was so hot in there. i loved it though i’m still on miami time i want it to be muggy forever. everyone here is complaining. shut the hell up and be happy god knows hearing your complaints about winter for 7 months is just as fun.
my colleague took these. i am knight lancelotting anti-feminist backlash comments from half of “the people” it’s a shame. we had a gas when it was all over and i put my mobile tickle trunk outfits on some girls, they loved it and instantly morphed into the little vixens they are, all it takes is a little nudge. i said that i heard a rumour they wanted to wear some of my outfits and one goes YEAH! i was so lying and she bought it, i died of glee. it’s so healthy to have a laidback relationship with sexuality and flirtation. you know that the human man is the only mammal where it is a necessary requirement for arousal, that’s why women have breasts. when people stifle their urges and who they are, their wants and needs and can’t let loose once in awhile and hit a bawdy show, you don’t have to chastise those who do and then criticize the ever loving hell out of it. i say, good for her. always. when i saw a not so slim girl dancing once on the bar at the painted lady last summer, this man made a derrogitory remark about her. i instantly plucked five bucks out of his wallet slipped it to in her fishnet garter, spanked her bum and said good on ya girl. she danced for a very long time. the guy’s stupid face was frozen. not looking forward to another decade of toronto in the dark conservative ages i tell ya. like i said, i just came back from miami and i am comfortable with butts, sorry that you aren’t. it’s sad when your own friends turn on you. can’t rejoice and be happy, have to slag and insult you. sad on them not me. my head is held high.
yikes. paddy and teacher insisted on these bottoms. i wanted to match my victoria secret set. they thought the thong was too lewd. next time i will not take their advice. i’ll wear a full body fishnet crotchless suit out of spite.
I was trying to think of a comment to leave but it’s all just so dumb. A small group of wallflowers leaving their pretentious marks of some wall. I don’t even get what they’re talking about half the time.
I know it feels almost impossible to do but you have to take that shit in stride. Stay constructive and keep making stuff. It was nice to see you build something and rehearse it and execute it. Not many people do that.
Man, don’t even look at the comments. It drives me nuts when I do it with the stuff I’ve made.
Keep working at what you love. Being constructive is way more impressive than being a commentator.
the stage as bigger than expected. gratefully so. when paddy did her drowning i was worried she go off to the side the whole time. drown secretly between my legs and i’ll pretend not to notice. thank you drama class.
and one of my besties courtney. for some reason the computer has-autosaved her twitter url in my typing field and i have to delete it every time i tweet. what the hell did we do whilst drunk facebooking friday night??? i still have adventurehouse party pics to blog (from that night). more vacation ones too and another bender with jbeth soread. gaaaaaaaawd.
we dance stripped one another. i kind of dance saved her life too like michael jackson beats you up with dance moves and how dance moves cancel out beef. the song if ive minutes long. we covered a lot of territory.
and a move andrew taught me this morning from TMR i incorporated in to our surfing choreogrpahy, you make a big swoop circle with each leg while lunging on the other. tubular!
being a director isn’t for the faint of heart or the wallflower. i was stalin as possible and eventually gave in and stopped trying to control it all as time was uber limited.
then i just lose all sense of reality when my lifeguard armour is unsheathed. paddy pantsed me after i performed mouth to mouth resuscitation. teacher had a fun time watching us rehearse.
did a bit of zoro here, bullfighter there. i’ll do the running of the bulls hell yeah. i use to think it inhumane, still is, but you can’t knock tradition nor fight it. all i’d have to do is copy a chase scene from indian jones open stall market, jump off a tomato cart fling on to a wooden post hanging off a flinstones cave wall, twirl around several 360 degree rotations and up and at em onto the roof of an army truck. don’t think i couldn’t.
mom and lois had to eat gutter pizza cos someone had a piss poor fighting the good war of no outside food law attitude and they are still on a south beach diva high. i snapped at my mother and the dude that i didn’t need this from either of them. a bartender told them it would be ok to leave and then come back with food but then while gone their kitchen opened. amateur hour. this brute was a fucking asshole yes and thankfully mysteriously disappeared shortly thereafter. do you know whose mother you’re railing on kid? i said to him gesturing pissed off as hell, i am BRINGING people in here to eat your food. one hand washes the other. he got a speaking to mom. the point was, how he talked to them you would be livid if anyone spoke to your mother that way. very abusive and rude, talking down to two fifty year olds, disrespectful shithead. when i have bad service it does not get swept under the rug. egotistical servers have no place in this world, we aren’t france you douchebags. smarten up.
got girls into my traveling tickle trunk once the show was over. was easy. all girls want to be polka dotted disney creatures of tempt. big ups to paddy for bringing it. can’t wait for the next gig. thank you everyone who came! so pleased for hate and heartbreak‘s launch, thanks for the hello kitty pez dispenser!
it was so sweaty i was terrifed for a wardrobe malfunction. could not find double sided bewb tape so we made do. i didn’t take my bra off just in case. ha see my stage mom. and on the other side my autn was filming. there will be so much footage from this night. happy girl!
Popular (and frequently topless) local blogger steps out from behind the keyboard to perform live burlesque tonight, as part of an ongoing strategy to push her sexed-up persona further into the public realm.
