buh.

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i look great today in the torso and i was great last night, drank nothing but water at two different bars. had a salad sans goat cheese and pistachios and then inhaled a bag of dehydrated kale chips in vegan cheese at mezzrow’s with stu his sis her husband and others. they had been eating and drinking a lot and were all moaning and griping about how full they were and even though i would appear to be smug i was also in pain, super mega crampy and bloated. i’m pretty low energy today so i think once i finish folding the boy i slept with last night (my laundry) i will sleep some more. today will be about sleeping and shopping. i have a royal high tea function tomorrow that jen is putting together. i need an old lady lady outfit. a 28 year old back in mad men days would dress like a grandma right and already have 3 kids and dress tea ready daily for sure. anyway the point is i have the blues. not a big (HUGE ACTUALLY!) deal i will be fine. it’s just going to be a long day. i’ve decided NO coffee cheating. yes, i have been cheating a little bit. it’s surprising to me that coffee is my crutch over booze.

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the intense headaches or sluggishness from cutting out caffeine yikes have fun guys. i am definitely a coffee junkie i know this for sure i thought the pots i drank daily of the shit was like, normal and i was immune to caffeine didn’t notice it anymore because it had become like methadone to me, no buzz, just vital. i already feel the headache in the top of my brain it feels like popeye is squeezing it like that can of spinach, throbbing and pulsing, i feel like if i looked in the mirror i’d appear like skeletor or some science fiction ghoul momentarily and just from a coffee withdrawal headache. i am lucky from all the coffee i drink i don’t have yellow teeth. it’s cos i don’t smoke.

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fantasizing about new orleans again. i think the more you go the more addicted you become. if you’re not a drunk it’s a great place for you too, you move from substances on to experiences and get high off those instead and eventually are dependent on them for thrills, and there’s tons of freaks in the french quarter. i think i might actually start going out more if i become full time fun bobby forever. notice how some people go straight and become complete lovable lunatics? or echo park hipsters (what’s that naybe in LA that’s like williamsburg called?) all clean and sober covered in tats making art installations and photographing all their friends drinking and givin’er i think this is the direction in which i am going.

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i brought this back for my colleague. the souvenir i got for melucas was a pack of american spirits, what i used to smoke in brooklyn and then in maine.

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dropped in on boom only had peppermint tea and stared without blinking at food network. they were making cupcakes. oh god. i figured out the first three days of chocolate/sweets cravings are from booze withdrawal. now i don’t crave them as much. jeanette taught me that if you detox for a month then by your next period you won’t have crazy salt chocolate cravings. if you flush it out then when all the blood rushes to your cervix dragging along with it all the toxins you consumed throughout the month at once sending out craving triggers all over the place. picture your period, we know what it looks like, all that gathered around your cervix waiting to come out, pumping out of you and then oh my god i need a bag of chips plain ruffles and a hershey bar RIGHT F–ING NOW GRAAAAAH! but! next period if you don’t be a hippo for a month, there’s no miss vickies to swirl around the drain, or hamburgers, whatever it was, your savoury sweet memories of the month. blood memory, like muscle memory. i already cheated with a chocolate egg anyway so the entire experiment is botched slightly. maybe. come thurs/friday i will be full on fasting though which will make the past 6 days look like a fuckin mandarin buffet of consumption.

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these pants are highwaisted gap flares from the first go around of the trend i think. got them for 5 bones at salvation army in burnoutington. they are tall girl length too and drag. once i shimmy down another 5 pounds i’ll look way better in them. speaking of i’ve lost 5 pounds!

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the kids inquired at mezzy’s last night what the fuh about this photo and they said it was makeup. i told them to look at the corkboard when they left and i knew they would forget to so i took a picture and bbm’d it to stu. it’s everyone’s favourite picture now.

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soosh party. the mighty soosh. (and i can’t handle the mighty boosh cos of my ex’s cuz blaring it at 4 in the morning one time after two days of professional drinking). brown rice, soaked kale i think, carrots seaweed and she let me dip it in this kind of soya which i think is what made me fantastically bloated for the rest of the night even though i was probably going to be bloated anyway. frowny face. i sound so much like a cathy comic it’s retarded.

