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i’m addictive personality incarnate. get me on to something and good luck trying to get me off it. from hello kitty, to sitcoms, making goofy drinks, coffee, chocolate, fitness, blogging, taking pictures, i wrap myself up in that shit like an anaconda coiled around your thigh, it’s not over til one of us is dead.

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so naturally i am a little apprehensive about ending this cleanse/detox/fast. i know it doesn’t have to end but for the sanity of everybody around me, kinda have to does.

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jeanette made us up some shots, pomegranate-based then added all these droplets of things, potent crap. i let her put the most disgusting one on my tongue, it was like swallowing dirty garbage coney island seaweed. hippies are mental right? my pupils instantly dilated once i had it and i saw the crescent arc of a thousand eclipses at once, i saw my spirit and became one with health, and being and light. i could keep going you know, slap this in a pamphlet and drop ‘em off at noah’s, start a bullshit cult ahhaha. ok ok sorry sorry SORRY for the enthusiasm and the sense of humour, GOD! but anyway seriously don;t overdo the drops of magic you might start an ashram or think you can or something but now you are just some 9-5’er having an identity crisis so just go chill on some wheat grass at fresh, kay?

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can’t stop it folks it’s snarky persona day.

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one should sample a bit of everything that life has to offer. you’re an idiot not to. i could never imagine a regimented strict restrictive existence. i already restrict all the time. i’ve been fantasizing about just being fat or trying to figure out how i can eat a lot, forever and more without weight gain or how to curb my cravings and i figured out what i have to cut out and i am kinda mega bummed about it, number one guilty party of munchies, you know who. my thinking medicine, mood neutralizer/stabilizer, connecting to woody harrelson’s plane of thought stuff. it is time.

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taste review: repugnant but i was man enough.

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don’t worry i’ll make up for this fugly one. i was lazy with my hair yesterday. my shitty day is your best, don’t forget that little mean girl raymis.

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here we have a raymlin ™ – if you feed her after midnight she turns into a scary psycho and if you get her wet, she multiplies. that’s how it went, right? hang a sec BRB i have to inside joke burn my brother just hold up.

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shawn look it’s you!

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HAHHAHAH!

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so you ahahahahahh burn!

ok thank you for your patience where were we?

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coconut hack attack time no biggie!

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i was shit at it.

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jeanette said she used this knife (if any nerds out there were going to peanut gallery something stupid about it) because it was sharpest or has a good, angle. we used a butcher knife afterward, for cutting bones you know the big beast kind. i would have preferred to use a machete but you know, that’s just me. next time i will request one.

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raymism: you never know unless you ask.

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jeanette‘s little duder was there puncturing our chat with questions about star wars (he was playing a video game) so it’d be like oh yah, macca is like wicked good for you? oh what’s that? yeah you just need to get to c3po and hang off the ledge as far as you can before jumping that’s why you can’t pass the level, ok so what are the beneficial properties to coconuts?

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highwaisters from AA, feeling them.

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omg fin-all-y i was like you know i’ve only been starving for two weeks WHAT IS THE RUSH JEANETTE!?

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if you wanted to know how big my head was in relation to a coconut, now you know. the bigger the head the bigger the brain. do you like how i talk about how smart i am in every post? one of the first things i said to the teacher was, i am smarter than you, it pissed him off but i was right and have done nothing other than drive my higher-intellect outwittingness point home time and again since day one. yesterday i said do not let me have any chocolate, any more chocolate, i said i was going to do very dirty things to get my way, manipulative dark things and if i prevailed he would be in severe shit. i am trying to keep this post below hemorrhaging so PG-rating so i say no more.

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alright NO MORE F-ing around now.

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i didn’t want to lose a finger. i am your brave fearless leader pay NO attention to that sniveling coward over there.

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see told you, now i have a knife. do not try me. it was self defense officer. ha.

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oh so caj.

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we ate the meat. it’s nice. good fat too. the juice was very subtle.

