now, where was we? Ottawa windows planet urg. that’s where. i just sent everyone off to the raveonettes and was talking about how i brought my laptop and i’ll just, oh you know, work? pah haahaha ah ha right. the last week of blog posts have been spectacularly riddled with charlie sheenisms i was thinking how i should stay away from the internet until monday. birthday week come to a close please thanks.
anywhooosers i’ll just throw up (hahaha) the rest of my pics i’ve already put on flickr then make like king tut and mummify. yeah yeah.
this is when i discovered making eye contact with the apple camera webcam duh. once i was finished being mesmerized by my own image of course. maybe this is why mac users are sooooo arrogant and big headed they look at themselves constantly on webcam and eventually believe they’re super fucking good looking or something.
can you give me just a little extra for free face. learn it live it love it and love me for the skeleton key top tip.
pop your eyes too. don’t forget your visine. i think my (teacher’s) teeth whitener strips dissolved by this point.
i am obsessing over my cakes more and more as days go by. i am going to carole’s cafe, i’ve been poring over cake fetish photos and now i want to love the hand that feeds some.
it was fun having my family friends at my shitty date bar. one day maybe there’ll be a raymi guided tour of the city like they do in nyc for sex and the city fanatics.
it was fun having my mom wasted off the drink menu too. now you understand me a little more, you cannot resist the temptation of that cocktail menu. i got melodie an anita’s attitude adjuster straight off the bat, reasons why require no mention. i love this photo because you can see how i look like both my mother and aunt alison. pretty neat.
don’t go all out now ma. keeding. i love this. i wonder if she likes finally having a daughter who enjoys and rivals the like and need of pink and girly things.
i got an idea. thanks for the cards dad. colleague and i collaborated on the appropriated from the internet design. my awards are scattered on the back. couldn’t fit them all. BOOM!
oh god man look at that hair. ahhh thank you brennen demelo, you genius. how to do pr0no hair 101. guys help me pick the best raymbo hair photo for a sponsored by brennen advert image on my sidebar.
i last minutedly felt like a cow and skinny day went away (full time pms now) so i wore black to hide it all. haha check this out from gill’z bday april 2009.
hey i’m working here, do you mind? that’s what you say to strangers in real life who have problems with the happening they walked in on. this night not necessary, everyone was loving it.
and now i have a reason to hostess. my cuisine is perfect and requires no extra sodium to taste and i always heavily crack pepper into my concotions but why not. i took so many more pictures of these today i hope you don’t get sick of them.
i said, and, where the hell will i wear these which made my brother lose his mind laughing cos i said it in the snarkiest way ever and now i am wearing them like crazy and i look crazy in them. they will be great with daisy dukes and a simple shirt, starbucks liberty stroll and jumping in water puddles.
my swarovski lois loot. she is taking me and mom to billy elliott next week. pumped. i’ve been wearing the hello kitty necklace round the clock as well. i might attach my other swarovski hk head to it as well one night.
i crawled out of my vortex to go to the spoke for britt’s bday. i sat by her folks and charmed her dad as much as i could. i said my dad adores britt and her dad is like well where is he then? everytime i played with my blackberry he tsk’d me and i would make up some stupid funny excuse/lie about what i was doing.
it was a set menu. it was like a wedding. that’s the scallop starter. i chose the weird salad. i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to stomach anything. i said to the folks that if britt and i are going to remain friends we’re gonna have to better plan this birthday party staggering thing.
weird salad and my drink, campari and other things. campari is a digestive so it’s a good drink and a sipper cos it tastes disgusting. my mom had some of my campari-ish drink at watusi and was grossed out. i have tasted a lot more of the world and i’m a boozehead so i’m now in the grossest drinks ever phase of my alcoholism. the next stage is cold turkey. sandwiches. mmmm.
birthday girls. old girl (someone actually said that in my comments) on the left. i said in my card we should stop having birthdays at 29, kay? god i am that girl now saying those cutesy cathyesque age quips. GULP! our outfits are kind of coordinated which we did not eve pre-plan or even speak prior to this. i was fancy clothed frantic.
see total wedding. pricey too. i’ve been used to being treated for too long. oh well worth it. it felt adult. britt’s dad was like where is your boyfriend. i stared at him. then i said five different answers.