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oh man i love andy samberg.

raymi’s list btw (trumpet blare)and i am for the first time ever unapologetic because for YEARS i have had to stifle my celeb crushes and every time shia labeouf would come on i’d be like yeah! so gay right! (wrong i would fuck staple him to a brick fucking wall i swear to god just watch me ahahha)

in no particular order we have:

andy samberg
shia labeouf
james franco
the gallagher brothers (either one doesn’t matter)
william’s brother
the hot one from the hangover
the jew stoner from road trip
that guy jeff from big brother two summers ago (i am not very good at this)

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amazeballs shake. goji berries! soaked. delicious.

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simple and easy and fun.

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i could be a lip model. i’ve never had a cold sore in my life. photoshop can take care of the peach fuzz. you can see how i have one bulb in the center pout of my lip that’s uneven. i got a fat lip once i forget how or i might have torn away at something, i am a bit of a lip biter and peeler anyway, at one point in time there was another weird lip glob to match the other one identical to it until something dumb or traumatic happened that i clearly have blocked out of my mind haha.

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aside from the extra lipstick fleck on my lips and my lip piercing leftover divot, not bad. these were super hard to take in the car, i will perfect it and flash my teeth next time too.

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personal treat. miss you steph so much!

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remember when melodie had this haircut? i’ll get pictures. snotty chic tina fey as melodie. uncanny. this whole scene is lucas and melodie actually they’re trying to get their way back in to that uber douchey trendy restuarant so they put their shit on backwards and she styles her hair like that haha i love it. oh look i found it.

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alright i’m kirsten DUNskies. out.

aw my buddy tyler stewart just DM’d me. cheered up now and i am motivated again

Read the new post. Best in a long time. Don’t wanna say Cleanse=Clarity. Or health is the Amp to your Electric Talent but, OK I said it. xox

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but you have to register and log in to leave a comment and i don’t really know what that means or entails so have fun and good luck. the reason for this annoyance is that i am being assaulted by spam right now and i don’t want to wake up to 43507000 email comment notifications of spam and have to then delete them all individually from my blackberry and then lose my f–ing mind. cleanse day 6 tomorrow! that’s me eating seaweed. it’s a beauty food and obviously its magical properties take effect immediately.

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that’s my plaid shirt. i’ve had it since i was 18, from black market. saw a dude try it on and put it back then snatched it then he went back for it and i was buying it hahah sucker. i’ll compile a set of photos of me wearing it over the years.

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had them back late to drink all the booze save for a bottle of white wine for easter supper the next day. i was wired and not drunk at all. just enjoying my mates. teacher was there briefly but kashed out after his long tenure of DTD.

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melodie said she was proud of me. i want her and jeanette to meet this week and get on like golden girls or some bonding type shit, meeting of the nutritionist herbalist tea health expert minds right there then i can disappear to the tickle trunk and talk to myself on tumblr. i slipped jeanette a packet of melodie’s tea today to get the cosmos ball rolling.

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wearing this shirt when luc shows up is funny cos it’s his shirt and then he talks about how he saw it on my blog last week. everyone always gets a bit testy when they see their threads on their bud, but also we love it too but still it’s like NO i made that person over there before me they were just, nothing, that shirt. made them. i tell you. luc was here i just don’t have a not blurry photo of him.

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this was a bloated tummy day for me but who cares wouldya look at my adorable face. i’m not even wearing under eye make up too i went out nakesy-eyes. i’ll even let you further inspect. i love mel’s sweater vest too. you can see her buzzed head, very chic punk.

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and now i look like a dweeb and this would be the rest of courtney’s night from ab fab to why the hell am i in this kitchen so laaate.

