me this morning aka WHY IS RAYMI AWAKE THIS EARLY? EDITION. passport office dealings with finally. i paid extra to have it ready by the 9th. pick-up. the mail may or may not be striking, which was the glitch i stumbled upon saturday amid cuckoo bananas errands afternooning. having a trip booked looming over you without your docs in order, uhmm, stressful. real people stuff is hard.
yesterday morning chez le motion room. going to be after some new gym duds all around new fitness attire (HOOK IT UP) as i have shrunken and am swimming in loose lycra and i want to show my flat gymnast physique off and like save babies from burning buildings and shit.
i have gone over in my head how to address this or whether to numerous times and have come to the conclusion that “i don’t give a” is the best route and maybe nevermind? no i didn’t eat the whopper but it was amazing to see a man walk up to you with a shopping bag full of whoppers. hey, you gotta make friends somehow.
pre mac was weirded out by teacher’s face. she is used to his glasses. i have been championing face time all along so it’s nothing new to me now. well, to be honest, i rock a bit of shyness so i don’t stare at people i spend a lot of time with in the face much, maybe some quick sneaks here or there but i don’t make habit of staring problems OH MY GOD YOU COMPLETE ME LET ME STAAAAAAARE INTO THE VERY BELLY OF YOUR SOUL (unless i am on mdma). so hi face, with me now, is like, yeah i know, finally, thaynks. i know i sound like a monster and that is because i am. but he’s annoying too ok. we’re starting to turn on each other cos we don’t spend any time apart.
and i am turning into an adorable potato with a ponytail. i tame ponies bareback and i have a whip. sorry i think the diet redbull and grapefruit and coffees are making me a little erratic.
i tan too easly. that is bad. that means my skin isn’t strong. it means i have to move to miami. i am fine with that. i’ll look good as leather. ahahah ew!
i like when he looks slavic. it makes me think i am always on vacation or involved with a gangster. i assume everyone european is up to no good on the sly. fucking hot! at the passport office when we were looking at my old one where i look like a natasha straight from interpol i started making that joke and then stopped. dude was nice as hell and approved my photos which might cut my hair off a bit, a no no. i also stopped at saying i got them done in a variety store. legit licensed passport photog so no worries.
i am a salad snob. this was good enough. pear walnut some kind of cheese arugula, not mind blowing, not bad either. my trainer went here with his wife two fridays ago, we suggested reserving cos it would be slammed. he did and it was. they had a good time. i’ve only ever been here to eat once before, with the beast.
cheese board. teacher liked cowbell better. he is a food snob now. he is a legit snob to begin with but loves the opportunity to BE that, and more. i’m like woooooah now what? yeah i liked cowbell’s better. made me realize how nice i am maybe, a yes girl lots and where is that getting me, huh!? where!? (remember i am having an identity crisis right meow).
espresso poured over chocolate ice cream, gelati? i dunno but i could see through time pupils instantly dilated and your report that’s due tomorrow i did it yesterday and wrote 40 blog posts in a second. major pick-me-up.
teacher’s visa was left at rhino (that hole)(that i had been bashing the night prior on twitter lol great one baby) i’m like great now they can find us and THEN the genius leaves it behind. i call them from the table here, it’s there, and we picked it up on our way home with the cab outside and the meter off cos i coo’d southern belle innocence at the driver. i am a detective.
new tray, table cloth and jug for upstairs. you have to climb two flights of stairs up and down again to the kitchen to bbq to loungers and back again so i want lots of pretty trays.
and then i was starting to pass out on the couch, it wasn’t even 9 blaaha bold face lie i cannot even tell time and look at the big giant clock up there, to me, 10.30 may as well be 9pm, early. whatever. maybe. too early to be cool. so i get up and at ‘em and say maybe i should put on that raggedy anne outfit if you go get it for me. he moved so fast i think he teleported himself there and back again.
i think he has better pics, i’ll check afterward. i wanted to get one i actually liked to tweet tease but wasn’t happy with anything (tired delirium) so eventually he looks at me and says (STUPIDLY!) (tired of snapping photos) this is boring.
oh really. it is? i’m sitting at the other end of the couch from him (granted he did take some pics with his iphone to appease me) but yeah, in the future if you feel like telling a chick in a disney princess sex costume that “this is boring” you might want to have your head examined.