i don’t even want to talk about how sad this is. britt smashed it. i assisted in that. i said put it in the bubblewrap for safety after she opened it. we both thought it was a bubblewrap mini bag, it wasn’t, it fell to the floor. i got this photo at least. it’s sad because i thought about it for a month before i bought it and even posted it on my blog that i would get it for her, it is perfectly suited for her livingroom, or on her bedroom armoire. we all know how much thought and focus perfectionist gift givers (me) put into their gifts. britt’s mum was like oooh you must feel SO bad britt. HAHA nice one mom. anyway i will see if they can order another or get her the other snowglobe i momentarily considered getting, not as great as this one though. so sad. RIP emo snowglobe. you were not cheap. i slipped it in there a few times that it was designer. whether that is true or not i dunno. if you’ve ever bought such a frivolous expensive thing before as a snowglobe, unless you are one of those disney arrested development collecting freaks, you have no idea what it’s like. maybe the shock of saving your money for something more important is something to make you snicker over here. i DID immediately say once it smashed as we were picking up the pieces, don’t cry over smashed snow globes.
yeah it was the year i became uber hot again and i was in the globe and mail for you know what and well, it was great just because i changed my life. just some crap you put on an envelope as an afterthought of deepness that you know will go in the garbage anyway. next year when she turns 27 i will have a LOT more to say. OMG GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE DUDE! i think britt might be more superstitious than i am?
dude i heard your entire business call while i was in the bathroom don’t remember it wasn’t anything secretive or particularly all that juicy. i held out hope though.
me leaving with my present. a stuffed unicorn. it’s special because if i go online with the packet it came with a star will be named after me. i will be calling mine 123 penis lane. that has been my fake address for every single thing i have ever had to fill out an address for something you just know will end in junk mail. i can’t wait to visit this actual address some day. that will be the day. no wait. i think i’ve been there many times before already hahahaa. oh man rough birthday week is how all these blog jokes are brought to you by.
had a pit stop at teacher’s to try to nap, mostly to digest then i almost bailed on adventurehouse III but i powered through. paying for it now but a duty is a duty. glad i went and that guy came to have a mini business chat talk with me after he bought me a shot. we are doin’ lunch. i was like mmhmm yep yup sounds great good good ok so do you have money? things are great and fine on email but then when it gets to money talk all of a sudden this GREAT idea for YOU and your blog that benefits you zero, is not worthy of paying you for the work you do for it/them. silly gooses. the guy was like, we want the best so i came to you. damn straight hustler. i’ll sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman wearing white gloves, i will. (tommy boy ref)
they played a special one for me, that gorillaz empire ants song, a lounge lizard trip hop version. jason osler makes fun of me on gchat once a week or so about the one song i listen to. hey guy i don’t listen to it anymore. he texted how my bday was and said don’t say to read your blog. ha. therefore i forgot to text back to it. therefore he will never know. i’ll just email him this blog blurb.
under a year ago i brought a parade with me back from wrong bar one night. this girl was part of that herd. the adventurehouse allure is strong and almighty. tanya our bar house leader said now that she’s met me she understands the tickle trunk addiction. she is amazing. we are going to do some fun collabs together coming up just you wait and see. pressing publish now. i still have my mom’s photos to show from my birthday which everyone has seen on facebook for days now, and then my own. ooh i just remembered snl is on tonight. i don’t know how to work that tv thing so maybe i’ll just stick to being a hunchback and maybe saying bizarre stuff on my tumblr though by the time i read through this the gang will be back from the raveonettes show and will take over the place. remind me to ask my brother what he wants for his birthday. last year i got him wallabees. i’ve wanted my own pair for too long now. maybe i’ll just ask my dad.
happy saturday.
BY THE WAY i am doing this tomorrow please come. it’s a charity for japan party raffle prizes bands jamboree! stewart and i are hosting it! we are going to co-ordinate outfits and be the BEST!
WHERE: the great hall (queen/dovercourt) 1087 Queen Street West 7.30pm.
