i asked dave why he had a black light. it belonged to his dad. cool.

my hair. way natural.

i did not purchase last month’s issue (or whichever month it was) because megan fox was on the cover as i do not give a fuck about her or have any curiosity to learn more. i am entirely mortified to admit this. i feel super fat and jealous and ashamed by it now think what ugly girls must be feeling! so for a month i acted indifferent every time i would pass a glance over to the magazine section of shoppers. another thought, megan fox on the cover of a magazine in my possession, on a table out in the open, and then we all have to talk about her and then i’ll be forced to talk shit about her cos i am competitive like that. see how insane magazines make us feel? oh awesome my other nostril just opened up ahhhhhh. anyway, i want to learn more about hilary duff because she is the good kind of irritating. i think her and lauren conrad are the exact same personality-type. smug, cunty, judgmental because they woke up one day and realised they’re boring and don’t know how to have good times. isn’t hilary duff with some athlete guy now? and other than tiger woods, how exciting are athletes? the only good thing is she’s getting fat again. or was for a short while there. lauren conrad makes megan fox look like tina fey. as in crazily likeable. thanks a lot lauren “forehead creases from all that eyebrow-raising judgementalism” conrad.

oh it’s a canadian hockey player so she gets two points for that. one point for the canada and the other guilt point is for my canadian pride and mandatory love of hockey for being canadian. those are the rules, don’t like it then leave.

SICK UPDATE: STILL SICK

here’s all this shit i looked at today:

if this shit is true then i say fuck yeah heidi fleiss revival!

warning super duper disturbing

oh god love her love her

my nickname is Hot Spot

massive massive buzzkill. DRINKS HER OWN VOMIT. clip 5 is hysterical kind of.

wicked. sent to my dad. 11pm last call is a stupid, stupid drag.

this one gets a pleasant: WTF?

i am sick. again. this time real sick. last week’s sick was not pretend sick, it was just different sick. anyway this sick’s symptoms include: being stuffed up, (no more smoking indoors dewds!)(EVER!) massive head pain from being stuffed up, ears hurt, (probably from picking them too much) sore/tight throat and all over weakness. i guess all those picking my nose and eating it trances have finally caught up with me. i have an important appointment in toronto tomorrow i’ve been counting on for weeks and i’m gonna have to bail on it as i’m just in the beginning stages of feeling this awesome i know it is only going to be worse two-fold come tomorrow. well at least i’m getting it over with this week.

that woman against the wall in black cardi would simply not shut the fuck up.

favourite drink picture cos it looks like pepto bismol, is pink and ghetto-seeming.

last nite i made an amazing batch of jerk chicken with pinto beans and rice ahh gad it was amazing. my brother and dave were dying it was so hot. good thing i bought that sour cream. everyone was peeling off layers. such a good high hot food is. jerk chicken, bob marley on a shitty monday winter nite, i recommend it. plus ganj obvs.

so pumped this bag is still kickin’ around i thought i had given it away in one of my many legendary generous tornadoes of selflessness. the person i thought had had it didn’t fucking deserve it anyway.

the salon totally wipes me out.

no? not a good look for me?

i have a photo of this on my blog from the last time i came to have my hair destroyed (entirely my fault though).

i love these little zany pieces of flare people proudly share with the world. thanks for letting me know you’re just as, if not more, insane than i am. no seriously lets hang.

sweet little dogs so cute so teeny.

sigh that necklace exploded all over the bedroom floor. i had it hung on a knob on the dresser slammed a door, it got hooked and snap, everywhere. i’m going to put it all back together again though, the wooden beads are cool.

being driven (crazy) by mother to hair appointment.

and here we have some awkward eye contact with sage while she takes a dump and models one of my necklaces. i put a shirt on her too for a photoshoot, took it off but this necklace blended in with her fur so she wore it for the rest of the nite. how elegant!

alright time to cruise the internet see you there!

my bro representin’ our g-ma a few weeks ago.

this is not a pose. this is what thinking about posing in-between posing looks like. impressive.

speaking of ‘tarded here’s how mall madness sounds like.

and here are our stoner xmas lights.

there’s something else i wanted to share here but that document is on the mini laptop so out of luck pals, next time. if i could call a cab to drive me upstairs and retrieve it i would. i blame monday.