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um because it is the best that’s why. everyone made fun of me for cooking too like, they’ve never seen me cook before, have no idea that i know how to do it (it’s because the kitchen is always trashed from you guys duh) and so i made something out of nothing for them and they were impressed. it actually tasted like chinese food. can i say that? is chinese food racist yet? no i guess not. yes it tasted like it came from china except from my pan in parkdale but everyone was drunk so i’m sure anything would taste like chinese food then mmm chinese food why did i go here?

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oh stu. such a catch. gay boys, check stu out.

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guh-uh-orge day.

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it made me a bit crazay a little. i get hyper when it gets warm but i have ten million things to do before i can go outside not ready yet type of crazy (agoraphobia problem) harmless crazy. when i get a new laptop i will not live in a cave anymore.

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my room was a mess, half my stuff the higherly-rotated clothes all needed a washing, this warm day came out of nowhere. so balmy. loved it. anyway here’s why the dork shorts. circus shorts. totally.

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my allergies bothered me a little bit.

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multiple great views.

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lisa’s genteel lady fingers and orthodox wife outfit. black tights in the sun.

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and apparently my shirt is made from the same material as tights.

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i hung out for as long as i could stand not drinking. warm days, first day of spring warm days equates drinking on a patio and drunk by two pm. these guys lapped my sobriety at brunch. i had to run away home to my messy room and collect stuff i wanted for teacher’s place then i walked there on my own and got the dog and took her out for awhile. i am digging outdoor healthy activities. who wants to be my running partner, bike, hike all that too.

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before taking stella out. the less drinking the more i fiddle with cameras i suppose. blogging is my drinking i told the teacher at one point saturday afternoon.

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i need to do whatever it takes to focus on my cleanse and avoiding temptations, throwing myself into my work pretty much, work and fitness.

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teacher’s.

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lisa’s and she barely ate any of it. killing meeeee here.

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turns out i had a pic of what i ate before i ate it. those green grilled tomatilles were very nice i can barely remember they went down so fast and that other thing would be my side of hot peppers sans hot peppers. it’s sprouts (clearly) and they were good but kinda dismal no, why not a bigger one? i want to make a salad restaurant, like salad king except actually salads (seriously what were you grape nuts? where are the grapes, or nuts???)(i’ll never tire of that joke) for all the people like me out there who need 16 flavours going on in one salad at all times.

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i felt maje sheepish about my order and embarrassed. how do you look tireder earlier but then better as the day goes on and then by 4am i looked like a bleedin’ cherub?

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sooo smart to use a pop art green straw with a caesar, tricks you into thinking simultaneously it’s a party and celery.

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i love the tables at easy. i love easy. i am habitual and predictable a little bit.

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oh god i want a greyhound from easy i can’t wait.

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i’m going to high tea at the windsor arms this week. i need something fancy. should i wear a hat? should i go jackie-o? it’s royal wedding-centric. must consult some genteel ladies of which i know none. ha.

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will someone buy this green trench already i feel like i have been staring at it forever like everyday and it will be in my dream tonight.

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love this stretch of queen before roncessvalles, kinda haight ashbury feeling.

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it’s slanted and sloped and steeped and crooked and then gets all confusing with a hairpin bend to the left (talking to out of towners) then it rips way up roncess. i want to explore roncess more north sometime when i remember to. a good run i’ll scout out new places like that. there. settled.

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the monster emerges out into the sun.

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oh right this is why i was bloated i made expensive shakes with deliciously fresh and ripe cheese boutique fruits. i put some aside for a white wine batch too cos i am a nice little hostess enabler like that. jeanette made me an amazing shake today.

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this was blend round two. i don’t normally have fruit, i think it bloats me up but i think everything does that so, what do you know.

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and i’m supposed to be avoiding citrus which i imagine starfruit falls under so, oh well. i didn’t have a lot.

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could be hotter but it’s very nice and still has a creeping heat a delicate one. it’s yummy i would love to have it with a wicked piece of meat fresh off the barbeque and i will eventually. damnit.

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interesting stuff.

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can you spot the nipple.

