*re: fear – they don’t actually say that, i just made it up on the spot cos i can ad lib like a mawfuhcka. i’m sure someone’s said it at some point in time before. anything can be a motivating factor in life, that saying is endless and limitless but only if you say it in a euro accent like me or milla’s voice in zoolander. i think the video from above is friday’s work? guh! i just don’t know anymore i live in a vacuum that makes groundhog day look like a century’s worth of daily variety.
i can’t sell this shirt. it’s the only one i have here. i am wearing it to a meeting later on and i wore it last night. just kidding i’ll wear DIFFERENT rags later.
face pick attack daywear. i have my cardigan buttoned up over my cranium and the hat on to keep it in place with one button undone to see my monitor. smart. i am jungle-ready, desert equipped.
he’s trying to pin it on me that i can’t “find him” in photos when in all actuality, he just over poses. it’s taken me a decade to get it right and i still end up looking ridiculous most times. just kidding, i am awesome and nail it in every shot. ok my next vlogstar will be a photo pose tutorial. teacher goes to school sans specs now i bet the girls are perving out. he told me he calls his students monkeys until the last 2 weeks (twelves) then he refers to them as humans. i said i would HATE him as my teacher, as i was actively “human” in highschool getting my mack on with adults secret lifestyles and then to be undermined by some scenester teacher? fuh-ck that.
i look like shit and rightly so, this weekend was quite boozy and sunny. it feels like it was only yesterday still. thanks to fake monday, tuesday, being yesterday. i’ve been wearing scarves for coats lately. mel said it’s the best accessory in paris, coincidentally. also it glams up my shit show of an i don’t give-a outfits. burlap sack? scarf it up! ready to roll.
holiday monday deadsville. way better than all the other places along king that i’ve dumbly gone to on a holiday industry night worst ever evening for eating out. our waiter was a bit mangled too, fucking with us slightly, then thought i was flirting with him so commenced hovering me good and plenty. we were tweaked to begin with so it weirded us out and got annoying. i should no longer be permitted to speak to servers.
teacher has an aversion to shrimp and seafood, it’s an oshawa thing probably. he grew up eating dirt rocks and twigs ahahaehhe kidding. picky eaters and me (will eat anything) oh boy, work in progress.
this wasn’t it. two fridays ago maybe. i think i just discovered another folder of retarded black out friday videos. stay tuned for raymi’s gulag orkestar ahaha but for now, it’s sideways world and more black keys.
bands are starting to email me and request i dance to their songs. yep.
every year about this time, i have a nice little identity crisis. hey what’s up with that? lets check in with my mentals shall we then?
blaaaaaaah wah. i noticed it when i was a kid, it’s like, a kind of FOMO (fear of missing out) when summertime rolls around, like i’ve been sleeping all winter and everyone’s out on water slides without me now cos i didn’t get my shit together in time. i’m not exactly feeling that, more so personal life who am i what am i when am i questions. do not watch morning glory if you’re feeling anything like me right now. rachel mcadams plays a 28 year old career-obsessaphobe unraveling by stress and aghhh it was not at all escapist to watch especially with old fogey harrison ford’s debbie downering all over the place, proud has been styles dude shut up, please.
but i have a solution for it, one part of which is to stop whining and start enjoying my life. i have a friend who is 2000% more uptight perfectionist than me and another friend said it’s said they can’t enjoy their life, one of which we consider to be all peas and carrots and perfect and beautiful and ours to be suffering in comparison. everyone wants what others have got, the grass seems greener. once in awhile you have to step over the fence and see for yourself, it’s the only way to change it up even though the outcome could be drastic. i am a fan of change, i see it as positive and people who whine about their predicament and yet do NOTHING about it for years, get out of my way and lose my number. i’m holding it together as much as is possible and i need all the energy available to me to be driven and excel. if i am fat i will work to be thin. if i am broke i will work to make a buck. if i don’t like who i am with i will leave him. if you can’t save yourself then what makes you think i care?
