I do social media consulting on the daily basically and here is an example of one of my subjects, my buddy Rebecca and so far she has done everything I have requested of her to date pending my immediate critiques and suggestions ie. online public banter with me. You are wasting my and your time if you aren’t on twitter. So now she is! She’s been out of the game awhile so I am extra impressed by her. She is just as weird as me. I told her blogging was made for our kind DUH. She skinned SNAKES in the south and survived a garbage truck take down!
Number one Little Raymi got me a sexy (christmas?) scientist outfit yay! Now I can do another Tim Burton masterpiece.
Tree in the morning sun today. I love it. My new friend. Move over cats.
And dog cat.
After Bunny Angora left, and we had a flat crust philly cheesesteak pizza, and didn’t find it satisfying enough so we ordered it again as the reg crust and it is gooier and I hated myself well kind of, I danced it off a lot. I had pizza at MTV yesterday too. ugh NO MORE.
I had almost half. I just go man, I don’t know how I put all this away, I am good at hiding and balancing it and restricting. I had a tidal wave of emotions in the green room and every time i put a square of pizza in my mouth I felt better. You do get crabby and insane when you don’t eat. It’s classic calming tv trick, pizza will come it becomes everyone’s mantra, you look at each other with vacant eyes from the couch and mouth pizza O_O. Then it comes and you have 4 pieces. I will look like a denim nicki minaj cupcake I bet. Did I spell her name right? Man she is fun to look at and google.
Here’s something I should have said when they pulled up a video or two of mine and said they were mundane. Oh really? because What I actually see happening here is a girl rehearsing for her burlesque showcase which she worked hard and diligently on (whilst juggling many other projects) all month long and it’s her final run-through before leaving for the venue. That’s not very mundane at all actually. Heh. I laid in bed all night going over everything, Teacher was like your mind is racing I know you. They asked what I would say next when I got home or blogged I said I would probably wait and see until the episode airs and then play the game accordingly I dunno. They got me good though. I can’t even make any more comments even just ones that seem mundane as they will give it away, like how I dressed and what angle they are definitely painting me as.
I remembered some brilliance from my interview with Ramona but then I lost it again. Both these things will be airing in January and yes I will give you long advance notice.
One outfit option. This is like my Keg uniform No I do not work at the Keg. Mom, Lois, girls, Keg Holiday jam? YAH!
They need to sleep in the mornings, so lazy, I get up and they are like just chill dude please catch you at lunch.
She’s SO CUTE. A dwarf and, retarded. My two favourite things! You didn’t know? Lucky doing my makeup was like everyone who works here is part retarded and I said that’s perfect because I am FULL retarded.
Penguin!
My hair has moved in to the “long” category now. I am going to start getting super super prissier about it, hang tight dudes. The monster plan is coming to fruition. Remember me with long black hair? Mermaids have all the power. Mermaids who look like p0rn stars who half of everyone thinks is crazy or stupid so they write off all the while my rank and traffic rises. Susie Marbles who?
Oh my god crazy sirens right meow. Lots lately in PDale.
Normally I go to Holts and take 50 pics of their store front xmas display get wasted at Hemingways and call it a day, this will have to suffice for now. iLazy. iCrazy. Ha no crazy busy.
It’s christmas in there too and still have to put that shelf up. We all lazy.
Minxes like: cheese, meat, eating as fast as hyenas and laughing at you as such.
Seen here in their natural environment, domestic molestic interiors. Do not disturb while at play unless you have come armed. You will not win, this is what we are doing until we are finished.
I need to start photoshopping myself. Or get eyebag surgery. How much does it cost? Find me a sponsor kay daddy? It will be blogged.
This hat will not be a regular thing.
Who is coming to the xmas show dec 18? I’m going to google xmas pin ups for the poster.
Brunch time now, ooh going to my fav Boom location and they have wifi now eeh! Poached eggs here I come. Don’t I look like a crazy wizard spaceship commander here? Say yes it feels so good.
…and how do you feel about that Raymi?” “I dunno Ramona, how do you think I feel about that?” lol.
Steph look I’m doing your shrug.
And I was staring in to this perfect angel being like Alison from ANTM holy fuck lost in those eyes and her scarf, I knew what she was up to with that thing you can’t get anything over ol Raymi nice try Diane Sawyer. Hehh. She liked my vest. I bet Susan Sarandon would fizzle up and die if she looked in to that flawless tv face. Right? (Susan come on this has gone on long enough please let me feature your ping pong ball bar on my blog I love your drink menu).
