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costume time. i mean, outfits time! lisa’s like THESE ARE MY ACTUAL CLOTHES.

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that tree behind me is pret-ty dope, all ewoks-high and shit plus that treehouse looking back stairs, sigh. why can’t we all live in an ewok-world?

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the hummus was delicious.

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i will be teaching a business class today wearing this. i’m goin’ miss smith on ‘em. ya right no way as if i have the nards to wear that i’ve been to this school i know what i’m signing up for. when i used to do presentations (all the time cos i’m a talker and the nervous teacher would let me take over for her) it wouldn’t take long until i was abusively snapping back at all the general kids (business wasn’t offered as an advanced course in grade ten or there was some reason why i didn’t take it and chose the business for dummies credit, i figured out a loophole) talking during my shitty presentation. this one kid had it coming though, when the bell rang i casually sauntered over to my brother, before turning over my shoulder in class to ***** and saying, you’re f–d now and meant it too. my brother made him kneel in the snow in front of everybody out front smoking and apologize to me. nobody screws with the whites. this was back in bully times and this kid antagonized all the nerds and i was sick of defending them so i decided he needed a lesson. in short, today i will not loose my cool if someone talks over me i’ll just be like, yeah i’d like fries with that thanks.

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the teacher said that to one of his students, he’s like, one day in the future you’re going to ask me a question and the answer to that question is, yes, i would like fries with that. now the guy is a top student of his ha. nice.

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i realized if you’re an adult in the city you need a balcony or some kind of rooftop in order not to go mental and bitter forever. vive le spoilings.

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someone was showing off large time in their pink pants. she matched her throw and painting. i liked it a lot. matching surroundings is one of my favourite past times. THEME WEAR OMG THRILL ME! like, obviously i am going to dress like every educational cliche in the book today or fast times at ridgemont high, drew barrymore in never been kissed hahaha endless possibilities. outfit comes first, lecture, secondary. yeah yeah kids what? advertising, influence, e-commerce, huh? shh not important, look at the sparkly pink dress i wore to this event once SHHHH LISTEN TO ME!

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this was lisa’s sister’s dress in grade eight. fits me perfectly. weird? normal.

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band album art.

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last night was fun. hope you enjoyed being confused by it in photos. lisa made us hummus and a beautiful salad, we brought a dufflet cake. i am classy like that. invite me over and i will bring something high-tea appropes. ok here are some more pics now.

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look at my nails. have to redo them before i go, don’t want kids seeing anything less than perfection. i haven’t totally prepared anything to say yet i’m just going to walk in there and be like this school prepared me for life so pay attention shitheads. nah i’ma walk in like this.

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catwoman don’t take no crap.

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please listen to me otherwise you will not get a chocolate bar.

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hahah very nice now please sit down.

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NOW look whatcha made me do i put on my leather jacket. y’all f-d now. next i’m sitting down and putting my COWBOY BOOTS UP ON THE DESK SO YOU KNOW I MEAN BUSINESS. (i couldn’t find that picture).

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no, i’ll dress classic event raymi. cool, chic, different.

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replete with rat tail. i sweat like mad in my sleep so that’s what’s up right now i’m not gonna tracey quaf it then i’ll have to start makeup base all over again and i’ll look like a pumpkin. orange county pumpkin. oranges and pumpkins. that’s a good fall cocktail.

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my first hamburger in weeks. i ate it like a raccoon. my ex’s ex is the first one to ever take note of the interesting way i eat. i’m passionate to say the least, in every thing that i do. you should see me brush my teeth.

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meanwhile in teacher town. snore. people’s animals and their tidy plates will give you insight as to who you are dealing with.

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want this piece.

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i can tell the burger artist has personality I MUST MEET HIM.

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the sun was in my eyes and i have camel toe. i ran out of underwear. i am living like a child of divorce, my stuff is everywhere and it’s driving me crazy again.

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ten minutes later this place was slammed. prior to it, the patio was the only favoured spot. supper time was upon us. we ate then drove to burnoutington.

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i like a nice skunky beer when i’m hung. but now i like kronenburg more, stella skunked me right out. i don’t typically drink beer, a tidbit of which culminated in a blitzkrieg when i visited t-bay, drankin’ my white wine spritzers and shit out of the back of a car. i got in many fights picked with me, which i took on for toronto’s honour. next time i’ll punch someone and go YOU GOT G20’D BITCH don’t f- with people from toronto! (stole that joke from evan) can’t wait to see you again steffy!

i am nervous. maybe i’ll just keep drinking and smoking and smoking and drinking that will solve everything then jump out of the window even though it’s on the ground floor like the lion when the wizard spooks him.

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i just opened my email for some reason but forget why i did that. does that happen to you?

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darling.

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for some reason i screen-grabbed my cameos in the beauties video. i’m all over that shit.

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infamASS.

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classy friday night.

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this is called the money hat. it was skeefy’s. long boring story.

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derek’s. awesome. i need to play this game.

