Last nite Raymi had a good time. Raymi has to respect other’s wishes of discretion so mum iz the werd. I watched sum of Maury Povich this morning and he had on these slutty lil girls and then an old ho-bag came out and yelled at them and took them onto the streets of illinois and then to a halfway house for prostitutes trying to get clean and they were yelled at sum more. one girl had sex with a guy for a hamburger. kayriste! a hamburger! in the end they all cried and hugged and were all emotional and sed, “yah, i will never have sex until i Lurve myself first” and then Raymi missed her second bus to Go to klass so she watched Mister DressUp and was an hour late for Klass which was so tedious anyhow.
Going to class with bedhead and BurnOut is fun. everyone wunders whut you did the nite b4 and you can be all braggy and say,
“I am SoOooo hungoviR! urg.” and then you squint and put yer head down and they go,
“KooL,”
liKe the dulldrum rookiecards they are.
Today it not only rained, it ffukin’ poured and i was koLd all day long.
yesterday I almost killed my brother. He got me real mad so i dove at him with a can of unopened pepsi in my hand and i hurled it at the back of his head. it missed. tho’ it made a great connection with the dishwasher and exlploded. i was on my rag and therefore am allowed to do things like that. I left asap to mail a letter and smoke a J. I’m pretty bored rite now. For sum reason i just watched a bit of this Christina Aguilera thing on Much. I am tired. what else is new?
Oh yeh. that’s me trying to swallow down a hangover slushy on New Year’s Day after a long nite of aLKohaLL. ew.
Hi. Lately things have been weird. Well, not weird, just routine or something. I bought myself a half quarter and thought that would be the answer. It’s not the answer, though, i am enjoying hoarding the 1/2 quart in my room. Like a security blanket or something. This weekend was kinda more social than not, for me. I played these great bongos on Fri’nite and had a bottle of Bailey’s to my face. Sat’nite, saw sum ‘ol frendz, sum dope, sum brooding in a black room. Sunday, went Toboganning and then bought the 1/2 quart. weed just brings out all my OCDs, which helps matters none. I slept the whole way thru monday. Didn’t get up until 5:15 in the p.m. I just koodn’t do it. Maybe a combo of tobogganning and staying up all nite baked and re-reading Microserfs for the fourth time now, i think. I then watched TV whilst half awake/ half asleep on the couch. I had no appetite that day for some reason. Today i think is Wednesday, rite ? really i am not as low as i may come across as being. honestly. Just trying to get it all out in one go. painting the picture. so-to-speak. I feeL exhausted all the time. I wake up with the fukkin’ sun everyday. I just want to up and leave. y’know. say, fine “Today is The day.” and then i’m gone. there’s all these little things that keep me here. I dunno. we’ll see how i feel tomorrow.
Me and my attempt at a social life on Sat’nite. Sandra — one of my only realLife chikkfrendz who doesn’t hate me, as of yet. I’m the loser trying to do the back arch. Look at my paleAss belly.
I watched 48hours last nite and it wuz about all these people with Obsessive compulsive disorders. it was so great. this one guy living in his bathroom for over two years cuz he doesn’t want to contaminate others. he constantly washes and rewashes his hands. this woman who can’t touch money, this other who can’t even touch her daughter. oh my.
this one guy who repeats movements, like touching his thumb to his pinky finger, 160, 380 times. I use to have many OCD’s growing up, and it is also in my family. hrmm. i’ll probably get worse.
i use to have to touch every surface i walked past and it just didn’t feel rite if i missed something, and walking back to touch it meant that i had to touch all the other things i would be passing on my way back and whut if i missed something on THAT walk back, and forgot exactly whut thing i forgot to touch the first time around?
See, isn’t this fun ?!
I use to have to read EVERY word on a box of cereal, even the french part and the ingredients and all the symbols. that’s how i started grouping the letters together, to make the sentences odd or even, cuz i got bored with only reading every side of the cereal box.
I have it down to a science now, so, if yer talking to me, in my head i am dissecting every word you are saying and breaking it down, and then breaking it down agen to make it odd or even. if the sentence is odd, i never like that. that’s when i account ‘periods’ and apostrophys..and now, it’s branched off into syllables, too. I ‘tol my mother and it scared her. she thinks i think too much. meh. I even have whole words memorized, the amount of letters and syllables, dots on the ‘i’ everything. sumtimes, if a sentence is too long and the person saying it is talking too fast, it screws up my system, and i can’t go on listenening in the conversation until i get over that sentence.
doctor, i’m ready now.
No one’s allowed to talk to me, look at me, make noises, fidget or do anything that involves, eating, and sound when i am watching TV or a movie or on the internet. no one is allowed to ask me questions, either. but, i am allowed to point out the obvious, make comments and ask others questions. of course. My OCD, my Rule. No one iz allowed to stand near me when i am looking at things like toys or cloze. if sumwun is in my personal space, i can’t hear myself think. Another OCD i notice is that i obsessively pick my nose when i know there is nothing left inside to dig for. I’m a wonderfuL persun to have around, really, i swear. k bye.
