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How to find Love abroad

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Hey peeps. I wrote this in April for Playboy, we then decided to take a V SPOT direction but I still had this kick ass advice feature and just as I’m about to embark on another life journey adventure plus am in the throes of packing travel anxiety at the mo, why not share it with you now? Not that you need my advice but it couldn’t hurt. As a writer, not everything makes it or is used I’m sure plenty of you writers out there know that too. Enjoy!

People go away to meet new people because they’re sick of where they’re from and everyone there.

Have you seen 1997’s Addicted to Love? In it, Tchéky Karyo’s character Anton is a French restauranteur from Paris with a swanky eatery in NYC that’s flourishing because he’s from somewhere else – a key component in many a successful venture as there are many French guys to go around in Paris. You must leave and spread your seed elsewhere for people to appreciate it. Less competition in other words, you stand out more. You must go away, in some instances, to get play.

On vacation people get to be the best versions of themself. Your mood is like a pheromone drifting on the salty ocean breeze, you don’t even know the power of your allure. One must tread cautiously on vacay because there are love bugs at every juncture if you’re that kind of romantic, crazy sort. If you’ve been single for awhile, or abstaining, and lacking of affection for many months. Warning: your guard WILL be down. (and also up) You will fall in love! You might fall in a hole too. I did! Seriously it was something like 50 first dates and I lisp like Barrymore after a few drinks too.

The harder to get you are, the more they wanna get you. If a typically monogamous gal when out with the gals and being respectful of whatever bloke you’re with it’s like a halo of fuck off to trouble in the shadows, those lurking devils. They study you. People are so revealing without even knowing it. Your eyes, a subtle flick invite on the world. The heart wants what it wants and on vacation it’s like spring fever times a trillion. I spent all winter long pouring vodka on my dormant libido. A milestone birthday on the horizon, a plan to travel elsewhere after Aruba that plan now dashed to pieces because of my Caribbean holiday. The way to fall in love is to not fall in love. To be selfish and greedy. To say yes.

It’s super easy to hook up while abroad but the quality levels vary. Upon entering any club, do the inaugural gauntlet walkthrough and I promise you’ll have at least one super fan or two by the time you finish. Before heading out be sure to say a prayer to the beer goggles gods because they are never as good looking as you think which really doesn’t matter until you see the digi-pics of shame later on which is always fucking hilarious but again it depends what you want out of this fling or flight. The fantasy smashed illusion of post-vacation mini-flings are the worst so be careful about falling for your vacationing beer guzzling Lothario, “an unscrupulous seducer of women”.

When you meet in real life by chance it makes things ultra spicy in that this window is closing fashion, and I don’t have to care about you or where this is going because we know it’s going to end but what if it doesn’t? It’s a free world more or less and you could move anywhere you can weigh the options. You feel like you will never meet someone like this ever again because you know now what unique is and how come this stranger likes all the things you hate about yourself? Why do people take you for granted back home but love you abroad? Are we deceiving strangers, playing an I’m sexy role? Whatever it is, I say own it and when you get home be like that’s right, maybe y’all shoulda been nicer to me.

On vacation you let your hair down and all the unattractive things about you vanish, specifically stress. It makes you ugly. You wear less makeup, your skin shines, your hair is crazy insane from the heat, you adopt a don’t give a fuck constitution and it brings all the boys to the yard who are already there pissing in it.

I am a realist who keeps it real. I do stupid sh!t in the name of love. I am a f- up artist and men love it. Many men tell me I am smarter than they are. It’s not just me who can minx abroad though, you all have it in you. Think about how many times at home you say “no”. Do you want to be a no person forever? Also at home there are less opportunities it seems to even say yes so I’m not exactly advising rash stupidity I’m “just saying” do a personal experience overhaul and be the fun girl for once. I know it’s hard to turn off your brain and pointless Canadian self-guilt sensors in the mix of it but YOU GOT TO.

Do go off with a stranger, but keep it in the safer touristy areas where there’s lots of witnesses and if this guy (or gal) are as stand-up as they are proclaiming to be make them take you out sightseeing the next day first so they can earn it and you can have a clearer head about the whole idea. But if you just wanna f-ck ‘n chuck then make sure they can at least stand up cos their lil captain later on in the room/behind a palm tree, will not. Ask them a billion times where they’re staying (I have memory problems) and if they say they came with a crew of dudes they become less sexier and that helps you realise you do not actually want to do this guy. Seriously you think you’re the first girl he’s had this are we gonna bone chat with? Do you know how gross four dudes to a hotel room is? Ultra.