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why am i wearing that like that? meh.

ok nighty night pigeons.

Yorkville salon

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remember there’s always my tumblr. i’m doing catch up in the tickle trunk and will be folding all the laundry in the world momentarily.

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hello my darling raymbots lets get ready to emote! i kid. or, not. i don’t really know anymore.

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happy monday. jesus monday right? doesn’t feel like it as it’s a work day for meh. sorry, “work” day. if anyone has to wake up to do something on a statutory holiday that is equivalent to a work day by me. a true holiday is being horizontal watching B flicks, moaning and whining about having to work tomorrow.

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my mom said she would give up drinking forever if she could look like this. aw. we had a nice chat on the phone yesterday (had one with my pa too). she saw a psychic. the psychic said she had a daughter and a son, the daughter is well known but the project she is currently working on will make her very famous. i’ll be married by 35 and have one kid. thanks psychic! now i can just focus on my career and let fate do the rest. awesome!

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i cheated. just little nibbles. oh come on right?

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such a nana cake.

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en route to oshawa i obsessed over taking the perfect picture. the mirror is too close to my face for that as well my phone is on its last legs. all my technological devices are dying on me. something’s gotta give soon i can no longer work like this. i just have to give in and replace everything.

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checked on my friend again. the gold base served as an effective box slopping to the side of interior barrier.

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the vanilla shavings impressively lasted.

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told you i would match the cake. my tits were out all through dinner unbeknownst to me but uncle rodge was def feeling it. that tracey shirt is too loose on my birdlike flat chested area despite my hot pink push up bra, it just spills open. enjoy the cleave while it’s there.

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hi again.

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part of these repetitive goony shots was due to my being pumped over bang growth i can now swoop those bastards to the side i think i am going to swoop to the opposite side of my forehead for a change.

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it was delicious.

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it competed with the key lime. the key lime won, i think they were being polite. maybe i wanted to take the rest with me? nope we left it. how did i do though? i know i pissed them off with my box of salad you cannot hide a cleanse or a diet thing. i sipped on white wine, wasn’t worth it but sobriety wasn’t an option. i think if they were more insane and yelly i would have loosened up more. it wasn’t the alcohol it was the stress maybe and tension surrounding the event. we had a spat the day before and it was like do i even go to this at all?

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i was uncomfortable and felt like a bloated frump in my outfit the whole time i had no time to prepare one cos i had laundry to do my odds and ends scattered between mine and teacher’s has been driving me increasingly angry coinciding with this cleanse how odd. it was nice to go back to my normal relaxing ninja outfit. i am in between sizes right now, i think everyone knows what that’s like. it’s a good feeling but you still feel lumpy and out of shape.

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my hair was just barely shorter than this last may. is it a platinum slow growth thing? i know it’s shorter in the back which will make it seem shorter in the front to match up with the shorter back. i had one of those severe modern fresh angled bobs when we cut all my beautiful hair off to make way for platinum only, last may and now it’s showing as my hair grows, being sure to take its sweet ass time.

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stella enjoyed adventurehouse she’s all whaa? curtains and doors and long hallways and all these things to investigate. speaking of advhaus there’s another one of those parties at salvador darling this FRIDAY MAY 6 and it’s our fourth one guys! also the theme is melodie’s birthday. hurrah!

cute posters.

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sorry mel just showed up so my brainpower is going over there oh she’s gone now.

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there were more of these and better but it’s overkill. can’t wait to see what’s on my mystery olympus camera.

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escaped to courtney’s to watch ab fab and talk about myself a lot and then i changed courtney’s entire night. she met a dude at coachella and is in love/lust. i was feelin’ that and got reminiscent.

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the pink one is a piggy bank. siiiiiiiiiiigh

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what a penis. see how low cut that is now picture it sitting down, even worse, and spilling out/open. fine for queen west not for easter dinner. you win some you lose some, i think i did a bit of both.

and now i have lunch with cleanse coach jeanette after i practice lying about (very minimally) cheating.

