OH SWEET MERCIFUL WOE
SOMETIMES YOU COME
SOMETIMES YOU GO
alienate my alienation of the putrification of our struggling nation (hahaa)
ohohfhjgf hahahaha
this is hard
hard OH HARDNESS OF HARD
WHY DIDN’T I MAIL MY UNCLE THAT CARD
my moods they doth sway
swaying gently in the hay
though the hay be not of gold but of dark shadows on the plane
and the winds they are BITTER and they are full of STINGERS
fuck i forgot how hard it is to be unjustifiably emotional i want to punch myself
look who dropped in CAPTAIN EMO!
Patrick:
nice dress
me: it is the essence of my life
Patrick:
that and oxygen
good call
well i couldn’t convince outlaw of pony rides at the wedding
but we got a martini bar
so two bars all night long
me:
ooooooooooooooooooh
open bar?
Patrick:
you have to ask?
of course
you will not leave hungry or sober
me:
nice
i want to bust out of the dress like the seams and zippers splode
then i can sue your wedding
Patrick:
you can do that?
me:
we’ll see
Patrick:
no i mean sue my wedding?
me:
and i mean WE’LL SEE
because i don’t trust myself to take a picture of the dress right now cos i have dye all over my head here is a picture where the red scribbles represent tiny perfume bottles and confetti and other super girly gay shit please don’t be surprised if i 1. marry this dress and 2. this blog turns into a tribute to my new dress blog also 3. maybe i should buy another dress i mean the same dress but x2 so one dress is for important grown-up functions and the other one is for being wasted at 3am sitting on a curb wearing busted flip flops and crying.
warning this video may cause you to weep and sigh deeply.
I LOVE YOU GATOR CALL ME
giggly girly post alert:
ooooh i just bought my dream dress for the three upcoming weddings i will take a picture of it. i also bought blue/black hairdye yep i’m going back to the dark i can’t commit to this red business anymore cos my hair looks way too greasy the days i don’t wash it even when it isn’t cos of my roots so i hope you enjoyed my reddish hair while it lasted.
i want to draw a hundred pictures of myself with my new dress on i think i will.
oh and here is a photo of my mom and my brother:
now let us all formally say goodbye to my hair:
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did
fucking beautiful.
we saw the descent yesterday and i was just typing a whole funny paragraph about it when i realised i was typing but i hadn’t clicked in the compose box properly i feel like seth green in that drug movie (party monster) with macauly when he’s on speed and he’s manically writing and writing all nite long then when he comes to he looks at all these blank pages in front of him and is like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo.
anyway i yelled my head off during the descent like LOUD and stupid but so was everyone else so it was ok i had to shove my little movie theatre sweater in my mouth at most parts also cos i kept going OH MY GAWD during the quiet tense scenes and we were three aisles from the front so it felt like a huge glowing arrow was floating over my head everytime i opened my mouth or gasped.
the guy beside me didn’t blink once and robotically shoved candy into his mouth and crinkled his bag i was thinking dude you are SO stress-eating right now GIVE ME SOME OF YOUR CANDY OR I WILL RIP OUT YOUR EYES I AM SO SCARED!!!!1
we originally were going to see that will ferrel movie but it was sold out and fil got crabby real quick so i suggested the descent knowing how scary it was cos lise told me so ALSO the entire cast is made up of in-shape bitches with accents and they are caving which is like fil’s fantasy everytime his eyes close except he also has a ponytail and there are tiny faeries putting dainty little flowers in it and brushing it and he is climbing into the pit of the earth looking for secret treasure with jeff goldblum anyway once we sat down and the four homos in front of us shut up fil’s crabbiness went away.
nora jane noone is in it whom i have a boner for cos she was in the magdalene sisters and she’s fiesty and has huge cans wow i am such a lesbian yeah so she’s cast as the comedy relief.
go see it you will be very scared and entertained.
bye.
ok so at one in the morning we decided HEY LETS GO TO THE PARK so we did and i had to show fil by memory all the fucked up exercises that guy does every morning at like 7am like crazy crunches and running backwards all over the place and chinups when he is a hundred feet off the ground anyway we go on the swings and we are waaaaaaasted and i start throwing myself off them to see how much air and distance i can get and fil says IF YOU BREAK YOUR ANKLE I WILL DRIVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL BUT I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU and i said yeah whatever JUMP WHEEEEEEEE and so fil tried to beat my line in the sand and he did of course but then the more beer i drank the further i flew off the swing cos beer = courage so it was like my tenth jump and i am making my mark and behind me i hear these jangly chain clanking noises so i turn and see fil with his legs in the air and one of his arms caught in the chain and he’s jumping off but he forgot to let go of the swing BAHAHAAAA and he lands in this retarded mess of himself with his face in his armpit and his elbow in his ass and he’s on his side right under the swing and it’s still swinging mighty hard and he has to duck so it won’t slam him in the forehead ducking four times til i get over to him to stop the swing.
so after making sure he didn’t bust any bones out came the HAHAHAs and the YOU LOSERs etc etc and today he has a massive under the skin blood rash bruise.
i told him not everyone can live up to my awesome and that it was ok.
sigh.
ok fil is getting mad he claims that he wasn’t holding on still but i say well with my own eyes your arm was still attached to the swing so this indicates that you did not get it out of there in time so i can only assume there was some lagtime going on in the letting-go-of-the-chain department anyway i’m not the one with the subcutaneous hemorrhage on my right arm, just saying.