i felt stupid and pride stung (not really just an opportunity to start and win a fight) so i sat forward and began unzipping my minnie mouse clown suit and he was like UH OH. ahahahhaha. i was not about to have a showdown dressed like minnie fucking mouse.
see? i look like shit. how often do you wear a dumb dress like this? never. we bought it weeks ago. of course i want to exploit myself in it on my blog tomorrow morning and that photo is not good enough. another please.
and here? goddamn comatose. unusable (using anyway to prove point). i am totally almost zonked out like kurt cobain nodding off on heroin during a rolling stone shoot. it happened. see how i am tired from my life? now that i am fit i am going to just sit around like a useless statue in an apron and only get up or flinch if someone calls my name otherwise, zzzzz. he wishes i got the bee on which also coincidentally on saturday there’s a bee party up in the sticks that madysin is having. kid will be there dude i don’t think that outfit would be appropes.
ugh glad that’s over. muggy and hot and babies screaming everywhere. my clerk was the best though hi michael!
tomorrow i am going to the new style exchange at the eaton center (between 2-5pm) i love that store, they have everything. had a $500 shopping spree on new year’s eve at their montreal location. rabbit fur vest $160, docs also $160 and a onesie jumper. shared the rest with my entourage. i am pumped they have a location here as i have given up on fashion. come with me afterward we can get DTD at jack astors or whatever that place that looks over YDS is. gift bags!
ps. you can comment during the day free of registration. at night i turn that back on cos of spam. i want this blog to get it to fuckingether arg!
*re: fear – they don’t actually say that, i just made it up on the spot cos i can ad lib like a mawfuhcka. i’m sure someone’s said it at some point in time before. anything can be a motivating factor in life, that saying is endless and limitless but only if you say it in a euro accent like me or milla’s voice in zoolander. i think the video from above is friday’s work? guh! i just don’t know anymore i live in a vacuum that makes groundhog day look like a century’s worth of daily variety.
i can’t sell this shirt. it’s the only one i have here. i am wearing it to a meeting later on and i wore it last night. just kidding i’ll wear DIFFERENT rags later.
face pick attack daywear. i have my cardigan buttoned up over my cranium and the hat on to keep it in place with one button undone to see my monitor. smart. i am jungle-ready, desert equipped.
he’s trying to pin it on me that i can’t “find him” in photos when in all actuality, he just over poses. it’s taken me a decade to get it right and i still end up looking ridiculous most times. just kidding, i am awesome and nail it in every shot. ok my next vlogstar will be a photo pose tutorial. teacher goes to school sans specs now i bet the girls are perving out. he told me he calls his students monkeys until the last 2 weeks (twelves) then he refers to them as humans. i said i would HATE him as my teacher, as i was actively “human” in highschool getting my mack on with adults secret lifestyles and then to be undermined by some scenester teacher? fuh-ck that.
i look like shit and rightly so, this weekend was quite boozy and sunny. it feels like it was only yesterday still. thanks to fake monday, tuesday, being yesterday. i’ve been wearing scarves for coats lately. mel said it’s the best accessory in paris, coincidentally. also it glams up my shit show of an i don’t give-a outfits. burlap sack? scarf it up! ready to roll.
holiday monday deadsville. way better than all the other places along king that i’ve dumbly gone to on a holiday industry night worst ever evening for eating out. our waiter was a bit mangled too, fucking with us slightly, then thought i was flirting with him so commenced hovering me good and plenty. we were tweaked to begin with so it weirded us out and got annoying. i should no longer be permitted to speak to servers.
teacher has an aversion to shrimp and seafood, it’s an oshawa thing probably. he grew up eating dirt rocks and twigs ahahaehhe kidding. picky eaters and me (will eat anything) oh boy, work in progress.
this wasn’t it. two fridays ago maybe. i think i just discovered another folder of retarded black out friday videos. stay tuned for raymi’s gulag orkestar ahaha but for now, it’s sideways world and more black keys.
bands are starting to email me and request i dance to their songs. yep.
every year about this time, i have a nice little identity crisis. hey what’s up with that? lets check in with my mentals shall we then?
blaaaaaaah wah. i noticed it when i was a kid, it’s like, a kind of FOMO (fear of missing out) when summertime rolls around, like i’ve been sleeping all winter and everyone’s out on water slides without me now cos i didn’t get my shit together in time. i’m not exactly feeling that, more so personal life who am i what am i when am i questions. do not watch morning glory if you’re feeling anything like me right now. rachel mcadams plays a 28 year old career-obsessaphobe unraveling by stress and aghhh it was not at all escapist to watch especially with old fogey harrison ford’s debbie downering all over the place, proud has been styles dude shut up, please.