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oh this just reminded me i need to email that girl re: sleigh bells. i am taking a herd there. when i arrived to derek’s first not one of my PBC were there yet so i was han solo. i brought a bottle of jameson’s for derek because i am classy, left it in the freezer. he texted thanking me for coming but i didn’t reply i’m pissed at his tall asshole friend who looks like my old shrink, he left before me and i wanted to split a cab in the scary unfamiliar junction.

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neat place. like fort knox getting in.

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jerk chicken special at my fave shitty date bar.

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baby’s back on eating and is being very careful.

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wasabi ketchup yum. chick pea dipper things.

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clever facade piques the curiosity of passer’s by always.

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someone was maje pumped to be eating again.

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someone was basking in the non-bitchy glow.

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strong dranks.

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getting princessier. you would barf if you were privy to behind-the-scenes action. it is reality tv worthy. maybe we should film redecorating the rooftop, i might need to get a switch of some sort and a pointing wand. yes, i need a wand. several.

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sigh.

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bald guy outside of the motion room. it’s raining dude and you are bald, what’s the point?

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brilliant then. this is a prime example of not giving a fuck.

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hahee not my penmanship. you shoulda seen the one i got the first week, it had a key attached to it. i texted a photo to all my friends AHHH LOOK WHAT IS GOING ONNNN!

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i look like i am wearing a weird wig. ok i am appropriately freaking out i have to go prepare something now.

here’s ANOTHER music video i am in at the dakota tavern (i am more hipster than you)(omg no i am not a hipster)(haha). v briefly though, wayne gretzky’s dad is in it!

can you spot the brunette raymi? i am wearing this (humiliating video).

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shawn and i turned into ed and eileen yesterday. i made him wait forever for me getting ready. dude i am on burnoutington time. chillax.

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watching the street in burnoutington is a past time.

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i was planted for awhile. vitamin dizzle.

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round two of this one featured blobs of chocolate ice cream.

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rocky is my little sunshine pants face. so, now you know. tucker max apparently talks to his dog in a baby voice too, unashamedly so. you need to witness my mother and i actually all of the kerouacs chillin’ with animals. it’s something.

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yesterday i dressed like a dickhead sailette.

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a pre chill-out drank at the slye. i said a lot of snotty girl things shawn’s like WOW you are such a bitch ahhahaa. overlooking the menu i muttered hmm slye dogs or something, so, trash. the hankerchief set it off superbly. i was trying to make everyone as uncomfortable as possible. excuse me peasants, you disgust me.

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as usual, there was no plan or organized thing, maybe swiss chalet? maybe a drink at swiss chalet? no i do not f–ing think so. so i figured out the fastest most efficient way to get everything without my brother’s delicate patience being blown and how to save/make the party that my mother and nana were both incapable of deciding on their own, happen. no one is good at planning and putting into practice in my family. last mother’s day nana almost kiboshed swiss chalet entirely or that was two years ago, can’t remember anyway something annoying always goes down so i’m on the phone here with my mom being like LOOK what is the plan if i go and grab a bunch of food and shit and nana and papa aren’t even back yet, can you, can you just please tell me what to do here AGHHH EXLPOSION!!!!!! BOOM!

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i figured it all out over a half pint of labatt blue light and some ridiculous excuse for thai chicken bites. why do you think breading things makes them tastier? do you want everyone to die prematurely? stop it pubs!

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we stress-devoured these.

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sometimes going to burlington is like going to texas, not that i have ever been to texas.

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see what i mean hahaha.

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blam there’s the one.

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mom got nana those flowers.

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i brought the salsa and chips and onion dip (MMM) and got nana that HELLO collector’s mag. assuming she’d have all the others. she did.

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putting on spf, her chest was getting red.

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the future.

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bro and i used to play badminton back here til we’d lose every ball and cock (ha) then resort to sneaking off to the park or playing nicky ninedoors. or some asshole shit. we were always punk kids.

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somebody hole punched confetti all over my cupcake. which was dry. tsk tsk mary lou’s, that’s a dufflet passed its prime.

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this is where my princess penchant comes from.

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i bought her that gold bottle two christmases ago from one of those old lady stores in the mall all full of crap like this. where is the nana store? usually upstairs across from bikini village, in the shitty stores no one shops at district. i know me my malls. thanks mom.

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nana and her peach roses. that’s SO nana. aahahaa.

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i whipped this together on a whim. solid gold.

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i sent this to teacher as he was at his mother’s sighing profusely moonily over me. do you want some coffee? sigh. lauren likes coffee. AHHAHAHAhA anyway he goes HOW DO YOU KEEP GETTING HOTTER? he bought me another present too and is currently DTD (it’s a PA day) with his colleagues and then lisa is making us dinner and having us over at her patio tonight yay life!

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gave mom that weird camera i won at high tea and a $50 bay card. she said she’ll get a new purse with it i said mom only fat girls get purses, that’s what they resort to. purses and shoes. those are privilege items. hmmph. plus she has so many purses already. such a waste.

