don’t get too attached to this painting i’m mailing it soon to lesliebian. i brought it here to guilt/force myself to do it. am i the only one who finds shipping and handling to be utterly annoying? when will there be a service that comes to your house when you call or email and say hey i have a lamp please bring your van full of bubble wrap, package accordingly and get the heck out of here like i have a maytag box kicking around to restructure into a suitable package. am i right? and, like i want to do that anyway. can someone go onto dragon’s den please and make this business happen? all you need is a van and then you drive to the post office. done. you can call your company the middleman or something cute stupid like that.
the absolute only reason why i pierced my ears or wanted to get them done so late in life (five months ago!) was to exclusively wear feather earrings because of this video.
i have absolutely zero shame in my love of top forty garbage. i’ll unearth my rants about it if i have any energy left after writing this pile of crap. FOUND IT READ IT AND COMMIT TO MEMORY.
many styles of feathers to choose from i held them all up to my face and knew these were the ones, kinda thundercats. i wanted a natural colour not bird-like peacock vibrant. i want to look like an animal woman, with fur/feathers growing out of me like the phoenix in the kanye runaway video.
and my shirt, an homage to dazed and confused AIR RAID YOU FRESHMEN BITCHES! it was a hit at steamwhistle people (drunk baseball fans) kept yelling seniors! at me and i was so clued out, then i got it and rolled with it. oh the jokes i can get out of this one. obvs photobooth makes me backward, and the room.
finally did them. they say not to wear for more than 7 days which i guess means i destroyed my nails. oh well. my minx nail tech will fix me up afterward. anyway, i somehow did this totally wasted, one hand only at first, super easy. just did the other hand now.
i party hair fidget. it’s at that length that it’s long enough to see when i look down so i’m more aware of it, i see it and then go oh hello, lets have a hair sweep over that shoulder right there, yeah that’s the spot, no? not good enough. satisfied? ok i’ll just tussle you a little bit here while nodding and put you right back to how you were in the first place. then lets do this 34565 times for the rest of the day.
i am SO wearing the hell out of this hat come winter. teacher has all kinds of wicked accessories a brit poppy dapper m’f’r might own. score.
i woke up and went out with how my hair was exactly as it was when i awoke, no brushing. my cowlick will be cut into a more streamlined layer brennen said it looks like i am wearing a hair hat. well, at least i am not wearing a weave. how mean is it to be jealous of other blonds with longer hair, that makes them prettier cos mermaids are always prettier, but you know it’s extensions. dilemma. i guess look at it as plastic surgery or wearing makeup? verdict: don’t be an asshole or say anything.
i got another pair of cutie patootie shorts from UO. show ya later. i am so pumped little shorts are in. summer shopping depresses me and stresses me out it’s like lying in bed staring at the ceiling panic, i don’t think there is anything in the city made for ME! omg summer is ruined! totally right?
loved this. on the right was my bible while reading it (he never replied by the way i might email him ONE last chance tucker max you asshole) and then on the left we have my pedigree.
i wish UO didn’t rip everyone’s designs off all the time and overprice everythang. we suicide shopped between there and AA and it was not enjoyable. to shop under duress, hung, stressed, timelined, bitchy lazy hipsters sneering at you, while sleigh bells is jacked to eleven i had style exchange montreal crushf–d flashbacks. we almost hung raged on a chick at AA. like honestly, someone’s gonna get a fat lip from me one of these days if these mouthy 20 year olds don’t smarten the eff up and respect thy elder.
cabbing to the pier. jason was texting me the boat’s leaving we were inches away. when i tell a cab driver to speed what i really mean is drive on sidewalks and on two wheels and get my ass there i will pay double. they never do it though. i am a cab whisperer, i’ll have my hand on the door handle and before even getting in i know he’s a slow driver or a prick, sometimes i’ll next ‘em and close the door. they love that. i love the ones that eavesdrop in on your soap opera.
which teacher and i had yesterday en route back to the tower to clean it up for a little “to-do” cab drivers get to hear the most personal of things and i don’t care, where is it gonna go? i’ve had drivers so immersed in my drama they drive way passed our destination, and of course i’m not paying any attention anyway cos a heart to heart is happening in the backseat. they turn the meter off at that point. these are the cab ride days of our lives.
