i have seven popsicle paintings and i know that this is how i am going to break out onto the art scene just fully explode despite the art scene being pretty close to over i figure that’s how you do it like buying a pair of doc martens from wal-mart when your grade seven teacher is even wearing them.
anyway there will alyways be art and parties for art but the time where you could blow your nose into a toilet paper tube and staple it to a hat and sell it for 350 and have a million hipsters drinking pabst is OOOOOver.
i bought some canvas yesterday well canvases canvasi? some plural words are just gay. anyway i almost had an emergency ass explosion in the art store but i didn’t then i bought some oil paint by accident and i am going to return it later. i am still painting popsicles. my life is the best. if you can’t tell i am very close to menstruating.
she is my single girl of the week. she is a faghag drunk and totally fucking fun. she has an awesome job and her own apartment with no roommates or pets and she always cooks things and has lots of booze and she is 28 with the body of an 18 year old and she is very smart and maybe so hot i feel sorry for her anyway, hit this bitch up cos i’m tired of her crying when she sees fil and i fight. oh yeah she lives in toronto and sometimes she has posession of an automobile and her taste in music is pretty rad and she likes to go out a lot and socialize and eat late meals.
There is this guy that I really like that I see during the week, we work in the same building but not for the same company. When we run into each other we talk a little, but he doesn’t say too much. I know he likes me because I see him stealing glances at me when he thinks that I don’t know he’s around, in the cafeteria, elevators, common areas of the building.
I flirt with him and he smiles then retreats. I’ve hinted that we should go out and he always says something like, “that sounds good”, or “sounds like fun” but he never takes the hint.
From the small talk we’ve traded I know he’s not married or dating. We only see each other at my work building. How can I get him to break out of his shell and ask me out?
Thanks, Not a shy girl
Dear Not a shy whatever
you’re full of shit you are at least a little bit shy and the fact that you’re writing me for advice proves you are completely fucking useless. anyway, this is what you do:
you: hey dude ARE YOU GOING TO GO OUT WITH ME OR NOT?
him: bwa wah wah wah wah, (runs away)
do you really want to wait around for this shit? he seems to be the type that his heart will explode if you look him in the eyes for more than two seconds and will commit suicide if you say anything remotely negative about him even as advice.
anyway, if you aren’t direct or forward straight off it’s never going to happen or some other harpie will come along and snag him. once you start dating you’ll see that he’s a super nice dude and is a great catch bla bla wait is he MY boyfriend?
i like canada’s next top model better than america’s next top model. tyra banks is too fucking annoying to handle and you can tell she thinks everyone is beneath her. lame.
this reality series is rad though. it’s about 16 year old spoiled cunts throwing insanely elaborate parties for their sweet sixteen. barf. fil and i were trying to remember what happened for our sixteenth birthdays, i was like uh i think i was fucking that lawyer guy, haha. fil’s like i got to drive my mom’s ghetto ride. i think i went to east side mario’s for mine and it was a joint party for my brother too since his birthday is only a week from mine. there was no booze.
anyway if you want your head to explode from fighting the urge to punch a 16 year old through your television watch this show.
last nite we went out for drinks with the sharpmaster and played quiz drinking games and we couldn’t figure out who the waiter hated more me or sharpie and finally now fil gets how fucking insane and bored i feel when i have to listen to him and samir talk ha!
on the way back i lightly shoved fil into a hydro box then he threw me into some garbage bags then i shoved him into the street then he took my chips and ate them all then i shoved him into something else and ran for the door of the building but he grabbed me and dragged me to the lawn and tore out grass and shoved it in my face and hair then he gets up and i slink up behind him and put my right hand into the flower planter when his back is turned and then at the last second before he opens the door i throw a huge clod of dirt and it explodes on him all over and i fucking run like hell to the back entrance but he got me and shoved my face into the grass more and put dirt in my hair then we got up and went up the stairs and he puts my jacket into cid’s litter box and whips me with my own fucking pants.
there’s still grass all over the bathroom floor i am so fucking not cleaning it up.
i had to explain to fil that i am not as strong as he is and if i jokingly tap him or playfully wrestle him it doesn’t mean he has to turn into bionic schizo i will fight to the death match etc etc and he is like oh, right.