Prizes:
more donations today. got some tickets to see in conversation with woody harrelson, beautiful earings from dean davidson, 2 gift certificates from passage tatoo, a dine alone package 3 gift certificates from parlour salon for cut and colour tickets to cut copy, tiesto, protest the hero, timer timbre, Case of wine plus 8 glasses, dress by Valerie Osumek,
we have dinners from the drake and watusi, jewelry from ashley winnington-ball and kvell & co. clothes from las valentines and cry wolf, steam whistle tour for 10, passes to hot docs, imaginative and the reel asian film fest, cineplex package including tickets to the opera, band merch, pieces from lots of local artists/photographers, a signed bat and ball from the blue jays, a makeup set from MAC and more
Comrades, I am hosting this charity event, (yes, it is true I am just as shocked as you are) tomorrow night apparently during a blackout i said YES i will totally do this with you Stew (my boy twin) and now it’s happening, tomorrow. Come gab with me and support JAPAN cos something bad happened over there to good people. I don’t know about you but I have some cosmic Karma to turn around, I’ve been selfish for too long tomorrow night at THE GREAT HALL queen/dovercourt 7.30pm raffles bake sale other things and so on. we’re a finite resource we have to help our friends in need.
i quite enjoy looking at these i just exclaimed, what is wrong with me? i want the entire set. i want to fill them with sparkles (in theory) i won’t no worries, one day i’ll for real use them as salt and pepper shakers. i’m going bai ling.
i need all the help i can get to get through this day and night. i canceled my work out today. tomorrow i’ll boot camp it. i canceled that too. pray for mojo.
that ring my mom gave me, she was wearing the matching one and the heart necklace too (she always does this) and then alll night long kept trying to daps me and said SHAZAM. mom, STOP saying that it’s not funny. then she’d do it again. shazam. uh whatever everyone last night was kind of obliterated it was pretty great to have? this is where the post ended. wow great headway. i think the teacher walked up to me and then we immediately had business to attend to.
got some great mileage out of these balloons i brought them to adventurehouse party last night. which i am presently recovering from. what else is new.
stressed out face. yeah you can come yeah no worries. then a revolving door of ex bfs. clem loved it. each buy me a drink then leave, i introduced zero to the teacher, who was also ambushed by an intimate dysfunctional family sit down ha ha and they are like who is this guy? i haven’t been telling anyone much of anything lately, keeping cards to chest and so last night at the spoke for britt’s bday she’s like why have we never heard of this teacher before?
i’m starting to enjoy myself without under eye mascara globbed on. i’m so insecure about the size of my eyes. i have to get over it. when i live healthier and get more sleep i won’t need mascara anymore.
it’s cyclical this blog crap thing. another person said my mom and i focus too much on beauty. why aren’t people allowed to do that? beauty is a skill.
i cleaned up the bender when i got up, sloppily so. my niece picked these out for me they’re like rubber boots flats and very comfy. thanks hailey now i can still be a kid and say well my niece got me these so it’s ok to have strawberry shortcake feet and be 28.
you should(n’t) see what my hair looks like today. love to see how far i can stretch out not washing it after a dye job and toning. secret princess skid rat. cousin alex told me when we were teens she hadn’t washed her hair in TWO WEEKS. gross.
remember these pics? so 2001 nerve.com profile. that’s how we met people to fuck and party and have threesomes with back then. there needs to be a more elite pof.
oh teacher’s here time for brunch see you later with more dumb stuff xoxox.
carole’s cheesecake really impressed me and everyone at watusi i want to get raymi cupcakes or something. i ate the chocolate with my bare hands. the other one is coffee, my special request. i would die for some more right now.
ok here is what i got up to today this precious of days what will one day likely culminate into some kind of national holiday. what the hell is one supposed to do on their birthday anyway? what if every day it’s like your birthday already? extra greedy makes me feel extra crazy you know. i felt guilty all day though that might have been the hangover of feeling like i fell out of a plane this morning. i slept in til it felt right, late ten thirtyish.
looked a bit of a ghoul. i will perfect a method of face statue sleeping some day. once in a blue moon i awake with my makeup pristine still from the night before, one time recently at the motion room i was hungover like you would not believe and james was like, you look great minx. i couldn’t believe it. what luck. i hope that happens to me again tomorrow cos i have my friday work out in the morning. can you die on april fools day doing jumping jacks the day after your jinxed birthday of all birthdays where you will drink the bar? yes definitely probably likely because the headlines would just be too good to not die tomorrow. fool dies on april fools day not april fools day joke. ok no more death jokes. today at least.
and then my second last night of not being a geezer was spent in a most awesome way with 3/5 of the park dale boys club. i can’t do math nor can i keep track of who is in my stupid imaginary neighbourhood club, i think a couple boys have disbanded because i wouldn’t sleep with them.