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coconut juice is pretty much the same compound as human blood, they’ve used it for transfusions because of this, it quickly helps the person to generate more blood essentially. also, coconuts take 9 months to absorb water and whatever to fill up and become ripe. also like humans, hmm, not to go out on a limb or anything here but do you think coconuts are trying to be like us? freaky. back off dudes don’t wanna see yous walkin’ around with arms and legs and chuck taylors on now and shit, shit gives me the creeps.

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not to gross you out but some popped out like a zit at first ew.

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wow kapow shake base!

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i cleansed the kitchen to ward off fat evil vibes. smudging. no comment.

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please be gone!

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jeanette said i could keep it i was like no i would set the house on fire.

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ooh sexy after dark cleanse times.

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getting at the meat for the shake. it wasn’t a sweet coconut. jeanette said she makes chocolate pudding out of coconuts. omfg why would you say that to meeeee.

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massacre.

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trying to get the bits of hair and wood off then i just threw it in my glass of water. way smarter, yeah i’m going to shave it all off? idiot.

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i pre-ate the majority of the strawberries. i am a pig.

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i spy goji berries. mom you keep asking what i was eating. cant you not just see from my blog what i am or am not eating? vegetable broth, fruit, salads, no meat. THE END! no dairy, no nothing. no nuts, no bread. for the first week you can have brown rice, quinoa. no pasta! come on this is no brainer shit here. NO MEAT! avoid citrus fruits. portion control. steam everything if you can manage. lots of tea. no coffee no booze. have fun trying to to murder everyone around you.

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all natural vanilla bean. so good you want to eat it as is. don’t. it’s gross. nowhere near as delectable as it smells.

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maca. magic stuff. gives you a zip.

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anticipaaaaytin’

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at first we were like uuuuuuh but then that gave way to yum! it was so potent jeanette’s son couldn’t have any, potent by vitamin powerfully rich. this is what i like to hear tell me it’s souped up full of crazy and pour it down my throat.

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i only drink from miniature glasses though cos i have an alice in wonderland complex.

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just kidding i like wine glasses too. obvs.

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i’m going to eat liquid food twice a week. oh yeah i’m doing full on weird dieting now.

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to us.

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it was a beautiful early evening sun. i love the eccentric rooftop across the way so much.

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this post sponsored by pentax. lolz. raymi’s first digital camera. it was $960. i forget how many megapixels i’ll get back to you on that. (no i won’t).

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%^$&^$R* ALLERGIES!

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i went KISS in the mascara. MASCARY more like.

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good recover, draw it back. look at how i stand like an arrogant dick. that’s my i think i know everything stance. you know why? it’s because i do.

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raymism: OWN THY SHIT.

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body language at the backyard party says, i dominated this drink like i will dominate you, so step up to the plate why don’tcha. pussy. no just kidding we was havin’ us a lovely chat.

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jeanette has a tiny pinky. hope i didn’t give you a complex.

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ok lets get this show on the road i gotta go watch survivor and before that, cook.

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it’s a wonderful life. stop complaining.

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i look a bit like shit but overall jeanette said i have a glow about me now, i am different. a light has been lit within me, i am newly invigorated and motivated to stay on healthy track. i now know that my coffee addiction is for gutter trash and i have to curb it. i will and have. one a day then lots of teas. then only tea. which means i have to stop other bad things too. i am going to buy NICE wine for ME ONLY and have centimeter increments of it. you can get drunk off a little bit of wine if you LET yourself get drunk on just a little bit, which is what i’ve noticed and become most irritated by people with, watching them compulsively gurgle my nice wine special occasion cheating wine fucking infuriating. also if you’re going to do this, make sure whoever gets the wine for you gets more than one bottle cos they think they’re helping you limit by getting one only but wrong they are stupid and not planning ahead at all it’s ok no one is as smart as you yes you have to do everything and think of everything yourself there is no point in asking for help ever because they will always get it wrong. anyway. one day if i am feeling like it i will write my own diet manifesto and you can request it by email and i’ll send you it for $100. my diet posts go viral. no more shit for free. i put my theories to practice and get results. if you need help in any area of your life, i’m a gun for hire, you know it. i have personally styled chicks before, planned entire weekends for visiting couples to toronto. mhmm. i am a life coach.