I really had to look at some japanese kitschy shit.
I sat in plenty awkward positions to have spinal variety, I came in like a lamb out like a demented lion. Ramona was shocked by my shyness when I arrived and they were rolling. I was like what? Of course! I am terrified right now. You wait for these moments forever and they happen and then you freak out. It’s normal.
That necklace was not co-operating and my gf said not to wear any of my hello shitty junk tonight on mtv baha. Fine.
Honestly my mind is wiped of all I said here today couldn’t tell you a thing. Oh I talked about jealousy Traps. It’s funny when your jokes become blog law referenced. Oh yeah that, clearing throat prepping for some studious bullcrap I am about to deliver, which is funny cos apparently I come across dumb when I use eloquent long ass words everyday all day I am well spoken, thoughtful and poignant. I hate that the hot or slutty girl gets trashed on for it and circled out for “being dumb” what? I AM A FUCKING GENIUS. Do I need to take a picture of my Valedictorian plaque again? Have you seen that I have won over ten first place blog awards in my time. I am grandfathered out they won’t let me compete anymore cos they think it’s unfair.
Anyway. #Awkward.
It smelled like pee in there. I hoofed it up and down the stairs like a champ.
A dude (maybe crazy maybe not) said I looked really beautiful and came back again for another lap look-see. I was being filmed and colleague was taking these and the sheepdogs thing bah too much, it worked, but yes the point of this anecdote is I like it when strangers compliment each other. I do it all the time, spread the joy. Of my pretty. I am old guy bait don’t worry girls no reason to be threatened.
See the sheepdog guy, perfect timing, too bad I had lost the ability to speak by that point and he’s like who am I waving to, for what? I should have said BATMAN!
Had a wicked hair day.
Double point, that must have been something sublime.
Stalker shot. They wanted B roll. After my public washroom piss I texted Jefferson, “Show time.” They were disappointed I didn’t roll in with colleague photographing me. Truth is we were late and I was triple taking each escalator like a maniac and outran the codger. I bet they will be studying my blog and go, now, the subject, after the interview, headed home, and there, she, blogged. I can’t tell if this is funny I’m just jacked and unwinding I have been a talking mental case all day long. It all went well I am pleased.
The MTV thing totally destroyed me which I expected I mean, it was a judgment panel right? Lets be honest here. Of the other two I talked the most, of course. It got catty and I was defensive, but chill too and they said a lot of positive stuff as well. It’s TV baby and I coined a new term in the green room HOW THEY GONNA KNOW IF YOU DON’T SHOW? They said my videos are mundane. Lauren O was like I am not saying that re: whatever they were saying in her ear so I am dying to know whatever that is and of course the twittersphere will be glued to this genius shit. I knew I should have worn my burlesque heels cos they asked me to dance. Ok no more spoilers back to a more civilized manner of broadcast style?
Always exit waving like my Nana who thinks she is the Queen. Our fingers naturally fall into the rock on fingers cos of our curved genetic fingers, so there are bad ass pics of Nana from the 80’s and I am like why is she doing Devil Horns out of that Cadillac for? Also at my Uncle’s wedding in another photo. Unintentional. Yes, this is how all my stories are: completely directionless.
Only supposed to be a quickie night cap post but I got lost in these YDS ones.
On the phone with, you guessed it, M-T-V what a smug prick face right? UGH. OK It’s late it’s fire tree focus rug time! Nope bed!
Check this flattering pervery comment, Gee zus! Girl you are the most sultry sexy stunning woman. Do you have to beat the men off with a stick? And to use the cunning double-entendre of your pussy coming? I’m hard as a rock for you. The world needs more women like you! Your newest number 1 fan! I tried to read it in the car with colleague driving back from the interview and I was like SHH Be quiet I am working. I think he sees driving me around as therapy HIM sessions? My brain is split in to 4 different areas, the past, the present and the future and what is going on in my email, what my next blog is going to be and the stacked schedule of December (holiday, events, burlesque, blog, blogvertorials, staying skinny, when is my period, was I just a stupid fucking idiot on camera?) so sorry if I have to cut off some sentences here and there. I don’t have time for chit chat right now. I know that sounds bitchy but I don’t care. I see myself like a 60 year old italian business guy, shut the fuck up ya jabrones does this lead to $ and is it happening in the next 6 hours? Yes but no? Then it can wait. Gettin’ Shit done. Women in the business place are not taken as seriously. It’s bullshit.