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i informed everyone i was cleansing sober and crazy before i sang my special raptacular rendition of loser (beck) and then i free-styled the second half it was pretty good actually i don’t know where it came from just out of me, great riffs like mel-o-dee in the melody bar dancing and drinking and playing her guitar. people lost their shit. i had multiple bathroom attacks, the adrenaline and anxiety i suffer from karaoke excitement (yes) is bad enough on its own but throw a bunch of movement pills on that and (that’ll do it) your first time out of being a social paraiah and out of my cage alone on the town with my friends who i have missed and haven’t seen enough of i didn’t need to drink and now that i am over the three day hump i feel better than ever and i am over drinking, as pre-mature easter day time drinking dangers loom ahead of me today, i am confident i will overcome, seeing as i sweated out some of my DTS (jazz hands, the horrors, the shakes) last night at the gladstoner drinking pints of water (the alcohol isn’t the problem with me, it’s the coffee). hot little bartendress of the year lines up the shots of jager for me once she sees us and i had to pass mine to courtney then i ordered a big pint of water MMMM! i hate jager anyway so it wasn’t that hard. it was nice to see the decline of society in that room as the night progressed and the predictable temper flare-ups at singers and singing hopefuls by the karaoke host. courtney remembers his name, i dont. she also hasn’t sent me the best photo of my singing yet cos she is an easter cooking for fifteen stress mess right now.

stu showed up with a gaggle of black mini-dressed mean girls who were more so levack block hopefuls nahmean therefore HATING our punk rocking out. the girl who sang before me did a dude-ish song too then i went and stu was like, it was like HMMM dom skid girls everywhere basically. yeah i never get laid or pick up when i go out cos i regress into shit show vortex and i don’t even require alcohol for this behaviour. another reason of that might be that when the beck lyric went “…and a stain on my shirt.” i got to point the huge glaring gross stain on the front of luc’s shirt i was wearing. she’s cute, she’s sloppy, but she came out of two weeks tree planting. pass.

like i said, manic. you should try it. i remember i had two weeks of sobriety when i lived in oakville and now that i recall, i was pretty damn looney tunes at the time. all in good health right?

happeaster.

this blog is now in the four digits on alexa ranking in canada. that means of the gazillions of websites in existence, I am 9,826. it fluctuates daily and i am obsessed with checking it like stocks. it’s important because through all that social media crap it shows that people are coming here, more and more, my popularity on the webs is climbing. no tricky click-throughs or clicking to “read more” to pump up my numbers, or fake twitter accounts, it’s all true honest interest in all that is me. i have never done anything tricky to get people here. people drop off and on over the years naturally and they remember it, pass it on to others, this is a very very old school means of business. it’s just simple and pure longevity. some a-hole recently commented about if there was a way to get a popular blog without having to be scandalous, nude, controversial, other stuff. i never thought of myself as controversial, i was just following what was going on at the time and going a bit further with it (not personally but according to others) because i am a natural exhibitionist and attention-seeking, but not in an overbearing sucking all the energy out of the room way, just more, i have a presence so i constantly flaunt it a little bit. i am not a wallflower.

ok i have to go now.

krista gets props for the blog title of this post.

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hello summer. heard you were back in town.

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the vitamin dizzle today oh so enriching and helpful. some people got day time drunk today. not i sir, not i. seeing other people inneebs is enjoyable up to a point. i took the pooch for a long walk did a big circuit new stretch of town together it was fun. i don’t have to force myself into digging health and wellness as much it’s just natural now. you get into funny little self mind games to get through it. bit of arrogance. own it. own the strength and will power.

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woah crinkle eyes. sun was in them and i’m not wearing makeup so not so bad hey if i was on survivor i wouldn’t look that rapscallion fraggle rock.

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you are my sunshine.

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this is after my long walk with stella.

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whups a bit see through there.

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having vanilla roobias tea, head a bit sweaty from my brisk walk therefore le hat. the wind up there you know.

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teacher needs to clean up the roof.