but i have a solution for it, one part of which is to stop whining and start enjoying my life. i have a friend who is 2000% more uptight perfectionist than me and another friend said it’s said they can’t enjoy their life, one of which we consider to be all peas and carrots and perfect and beautiful and ours to be suffering in comparison. everyone wants what others have got, the grass seems greener. once in awhile you have to step over the fence and see for yourself, it’s the only way to change it up even though the outcome could be drastic. i am a fan of change, i see it as positive and people who whine about their predicament and yet do NOTHING about it for years, get out of my way and lose my number. i’m holding it together as much as is possible and i need all the energy available to me to be driven and excel. if i am fat i will work to be thin. if i am broke i will work to make a buck. if i don’t like who i am with i will leave him. if you can’t save yourself then what makes you think i care?
YIKES watch out and duck today. i think the sun and fresh air is making a monster out of me.
the patio is making it very difficult to get anything done. no captions here brah. sorry. mel’s over and i’m starving now. wings or burgers tonight? bad girl.
i like that i told her i was a firework expert while teacher was lying about having a permit. he is way snottier than i am, we are going to have to have a discussion about how we deal with people in drunken situations where we are in the wrong (despite the other party just being a busy body) cos you never know right.
she’s prez of the condo board (i thought these were townhouses) and her dog is gay with curly poodly hair. i also loved the timing of her approach especially when i go it’s not even pointed at the houses (meanwhile i was pointing EVERY firework directly AT the houses, i couldn’t stop hahaha i didn’t want to point them up at my face as i was lighting them) one lit up and fired a huge plume of red rockets over at the townhouses AS i said they aren’t being directed over there. great. she just looks up at my fire arc and says nothing ahahaha. i think she might have been a comedian cos every thing i said was punctured by an example of the opposite of what i said. perfect comedic timing, that.
this is public space, city space, the condos do not own the park. that’s the point teacher wanted to make but he was too busy arguing physics (seriously let me handle it next time babe) she realized her arguments with us were futile so she left, but not before she said I AM PISSED.
uh cool thanks for letting us know, i’ll put it on my blog. WOMAN: ANGRY. anything else? two seconds later KABOOM! shawn blasts one off right behind her back. fucking beautiful. what actually happened was, the cops came to CONGRATULATE US for being ha-la-ree-us. they did. i’m going for my medal tomorrow. it’s true. i swear on the rapture.
i set off THE huge firework, maybe next time i will read the label first cos i didn’t know it was the finale firework. it was one of those asteroid white sparkle propane factory explosion sounding beasts and it scared the shit out of everybody, total deafening silence then the entire neighbourhood cheers like wild. makes ya feel awesome. followed by wimpy zingers and roman candles, one blasted a parachute of silver rainbow ribbons, so pretty. that’s when the cops came we were dancing and running with it then it’s in my dad’s hands and i go haha dad the po po is here and he splits! classic.
there’s an accidental 11 minute audio recording of our kitchen hi-jinx. in it, my dad is messing with the cat, gets attacked, admits it was his fault, we eat cake, drink veuve, everyone is talking at once. i say (in mega-slurry voice) dad you’re a shit show, brother (inebriated) says, “dad, linda’s driving.” dad goes how am i a shit show? there’s tons of scary pocket rustling noises, cheersing, gibberish, music, yelling, laughing. it’s cool actually i may use it at some point for something.
it was cool when we were all holding it like a flag/banner, the wind caught it like a sail. so pretty. no photos of that perfection obviously (thanks). sometimes fun time turns into not fun time when i am like TAKE A PICTURE why can’t everyone be on the ball about things like me? then you start recording and it’s all crap. get the moment and don’t make me have to ask, just do it. GOD PEOPLE. sometimes at the gym i’ll yell at my colleague to come take my picture when he’s off capturing astroturf or other stupid shit no one cares about HELLO OVER HERE ME! FLEXING! SWEATING! DUHH! i am surrounded by idiots.
i need stress pills. i am going to an early grave by way of heart disease if i don’t lighten the hell up. back with more shortly. melodie is on her way over! back from gay paris! haha that would be perez.