Have to come up with a name for our Xmas show! That’s what I am doing right now.
I think that these are a bit much but I don’t care. I am in the prime of my life. Primal. I am not making excuses for who or what I am. I do what I please and I go about my business and it’s funny once you go zen how many jerks dive in your path trying so hard to fuck with your game, they lash out, correct you because they feel inferior maybe. I have seen and experienced it all.
My mom said just ignore and act superior. I said, I already am lol. Why why how timely is this article, thanks jezebel! Turns out bitches be jeals for reals!
Getting sick of looking at these. Sorry MJ much.
Bingo! Very Betty right? I have a fifties diner outfit badly.
Need to do more squats.
Still got it though.
My prop was problematic at points, all tangly and so some dopey pics to show for it.
Must get it perfect.
Interview went great, shot over YDS and the Sheepdogs were performing in the background, very today live or whatever dumb morning shows broadcast in Times Square (I miss NYC BAD). One down, one more to go. Now I am nice and seasoned for tonight’s thing, I’ll still be super nervous but when am I not? I might wear this:
We’ll be standing so I’ll get to showcase my long legs.
Can you tell I don’t know how to professionally tap dance? I know right. Just barely, I’m so good! I studied the tap dancing guy on Sesame Street closely. Tap dance yo problems away! Adding whatever dumb floor posing pics have uploaded to this post now, should have just added it to the previous one. Ok I will do that. Done. I am a fan of mashing everything in to one giant post as always, same shit right? Right.
I love a saucy mystery.
Omg sometimes it is like a crazy person is writing this thing. Ha ha.
Bunny said some girls just get so jealous they fuck with you hardcore because of it, guys too. Oh man she has stories. It’s just so suffocating when apparently everything I do for myself to achieve in my field apparently warrants such gross malevolence. Yah fucker look it up!
My Fred Astaire Puttin’ on the Ritz dance was better I think but it’s not christmas, this will likely be one of my solos. Enjoy it while you can before some housewife flags it. Oh haters, there’s actual burlesque performances with nipple pasties and all on youtube and no one flags them, way more revealing than mine. You sad. Thank you for getting in my way, I’ll throw the others on youtube just in case.
This is a Paul Frank hat of Teacher’s, he said it doesn’t look good on him. Over-sized hats on chicks work.
Lol it’s so bad.
Bunny you forgot your apron. She’s going to alter my santa dress to make it ho ho ho-ier.
Had fun with being dive-bombed by the cat. She kept coming for me.
Nathan your piece is over the stairs now and looks awesome there. No I do not hate you ;).
OMFG.
No time no time gotta go last minute again why do I do this? I am in a documentary web series about digital blabbity blah this and that and some big deal types are also included in it, it’s an honour. PEACE!
Watching Home Alone. Ordering second pizza from dominoes. Stress eating! I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing out of my ass!
Ome same delivery guy just came. whatever the last one was flat crust and not satisfactory. We got bacon on this one with reg crust omfg so fat. Can’t watch Home Alone and resist the cheese pizza delivery scene.
That tree is massive. I want it! Tree obsessed now.
They were in la la magical memories land, it was sweet. We had fun!
My mom was wearing an exact outfit I wore here at 18, funny. Hailey is wearing my old shirt. I styled these shots.
Nana was like now what happened to you Luhhren (we were very late) and I squeezed her very tight and said nothing nana, NOTHING AT ALL and she giggled and knew to not start with me. Ha! WiN! My mom taking this photo was like what did she say what did she say!?? So nosy and shit disturbing.
Aw I love my fam. Everyone’s chilled out over the years.
We polished off that wine with my nana and papa and she made a carrot cake from scratch. It’s a nana thing!
Dangly fake tea cakes ah my gad I die! I love beatrix potter mice make believe gingerbread house fat face candy land etc type things. obvi.
Nana said she didn’t grow because of WWII, they were rationed. Aw. #WWIIproblems. lol j/k.
They loved this dude. They like proper people manners class blabbity blah so naturally I have to sit there with my hands stuffed under my ass or squeezing my entire body together to behave omg it is tough haha.
Ooh nice one.
My mom bought this for my nana and pointed that out then I pointed out this elaborate bird in a gorgeous gild cage that I bought. It’s an I BOUGHT competition always forever the end stamped it no erasies.