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i am putting my vote in for some nice loungers, hotel pool grade. mmhmm. bringing my tan back.

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blah doye.

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perma tired face though i gave good face earlier at easy.

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pre mac is back in action. missed her.

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she was all tanned too. her outfit was very orthodox wifey, black stockings in the sun, hair kerchief, yuh yuh my jam baby, j date hell ya. ha.

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my stupid experience at easy, no, smug experience. ordered all sides. horriblest orderer i apologized profusely. grilled green tomatilles, sprout hot pepper salad minus the hot peppers and then a pile of leaves then a cup of olive oil. i left kind of fuming. meanwhile skid row degenerates teacher and pre mac are having hair of the dogs and there was a lot of giggling it was funny but then i cleansed wigged out and took off to advhaus on my own (i’m not wearing any underwear i have to go!) then collected weird pieces of clothing (the disorganization of my stuff right now is also making me crazy).

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and first day of spring “needs” like will i be wearing the right clothing? just shut up and get out there basically. so nice and balmy right.

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my hair was insane.

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stella and i do a good clip. i might start running with her even.

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emo tunnel.

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it was sunny i swear it.

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HIPSTER DOG!

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doot deet doot.

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some real artists out there.

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see? so retarded. i ate my green tomatoes before i could photograph them. ever lovely.

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BUT! i didn’t feel logy afterward you know when you go for hangover brunch and then you’re all nappy and gross and baby sluggish whiny afterward? nope not i sir off i went, so light and free.

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i looked like this.

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i’ve dropped the ball on my nails at the moment. don’t have my girl products here like the extras so when they chip i just add weirdness. need to go see minx asap.

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harry potter is terrible. so boring. so draggy. so dark. how is this enjoyable i asked myself between almost dozing out completely.

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ugh meanwhile.

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i can have sweet potato so had a bit of sweet pot from fresh. these onions are quinoa battered, which i can also have, and onions are good for me right now or everything, kill all bacteria jeanette says. already over quinoa by the way haha it looks so weird in the bag eh. like goosebumps. ew. i also had a salad, that’s miso gravy (yum) which i added to sweet potato soup today and vegan mayo. assume that is also fine by my dietary restrictions. i think health nuts are so strangleable though just going to throw that in there. i have a large glass jug of spring water on its way to me v soon too. yeah it’s very special water too. hahaa.

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yesterday felt cuckoo bananas. everyday feels cuckoo bananas. parkdale is getting crazier cos of the warmth everyone is out and about.

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sensory overload maybe? coming out of our winter nests.

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might go to a show at the great hall, might not. might be good to stretch my legs though. i can always leave early if i get annoyed. which i will, then i will.

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ok a new person just showed up have to be hosty now byeeee.

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feeling better today and great actually. it’s going to be 19 yay!

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i’m buying a new outfit later, after brunch. fun fun.

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jeanette says you can get this big bag of sunflower greens delivered, 18 bucks. pretty decent. can’t stop thinking about them, some were in my fresh salad last night.

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view from the east end. the rooftop across the way is pretty neat, too cold to spend much time out there spying on it all though.

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i’m grappling with my body lately (clearly obviously and always) but i am more accepting of a bit of a bigger look (conditionally) once in awhile, if in the right outfit. bonnie women are coveted by men, older men specifically (not the weirdos though) to have meat on your bones can look good for sure, in the face too, makes you look younger. fat can be useful. my mom said when you age if you lose weight it just makes you look tired and older. truth. so you have to do it gradually. i’ve yo yo’d weight on and off like crazy and i always notice it right beneath my eyes. anyway this photo is just a pervy close-up, i hate close ups especially when i smile cos then i am all face and i usually have bits of wild hair all over so then it’s like fat beaming face and yeah, just fat. but to dudes, this is exactly what they want. drives me mad.

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she’s all, the cleanse doesn’t start til tomorrow. so i pretty much starved myself all day for nothing. fantastic. hook me up with some salad please and don’t bother with the feta i am serious about beginning restrictions stat.