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i feel it’s powers working jeanette!

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how do they get the light inside that crystal like that?

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i want to set deck a boudoir one day. with unlimited funds.

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pamphlet jacket stance.

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toodle-oo! thanks for everything jeanette. you changed my life! i will dedicate my playboy spread to you ahhahaa.

melodie is on the way over i’ma cook for her. tonight i have two foodievents. be strong. very scared kinda want to only drink food despite phenomenal food cravings over the last two weeks. we will see how it goes. pms-central just in time for advhaus party tomorrow night. i like that those parties align with ma cycle.

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cleanse is over! sad face happy face proud face! don’t forget there’s this place. brb with a cleanse post.

lesbians might fall in love at 28 seconds. you have been warned.

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gaahaha this is my watching oprah face, prior to that dr. phil. so depressing. shania twain needed a hook to come out and yank her off, was kinda unimpressed by oprah’s exploitation of that woman’s apparent grief and breakdown. oh well you gotta get back on that publicity saddle somehow right?

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yeesh relax. yesterday was definitely one for the lunatic books.

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was quite stir crazy, vulnerable, pissy, claustrophobic, restless, sick sick sick and now i am coming out of it, the sun is finally shining. i hate that i am so controlled by the weather moodwise what am i a fucking witch? a new age crystal-wielding cosmos aligning weirdo no no i’m not i’m just difficult and stubborn and depression bothers the logical side of me, to me. i think i can outrun depression (ha) like i suggested we outrun mosquitos once in thunder bay, up that mountain amongst the trees when we realized we’d forgotten bug spray. rye considered it momentarily then we all laughed. that is impossible and i definitely do not nor have ever existed in a realm of reality that anybody else lives in. that’s city talk.

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we keeps it fubar.

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stew and i went to the brazenhead so he could see what the fuss is all about. i could go on and on for my love of pubs but no one would care. my soul is suburban, the majority of me is british i think i check off lots of isles over there um, i love cozy and i love drunks and staring at people while they stare at television and i like to stare at menus. i think i am going to start branding myself as the rainman of the foodie world instead of the rachel ray. rachel raymi. anyway. on to the next stupid thing now. i cannot stop thinking of chocolate. you don’t even want to know the food fetishing i’ve been doing. i’m fantasizing about having a feast, building it, LCBO food and drink magazine photography-level decadence. stacked poached eggs on beautiful toasted rye, yolks, yeah, full on obscenely depraved gorging thoughts like the fat daughter on the plane having a nightmare about food in european vacation. except mine isn’t a nightmare at all. anyway my next post will probably be 400 pictures of big macs.

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here we see the muscle definition a bit more. i am going to die in these pants. it’s like wearing spanx as an outfit. perfect for bloated at the drop of a hat person like me. SPANK YOU VERY MUCH. i will probably wear them on friday. come see for yourself.

melodie’s birthday jam!

i can’t remember what size this is. i will tell you when i take it off and check. maybe a 6. anyway last day of cleanse. seeing jeanette in a few hours and she will be re-introducing me to food, or food to me. excited and scared.

*i am pre-menses bloated here even so i am actually going to be or am leaner than seen here. could be. will be. you know what i mean.

clearly i cannot tell time at all, it was not four months ago that i bought that shirt. it was november. jesus i’m on six/seven months now. i looked like this:

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barf.

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holy shit i am soo much more defined now. seeing myself in the mirror today doing bicep curls i looked like a lithe olympiad. i can’t wait to start running. need good shoes for it.

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kay now look.

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slight of hand placement trickery. i don’t know why i bother i’m still a teenier torso. i’ll tell you my measurements in my next TMR post. mom, can you and lois come in next week for a workout?

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see how tight it was formfitting see how these are the worst before pictures to compare by holy crapola more fat pictures of me here. but then only a week or so later i was tiny maybe it was just the pigtails (totally) and a different shirt, or a fat day. who knows. what i DO know for sure is that my arms are no longer flabby, they’re huge still but toned huge. oh and i’m chiseled in the torso. washboard.