YIKES watch out and duck today. i think the sun and fresh air is making a monster out of me.
the patio is making it very difficult to get anything done. no captions here brah. sorry. mel’s over and i’m starving now. wings or burgers tonight? bad girl.
i like that i told her i was a firework expert while teacher was lying about having a permit. he is way snottier than i am, we are going to have to have a discussion about how we deal with people in drunken situations where we are in the wrong (despite the other party just being a busy body) cos you never know right.
she’s prez of the condo board (i thought these were townhouses) and her dog is gay with curly poodly hair. i also loved the timing of her approach especially when i go it’s not even pointed at the houses (meanwhile i was pointing EVERY firework directly AT the houses, i couldn’t stop hahaha i didn’t want to point them up at my face as i was lighting them) one lit up and fired a huge plume of red rockets over at the townhouses AS i said they aren’t being directed over there. great. she just looks up at my fire arc and says nothing ahahaha. i think she might have been a comedian cos every thing i said was punctured by an example of the opposite of what i said. perfect comedic timing, that.
this is public space, city space, the condos do not own the park. that’s the point teacher wanted to make but he was too busy arguing physics (seriously let me handle it next time babe) she realized her arguments with us were futile so she left, but not before she said I AM PISSED.
uh cool thanks for letting us know, i’ll put it on my blog. WOMAN: ANGRY. anything else? two seconds later KABOOM! shawn blasts one off right behind her back. fucking beautiful. what actually happened was, the cops came to CONGRATULATE US for being ha-la-ree-us. they did. i’m going for my medal tomorrow. it’s true. i swear on the rapture.
i set off THE huge firework, maybe next time i will read the label first cos i didn’t know it was the finale firework. it was one of those asteroid white sparkle propane factory explosion sounding beasts and it scared the shit out of everybody, total deafening silence then the entire neighbourhood cheers like wild. makes ya feel awesome. followed by wimpy zingers and roman candles, one blasted a parachute of silver rainbow ribbons, so pretty. that’s when the cops came we were dancing and running with it then it’s in my dad’s hands and i go haha dad the po po is here and he splits! classic.
there’s an accidental 11 minute audio recording of our kitchen hi-jinx. in it, my dad is messing with the cat, gets attacked, admits it was his fault, we eat cake, drink veuve, everyone is talking at once. i say (in mega-slurry voice) dad you’re a shit show, brother (inebriated) says, “dad, linda’s driving.” dad goes how am i a shit show? there’s tons of scary pocket rustling noises, cheersing, gibberish, music, yelling, laughing. it’s cool actually i may use it at some point for something.
it was cool when we were all holding it like a flag/banner, the wind caught it like a sail. so pretty. no photos of that perfection obviously (thanks). sometimes fun time turns into not fun time when i am like TAKE A PICTURE why can’t everyone be on the ball about things like me? then you start recording and it’s all crap. get the moment and don’t make me have to ask, just do it. GOD PEOPLE. sometimes at the gym i’ll yell at my colleague to come take my picture when he’s off capturing astroturf or other stupid shit no one cares about HELLO OVER HERE ME! FLEXING! SWEATING! DUHH! i am surrounded by idiots.
i need stress pills. i am going to an early grave by way of heart disease if i don’t lighten the hell up. back with more shortly. melodie is on her way over! back from gay paris! haha that would be perez.
ps. do you want to learn how to make a cake? i do. i want to learn how to do everything EVERYTHING. inclusive of that would be cake making obviously, i wouldn’t be perfect if i couldn’t make a huge retarded cake and i will be learning from the very best of the best Carole of Carole’s Cheesecake fame. i think you should come too. it will be covered (photographed) (the class i attend) JUNE 8 and JUNE 15 are your dates to select from AND you leave with a cake, doesn’t have to be the crappy cake you make necessarily, leave with one carole made and then say you made it, why not, you paid for the class right? people pay for lies all the time i imagine. anyway all the info is on her site. i am excited. good activity and experience for you and your mom or girl’s day thing, gourmet cheesecakes? come on. don’t even. michael will be there (carole’s husband) and he reads my blog everyday, so this means he has exceptional taste. you must meet him.
date night last night. every night is date night with princess pants right? we went to spice route to douche watch. there weren’t many to watch unfortunately. only when i looked in my purse mirror HAY-O!