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here’s where it all kinda starts to sink in.

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let me introduce you to my present hell. there are multiple possible reasons as to why i haven’t gone yet aside from day one. a lot of it is psychosomatic for sure, i can no longer blame cramping on my iud now that that thing is gone so i have to face the music, DO i possibly have a food allergy or something? why do i become phenomenally bloated more than a week ahead of my period? is it genetic? women on my mom’s side of the fam have the propensity to turn into bowling balls in the stomach. the amount of fluctuation i experience over the course of a month is just retarded and for someone who blogs incessantly i am certain it is annoying and boring as ever to hear every month. i don’t normally eat fruit and yesterday i made shakes so. blah.

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the monster refuels.

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woah i was pretty serious about this salad.

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i had seconds too.

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this is the morning after pill i wake up to and then take again at night. SEVEN TIMES. with tons of water. i am bloated all day long. FUN. i need to buy a mumu for tomorrow seems like that is what my outfit is going to be.

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intestinal drawing formula capsules – soothes and lubricates – draws and eliminates toxins from the entire intestinal tract, pleasant, and that’s not even about the movement pills i am also taking. i would advise you not to try any of what i am doing unless under the guidance of a cleanse coach, but it’s a free country so haha good luck.

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these are my blue socks. this is me wearing them.

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eating and listening. stress eating maybe.

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i am a champ. it’s true. i can and will do anything.

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more listening. seriously. this is a serious thing.

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going over the guide now. it’s four pages. seems daunting but isn’t.

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what’s more daunting is giving up your social life. you get over it eventually. you realize how much you live how hard and fast and you consider everyone you know and what they’re up to and fuck there’s 52 weeks in the year it is ok to drop off for two of them.

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jeannette is super cute and spacey and smart and her nails are impeccable. good genes and good living proves itself. her teeth too? oh my god don’t get me started, perfect and beautiful. i am a teeth snob can you tell? fingernails too, and ankles hahaa i also have nothing but disdain for ill-fitting leather jackets. i should just write a loooong list of NO’s.

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then when i’m done all my pills i take these, at the end of the cleanse or week one, i’m still not done there’s more and then i can only have liquid food. that’s where the real work begins. so uh, this part, isn’t work?

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no i never stop.

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those are my between meals pills. like better than any salad in toronto could give you all the nutrients in the universe. so, why then, don’t people just eat pills for food, so much more efficient right. the monkey wrench is that whole lifestyle thing, how fun is it going to dinner at your favourite restaurant to be greeted with a plate of pills to swallow with water. buh-oring.

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we are dependent on food for so much more than just eating and consuming it. it’s the entire experience surrounding the food, absolutely. even with boozing too, buying an outfit for the bar you’re getting sloshed at that night, getting ready, pre-drinking with buds. all the time involved in that hour spent at wherever FOR that hour could be days and when you don’t have to socialite anymore then you have so much extra free time to annoy and irritate yourself and everybody around you. what do you do?

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so, to summarize, the mental hurdles involved in a cleanse-gradual-fast, are epic, and you are too weak for that apparently according to my comments. i knew i could do this (pre-bragging) because i already took on my scheduled personal training workouts, i thrive on challenges, mental, physical, i am image obsessed (we’ll come back to this later on) and focused so it matters what goes in me and how many jumping jacks i do. we are dealing with a person who has never really restricted themselves before and if they did they sought out alternate avenues to satiate thy inner demon. i could never go to an ashram. i would love to, but i could never be one of those REAL minimalists that pompous a-holes like to parade around as. yes total minimalist with that $8k weird sofa in the middle of your spacious empty loft you just had to have to, what why again? sounds like a need fulfillment right there plus all your shit is in a storage locker anyway. or at your mom’s. what i’m saying is, i got lotsa ISSUES dudes and i am coming off alcohols and caffeine (constant headache from this) and food (yet totally bloated) and i just want to take a s—! please!