we could have water taxi’d to it but that would be embarrassing. darius is like what am i a sultan? too much attention no thank yew. there’s one on june 24 or something, i’ll be in south beach july 1/4 so not able to go for those oh well. at least we got up and out with nice outfits. the lisas coulda gone on they made it in time but the day was about hanging as a pack so we stayed on land.
i couldn’t finish this. i asked if they had champagne, waitress said they didn’t. they did. no baby didn’t flip out or say i told you so. even though she made our skin crawl down our faces waiting for service. then a beautiful bollywood cast came in all in amazing futuristic euro fashions. i was in a makeup competition with one of the girls, we kept looking at each other like two cupcakes haha. omg her eye makeup was awesome and their one token white friend was wearing guy-liner too. hi can we have your life today what the hell is your back story, so intrigued! people should pass notes to each other in restaurants. YES WE ARE ON A DATE or I’M IN TOWN FOR ONE WEEK ON A BENDER DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME BLOW?
some people at steamwhistle asked me if these were some namebrand, perrys? please no way guy, with fads/trends until you settle on the style and are sure of it, you go no name, then when ready, splash on expensive conformity.
butt cleave underoos from AA. need a pair in every colour.
you can see on my back splotches. that’s total pigment loss and why i won’t tan my back because it will be more pronounced so i’m going to look like a weirdo all summer long, brown in the front, ghost in the back.
oh, and as for the name of this post, i’ve decided to burlesque dance again and this time as myself: RAYMI THE MINX. no brainer, duh? i will require a few girls but yeah, soon, sometime this summer, raymi the minx will be strip teasing von teese style. i danced on the bar at Motel last night in my jeans running shoes and seniors shirt (like tracey rock of love) and then all the girls copied me coyote ugly ugh but i stood out the most because i had the best moves. i’m really good and when i break out of my shyness, it works. what venue would i do this at? somewhere classy, tattoo’s stage is nice and has an actual stripper pole so hmmmm. ps. i will wear a minx tail too.
i’m actually in the middle of a panic attack here. it was a very humid day, stressful day, so i sequestered myself to the rehearsal space while the girls had break in the back. blasting tunes and being constructive helps anxiety, and then it goes away, and then you have a video like this.
strung out sunday begins, see you in Burnoutington!
ok remember how i keep pestering you about the Carole’s Cheesecake Cake Baking + Cooking Evening with Carole and Michael THIS WEDNESDAY JUNE 15 6-9PM? well there’s that but also groupon launched a deal at 3am for CCC and it’s selling like gangbusters (so far 529 bought in 8 hours) you can access the coupon there i don’t have a direct funnel link so there’s no point or ability to track analytics but anyway, THIS WEDNESDAY JUNE 15 at Carole’s Cheesecake i will be making my own damn cake and i will give it to my dad for father’s day the weekend after! yay go me best daughter ever. so my little foodielites i’d love for you to join us, i cannot wait.
i’m sweaty and gross as hell but strong like bull! tyler gives me a spin halfway through.
ok allow these to make up for the gross. i’ll be wearing this tonight at adventurehouse at salvador darling and i’m mouthy as hell right now so you should probably come by for a piece of that.
grabbed a few thangs from advhaus. don’t forget we are having our monthly party tonight at salvador darling, my little darlings. 1237 queen street west.
thankfully i did my grabbing clothed as walter the landlord tore all the winter plastic off the tickle trunk’s windows, i waved to him, startled him i think. cool timing. today was a great workout colleague and i did the buddy system and i full on SCHOOLED HIS ASS tapping out the end of the session by dragging tyler on the sled. filmed it. i could probably beat up your boyfriend. yes that is a threat. haha.
he was a rowdy one and i liked that a lot, couldn’t tell if the sleeves were just torn right off or a shitty job of hemming the jacket was done. custom-made, a DIY project?
and then i was offended by james joyce that f–ing sexist asshole. women HAVE emotions and yeah the majority of them (us) do fly off the emotional handle but that’s only because men make us f–ing insane! intellect my ass, more like self-serving domineering garbage. haha.
i liked their party promotion campaign. cool branding will always supersede self-proclaimed social media expertise. did anyone know of this party on twitter? doubt it.
melodie said she liked that my roots were coming in. that is such a melodie thing to say and a princess raymi no way. counting down days til my hair appt.