It’s not always about sex even though that’s the end result and probably partial meaning to life other than love. Plus money. The question is what do you value most? Pensioners who wait until they are retired to start vacationing, what’s the point when you can’t f-ing walk or party anymore? Seize the day. Do things while you’re young before set in your ways, see the world and fall in love once in a while. If it ends in disaster you can do it again. Take a chance. Give yourself that courtesy and never be afraid of yourself or capabilities and for god sake be street smart.

From travel you learn that globally, people are all after the same thing and you can hit it with any one of them but first you just gotta meet. Pickins’ ain’t slim out there either so don’t bring sand to the beach bro, your opposite sex bestie is going to cramp your style in no time or worse, pick up before you and you’ll be bitter. To know who we are we must leave where we’re from and I now know I’m a treasure built for pleasure, so why not go with it.

By the way, most of these guidelines are for if you meet another fellow traveler. If you meet a local of your destination you are definitely going to break their heart and that power can be intoxicating so go easy and don’t string them along too much. Don’t beat yourself up too much about it if they get out of line though because sun seekers like you arrive via turnstile and there is always another you. Being trapped in paradise is an actual thing. These smooth criminals know what to say to sell us on all things Caribbean so know at which junctures to turn on and off your brain, and heart. Enjoy the ride and remember no glove no love lol xoxo Raymi Bunny.

I am a minx WTH did you thinks

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Hi hi. Sunday funday beginneth. Nah. Sunday funday means getting blasted all day long which is nice and all but I’m not 23 anymore but don’t worry I’ll never cross a day drunk off my list of most desired activities. Anyway, yesterday we did the garage and the dump then drove to Germany to hit the pool with the steep water slide and this time only I went down it and I whipped myself down it with too much momentum and did not enjoy the outcome. First of all it is TERRIFYING looking straight down that thing as you’re going down it and it’s too late to turn back and there’s no way you can prevent water from going into every hole in your body, ears nose mouth eyes yes there and there too.

I wore my ymca baywatch suit which is always a little confusing and attention grabbing at a public pool where the lifeguards (dude ones) also wear red suits and I henceforth look like the laziest lifeguard ever, tanning my back with it pulled down, or fighting the waves in the wave pool with snot coming out of my face and holding on to the wall with the kids and my bf and then geronimo catching a wave yeah this chick is definitely not a lifeguard HOWEVER I am a trained lifeguard, trained to be one so if someone was drowning I could save that shit or if someone was and I did nothing about it I would be charged for not doing squat, that`s what our trainer told us once we made it to the last and highest lesson in lifesaving right after telling us all these scary stories of jumping in flash floods and rushing water rivers to save drowning morons ughhh. Like how karate bros hands are basically weapons and if they engage in a street fight and pulverize someone who attacks them the grey area of self defense is mega-blurred cos like you’re Chuck Norris and that guy is just Chuckie Cheese in comparison, not a balanced fight essentially.

Wolf whistle. Don’t worry IRL I’ll wear a bra with this guy. I don’t know how I ever got through life with a straight face before w/o wearing a bra much to the chagrin of my mother plus every boyfriend, I enjoyed the freedom but I remember one day in Brooklyn when I was 18 on 7th Ave. it was a bit much, I had men following us in the street we had to stop for pizza to shake them off us. I just tried to find you guys a picture of that day but my archives are too messy so FT.

Here’s the pics I uploaded yesterday, a very hot day and now it’s blazing hot we’re gonna go for a bike ride after. STOKED. I mean, I am normal levels excited. Time to stop talking like a surfer now. Yeah right maybe when you all stop talking like a betch which will never happen so surf’s up bro. Anyway, went crazy discounts shopping with ma and then sis the next day, these earrings I found 3 pairs for a Euro. Yeah yeah hell yeah.

Gorgeous farm country I’ll never get sick of, makes me appreciate places like Milton a little bit more. I enjoy the European flare more obvs though but who wouldn’t?

Can fashion stores not be purveyors of proper quality nail varnish? This stuff is better than AA’s at least. Going to paint a nice metallic light princess pink I got from the pharmacy and see how that goes.