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those were amazing nachos, no salt or trans fat, gluten free, so light mmm going to get more.

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apple crumble. shawn and i inhaled one of the fruit flan custard tarts in his truck.

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that’s a framer for sure.

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springgggggggggggggggggggg.

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super pissed off here but so happy too, didn’t care, shawn’s bitchiness was powerless against me.

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dirty mirror.

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shawn did something bad and this is the moment he got told.

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mom why the hell wouldn’t you post this one? wtf.

ok now i prepare my talk.

SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

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gaahahahaha lol.

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talking at my old high school tomorrow. yes, as we see here clearly this is part of the recipe to online success. stupid pictures of yourself in photobooth.

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this is my impression of james franco.

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and kurt cobain.

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what? what is going with my eyes here? my face astounds and confuses me, when it’s not busy delighting me. whee!

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vacant babysitter face. we are all out of ketchup chips.

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was trying to do doll eyes.

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nailed it.

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i am going to be in a movie this summer.

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speaking role and everythang. jesus looka those teeths.

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and peepers.

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i’m your villain.

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name the band i’m your villain is by.

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i told my nana i’d get a nose job yesterday. my mom thinks i’m going to get my tits done now what? where is this shit coming from other than probably the truth? hahaha.

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my body is my personal constant work in progress.

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raymi meet photobooth. ten years later.

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always give face. give more.

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my mom said steve martin said the more your face gets uglier, the better the clothes. what’s the exact quote ma?

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packaging matters.

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shannon said to me this morning that i should be with the teacher for a little while. people get all wrapped up in this soap opera hey.

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i bet some of my girlfriends would just love to be able to talk to their soap star character “friends”. i overheard steffy goes shit like “oh i BET you do” while watching her stories. gahahahaaha aw. that stuff is SOOOO boring to me it’s a wonder my life imitates one on the internet.

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i look like a bitch i used to know, not saying who, bet she reads this. hi there if you think on a good day many years ago you looked like me in this photo and two, you are a bitch then yes, it’s true, i think we look the same here.

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haha burn out. this is post ruby dinner.

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yeah this is boring me too we’re almost done here.

oh we’re done for now. happy monday! so nice out i’m going to check the roof and then ikea for how i want to deck it out it’s entertaining season!

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happy mother’s day mom! best one yet!

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i told papa to cover the address. oh whatever. don’t stalk my nana holmes!

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always in them matching colours. classy and sexy.

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shawn pissed me off. i was the bigger man.

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here i am picking up a piece of wood to throw at his head. we had a bread fight. normal duck feeding activity.

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i brought these. shawn and i ghetto plaza shopped and got it all done in one place including my bay gift card. awesome.

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mom i left that perfume in your car and you conveniently drove away with those earrings too.

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i hostessed the m-f right outta yesterday. i killed mother’s day, guy.

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papa even delivered some insights.

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stand off when shit went down. see the nervous fisherkid. stay the f- out of this kid.

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lois! picture these two plus me in south beach.

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drank these. i introduced the magical world of soda water to my mother.

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we outlasted everyone in that pub. marathon day.

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you looked very pretty mom.

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ick trash.

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i matched my hair to my skin.

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nana was like, i had a really nice time, a really nice time. high five mom!

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to celebrate lets get you your prime rib, or was it roast beef? it was the size of a dinosaur whatever it was.

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passions vision.

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and then i slipped into pajamas.

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nana’s garden is beautiful. nostalgic little plot back there. when it’s all in bloom, ahh-mazing. roses everywhere. total diva.

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papa was walking around half naked he was the exact same colour as the house, my mom’s outfit and myself, we were a few nudists and mom wouldn’t let me take pictures though i have one hilarious shot.

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i am pissed here and being passive aggressive. shawn’s like I DON’T WANT TO FEED THE DUCKS BLAAAAARGH YOU’RE NOT EVEN FUCKING FAMOUS BLAAAAAAH! WAITING FOR YOUR BOYFGRIEND SGFESHFGJKLDSHL! i’m all DUDE this day is NOT about you! mom has a fucking bag of bread in the fucking carsdgmnberlgjkbs bAGH!!!! go drink and wait in the pub i don’t care jesus christ etc. i won the war.

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my brother was rocking big shades that i made fun of the entire time. when i wear big shades the world stops everyone has to know it and i get made fun of until i puke.

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mom this is not a south beach diet. i say no more.

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thunderhead cheese it was delicious. between that and the steelhead trout i had i’ve been getting a lot of head lately.

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he felt bad and was screaming my name into this as i was walking up like a bitch before ignoring it hahaha fucking asshole siblings right? like, we would lay down and die for each other but irritate, instigate and nothing but torture upon the other in the interim.

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oh my god nana multiplied! don’t let her get wet what did i tell you!?

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it’s a nana thing.

off to work out be back soon.

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this darling spot in libville will be my new holiday. don’t know the name don’t care. our server was awesome, are you here for the FC game? no, we just live here. instant respect. no tourists here.