mish-mash post! meet carmen. jill and tyler’s third girl. i wonder if tyler has become more of a sensitive man as a result of all that femininity running around.
the pee pee pose makes your gams look awesome. oh wait, they look awesome no matter the pose. i’m going tina turner, all about the legs. even in alaska. LEGS!
taking darius to a cruise party tomorrow on a beautiful boat that fits 150 on it. will be an ice cream social. i don’t care how hungover we collectively are. BIG SUNGLASSES and BIG SMILES! we will be dressed accordingly on this beautiful vessel called the MARIPOSA BELLE.
i made this tuesday night for dinner. turkey sausage is healthiest. do NOT ever buy soy sour cream. SO disgusting. come over and have some, be my guest. bring your own spew bucket. ugh it’s making my stomach roller coaster just thinking about it. like when i had a maple sugar candy or orange chocolate. barf le barf.
that jerk powder has no heat so i dumped a ton of habanero (homemade!) sauce in this batch and it got the better of me the next day on its way out. i think our citywide hot sauce competition will be a two-parter, the going in and the are-you-man-enough going out.
and so, it appears i may be moving in. i was freaking out about it, all the cat hair, three animals plus two humans ack! maybe lady garbage can go back to the garbage? (i would NEVER fyi) but then i noticed (was reminded) that they are besties and i may have shed a little metaphorical tear. teacher is sensitive about my alleged disdain for lady garbage, no i don’t hate her she’s just, if i had to choose, HAD TO key words, it’d be her and then i would cry for days over guilt omg i think i just got my period. do you think emotions can trigger your cycle, jumpstart it? likely not cos if that were true i’d be on my period all the time right james joyce?
red flag dropped off my chairs it’s all happening man. match the couch perfectly. speaking of have to decide where to put all my shit. i have enough time to sort it out.
watching her crawl out of this was funny, i think everyone in the universe has this ikea laundry slinky, it flattens into nothing, which is what she learned when climbing out her arms were on the ground on the outside of the accordion then it SPRANG UP super wicked comically fast and her entire body was extended, legs still clung/attached to the edge. she looked at me like WTFFFF????! i just shrugged. cats are so curious, they gotta learn on their own.
stella and i experienced a FIRST together. teacher never ties her up cos he thinks she’ll be stolen. no f-ing way someone would steal a dog run up to them by a turbo platinum bombshell asshole by the time they could even make it around a corner their torso would be separated from their hips, by me, barehanded. anyway, i tied her up, she turned into a statue, got my beans ground, americano and off we went like the royals of libville that we are.
is it bad that after 3ish months i still don’t know what this cat’s actual name is? more like awesome bad. she loves this chair and is dozing in it now. nerd.
omg soo yeon lee crush. i party stalked her but didn’t have the nards to say hi. i busted her looking at me a few times, but maybe that’s because i was staring at her like i had staring problems. remember when that was a huge burn?
how do you navigate (at parties) a hamburger, a drink, your phone and purse? this moment almost made us break up (j/k) cos my f–ing stevie nicks bat dress kept tucking into my pocket when i was trying to jam my phone in it and there wasn’t a ledge near us and we were in the middle of a cold war with one another and the polite patient server, omg the longest 15 seconds of my liiiiife.
she’s so tiny i had to shuffle aside a few to capture her cos the beam totally hid her from me. how creepy does hid her from me sound? black tshirt with her was like her show pony ponger which makes sense, if she’s so good yet has to play a normie always battin’ the ball on to the floor it doesn’t give her a chance to flex her skill-set.
i saw on her twitter that she was sore from all this high heel ping ponging. worth it dude you looked solid. then friggin’ thelma and louise showed up (no, they really did and we missed them).
teach had onion soup. said if i want to get in the good books to make this. so easy, challenge accepted, i’ll just have to get in to some trouble first. there’s a food p0rny vid of this soup’s massacre.
orange and pink look so lovely together and that’s spa water, infused with cukes. delicious. going to start doing that. like right NOW in fact there’s a cute blue pitcher and a cucumber here. done.
tyler you’re gonna have to tell me some of this recipe again. he did two chickens, this was the one he left the skin on, so moist, smoked it with bacon? i like how chicken isn’t good enough, eternally inferior, inject it with something better. don’t start vegetarians. i will eat you.