BY: KATE CARRAWAY
basically anything that a vain girl would want to do.
now picture this showered diva hair, jewels and more choreography. have to decide which version of cosmic love i want to do. paddy is doing a solo to i’ll be your man by the black keys. i’m about to see her do it for me now! tonight is going to be so fun. so raunchy. raymi von minxette. keep checking the grid for a write up about the event. there’ll be prizes. it’s going to be a warhol happening. eccentric freaks, i call you out. i summon thee. listen to your druid disney princess. omg pumped. rsvp line. each dance on the half hour. 6-9pm THE GRINDHOUSE 365 King Street West.
wednesday is ladies night at blue martini. half price martinis. we got sozzled. fort lauderdale. you get in free. dennis rodman parties here. we ate on the patio then went in to get loose. live band dancers, so interactive. they know every hit. pros.
i only did it cos everyone else sucked so bad. oh the looks i got lois said, from girls. i gestured to one to come up and bring it and wipe that stank ass look on her face. she was a pussy. when girls do this shit it is laughable. you’re so ballsy and fem? bullshit. you’re a coward fraud. i’ll take you. bucket list. paddy has gotten me thinking about that. when she was in chicago she did all these wild things to just be fearless and live. stand up. burlesque performance. that’s the way to do it and if your dopey shoulder crop constrained frigidness takes issue with it, be angry at yourself, not i sir. not i. i just don’t understand it cos we’re all out to have fun, go out and party, why be shocked when someone else is also trying to have fun? if you can’t be a girl’s girl you are a major red flag to any potential suitor. be wary men.
it was good practise and necessary. by the pool was too out of the element plus a doughy dumpling living potato woman was scowling at me the entire time. when i was finished sufficiently thwarting her pithy attempt at vibing me out i instructed the girls in a class of water aerobics. i love enforcing my mania on to other willing participants.
mystery charges are popping up. can’t get to bottom of it til tomorrow. charged for a dinner at a resto the night we weren’t even on site, we were having ribs at flanigans. way suspect.
i look casket ready. nauseous here. chugged the ribs back anyway while jackie the psycho hostess stared at us like the night watchmen through the french glass doors to the diningroom. i sashayed like catwoman to the ladies at one point to let her know to slow her role.
i’m still riding the glam newdy bravado wave and i forced paddy jane to get into it yesterday. i draped her in jewels and cleavage and shorts up to her ass crack. chick has a smokin’ bod.
i wanted to pose with gwen stefani’s, the boringest of the lot, cos this is what she wore in the video where she jumps up and down on the bed, underneath it all, and for some reason guys have an unholy raging hard on for that/it/her. boggling. that part is a snoozefest. i’ve studied it cos i am obsessive like that but here you go, boring rags. cool also it’s a maje fashion no no who styled this? her 13 year old orange county self? omg i love her so much hahaa.
we buried jason. the drunker we got the more sand i piled on to his head and i’m sure it was in his eyes nose and ears. mouth too. facebook profile pics.
stuff like this everywhere. just everywhere. take note toronto. how do we get as rich as miami? run more drugs? isn’t that what that fat dope mayor of ours is all about anyway now that he’s finally king? not the drugs thing, but flossing and wasting money on superfluous garbage?
versace was murdered behind those gates. it’s a private hotel now. private invite only. keeping the allure and old school alive these fellas i tell you. mom wouldn’t shut up about a dead pigeon calling card and it being a mob hit. ok there scarface, settle down. then when blasted she went BOO! to the security guy. i dragged her away after apologizing. as i type this only now it seems funny. i’m like fine, go ahead, dude could have just shot you mom don’t spook people. BOO! BLAM! ahhahaha steph i will act this out for you in thunder bay.
they give you frozen grapes at wayne gretzkys too. smart. i bet when he started that place he went ok everyone number one to do idea: frozen grapes! i am positively mad for frozen grapes, they do it at all the beach resorts on patios. people will LOVE it yeah yeah stick hockey sticks wherever for door handles yeah cool. ahahah.
ok lets see if i can remember this. from right to left: gwen stefani, pink, lil kim (moulin rouge video) then one of the other three is beyonce, i think it’s the american flag outfit. don’t remember the others. one is shakira or madonna.
never ended up jetskiing. finally convinced them down to $50 for two jet skis for twenty minutes. instead of $80 per for a half hour. we were tired everyday. eat sleep party shop eat sleep sun beach shop shower party party etc.
it’s kind of meh kind of safe classic but you know to wear this you would have to be a bird, a zero. a 1920’s wallflower, struggled so hard to recreate a teeny shape for a boring glitzy can’t afford it gown. the world is mad.
the day after blue martini. my back was severely sore. you know so bad must be 180 degrees? we did aerobics the day before in the pool and i ran like a raymiac too. punish the hangover with marathon shopping. had time to kill switching hotels. needed new gear for the bringing it of miami.
i took my outfit seriously. didn’t know what to expect in miami. envisioned vegas pools and glam kinis and perfection. i created way too much attention when i catwalked on out. it’s the shy. it makes you get snotty.
well hello there. brought a bit of miami beach to adventurehouse party on friday. pics of that to come. it was so fun and i didn’t strangle anybody. not a one!
my brain looks like this still. on the inside. i think i’m still there. seriously ask anybody. i am an island that floated away. i used to be such a traveler i completely forgot how devastating it is when it’s over. no wonder britt bums about it or talks about travel all the time.
jut need to settle on the perfect song. i have so many ideas but not only one solo and the duet is already decided. it’s like buying the perfect gift. outfit on top of that.
do you want to see the sexiest act ever? i’ve got something to prove so just watch me. if paddy is crap then i’m doing all three sets. ha kidding. but now seriously. i am giving away three spots on my guest list to first takers. approach me afterward once you are inspired and join pin-up league with me. every tarty suspicion you have, come see it for yourself. i am bringing bombshell back to blogging.