Today went out to dinner to the Lone STar with ol pals. real trashy and yuppyish place. I not only spilled my first glass of pop, I slammed it down when i was moving my hand and it sloshed DIRECTLy into Thom’s lap. he was not pleased. everyone else laffed. THEN, we were playing twenty questions and JAmes made me laff so hard i choked on the pop i was about to swallow and went into this violent rage of koffing fits and puked up some cola into my cup. the funniest part was that no one noticed, they all kept talking and i was trying to sop it up and off my hand. then they all felt bad cuz i had tears in my eyes (vomitting is something i fear and hate and triggers my tear ducts or something). Everyone was ‘shocked’ and ‘concerned’ that i don’t have a boyfriend. arg. welcome to my world.
i tried to make paper last nite and it turned out all sad-looking and grey, green gooey blue. I threw in sum blue/green dye. the grey came frum all the newsprint and ink. I had the blender on full blast cuz it was so hard to make the paper turn to mush, it kept getting jammed. also, our blender is AT LEAST 18 years old, so, smoke started to come outta the blender’s fan and the whole damn kitchen stank. i put the rangehood Fan on to mask the smell, but my bro sed it was too loud and he kood’nae hear the TV. his frend Ryan took a handful of the slop and mashed it in my hair. I flattened it out with a rolling piN, and now it’s waiting to dry between two pieces of screen. It’s still too thick and i won’t even be able to write on it. meh.
In honor of this story i will post a photo of me as a lil tot, age 7 maybe in a skimpy bikini.
One time when i was 12, my bro and i were the only kids advenced enuff to take lifesaving 3, swimming lessons (we were the only two in the class) and i had this total crush on our LifeGaurd. His name was Walker and he wore these John Lennon glasses, had a shaved head and had a fukkin’ Bod to die for. I dreamed about fukking him all the time. That summer i first saw him I went swimming everyday, from 1-4 and then 6 – 8. (8 – 9 was adult swim) by the summer’s end i was so tanned that my doctor said i mite get skin cancer or something. Anyhow, one day it was not busy (the pool) and so after our lessons, walker let me and my bro stay and swim, cuz no one else was there ‘cept for the other lifegaurd who had huge tits. i forget her name. So, me and Walker and my bro played tag cuz we were bored and then i was it. My bro was in the deep end and Walker was in the shallow. so obviously i went after Walker and followed him. I remember he was wearing a lil red speedo and i could see the outline of his winky. so now me and him are in the shallow end and my bro is elsewhere and then i dove at Walker, he jumped back and stood up and the only thing i touched was the tip of his Wink cuz it stook out. like i more than nipped it. I Goosed him pretty darnedGood . It was purely accidental. And you know what he sed? : “Well then. I guess i’m it!” Then he pushed my head underwater (i guess to help me not feel embarassed) but then i saw that he had the hugest erection.
nothing else came of it cuz i wuz 12 and he 20 or something. I went on to write him bad poetry and bring him candy and do stretches in front of him wearing my skimpy bathing suits.
Well — i went out with this psychoHose beast frum my dirty past, last nite. We went to Dick’s, me, her and her boyfriend, friend and sister. She is a viciously bad drunk and slutty as sin. for privacy’s sake i will refer to her as ‘the beast’ . The beast and us sat down at a booth and everyone ‘in the know’ orders cokes ‘cept for me cuz i am not ‘in the know’ and then the beast pulls out a bottle of Bacardi for fucksake. So i am enjoying my glass of lemonwater. mmmhmm. the beast gets all tanked and starts to dance and dance and dance around the room like a flooze, all in front of her boyfriend. this black dude with dreadlocks comes up to me and asks if she’s ok cuz she’s standing on a stool and bending over for all to see and it’s disrespectful to her boyfriend. no no, she’s fine, i say, she gets like this when she drinks. then she sits up at the bar by herself and chats up this ugly old guy and he starts buying her drinks and she’s like, “Do you think i’m pretty?” and her boyfriend is being very very patient with her and not saying anything. The beast’s sister goes up to her and tells her to stop, and do u think the Beast appreciated that? HELL no. she goes into this violent rage of throwing shooters and screaming at her boyfriend,
“You jeLLus asshole! I hate you! you are SUCH an aSShole! don’t touch me! don’t touch me! DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!!!!!!!! BLarrrGhhhhhGGgggggghhhhhhh!!!!”
and so on…..
so then the bouncers kick her out and she scratches them in the face with her claws. rrrrrOWr. everyone was staring and watching and laffing at her, shaking their hedz and she goes, WHUT THE FURK ARE U STARING AT!? the muzik was turned down as well. ufff.
It was all very embarassing and there’s lots more but i don’t wanna get into it now agen cuz i am hungover and tired and annoyed and i am on my way Downtown for NewYear’s and shtuff. so happy day, or something.