anyone who can look this good from below you know is a ten. blue eyed silver fox met me here last month and was evidently threatened by brennen which is silly cos brennen is a kitty cat. he asked about him and i was like haha that guy is so nexted. hope he comes out tonight. ughhhh i just got cramps. let the bitchy begin.
i walked to shaw and called courtney. she was right beside me on the other side on queen i waved frantically all around me like your stupid mother and she just watched secretly. then we went on a bender and you know the rest.
teacher had a hamburger at the beac i had the carpaccio again. courtney had wine. we had eaten at beaver before and the service was bad and so was the food sorry but you dropped the ball. also the gladstone did too very uneager to sit and serve us. wednesday night i think all restos have their shit staff on shift. makes sense and therefore do not go out to dine on wednesday nights. courtney already had a fight with the drake on the internet so we couldn’t go there on principle. what got me is, no offense, but courtney is NOBODY haha, and they made amends with her. drake has given me a bit of badness before and i have received no love. my friend(s) work there too so like, what the dilly? anyway we went to the beac and i had salad number two. i think i have to start eating at home.
or tights. anyway off to my first hangover drink of the day, not bad, laterish start. i think birthdays are people’s personal st. patrick’s day, and christmases. i tidied up the tickle trunk yesterday somehow magically while hosting courtney in my room my clothing pile was so huge when i started then it disappeared so when i go there later in a bit maybe i’ll try to lie down in my bed for once for a disco nap. i’m so not a napper though. i kind of want to buy little thank you trinkets for everybody tonight just try and stop me.
hope to see whoever is coming tonight we have two cakes. did i say that already? my colleague is being a pill and not sending me photos of them to pre-brag it’s my birthday dammit.
over and out. i’ll finish the rest of my eyes (makeup) later before dinner so if you see a person without facial features walking around telling flowers and hydrants it’s their birthday today, that would be me. i’m going to visit every shop i love and see what free shit i can get today. already have a pint and shot (i’ll skip the shot) and a snack on the house waiting for me, guess where. no don’t i am too stupid to hold a conversation with anything outside of a houseplant right now. talk to me after i swim around a frosty golden lap pool a few gulps. should i write for breweries?
good morning, well, afternoon to everybody else with hints of normalcy in their lives. here i am hung at 28. it’s sinking in, i haven’t had much (TONS) time to reflect but i think i’m good with it. established last night with courtney that it’s ok to be 28 because you’re stiiiiiill clinging on to youth but totally over the mature girl threshold. things start to matter. i am tired of how tiring i am to everyone about everything and i apologize for all of this, i mean it. why do i have to make a big production out of everything? why not for one but also, i see how it stresses everyone out around me and i feel like a disgusting human being for it however like in mean girls, it’s better to be involved and suffering than to be outside the sparkly pink raymi tornado of things, yes? i’m relieved to learn that a lot of people share a birthday just before and after mine so next year we can get a circus tent and no one gets to leave until they’ve reached black out. i am already planning next year’s fete and i was just apologizing for all my excessivities. learning is for students.
pink world is growing. i said to courtney and teacher that i actually felt, i forget the words, annoyed maybe, by myself and they were shocked in a facetious way. i think people feel all sorts of crazy around their brithdays so i’m just going with it, one second i am like BRING IT while another, oh noes and now if i die it won’t be significant enough cos it won’t make the 27th jinxed year curse but hello, how is dying at all significant anyway i’m not special enough to die yet.
or i’m too special to die either way i’m destined to be tortured on this blue earth for lots longer yet now i have to join arms with the yuppielite safety generation and start wearing elbow pads and eating muslix and vitamins buh-oring but live forever vital.
ok enough with the heavy shit. i went and got minxed yesterday after my hair appointment, i was late for both. no more being late now that i am 28. lots of rhyming things with twenty eight too. fate great mate plate chate date satiate (ooh fancy) and so on. yesterday was a skinny big mac day so i got to dress like a slob. the slobbier i dress the more arrogant i am in the head you can and should apply this to other girls for fun to see if i am right. i also went out with warlock party statue from the night before face, not at all hot shoulda seen me with the hair dye in out on the street like david bowie labyrinth rock of love disaster.