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here’s some content stock. this dude sent me questions for some piece he’s working on, women who blog in GTA, was sent to a couple other blogger chicks too and for some reason they forwarded me their responses as well to him before i had a chance to answer for myself, keeners. i do not work this way, so i didn’t read their responses, well i skimmed, and was annoyed (i do not like pre-influence from people who have been blogging for less a time than myself, it’s like my mom telling me about facebook). so without further ado, here is the headspace i was in many weeks ago:

How long have you been blogging and what is your blog called?

Ten years. Raymitheminx.com. I’ve been blogging for ten years.

Do you make money off your blog if so how?

Absolutely, it’s my prime source of income. I’m a full time blogger workaholic psychopath. whups i forgot to expand on this part. if so how? ugh annoying. companies spend zillions trying to figure out how to crack the internet money making code and i’m supposed to just reveal my secrets (that aren’t so secret) or summarize ten years for you? i am too bitchy to expand upon this right now also i think the answers should be obvious as they were to me ten fucking years ago when i started this stupid fucking blog and why nobody else seems to be able to surmise it on their own just makes me unbelievably bonkers like i wanna do a symposium and when it’s my turn to speak just roll my eyes at the audience and call them idiots. woah rageahol. told you.

What sorts of clientele do you attract via your online persona?

High end, wary of me corporate-types. Cool hip elite degenerates. Creative young impressionable artists. Socialite, literary celebrities, musicians, actors, scenesters, admirers, haters, little raymis, perverts, trolls. Split even female/male audience, tipped in the favour of females, ideal target market.

How do you feel about terms like “blogosphere” and “new media” and “social media”?

I feel like, duh, what’s your point? Because I’ve been around for so long, I feel that others have been asleep at the wheel, which is why I have affected this chip on my persona’s shoulder. I’m proud and psyched about the next whatever direction it’s all going to take. Psyched for the future, I mean that honestly. This decade dot com era has a kinetic energy and I have a huge invested personal stake, it’s exciting.

With blogs exploding over the last 3-4 years in Toronto alone, do you feel any sense of duty or legitimacy since you have been doing it longer (this might not apply to all of you if this is the case please don’t feel bad or get mad).

I think it’s great. I like being a blog grandmother. I like that I was in the right place at the right time. And I like that I have the right makeup; equal parts creative and business savvy with stubborn determination. The more blogs that sprout up, the more I excel, as they inspire me and force me to ride the crest of the tidalwave. I always wanted to be a rock star, so this is my band.

Some blogs are getting funding now, like Steel Bananas and Joyland and other things like that. What do you think of this Government financial intervention?

This is the first news of that to me. I am an independent contractor, and like any other operating business, say, Stan’s Grocery or Mary’s Marmalades, that’s them, this is me, and I have a drive to make money, publish a book, and expand. Great, cool. This country has money for its art, and more people should be making art. If it takes federal funding to make that happen, so be it.

there’s a bonus question i’m working on now. time to get pretentious! just walked the dog and now she is in love with me again.

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i’m sick. i thought it might just be a mini one. not so. throughout the early evening my sickness expedited itself. i think it’s moving through me faster because i am cleanse detox clean as a whistle?

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teacher is going on a date tonight. well at first, last week, he said he was hanging with his bud which i quickly figured out was a lie and asked if it would be problematic if i was here, maybe he’ll have to go f(inger)-bang (his problems away, inside PBC joke) at hers, i mean “his” insert dude’s name there instead.

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it’s pretty saboteur of me to keep coming ’round here like i do. so what we are friends and i know i’m #1. now he can go with all the pieces of internet dating trash he wants.

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you better come up with a back up for getting over me type thing. no. that’s cruel. we’ve just eclipsed dating or i got my way into the friend zone, down with his homies too. don’t let a girl do that to you if you are in love with her because your friends will continuously throw your needing to wean off of her under the fucking bus daily. it’s complicated is the short of it. i am addicted to complicated. i was born complicated. i came out of my mom so fast i fucked up the doctor’s shoes and was like, that’s right.