i am trying to work up the getting incensed over inconsequential bullshit side to my persona right now and it’s kinda hard. who knew weed chilled you out eh? i think you only get angry about things when you’re a drinker cos you’re either like, waiting to be pisstanked or pisstanked. or recovering from it. i walked through the pink packaging overloaded aisles and the only thought i had was, so what? surely you remember this and this so you know what im getting at? ok so baby in my pocket uuhhhhhhhm this toy is for the unimaginative mother to bequeath upon her daughter by. really i just see these as accessories for your barbies when you’re finished making them fuck and changing their outfits fifty times oh yeah maybe they can be mothers now.

this is that girl from school of rock. i have shared this tidbit with multiple people before actually looking into it. turns out i’m right. i feel like i won.

i feel like i won at being a giant loser.

no thanks pass i have standards and i’m not wearing beer goggles right now.

how is this fun? actually it looks really fun to me but for the sake of this piece (of garbage) lets make like it isn’t. i mean, 26 year old me thinks it’s fun. kid me doesn’t. mom guy, how is bath time pretend time supposed to be good times when i don’t even like taking actual baths? plus, all i’d want to do is fill this thing up with water and then you won’t let me play with it in my room or on the living room floor (carpet) so how fun and cozy is the dank unfinished basement looking right now?

ugliest doll features ever ps.

their eyes are a little too close together i think that’s what’s bothering me.

you win.

why did they make barbie as mini fairy have wider heads? check the jazz hands/wrist stance. looks painful.

boooooooooring. barbies come 2 for 1 now. desperate.

fresh from the playboy mansion. this is how kendra met hef. (body painted model at one of the parties)(yes i am awesome for knowing that and caring).

i wouldn’t mind a repro of the original cast not this modernly made-over one, puke. hi i feel zero nostalgia right now happy 50th ann!

hah nice skeletor nose holes 1959er.

ariel has a horse cos she can’t walk cos she’s a mermaid except she has legs now. yeah explain that one again please disney.

then we have an actual mermaid barbie. don’t forget to stick that one on the list of barbie’s many accomplishments.

then barbie finally does something cute (albeit ripping off kiddles).

i have the top right one in this ad. yes an original. got it from a flea market.

favourite one. go britannia.

yikes.

yawn! i’ll try harder next time.

now get ready for a pupil massage.

look away no makeup!

dan levy eyebrows.

more here.

was sooooooo enchanted by this little thing. i am half a gay man trapped inside the yeah you know the rest.

rockin’ a chinese gut at zellers. more chick toys stuff to come. bought mall madness! pet store version (don’t start). the tree is ten times better looking now (new lights)(new ornaments) also am experimenting with garland on the banister i feel like we are in a christmas race. yesterday at canadian tire there was some mad tension in the xmas products area. came out alive.

oh man watching trailer park boys christmas last nite looking at randy’s bare gut made me feel so obnoxiously bloated.

CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS EXPLOS!ION

oh i almost lost my mind undoing the garland holy crap thanks for camouflaging the tie by using one of the faux branches. dave hit the roof when one of the strands went out multiple times on the tree i had to calmly check each bulb, found it and we’re good. two short fuses + DIY projects = laugh riot. we’re still talking like arnold schwarzenegger.

overwhelming!

that’s it playing this again right now!

added a new monopoly game to the collection too. we were too cut to figure out the instructions last nite though.

NOTHING EMBARRASSES ME! NEVER!

i got dave last time at mandarin.

so embarrassing! especially beside that annoying family party with the never ending talking mother whose birthday it actually was.

this was dave’s fortune. i read it aloud and he said what? i repeated it and he says what? again hahaHA.

we were class acts today.

and here’s my tip to eating as much as possible at a buffet.

new wreath. antiquey.

LOOK OWT AHNOLD IS HEE-YU-UH! killing ourselves laughing right now talking like arh-noLd. we’re trying to keep it going for the rest of the night too. ahkahaha. anyway that’s the news of the moment from the funny farm. no wait there’s more. of course. HAHHA dave just inhaled beer up his nose laughing at my arnold ok making a video of it for you.

new clothes hiiiiiiii-eeeeeeeeeee! early xmas gift.

can be worn multiple ways. slouchy or… slouchy.

new lights are up on the house and they do a bunch of crazy shit. five minute looping light show colour changing so, we’re the cool house come shroom out on the lawn!