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i want to go peek inside. i have a suspicion it might have slid over to one of the sides of the box and i wonder if it’s shaved white chocolate on top. wait’ll you see the picture.

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i think this may be the culprit to my immense and immediate cramping? oh well so far so good you live and you learn.

now here you go mom, the finale of my shake making. is she the only one reading my blog (and commenting) today? hello? assholes talk to me. i know it’s easter and passover and all that crap you have to pretend to care about but you can at least slip away for a second and tell me you like me thanks.

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me and my i am a nice girl cake. WHAT I AM A FUCKING NICE GIRL RAAAAAH!

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it’s like i am obsessed or something. so many people out and about today. lovely lovely yuppies. now what? i want to ask them. you have it all, right down to your bjorn stroller or whatever the hell that two thousand dollar thing is called. what i am actually obsessed with is liberty village. this one woman pushing her stroller and her severe face and her perfect husband, both so perfect, forced perfection though. her entire being seemed devoted to that exact good friday coupledom moment crossing our path fresh from starbucks, in the perfect planned neighbourhood’s sun. what that scene’s actually calling for is some good restaurants though that’s when it will all go to shit. when it’s a trend it’s the end. like how ossington doesn’t know it’s over yet? too bad.

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getting bananas from a ghetto variety store in parkdale. tis the life.

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hi teacher’s mother. what are my intentions with your boy? i have no idea what you are talking about.

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i come in peace. bearing a cakey gift.

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didn’t want a too marzipany flavour (for them, i don’t get to have any) so i didn’t get one of these little guys. the vanilla one in the back was calling to me, not as much as the pink though of course. mrs. pristine said it was the big seller, v spring, these ones. but we have ten people to share with so a bigger one was what i settled on, not too showy but a little bit showy i know. i am pretending to be flustered and nervous about it. i like the variety of little cakes and cupcakes and other such colourful delicacies but it’s too expensive and then you HAVE to buy ten just in case right? with a cake there is definitely a solidarity of no i don’t want a slice for at least a couple folks so you cover your ass with a cake always.

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sigh. raspberry vanilla mousse. oh god, unfair.

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cb also has these gorgeous white antique looking white chocolate cookies? i dunno. i stayed away as much as i could. when i can’t have something there is no point in tempting myself which is hypocritical with all this food i am posting about ughhh. my fresh is here now so i gotta wrap this up.

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drinking this at the moment. i just offered some to teacher and was like it’s pretty gay. what’s the point you know? i guess this is the point. people who can’t have caffeine. cleanse coach said i have to change my mentality, don’t think like i am being deprived. ok then i’ll think of it as a crash budget.

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bloomin onion and quinoa. i am already over quinoa. i need more spices and flavours other than firey spicy stuff.

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tasty stuff though. bought new fancy mustard. xx hot. not even that hot. delicious secret base of many many things i’ve concocted.

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not supposed to have vinegar. whups.

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i am over the no booze thing already. what i’ve gleaned is, caffeine is my trouble area holy monster madness without it.

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i need to do my makeup right when i go to brennen demelo cos he blows my bangs out all like that and then it’s major under eye bags showcase especially on day one of a cleanse. i’m sorry i am being so irritating right now i can’t help it just come back in two weeks.

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brennen is going away for a bit but when he gets back will be doing blow-dry boot camps again (on sundays) which i will definitely be attending, teacher’s pet much ha. anyway chatelaine wrote about them even i asked how that happened and he said he just wrote to the editor. that blew my mind, that’s how i used to do it way back when, emailing everyone i could think of at magazines, pitching myself and my writing. i have to go back to emailing people cold-call style, it’s simple really. takes a bit of pizazz though.

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brought my own tea.

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hi shawna! ever so cute as always.

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i don’t remember the orig name of this cat and i feel like a nerd when i call her by the one i gave it. i think maybe we’ll call her the barfer and the other one the sneezer.

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my cajun rosemary chicken who even remembers the f what else blend. was delicious. naturally.

i make crazy eyes in this one right off the bat.

as you were.