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this was on him too as teacher ordered poutine (set soccer menu only) and they were out of gravy. let me buy you a beer the guy says to make up for it. we turned that into wine. def going back. brazenhead was slammed. there was a security guard even lol. soccer hooligans ruin everything.

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also do i look like i give a fuck about soccer? haha. i have never been to a game. i want to, and will someday, it just hasn’t been warm enough yet. there’s a guy who still pesters me to go with him to a game. once for becks too, it was rainy that day. sorry david beckham, i had better things to do.

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great sun in there. loved it. great for the hangover.

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she actually wore a hat like this back in the day, justin had the actress imitator in cry me a river video wear one even she wore this stupid newsies hat all the time. i know everything about pop culture.

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DTD. yay.

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rat tails are back. not just for home-schooled rural bumpkin boys anymore. lol.

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the sun was killing me in the eyes, and everybody could see our hi-jinx from the patio. it was a fun time.

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pip pip!

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we drove to our walk. our 2 minute walk. it was exhilarating.

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i’m shrinking, my jacket is getting big.

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whoops what?

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teacher is left handed which makes band practise a little difficult. buy me a guitar.

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this is a fat day.

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puttin’ on ma spackle.

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i look like i work at the circus in 1920. right chappy have a ride on the ferris wheel mate yeah? i was wearing a cat jumpsuit looking deal on friday too it was neat. you will likely never see those pics though.

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note how there is always an animal in the background of my pictures, near me, nearing me. i am the pied piper. this cat likes me more than the teacher and she’s known him for thirteen years baahahahaa. me? under 3 months. gaahahaha. its true. he said so.

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i’m playing left handed here duuuudes. ambidextrous. i’ll add that to the long list of things i excel at. not that it matters anyway, playing that one metallica song open fret doesn’t matter if it’s upside down or not, it’s like playing a harp, i can do it in ma fuckin sleep.

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the teacher talks about me in class to his students. he was teaching philosophy last week and they were discussing ubermensches and a student asked if he knew anyone like that and he said yes i do know one person like that.

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an ubermensch refuses to subvert their individuality for the safety of the group. they use their force of will to create a new world, rather than accept the old one. a threat to the established order, they are both adored and loathed.

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basically, your world sucks, i made a better one. come watch. or fuck off. whatever i don’t care. i’m not marching to the beat of your drum. wait, i don’t even march. i mosey.

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ubermensches are highly adaptable.

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i’m trying to think of other ubermenches. there are no facts, only interpretations so in every blog argument of mine, say the hangover stripper post, check and read that. i constructed my own bizarre method of measuring why it’s not ok for my man to go on a las vegas stripper bender. to even the score of that would be myself being uber illicit with men, therefore no you may not go to vegas. i mean. you may by all accounts go but the penalty is there, and it’s not a penalty either, only the balance in my universe requires restoration, if i am not enough for you and you need to feel up the body of a dancer, this sends a message. these rules aren’t facts, only interpretations according to ubermenschia.

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HOW I FEEL ABOUT TAKEN MEN GOING TO STRIP CLUBS.

94 little raymis blew up about it. divided opinions big time. um i don’t feel as crazy about this now as i did then, clearly i have control and jealousy issues, had rather. now i don’t care. i have no belief in men or trust. i have seen the other side and i am no longer naive. ok off for a read of this to refresh. i like that they’re filming a sequel.

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i love that i get to re-experience this night again on this beautiful(ish) saturday afternoon. these food features of mine get me pumped about my next meal, i fantasize about eating immensely, namely, what can i next eat that is delicious and nutritious? people think they live day by day, no, try, meal by meal. i shall live to dine another day and because i have messed up eating restrictions and meal plans always, the next meal will be linner, for breakfast. followed by tons of snacks. i think snacking should have its own meal name, i feel the majority of people too busy to sit down for meals, snack more than the former and if that’s your main style of consumption, that’s not snacking, it’s eating. i will get back to you if i think of better terminology for this right, sometime, ever.

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we begin at the bar to have a cocktail, the place is packed and bumping, good vibe, happy faces, welcoming, efficient. every table spoken for. a couple gets a table ahead of us which i don’t mind, i like to wait for the perfect table and it’s a thrill when it pops up, cos you don’t know where it might be. every spot has a different vantage point and even though NOBODY puts baby in the corner, sometimes the corners are best.

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kept trying to time the photo with the wine fridge door opening, it cast a baseball stadium light beam on to me, a portal to another dimension of suntan booths worlds over.

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suffice it to say, one of us was not very good at timing this apparent challenging feat which i am incredulous by, as seen here. i am a pro, you have to be ready and waiting with your finger on the trigger, yes i am using hunting analogies (presently reading affliction by russell banks and it’s deer hunting season in new hamphshire right now btw)(nerd boner alert, lulz) for photography, is there really a difference aside from the outcomes? by one means, the subject shot is pierced by bullet, by the other, our subject hopefully gets a nice portrait sitting at a bar.