Tractors urrywhere here.

I like how the roads look here you drive with the line between your car and take up as much room as you want til another car comes toward you, sometimes in a narrower section you’re pressed up against the trees and brush as a mega truck goes by sphincter-spasming hella close, it’s basically like chicken a lot who gets to the teeny bridge first, some drivers are a-holes others are courteous and polite.

Festival bracelets. All I need is to go to one now. Got a pack for my niece. And a sweet shirt that I also got for myself.

Sweet. Jockolate bars. Cool story bro, eat this.

Regrets. Was havin’ a skinny day then we did this. At least sis had one too.

KFComa. People watching on that patio was the best. Then we hit up the electronics store, where I saw mini Jay-Z and then Ikea. Ikea here is exactly the same as it is in Canada. Every time we go BF tells me the horse meatball story again, barf.

I see you. After shopping the sun came out.

We tried to go for secret ice cream and henceforth secret beer but bf summoned us back.

Always time for a cig and a street photoshoot though.

That shirt has thicker stripes on the back and the jeggings are the best, pockets in the back got another pair in a darker denim wash.

Bicycle bombs away.

Liar I don’t have prancercising camel toe.

I bought the most beautiful and uncomfortable hot pink sandal flats now I know why they were reduced to five euros. Maybe they’re just for like, floating in? Who designed them the cardboard man?

In that bag (the embarrassing store apparently, you know you buy stuff from a certain place but you don’t want people to know it? That kind of bag) are three pairs of shorts thank god. People who wear pants all summer long are insane.

So I wanted to hold her pretty bag instead while I am talking to bf about secret ice cream. It’s not a secret if you tell everyone about it. We were SO CLOSE.

Nice hat I have yeah. No one takes photos here cos it’s like, no big deal to the non-tourists so I always look crazy but you know what’s crazy? Taking this scenery for granted, idiots. Tot ziens!

She got me the same scarf, I wore it yesterday. She bought me an entire duplicate outfit to one she got herself cos there’s a twin competition here LOL we have yet to enter it though. We’re the same age, height, same size for the most part and same hair colour and are both hilarious and sneaky so why not.

Euuuuuuuurope, You’re up.

Cool face bro.

Sis was changing beside me and goes are you taking pictures? Ha yes.

Sister scored the same onesie. Bra shoppes are hidden outfit gemtasticals.

BTW don’t forget about your best friend MY BOYFRIEND IS ANGRY! Shower time excellent.

EuRaymusic

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Here are three amazing songs and their videos I discovered last night.

This video just straight up rules. It’s creepy sad and the dancing is phenomenal. The music, I love, I don’t know what style this would be categorized as but it’s what I like at the moment plus forever.

This video is crazy cos the dude cheats on his wife and meanwhile she’s under the bed then sees his gun, hyper emotional what to do what to do???

This is festival music. Had no idea where the video was going but there it went and I dig that too. MTV.NL plays night videos and I figure it’s not the same garbage they’re seeing back home so why not share in the joy what my ears get to experience. You’re welcome.

Bonus video.

I can easily see swaying lovingly to and fro to this jam at a show. Thanks bye. Happy Saturday. I get to spend this nicest most gloriousest weather day yet cleaning out the garage ^$&^$*^.

More of this junk later.

V SPOT makeover

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Yo bros! Playboy Energy Drank got a makeover wuhoooozers! Check it out and go under http://www.playboyenergydrink.ca/“>V Spot to see my next round-up of internet wacky crack video compilations. Here’s a taste of one of my favs.

You think you can dance? Yeah that’s what you think. Now watch this ten year old school you to pieces. This is Kaycee Rice and while it seems a little inappropes for a 10 yr old to dance like that, the PBE jury is out on that one cos it’s quite commonplace these days for girls to be all growed up at so young also she’s dance-owning and not like, being sexual about it like pageant creepy plus she’s major athletic and definitely superstar to-be successful, music videos in outer space who knows other than time to hit the gym instead of watching this on repeat. Kay maybe just one more time. Ps. It gets super good bananas at 0:33 seconds. JEALOUS.

If you love me let me go back to that bar in Tokyo

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Hey mes amis happy Canadork Day! Went for a 4k walk around 2 in the afternoon, here’s a ton of pictures of it. Next time no flip flops.

One of my fav fields cos it’s beside this forest I’m sure there are (and there are) plenty other more potential favourite fields out there no offense to them.