we got retarded in the tickle trunk last night so i could only bear to deal with a minimal amount of photos, i have a huge backlog too, and now i’m at the tower and my laptop is in my room therefore you get blasted with blackberry phone it in shots.
love these metallics, minx was especially keen on me going metallic even though i wanted the pink plaid. which i will get next time. the blue really brings out every single hand flaw (engorged veins) and whiteness overall so if you’re going to do anything blue/metallic your hands better be pretty.
gah what do i wear tonight? do i buy a new dress? too hung for that? and too hungretarded to build a new outfit and i don’t know where we’re going so please tell me precisely what to do. it’s your duty as a canadian citizen to assist your internet darling for her birthday journey, pretend it’s war time (isn’t it always anyway?). haha i just had a flashback of looking up at darius as the giant twin tower that he is the other night saying raymi, you are not only the biggest in canada i think more like all of north america. did that happen and isn’t that redundant too? picture two cavemen in my head taking turns banging rocks together to try and start a fire right now because that is what is happening with me and trying to make thoughts happen.
this is when brennen was like ok get the fuck out of here you’re late. he had to get to fashion week too. that guy is massive i am lucky he does my hair. he put collagen in it this new serum from loreal which in hair world is a big deal, my hair is softer than feathers right now i’ll post photos of the syringe and bottle it was very mad scientisty.
some loser on blogto left a hater comment beneath a feature on brennen saying if they blogged about it would he bleach their roots for free too? haha fuck off fuckhole, no. you are a nobody with zero influence and if you blogged, no one would read it because of the former thing we just talked about, you’re a tree falling in the woods and not only is no one around to hear you falling, they’re all busy furiously beating off to me over here. also, its more than bleaching, he tones my entire head and it lasts all the way to the next roots dying/growing.
ha ha woah brennen you look like harry and the hendersons today amazing look. brennen gave me some wicked advice about men and love life and all of my stupid bullshit, he is like a guide, guru. every big leaguer i have ever met always comes with a gauntlet of sage wisdom and all of it is correct, always. these are the people you listen to. anyway, one of bren’s other clients came in and immediately said she had cheated on him with another dresser because she couldn’t afford him. girls know all about that. i sat there smugly, well, more crazily reacting to my hair being rinsed, i have very sensitive scalp and when water goes over the back of my head it tickles. so i have no make up on, crazy tired face and no eyebrows, my hair is in a wrap, salon cheater has no idea what’s going to come out of that. earlier i said don’t look at me now because i promise later i will be a butterfly.
he gave her a great fringe, she was transformed. i was like are you sure you want to be the bangs of spring/summer time of your life? she was like yes, holding on to the cover with nicole richie’s new hair on it. the point of this story is no matter how amazing her hair was, when she saw mine blown out she was stunned and said i WANT to be blond too. this hair IS magical. really is. before i could tell she was a bit annoyed by me talking and spazzing out in the sink beside her, she was kind of type a, anyway i knew her kind and once she saw princess head she submitted. thank you for that brennen. i looked at her and was like this is going to be a lot longer someday maybe, in a year, long barbarella cascading curls and THEN, watch the fuck out. she was impressed, agreeable and nodded. she looked super hot too that was a mega necessary transformation, half feist half jennifer connolly.
before that, not my best work or look or angle or anything but, i looked like this androgynous male model. we have the same features, dark eye/brow penetrating present excellence (do not steal that) my brother too, matching mole.
we wear our scarves the same way and i think the same scarf, eerily similar from what my grey scale vision skills tell me. by the way is there such a thing as selective seeing? like selective hearing? i think so.
i need finger bling. i called courtney’s rings, first necklaces (i think i had a brain stroke) and then i called them bracelets. finger bracelets. bracelets for your fingers. guh my brain is exhausted right now you should have seen me try to type the word eerily up there, took several attempts. disaster. courtney says she is wrecked too. thanks PBC. her bday was sunday. we are the same age. i love her. she has hugging issues, she said i clang (clung? ha) to her in bed a couple months ago talking til 5 in the morning. i only did it to tenderize her a little she is too frigid but at least she doesn’t hug herself in photos anymore or cross her arms as much. rayminfluence is working.
rayminfluence could easily be a class. no wait i think you are already in that class. have you become more stupid or more enlightened since reading my blog?
oh yes next time i’m getting pinky metallics or something. kathy said minx needs to design a custom raymi decal and i agree and will keep repeating it until that happens. it’s that or noble peace prize. which one am i closer to?
aaand publish it’s motrin time.