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quick! distract her with these fellinis.

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apple cider is one of the drink components, it was a bit tarty sour sweet, liked it. jeanette had the same.

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she suggested colleague get a shot of the pussy willows, when she overheard me barking demands reminders and suggestions to capture this and that before we left, so he took this one and it appears as though to be an outside shot. neat. i find i am too sparse with my compliments so have to be better (nicer) than that other than, going like, yeah that’s great, good for you I DON’T SEE MY FACE ANYWHERE IN THOSE PUSSY WILLOWS SO WHY ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME? um i am turning into naomi campbell. SHE is scary. i love her. remind me to google image obsess search over her later on please thank you it’s important.

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it has always been my dream to have a big butcher block kitchen island counter. oh it’ll happen. just watch.

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full marks for people watching venue. these are the best types of joints for that. people who are super into their cuisine and are out to be doted on, i love the free-for-all once the wine’s flowing, you turn to your table neighbours to your right or left once both parties have eavesdropped appropriately enough and say whatever’s on your mind. no snobby attitudes clogging up the atmosphere.

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cleanse coach giving me some super probiotics but i left my bottle of digestion enhancement enzymes at home. pop these when you eat post-cleanse to keep that brand new food movement moving.

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i’m like, they taste like cotton. wow. how apt. thanks for that.

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they make you chestier in the chest is what they’re really all about.

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catch me if you can.

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that good looking guy beside me is cherie’s husband. very personable dude.

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lynn came by to give us heck about not having pork shoulder (APPLE CIDER & JACK DANIELS MARINATED PORK LOIN)(drool, jesus when they write about it like that kinda makes you feel stupid eh?) so she made us tenderloin, which i love. thanks lynn. (nervous relief). someone has beautiful penmanship, look at the font of the writing on the blackboard. swoon.

here’s the entire menu for thursday:

THURSDAY MAY 5

STEEL HEAD TROUT & CARRON FARMS BEET SALAD

Sleger’s Living Greens, Fingerling Potato Coins, Quail Egg,

Triple Crunch Mustard Dressing

APPLE CIDER & JACK DANIELS MARINATED PORK LOIN

Pork Shoulder Cassoulet,
Grilled Kielbasa Sausages with Wild Mushrooms

Ice Berg Lettuce Wedge with Warm Bacon Vinaigrette

ARTISANAL CHEESE

Celery & Radish Salad, Grilled Country Bread

CHOCOLATE & RICOTTA CAKE
Detour Coffee Toffee Sauce

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you know the food is good if they brand the towels, you wouldn’t do that if your food sucked. branding towels is a privilege.

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island foods stamps their logo on their bags, their food is good enough for that so i won’t call the food police on them. so by this theory, mc’d’s and BK, a&w etc should be barred from all that branding.

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reminds me of the britney spears circus video.

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very happy girl. this steel head trout salad was delish. little adorable quail eggs, beets (which are now out of season nooo i love you beets don’t leave me!) fingerling potato “coins” (CUTE!) lightly dressed, definite mustard seed notes swimming in there. i love mustard seed i use it often. mustard seed for the win.

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i had the tiniest bit of this cheese biscuit, i avoided it so i don’t remember what the blend was but it was delicious. i just had a brooklyn flashback of getting chicken and biscuits from a drive through in bushwick (flatbush? somewhere dangerous at that time of night) with jamie then sitting with our boxes of grease in front of easy rider, in his greenpoint loft. i was like, i have arrived in life. actually i was at a very depressed juncture which i shall blog poetically about someday when i can get over it. the point is, drippy buttery greasy biscuits are quite the invention of destruction so if you must, please only have one from a place like Ruby – 730 Queen St E – 4.1.6 4.6.5.0.1.0.0. make a reservation i doubt you’ll be able to just drop in, maybe on industry night (mondays).

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more light source be resourceful. hi yeah can i have a glass of the pinot and four more candles. no, five more.

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here get me get me i am doing something cute and different now, a tucked in linen. to hide my sausagely-defined eating tour torso.

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love looking in on this. that’s why people love hell’s kitchen even though they get shitty food (for tv’s sake) or have to wait 2 hours and then get interviewed about how they had to wait 2 hours even though they KNEW they’d have to wait two f–ing hours (i love it) and you’re like if you really wanted to eat you’d go to spago or some shit but no, you want to be on tv and want to watch the crazy frenzy going on in the kitchen expecting to be pissed off and then it’s your moment to be pissed off shine on camera, people FIGHT to get in that restaurant (wasn’t there a ramsay’s kitchen nightmares where blogger reviewers came in and one girl tweeted during service about how it was crap? i need to find that episode). servers get addicted to this stress, the adrenaline i had after closing bar forces you to chug booze like a chris farley john belushi love child and stay up til 5am. i know i am addicted to this blog and the crazy variety of things i do daily yet crave a break and then when the break comes i get emo and think everybody forgot about me when’s the next thing OMFG WHEN!?

