal with a curly hair sprayed rat’s nest today as i’m going to be ON CAMERA for my next publicity stunt. it is in your best interest to be at BOOM‘s 174 eglinton ave west location today at 1pm if you want to see me have a TRAINWRECK MELTDOWN in the kitchen. i refuse to wear a hairnet. i might wear the dorky baseball hat though and an apron. i love uniforms.
i’m not contagious anymore so don’t worry though i’m only cooking for my friends so i won’t interfere with the paying customer’s lunch experience. um do you like my victoria secret legs? kate said that on facebook.
i know a lot of people who went away or are going away somewhere warm and tropical, all-inclusive, wherever and i’d be lying if i said i didn’t want to disembowel them. i have seasonal affective disorder and i feel bound to this getting dark way too early city. true, i lead a charmed life, i get a few days off between 4 things scheduled in a day here and there, i was meant to be a waste of space sloth. my life/job is unconventional and i work very hard to make it appear to be very easy. being a socialite is tiring, partying is a job, and people give you shit about it. also there is a part of you that is hoping you might find THE ONE at one of these events (you never do) so that’s another motivator to keep going. the point is, i have earned a break i feel so, i’m going away tomorrow to new orleans. my summer trip that i was very much looking forward to was canceled and then i filed it into the postponed drawer and then i got very busy. i’m only going for the weekend. i can’t even believe it. i am stressed and feel part crazy but so what that’s how it goes right? my friend is there now and she’s bored. hurricane season ended two days ago. so i have a lot of last minute preparations to sort out, i have to pack, and not overpack for once and i need to vacuum my purse of all ganj remnants and apparently they can fully violate you at security now. wicked.
this is where i will be tomorrow the french quarter!