the whole spread. tyler is a foodie like, is that a chef or a drummer, foodie. i met him at the horseshoe’s 60th anniversary party, drunk bravery is how i approached him, gave him my card. when you can muse a celebrity you know you’re a good blogger. a friend went over to him afterward, ploughed, plastered, comes back to me, i say, didja blow it? you blew it? she grins like the cheshire, yeah, i blew it sorry raymi.
he emailed me when i was in new orleans shortly thereafter, recommending a resto and a chef to say hello to but by that day (my last) we were DONE eating or anything involving the outside of our hotel room. he goes back lots so maybe we can time a trip.
but anyway, my friend didn’t blow it! uncle tyler started reading raymbo’s blog secretly (don’t they all?) realizing intelligently that i am a scholar, poet laureate, trailblazer and invited us over to his pool, was that the first time we hung out for real? think so. or no we went to his show at the dakota, right after “the change” of the band happened.
we had a lovely lunch, jill (mrs. stewart)(though they’re so progressive prolly goes by maiden name i love her) wandered in and out with the newest addition to the clan, baby carmen.
i shovel as fast as i can (post gym munchies, jill says drink lots of water she’s a fitness freak too) while tyler hides the house white, from james, seeing this photograph.
teacher bought a bottle of this for me yesterday (tyler it’s $2 off right now, stock up) we shared it before going out to meet melodie at the after work party in libville, didn’t drink much yesterday once we got home finished watching devil’s advocate, owing teacher a nice watch if he hated it, i was so confident he’d love it i’d be in the clear but i wrote down my wager on a receipt and clipped it to the fridge. anyway i felt nauseous all night long, probably from nachos and it took me a long time to fall asleep, my body might be adjusting to no more iud, my hormones are retarded or i am pregnant already. standby for the announcement.
i called ahead to find out what colour the tablecloth was to know which bikini to wear. btw the bottoms of these are a small, i’d say i’ve graduated to medium for the time being (plus its shrunk in the dryer over the past year) so my apologies for looking like chris farley in underwear. trying to source a photo, it’s from tommy boy, you have more time than me so off you go.
you moments. take them. colleague had a billion other things on his plate that somehow managed to finish in order to hang with us a bit. even when you have a to do list so long you should still make time for yourself and deal with the chaos afterward. life’s too short guy.
at one point tyler looked at me wading around the pool and goes you are SO going to look like your mother. she will never get her hair wet when swimming either. my brother and i would always splash her when she would dog paddle by or jump cannon balls on to her ahhahaha i bet my parents wished at certain points of our upbringing that they could send us back. mom would have her hair blown out for the majority of our family vacation and try to prolong the style which we would have absolutely none of, it would begin innocently, mom, let me go on your back! swim me to the deep end while the other one jumps off a lawn chair at her. horrible kids. horribly hilarious kids.
our most favoured game once at some resort after watching all of the pay per view movies we could (which we got in shit for of course) while the folks were antiquing or some shit with nana and papa, shawn and i went down to the pool and re-enacted x-men until all other persons vacated the pool area. have you ever seen someone impersonate storm, wolverine, rogue and/or mystique while diving into a pool, and coming up with logan retracting bone claws out ready for a slash? i didn’t think so. i have no idea how we managed to avoid hospital visits based on how aggressive we were.
it’s 4.12pm thursday afternoon and i’ve finally hit the wall. i haven’t showered for the after work party in libville. if i had a real job there’s no way i could juggle having such an involved blog so it’s funny to me to be attending an after work party when my work involved sucking on a pot of coffee like a (princess) dirtbag with a hangover and the “real” work hasn’t even begun yet i’ve been cranking out material all damn day. i’m going to do this in instalments and live blog what’s going on in the background (no i’m not) as each update/addition to this super post arises.
as we were walking to the caddy to meet darius i said this is going to end in a bbq i know it which stressed me out cos the state of the roof, hostzilla was just dying to come out of her cage. turns out i was right but the bbq would not be chez “the tower” (does that name suck?) but instead a la rob’s. on hobbit tree trunk toadstools in his lush urban williamsburgesque back digs fire-escape included! (maje w’burg requirement aka hip). parkdale is to toronto what williamsburg is to brooklyn/nyc at large and now the rent is rising, much like williamsburg’s did so the new williamsburg i guess will be the junction, we’ll all be living so far west may as well live at my dad’s.