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the teacher drove me to metro yesterday to buy sick supplies. i said i am dyiiiiing. he said no don’t cos you know i’ll be brushing your hair then. !! i go what?? he said yeah there’s a high probability of me keeping you around for a little bit, so don’t die. i said i am going to put that on my blog and he’s like go ahead. i said i would ask my audience if i should be scared or worried. haha sure psycho. this is all going to end in a big messy disaster or i just get to abuse and treat him like shit for life. it’s twisted, i know. it’s because he’s a teacher, he has to boss people around all day. it’s like when cops see dominatrixes or anyone in a position of authority likes s&m, they need to get it back. works for me! i would absolutely love to scream in a judge’s face, horrible dehumanizing degrading insults. so fun. then a stack of money in an envelope. you know my email, i’ll be discreet lulz. i’m already celibate too, that’s another beauty, no boning.

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i watched fear and loathing in las vegas last night for the first time amidst a hayfever 24 hour sniffle head fog delirium. it was a bit much. a lot much. i also went out as hunter s. saturday night. i love how this photographer has accurately captured my donkey/unicorn likeness. thank you. we watched narnia last night (somehow i missed out on the caspian one) when i arrived to teacher’s from my “friend’s” aka date. so much lying going on!

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i took a ton of pictures just now and i look like an overtired garbage truck in the majority of them. pre-menses, sick haggard on top of cleanse = am i finally showing my age now? (een told a lot lately that i am looking 24/25 and that some of my peers might be lying about their age cos they are looking wretched. mean!!!!) oh the lovely self esteem ups and downs. one day PMS land will exist, stay away from the nightmare fun house what with the fat water retaining pig giants that chase you down the haunted hall of fat mirrors AGHH!

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melodie opening my birthday gift. i want to take her to a spa. any spas out there wanting a blog feature of model melodie and raymbo bright floatin’ around in mud and white towels ahem, raymi at raymitheminx . com you know it.

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i lost a client cos of this bullshit. so square and backward.

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what country do we live in again? a fascist regime one apparently? why are you advertising with me? who made people aware of you? i know it was your lawyer, married into the family lawyer too who freaked out but when i told this to many people they found it beyond laughable. what was the big deal i was just making a pizza anyway haha THAT WAS OREGANO!

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lady gaga just came out that she smokes weed when she writes songs. i said SEE! to my mom and she goes ONLY WHEN SHE IS CREATING! um. how the hell do you think these posts get written daily? sometimes i have the harshest writer’s block, so i sit down and go through my pictures from last night and then he story reveals itself. passages and doorways in my head open up and i remember. something will be triggered and i decide ok do i go emo, do i expand on that gibberish or do i keep going ADD all the way. i went on a date with a celebrity this year. he writes his content, the show, and gets lit everyday while doing it and this show is on a conservative and big known network, with high (lol) ratings, everybody watches it. i find this hilarious. i also have photos of the entire date from start to finish to morning after walk of fame. we shared a doob on my way out, both off to our monastic secret stoner worlds of writing. he was a good lay.

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i think i exercise my brain too much. i told my shrink that i have to change it up. he was impressed and amazed at my sobriety. i said i had been doing some cheating here and there but all in all i was a completely different person than the one who manically unloaded on him six weeks ago.

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i write choose your own adventure type posts. i begin several stories at once and finish none of them. each one containing something heavy along with and i freak myself out of divulging the rest of the story.

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this is me trying to hide how sick i am and feel. i was clogged up and it was making me feel disgusting, unattractive. there was no chemistry between us. we sat like statues watching his stupid idea of a movie for a second date. self indulgent drug bender garbage, hey man, i prefer my own highs, listening to your trip is just as boring as listening to your dreams. i do not care.

he thought he had lead me on. the thing abut date culture is, you become privy to information about yourself bespoke by someone who does not at all know you, handfuls of mini-immediate judgments offered on your way out, it’s so unnecessary and rude. i am proud that i have more manners than the majority of people out there, say or think what you want of me but honestly, i can paint any and all of you in such a horrific light you would actually have a nervous breakdown from the bad that i see in you yet choose to overlook and ignore. long story short, you shittier than me!