+++
Dear Lauren,
You inspire me! I read about your workouts, you following your dreams, I see photographs of the art you make– and all these things you do keep me motivated to do the same things!! You often mention the negative criticism you receive from your blog, but I am here to tell you that there are many positives that result from your blog as well, so please remember this.
I wish you a very happy birthday, and may you have many, many more happy, healthy, successful years ahead of you!!
penny lane on premises you ready for this? to a certain few in the neighbourhoods of giving a shit and caring, your hero killed last night. it’s no more, no longer (obviously because the night is now over) however just let me build the story ok? first of all, i looked like this.
i went out as softcore bunny groupie bait knowing NO ONE would be dressed like me. i pay homage to some secret groupie muses god may they rest in peace (no they’re not dead but their band wife lives are) and tis i now who carries the torch just a bit longer.
i don’t really know what protocol is for talking about parts before you’ve got them or just in general there seems to be a bit of a hush on pre-tv stuff but anyway, i had to dress like a bombshell superhero. barbarella-esque. i went literal with it.
full outfit. i read sitting down into the camera and not from the ponytail showcase side of my head that i wanted so i don’t feel very confidant about how i did because i am disgustingly vain and precise. a waaaay older chick went before me so who knows.
pepsi throwback. i bet this will work. in me regurgitating it here too. shit. made dinner for teacher PBC and luc and off we went to get our pre-drank on in the tickletrunk.
it took AWHILE to figure out what to wear. laundry mountain has multiplied into appalachians. no that’s not right, what’s a cluster of mountains, alps? who cares my room was crazy trashed but we had hours to decide.
this photo sucks. started in vip. it got better and better though up in the risers but erik said he gave last pass off to DFA guys. fuh-ine. then he came up with more and i’m like DARIUS NOW MOVE and i can’t believe it he actually points to his can of beer and goes get me another one please thanks! i’m like DUDE and punch him in the leg through the bleachers and erik goes it’s NOW or never. darius you retard. then he got what was going on i tell you in penny lane world shit happens fast apparently the adrenaline is absurd throw drugs and booze on top of that, testosterone atmosphere to the soundtrack of something rock and roll legendarily epic, yeah, move your fucking as NOW dude.
great lighting as usual good job sound academy. ps. if anyone wants to go to thin lizzy tonight i can put you on guest list as well as method man tomorrow if you’re too gangster to hang with me on my birthday.
then we turned into the movie the abyss for a little while? it would be funny if those were actually binoculars. it’s entirely possible as i’m fucking blind as shit now. pissed blind. i am formulating a new term.
so many man boners in the room quivering for him, man crushes. darius was actually jealous of me and said man if I was a girl.. haha you know, rockers have zero interest in dudes unless they’re like jay z or oil tycoons, but me, yeah, this is where penny lane shines. also, now we’re on the business exec mezzanine god i love using all those words together.
the crowd was great and so adore queens of the stone age. ha almost forgot to even mention the act. it’s so intuitive my insanity i just assume you can read my thoughts now and just like, know.
i saw kris down in the pit waving up to me and then i was grooving at one point and he texted if i was ok i looked like i was going to puke i said wtf i’m backstage i am fine guy haha. snarky. i think a pre-rejected attempt to get a way up to where i was. couple other friends were jeals of my vantage point too but all in good fun they’re like raymi you are always up there when, what was the last show that happened at gill said she was watching me and FUMING but then i coulda grabbed her and offered too and she was like no it’s cool so i don’t really get it then.
someone else, a dude, asked how i got this magical hook up i said be a famous blogger person thing you know? all that bullshit and torment i’ve put up with, people hating me and making fun of me, gossiping etc well the thing you’re making fun of me for is the thing that gets me backstage to super cool coveted shit.
i danced as hot and as slutty as possible. which female animals in the wild do that to attract their mates? anyway i was that. there was one amazing moment, not lying, the spotlight blasted me for a minute i was illuminated and josh and the bassist watched me dancing and bobbing in my platinum (rocker bait) playboy bunny glory. i did all my understated supermoves and the bassist kept watching, and i watched him back and i fought through the shy. holy fuck it was a powerful gay moment i shouldn’t even share it here why am i mortified? maybe because that person, this person, isn’t me really but i want to be this person.