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like i said the menu changes daily. i like that. there will definitely be something on it for everybody, they serve your party in bigger portions and you can plate it yourself if you’re finicky. smart.

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just anotha’ day.

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what’s he doin’ to us, are we getting crushes here or what? totally. ha ha.

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i liked and found humour that we get to bask in the luminescence of the subway sign ‘cross the way. any closer to the front and you can watch someone having the thursday sub special while you cut into your oh so tender APPLE CIDER & JACK DANIELS MARINATED PORK LOIN. heehee.

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not food wasters, good good. they divide it all for you without your needing to ask so if you played favourites with some dishes, you go home with them. ok i will arm wrestle you for the beet salad, which there is no point in bothering because i am so going to win. YEAH! i am going back to the central to arm wrestle that little erin chick. a come-uppance indeed.

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do you know how powerfully intoxicating the scent of grilled bread is? why would they do that to me? i had a teeny nibble of the artisanal cheese but mostly focused on the Celery & Radish Salad. by this point we were stuffed.

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getting a little face time with lora who will be at Cheese Boutique tomorrow SUNDAY tomorrow! yes tomorrow, which is sunday, which is also mother’s day oh crap i have to go to the bay and get my mom a gift certificate (what’s with moms and the bay?)(gahahah the teacher just said what about feairweather? ahahahahah).

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this is what she’s making. i wish she were there today i want that now, you have no idea how much i need it haha or if you saw me last night at adventurehouse then you probably do. haha hi brock and kevin and jay and the rest thanks for coming had a blast dancing with you. melodie get me those pics asap! we used my old camera it was so weird using it i can’t believe i used that piece of crap for so long and it kept this blog going, you guys have very low standards for your quality of entertainment. just saying. this blog needs an overhaul redesign stat.

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oh man chocolate ricotta cake why do you do this to me? you know i have no willpower.

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just kidding i was very good actually, i had just under a third and gave the rest to jeanette who later texted me that she had the rest in the most food p0rnographic text ever i hope i still have it ahahahaa.

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i’m like a chihuaua constantly thinking neurotically that they have to go, they don’t, they’re just hyper and agitated.

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talking some kind of shit or other, who knows who cares it travels up from a bottomless well so you don’t need to capture it all. or remember it, or listen.

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a good cleanse coach gives rewards.

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one of her sayings is eat what you want when you want with who you want without shame. ok jeanette can you shut up for one sec and put that spoon in my mouth? namaste.

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girls got great feet. i loved these wedges.

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if it was my foot i’d have done the same. they were clean and brand new looking. sorry bad table etiquette i was drunk.

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that is the biggest apple that i have ever seen. um is it real? is it even an apple? it’s so tim burton. sigh i missed him at the lightbox. i have a disney make a wish foundation dream to be jack skellington in a christmas pageant. i know every song by heart. ok this is a self indulgent irrelevant tale for another day.

i am going to get the teacher to film me singing this song. “the fame and praise comes year after year, does nothing for, these empty tears.” gah love this movie. before you! i have it on vhs! this movie is my cousin and i’s version of jesus christ superstar that my mom and my uncle sang to each other.

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you will love the decor. old mailboxes? come on!

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ok lets f– with these jeanette.

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found cheese boutique’s 2011 festival of chefs cheese accordion pamphlet (colleague designed it) each slice of which has the featured chef of the week and all their restaurant information, handy thing to hang on to.

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people need to see this thing.

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i look like something out of harry potter, make sure you visit the platinum banshee off market before heading back to hogwarts, she has a message for youuuuu.

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neato.

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i told jeanette she changed my life, hugged and thanked her and she was touched. a lot of my friends and family have told me i am their health inspiration. good. great!

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remind me to dress like a superhero more often.

thanks everyone at RUBY for the great time. yours is a prime example of an owning thy shit establishment, i shall sing your praises next time someone asks for a recco in the east end.

xoxo ruby tuesday raymi.

ps. everyone don’t forget to have one of lora’s mini macaroni hamburgers tomorrow at cheese boutique it’s on me!

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the evening began innocently enough, well not really. i sent this photo to the teacher on my way out. it was a good idea. girls, this is how you squirrel your way into your dude’s cerebral cortex and bury nuts there, nuts made of 95% pink silk, wait, aren’t they already silky enough to begin with? steering away from the double entendre now. anyway, one of my jams is to ply a guy with snaps of times we’ve spent together. instead of texting the morning after when you’re drunk still, something you might regret, just send a photo, it will say enough. if it’s a photo he saw you take of your brunch together or an eccentric sign, anything you-him-date centric, send it.

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my hair is getting longer. likey like. i have it in a braid now. coming to america rat tail styles. it will be my new thing for the next little while.