It was sunny and a little cloudy and warmish. This is the coldest summer ever, it’s like, not even summer pretty annoying but also alright cos “it’s Europe” and gets a pass because of all the European stuff but if this was Canada rockin’ this bs weather I’d be super pissed.

Vamping in da bush.

Fabulous pajama tee. I kinda want like 50 more of them then I’ll never have to do sit-ups ever again.

I look like I’m at the mall.

Or a sleepover.

I think you guys should/would/could appreciate how un-priss I am/we are these days it’s sort of funny when we head out to feed the ducks in whatever house garbage attire we’re wearing and run like hell through the park to the ducks I actually stopped and laughed at how absurd we looked when I caught a glimpse of our reflection in this little gingerbread house window. Don’t care no time no time ducks ducks ducks. Quack.

The pointer sisters were out today.

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fight back with sexy

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Hi “people” what day is it today, Saturday? Groovy. My stay in Neverland Netherlands is coming to an end next week so it’s like, “cray” I guess. Loose end tying up sorta thing, tidying up and of course maybe a fraction of all that has been accomplished.

There’s a party tonight we were gonna go to but can’t afford the three day hangover so we’s aint’s. Too bad though I kinda wanted to show myself off some more before leaving, get drunk and then belligerent with a local or two about Canada or whatever. It can wait.

It was our 3 month anniversary on Thursday and yeah 3 months is nothing but I think it’s important to acknowledge milestones in the beginning cos eventually you won’t anymore, moms count their baby’s ages by months so the infancy of relationships can so too cos you never know how they’re gonna go or last so three months is a lifetime especially when you’re inseparable, you can easily take each other for granted in your jogging pants oh hi you again yeah hey, anyway long story short we celebrated with dinner and drinks already so don’t feel up to partying again tonight. Fuck I’m old bouncing back is impossible.

Happy Pride Toronto and anyone else who cares, have you ever been arrested by a gay cop before? Looks fun right this is their station. I’m like hey cool Pride and bf is uh what? It’s like that every day of the year haha SWEET.

I hurted myself. I am a “blogger” kay so I take pictures of things and sometimes those things can cut you.

It bled forever. This place did not at all give a shit either which was more hilarious, oh Europe. It’s like I fell down all the stairs in your establishment and they’d ask if you had a good time.

If a kid did this in Canada or The States it would have gone over a lot differently.

Coulda been worse but it still bled forever. Bf walked in after five minutes of me not coming back from the bathroom and was like what now hahaha. I was mostly annoyed cos it happened before I could go pee so I was bleeding and really had to go. Always go before you start the photoshoot I guess.

It’s hard to see glass on glass and oh I dunno wasn’t expecting a weapon like this. I pulled it out to get a better picture and that plunged into my thumb.

The beginning’s damage. When you first cut yourself or injure yourself there’s a moment of denial then wonderment of how bad is this going to be.

Loved the restaurant though, it’s an apotheek. I told you what that means before and the thing I cut myself with has something to do with that.

Freckle freckly.

Can you tell what that is.

We were totally under-dressed for this place, don’t care. Weren’t even planning to go out to eat, it started with a walk and then ducks and then dinner. I own pretentious places, in that that’s my mentality to not be intimidated at all, I’ve seen behind the scenes in kitchens and I’m a foodie so the allure just isn’t there, your fancy facade is just that.

It’s a great place though and we’ll def go back and the owner loved me/us and we minxed her. I got a bag of macaroons as a cutting myself consolation prize. I hate coconut, ok I don’t I just hate macaroons. Bf is all about ‘em though. There’s so many more pictures I took here but for some reason only selected these few when I got back Thurs night then was “over it”.

Common last name here. Giggle.

Duck Jesus. This time they got melba toast. Unsalted. It’s just one tiny batch of ducks, it’s not Ontario so the whole don’t feed them thing doesn’t fly plus we don’t care and I’m leaving in a week anyway they can go back to eating lake garbage.

For my uncle.

This reminds me there’s more work to do ughhhhhhhh. I’m actually secretly finishing this can off right now heheh.

Making soup makes a steamy kitchen. Alright that’s all I uploaded sorry for wasting your time. It’s Saturday you’re lucky you got anything at all. Have a nice w/e. RLW.

ps. good work New Yorker!