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he said i needed to be with someone creative. funny, i never even said i wanted to be with him. i said the only difference between us is i am not narrow-minded, he agreed. he had a big problem with my taking pictures and i took very few. i was repulsed by that. i said you know, it’s only going to get worse, you must adapt along with society and not expect it to adapt to you. he’s late thirties, i find older guys are very stubborn if they’re not on internet board. it’s an inferiority complex slightly, like, there’s a big legendary party they never went to. they fail to see it’s not too late. he basically inferred that he couldn’t handle raymi the minx. a girlfriend on the internet (jealous, can’t control her) so i said ok i am out of here and left. he’s like, did i upset you that much? no, i am sick, i don’t want to watch this movie, you’re frosty and wasting my time. i could see being his friend but if he can’t handle photos then that’s a chunk of my content time gone and if he’s going to make pissy observations then why even bother? i stopped myself from yawning when he was talking about his job, you know. he said he was feeling me, just can’t get over the photos. wow so amazingly lame and i refuse to stop doing what i do. it’s like i love you, now change! no.

i sensed this fight on the horizon so i made it happen. i stoked the flames. i would be miserable forever if i was with this guy, emoteless and then i couldn’t even take pictures of my plight? FUCK THAT capital F-U-C-K THAT-A-TAT-TAT! how controlling. he said that photos distracted me. whaaat? also that he doesn’t capture his life. which i find absurd and stupid. in this digital age, it didn’t happen if you don’t have photos. it’s BECAUSE of photos that i get to have this wonderful life that i live. you know what my job is right now? my actual job is CLEANSING. isn’t that amazing? and then after that it will be something else fun and unique. i get to design my job by the week, whatever i want. sky’s the limit not no fucking guy, limiting me. so, this guy was my first date in two/three months. i gave it a second chance because it was my first date in two-ish months. i am green again. next time i will go with my immediate gut instincts. i have no time for dating, it isn’t even secondary on my list of priorities right now. as lonely as i get and as frequent as my late-twenties going to die alone and ugly barren spinster nightmares arise (every half hour) i am not going on date sprees again. i have to put me first. which is why when teacher comes home tonight if i am here i will probably razz the shit out of him in an unhealthy way. i am torture incarnate. i shouldn’t be here. he drives me insane, but i cannot be alone and i am too lazy to go on dates. i am a fucking asshole. his friend said he should break up with me (few weeks ago) and he’s like nooo but i love herrrr. i am like that abusive boyfriend you lost your friend to, you just have to let it die on its own, there is no reasoning, period. except, i’m not his girlfriend. simply just walking across the room is power over him enough but we are friends. i keep justifying it in my head like that. he said ok you’re not my girlfriend but maybe someday you will be. do not feed my ego like that.

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obnoxious. yes a classic but for this time it wouldn’t fly. there’s nothing insightful about drug use. we’ve already learned that it makes advertisers jumpy. i have a lascivious article sitting on a shelf cos it’s too provocative, waiting on a certain advertiser, ok well clean it up then. no no we like it the way it is. ughhhhh. too edgy, not edgy enough. fuck it. i have never cow-towed i’m not going to start now.

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accident close-up.

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my sweatshirt is adorable. better keep your boyfriends away from me.

ha kidding.

CLEANSE DAY 14 is on thursday. i am two days away. thankfully i have minimal appetite today. i might be having cleanse-ending anxiety i am afraid i will balloon right up. Jeanette has been wonderful and amazing, we’re meeting up tomorrow. i know lots of you have questions so don’t waste her time but i’m sure jeanette would be happy to help guide you in your own cleanse/detox/fasting pursuit. i am proof that it works and worked. she has many other clients successfully on cleanse, post-cleanse. i want to do this again very soon. my program is somewhat extended. i’ll be on probiotics and other intestinal drawing pills, they’re at home i forget what they’re called. anyway she has a facebook page so like it and find other hippies like you to talk about shakes with.

maybe i’ll have a bawwwwwwwwth now.