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if i had or used photoshop i would buff this right out like xiaxue does though, to see the grain or texture of my twenty eight year old face, it’s not so bad, i’m not looking so bad? i compare myself to other girls who are aging along with me (we all do it), a year my junior, girls who have laugh lines, who have had laugh lines since they were 21, i’ve studied them in the scene over time in toronto, can’t help it, but anyway, all that non-smiling has paid off for me, and never tanning my face. i am noticing more eye crinkles though when i smile, though i think it’s cos i lost weight all my face definition is being revealed which makes sense, if it happens on your body then it too happens on your face.

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i can’t wait to have long curly goldilocks. i chose to go necklaceless last night to be simpler, less is more sometimes when you’re feeling that way. wearing a loud red dress is like 4 necklaces.

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too dark but for some reason lately i have been interested more so in my lips. you are benefiting from this minor interest spike. you can be an asshole with a big mouth as long as it’s pretty.

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asked these chicks for a photo pose, they loved it. the one i’m holding got right into it and prepped her wardrobe. man i could be big in japan i need to go there, how’re they holding up right meow anyway? anyway. yes i know how repulsive and insincere that just came across. haha anyway back to queen street west, i know right? this girl got an extra squeeze out of me cos she goes i love your hair and then she cooed at it and whispered blond in this dreamy airy voice.

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i very much stood out here and then became drunk instantly. this is mavrik, (they’re beside czehoski) and it was their soft launch last night, little miss in-the-know was invited for a snoop, their actual opening is today. they’re a wine bar. czehoski is pumped cos they’ll handle the spill over or waiting period for a spot over there and i am a big fan of plunking a wine bar so central in the city. elizabeth (one of the owners) was in finance in new york and dealt with the stress of her career in wine bars, so she decided to make her own and got her friend joanne on board. i love this back story, i love it when people stumble upon their venture accidentally. i picture elizabeth over decanting pinot being like I AM SICK OF CRUNCHING NUMBERS and then a lightbulb explodes over the wine fridge. cannot wait to go back and have some royal treatment, fingers crossed. i got in before all the media. good thing i dressed the part, having my colleague in-tow with the camera and my hair and the dress i was like oh damn now i’ve done it, time to go celebrity, lets work this. i posed for photos outside in front of 5 dirtbags with dog fighting type dogs (so trash) and didn’t look at them once while they raped me with their eyes. they thanked my colleague for that when we were finished. part of me wanted to go loco on them like you are thanking the wrong fucking person. i have a thing with photographers taking credit for MY art. it was a long ordeal betwixt my ex and i, if you get me started we will have to do an entire other post about it so i am stopping now.

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see how i am a chameleon? hair up, speaking of mavrick shades (topgun). this is why when i see someone i recognize that i haven’t seen in years i always point to my chest and go it’s me, raymi? because i know i’ve had 4 different looks since whoever it is saw me last. sometimes they’re like, DUH i know who you are. i have terrible people recall with some. the worst is re-inroducing friends of mine who have met and partied for YEARS. like i think the world and time stops when i go away, these people are LOST without me! i must guide them, guide their friendships in the dark! they’re like shut the fuck up and go away raymi we got this, duke and i saw each other at unlovable last week ok. haha it is i who is the one that’s actually in the dark here.

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i googled hello kitty swarovski yesterday. there is a BOW necklace. I NEED IT MORE THAN A PRISONER NEEDS WATER!

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colleague did the majority of the hack attacking, i stepped in for the photo credit like a politician chopping down a pre-chopped ready to timber evergreen. i think it would be really easy to be a politician, like, they are the worst acting liars ever, they make shit loads of cash, riddled with skeletons in their closets, i don’t have any sex videos that i am aware of leaked yet but i’m sure if that happened it would only further my career. a competitor of mine and i discuss this, if hers came out before mine then i had one out, then i’d be like second fiddle. however if i beat her to it then i have a f–ing sex video out? then we have this amazing blog post to reference. i can still remember the time when a sex tape was a big deal now it’s like, wow genitals, yawn.

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behind the scenes action wow raymi tell us what it’s like living the glamorous blog reality dream life? yesterday at mavrik, elizabeth kept congratulating me on all my blog success and i was like aha yeah thanks (forced grin keeping it together stressed out of my mind) it dawns on me more and more that, this persona i have, that i propagate, i’m supposed to carry it into the real world as well, keep the dazzle and the sparkle, be on. people don’t want to see or know the behind the scenes wear and tear, they want the escape and illusion and fantasy fairy tale. they don’t like to hear you ending an engagement. there is a disconnect i’ve come across, for example, on a date i was regurgitating all this fake princessy bullshit that i sell to you guys here (girls) that we all love and soap opera our way through my blog posts daily, but this guy wasn’t getting that i was being jokey about it, my arms were covered up and down with swarovski bracelets, i looked harajuku barbie playmate-ish and i said re: my jewels that i “needed” more. he thought i meant it, he thought that this fake person was my real person and i was embarrassed. i had carried it so fucking far that i couldn’t detect the difference between my jokes and reality.

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when you see healthy stuff laid out like that it’s like why not live this lifestyle? why would i want to felate a big mac? mmmmm. i’m still gonna be a good girl, right now i’m having low cal broccoli soup with real parmesan by v8. yum. i’m going to share some with the cat. update: she’s not into the soup.