it is unfortunate that i cannot share the backstory of this photo with you in as gritty a detail as i would like. we’re at mezzrow’s and that is a clothespin in my hair and i really love tanning.
melodie your scarecrow jeans and hat and striped shirt are a perfect combo. girl can throw it together. when i first moved in those pants were loose on me, i was skeletor central. then i started working at THE central and got booze weight. ugh. not to mention suicidal. miss you guys!
now on to my grainy blueberry (haha blackberry i mean!) pics. i love how media always harshes on blackberry civillian reports. sorry if you were excluded from the xyz event and normies were on the scene and got the scoop, deal with it. it’s not like you can’t tell what’s going on in cell phone pics and the news/story is only true and real if a photographer was hired and sent with a professional camera. it just irks me. when everyone is running around with pro cameras what then buddy?
i was soaking the fork in meat juice. we were so barbaric and kept sawing away til it was gone then the chicken came out, i didn’t have any, so craving it now though.
the boys met teacher and bromanced it up. i was outnumbered by genitals and eventually declared i am not having any fun at all when i felt teamed up on.
all the way down the end you can see a girl in a long black maxi dress, boring and hot, they favoured her. when she left i was like, that one? seriously? i’ve seen plain bread more interesting than that. there were loads hotterer girls on the patio but i guess when the majority settles, it settles, no matter how much you protest. all our staring at her made a weird emo goth couple think we were staring at them like crazy. it’s great being a pisstank in the sun. when people get the first drink in them and start to think they’re invisible, like picking your nose in the car and then you start talking louder and more obnoxiously offending entire sections of patio ahhhhh tell me the hole and i am there.
al’s shirt matched my nail polish, i noticed the buttons were of good (thick) quality. when a guy puts on a pink shirt he is basically saying to the world “I want to get in to a fight” come on bring it. so true. the other day dan left us in his pink shirt to drive around in his convertible, now if that is not looking for a fight i don’t know what is. andrew was so livid (envious) he yelled at him as he was leaving TMR hahaha.
rob is such a dude and always throws out guy wisdom and v keen on the differences between men and women i am now recalling a chat just before we left that i brought up about how women (allegedly) are less secure of themselves when speaking so they’ll typically tack on a “you know?” or some form of looking for reassurance/validation whereas a man would just make the statement and stand by it even if it’s wrong, dudes stand by their word, strong as wood bullshit. i find that when i augment this apparent handicap of my gender when i am speaking with people, trying to land a deal, if you are more aware of it, you almost (saying almost in this sentence lesser emboldens what it is i am saying, see?) enter a realm of mind-control, your word becomes fact, solid, stone. anyway the point is rob built a manly-ass fire with his own bare hands no bells, whistles, or bullshit.
we took turns playing guitar (i cannot play guitar, i am hoping tyler will teach me drums or follow through with his band suggestion. i told my dad and i could hear my dad pleasure fainting over email) and drinking like merry old gypsies.
we are all saucaholics. al ran and got this from a portugeuese place, so delicious and mysterious. from caddy we divided to conquer the bbq. that we did. solid gold success going down in the PBC hall of fame autobiography.
mel and i were bristling over bbm then i ended up down the street from advhaus where i knew she was and would be a dickhead if didn’t call her over. i love this girl. it’s retarded how similar we are and challenge one another to be better, have one another’s back, keep our distance when required and no matter how much we clash it’s over instantly cos we know there isn’t a point to be enemies. as i age i become all about the village and community. be there for your people and they will be there for you. that’s why i am always touching melodie in pictures (i’m usually touching someone in every photo) in a kindred manner. girl just gays you right out. lately my thing with her well last night really was to just be me and when melodie wanted to debate my stance i just stayed true, no matter how offensive and racist i was being ahah.