i just like it big. but anyway, i do fine i just get way too cerebral. i am having a late mid twenties break down. it’s fine, i’m FINE! hahaa.
i danced and danced and screamed in pbc’s ear stupid comments and demands to take pictures and danced some more and when the camera guy went away he asked me to watch it i was like no problem more room to dance that’s when my solo spotlight medusa performance happened.
is my face turning into a little swedish acorn? a little weird nut that doesn’t exist except now it does because it was just discovered, in a soft pink cotton candy forest? actually it would be a scandinavian acorn if anything because my aunt says there is some of that in our lineage.
it really was beautiful to see. my brother didn’t want to come, well he did but you know, i’m the city one in the family. maybe if i invite him on a rocketship to the moon he’ll be interested in that or maybe he’ll be busy that day too? hahaha.
best part and then i kept saying to everyone as my conversation starter, gesturing to this madness, “this is the best part.” what? THIS IS THE BEST PART! i’m going to get some new conversation starters. or just stop talking to people. lindsay was trying to talk to me at one point and i just went silent cos josh came up to us at the bar and i was like this is it, the moment is here, lindsay i’m sorry but i can’t talk to you right now. by the way, she and claire, look amazing. emma was there too.
they read my blog and are up to date on everything. i was shocked. my friends read my blog but never talk to me. i am so isolated and exposed. i should just live in a cage in a queen west store front for a month and blog there, date there.
i pointed out these cats ad said now they are so totally living the dream well they purport it much like i do with this blog and my life, they are rock and roll 24/7 incarnate. see how that guy is so severely holding on to the gate? he needs to meet josh hommes. that girl is an actual penny lane entourage. i am not that committed to rock and roll, each band is its own country and citizens have rank, kind of like how i heard how burning man invented mayors and retarded titles for authority needy hippies, where was i? oh i was drunk that’s right anyway this girl cockblocked my josh hommes chances and i heard another dude specifically say right into my face and josh’s hey, another (baby) on the way eh like stay away platinum predator so i was like fuuuuck and threw in the towel finally at that point so darius and i could drunk eat.
he said did you get your pictures of the aftermath trash i like those ones. see? someone FINALLY understands the importance of my work here and moreover, appreciates it.
clinger beside him is the same gate squeezer he would not leave him alone. i have no idea how anyone is actually connected this is just the reality i invented from what i observed because we all know i “do” “this”. i was staring at josh like i had staring problems until he was forced to look at me oh yes, i went psycho. but then when he looked into my swedish acorn (go with it) beaming welsh eyes he liked it. i gave a very excruciatingly subtle nod and didn’t break eye contact. i knew it was a losing battle. later when i was trying to get a picture i actually poked at his arm ten times and he just let me do that. i did it like you would your older brother. that’s when i became unsexy and just annoying then we left.
i knew he would give me a shot, here we are doing it. i interpret it as a i can’t do you but i would do you so here you go. darius has all kinds of theories over this moment hopefully he’ll leave them in the comments without omitting any detail. he said he was intrigued by us, me especially obvs and this is the part when i think darius cock blocked me. oh well. i tried as sneakily as i could.
i got my phone ready and lindsay took this. he was smoking a marlboro red. i told wendy to check my twitter and she said that i looked better than him omg. i was totally in lust while watching him play. i was totally shitfaced but i went like there is no divide between celebrity rock world and myself i am going in for the kill here i actually tried and i got pretty far i think. makes me realize that if i applied all this effort to more worthwhile pursuits like being donald trump instead of donald tramp i might have my own house in the palisades sometime soon if that reality existed, the reality of effort, like if i went to university instead of being a shithead. did i say i kept my shot glass? it was grey goose too. the bartender was like are you in the band to the leader of the band and he was SO humble about it i go, uh, he IS the band. she was a gina. she knew not what she did.
tonight is my last night of being 27. who wants to wine dine 69 me?
emma is the best. the drunker she gets the more i cannot at all understand what the fuck she is saying, strong manchester accent (please say it’s manchester)(or welsh?) anyway her hair is amazing and perfect and i accused her of being a perfectionist. she sails boats i mean, come the fuck on right? check this pic of us from the week before i cut all my hair off.
that’s a recipe for a hilarious sitcom right there right?