i will look like this when i’m a fuzzy ol grandma with fuzzy wild hair. one day i bet i will be sponsored by depends and wrinkle cream. I BETTER BE! btw all the other bloggers doing shit for free? stop that. you are f-ing with my and your livelihood, if we cover the same shit repetitiously gratis, then what the f–? i think one day there’ll be a blogger’s union and all these emails for free shit placed on my (your) blog from PR companies making bank will recognize how insulting it is to email to do their work for free and expect free advertising. don’t even get me started on influence, target audiences and traffic. like you can send me free stuff but you won’t get a link or your ass kissed proper like you are wanting/expect, got it? if i get as much traffic (in some cases more) as “___” media blog why do they get paid and i’m not in your budget? so stupid. psst. for advertising inquiries raymi@raymitheminx.com especially since there’s been a study and findings revealing that bloggers are MORE influential than celebrities. that ping pong chick’s twitter has under 100 followers, she’s a model and a ping pong champion. i am nearing 2400 followers (granted my audience pre-date/will never be on twitter, nor follow me cos they hate me yet are addicted to my blog) and i am not a model or a ping pong champion. do they make an entire party devoted to me? no. will people buy things cos i say so? yes. CONUNDRUM. another thing. me being so racy and edgy and the city being so allegedly corporate and conservative? newsflash people, for the billionth time, this caustic edgy voice is what draws people here and you are falling into the ego-trap of not aligning with me cos of tits and f words. FAIL. next week i will be deep within the coolness vortex what is NXNE and this blog is going to be blowing the f up now, can your squeaky clean nerd bloggers bring it like i can/will/have access to? denied.
Welcome to Fascial Therapy at The Motion Room the latest service available at my favourite facility. Everything you need to know about FT can be gleaned from stretchtowin.com where it’s going, what it’s all about, in case you can’t follow along the raymi filtration system of verbal jargon and confusion.
my legs are dead here. dead weight. you must let go and let the trainer take over. allowing an external force to stretch for you is kind of a wild experience, separating your brain from your body and giving in. if you’re an over-thinker like me you must chill out. it feels awesome to let someone else jiggle your legs up and down for you, you feel it in your hips and lower back (butt) it’s a nice release. it requires trust, like a trust fall.
and learn to breathe, inhale push, exhale relax (dead weight) and then when you’re being touched all over (it gets personal) if you’re blushing or trying to act cool as a cucumber when you’re supposed to be inhaling and pushing, the simplest of duties (breathing) while lying on your back can become difficult, from that over-thinking again and from the maturity level of a third grader and blushing. while being photographed. ha.
inhaling and ninety degrees later i am on easy street. you’re already coasting on a post work-out high and this just pushes you right over into happy town.
your masseur speaks to you throughout in a calming tone that relaxes you instantly and gets right in there with you so your comfort zone is broken down right off the bat. good technique, totally works. i have never had a real massage before ever, ever. i have touching issues and am not at the point yet where i feel i need a massage even though i totally do cos i’m high-strung and a total bitch when stressed out.
tyler walks in and is all hmm, it’s like thai stretching. i go i don’t even want to KNOW how you know what thai stretching is he goes raymi, i’ve been around. ugh i need to be rich like yesterday.
when your legs go into all these different positions you never bothered stretching in before (why would you it’s kind of bizarre to have your leg at 90 degrees and then best to the side at the knee like you were in a bike accident) you can feel each precise stretch, or lengthening of joints, things get loosened up and you become more aware of your muscles and your posture improves, all that tightening up melts away, you feel extended. you should always be aware of your posture (someone is always looking).
she won’t push/pull your body more than it is capable but will definitely bring it right to the limit and that’s where the work begins and the tightness goes away and that limit you couldn’t range of motion passed before, you will pass it. it’s amazing. oh and if you enjoy bones cracking/clicking from stretching, you are in luck.
your weight of leg i supposed to be dead here but i misinterpreted her direction and instead tried to crush her between my thighs kash goes i know your leg isn’t that heavy raymi, i go oh sorry i was trying to crush you sorry. i can tell kash is majorly athletic so the competitive part of my brain takes over sometimes hahaha.
everyone should do this. once you pass 30 you have to keep working out to ensure bone growth and ward off osteoporosis. i am going to be lance friggin’ armstrong come thirty.
do you think she could take me? it would be fun to watch i’m sure. come get your own stretch and get taller, tall as meeee at TMR there’ll be a deal coming up soon i’ll tell you about. xoxoxo.
this song is now over. only took a month, less than, to be sickened by it. this video is now properly synced, youtube speeds up all photobooth material ridiculously fast. vimeo is the answer.