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traffic has been brutal lately eh.

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more traffic more photos.

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i am also obsessed with my teeth.

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and every line beneath my eyes. if i had done my makeup properly there’d be less crap taking up residence in my eye crevices here. i was low energy tired this day.

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whiskervision. you can see some stache too. i promise i’ll do a stache shave tutorial video for you to make fun of and learn from. no shame all fame. blog title!

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teacher met me at metro because he knew i was out walking around looking like this and metro in liberty village is ground zero meat market and i am a good cut i can’t even walk to the car without tripping all over myself from all the double takes i get and check outs i’m sorry i have to keep talking about it but it fascinates me because i am a gargoyle living in this malibu barbie vessel and cos i compulsively look everyone in the eye right back, that’s a lot of eye contact. it stresses me out and pulls me to it. even girls do it, they get the nod though. men get nothing but stone face. aren’t we all glad i blog? can i get a thank you today please jesus christ misses omfg i have to register which takes an extra four seconds from sitting on my ass more stalking facebook and raymi’s blog meanwhile she’s on word count 1584 and i can’t be bothered to give her a high five because i am selfish and lazy.

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you know i found out an old friend (i considered her one) read my blog still by her contacting the teacher via ok cupid about it. this chick latched on to my ex fiance too. i’ll blog our back and forths later on if i’m bored. this is why i will never link his twitter or anything because of stupid fucking girls taking liberties like this like we’re all one giant family. just because someone is accessible to you doesn’t mean you should write to them. so revealing. she’s like i’ve enjoyed your exploits on raymi’s blog. creepy and seedy. our present status is complicated which is evident from my blog. i haven’t heard from her in two years. took me awhile to figure out her name, thank you gmail! i drunk FB’d her wall too and the last message i sent said:

Allow me to be psychotically clear – it should have been apparent that the teacher is my property I don’t care if u see him in p0rnos, breaking the fourth wall and contacting him is revealing as there is no bloody point to it, you can’t have him. I know it was a one liner and I don’t care as much as it seems I’m just with reason a little alert for these little things is all nothing personal sorry for fbing your wall I was drunk and you set me off

i have too many single white females who already stalk all my ex boyfriends and copy all my outfits while doing so and writing on their faces i love raymi in hot pink lipstick while jerking off to my photos and pretending to be me and shit so excuse my sensitivity when it comes to loved ones.

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how the rat tail got invented last night.

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how my underwear got me presents last night.

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sigh. my first dangly earrings. REGRESS!

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get mistress raymi gifts, this is so the movie the muse hahaha. i sent teacher a link to an etsy shop of these blue tiffany style cupcake earrings and nothing else. they’re only $15. we are in the liking each other again stage, well, more like, yeah, his date with a 22 year old at reposado (ick) earlier this week put things in perspective for me a little, and him. he quit smoking, is on the patch, day 8 or 9? my stalin style of bossing him around works for us.

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hahaha dork.

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i’d only wear this dress on skinny days, skinny zero bloat or cramping days, i waited so long the thing doesn’t fit me at all, is too big, which is an achievement i am happy about. yeah no i totally wish i was fatter so my dress would fit right. pfft. the shoulders always buckled too much.

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the act is what counts to me not what the gift is (though i reminded him that i was after a new simple girly necklace hahaha) and to know that he is trainable and that he knows he landed on a treasure (me) it’s nice to be spoiled, i had forgotten what it was like. i spoil myself so much it’s nice to have a break and let someone else take over and not be so hyper bitchy all the time and on edge perfectionist control freak. i am apprehensive to give in, why, so i keep myself open for other queen west hotties who will never fucking speak to me and then it’s winter again? cool story toronto.

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i’m kinda bombed here from dinner. primed. lol.

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i look like minnie mouse. it’s a bit garish but the pink saves it. he’ll learn. maybe they’ll let me exchange it.

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the girl was like, is it her birthday? he goes no, it’s thursday. the girl sighed enviously. FINALLY. valentine’s day came late for me this year. then he got the earrings. he said the girl wanted to hate me but then gave in. he retold this scenario 5 times very proud of himself. i’m not going to knock it cos i want to continue getting presents hahahahehehe.

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i walked in here once with cheryl, their name is correct, because you think you’re walking into more than just a jewellery store. you have to be buzzed in, it’s in parkdale i mean, come on. so they buzzed us in even though we were dressed like goth tramp (her)(hahahaahhahahaha) and LES scenester (me obvi.) and i knew that it was a special holy right, jewellery world, a serious world i was not ready for yet (i was 19) and even though i was making a lot of money at the time (being a virtual plaything) i still felt unworthy of jewellery. i had an abusive drug dealer bf at the time so that was part of it. having this box in my hands yesterday moved me, i didn’t tell him why it was so touching. i am so far away from who and what i was nine years ago, that scary dangerous place, i am proud of myself, its like i went back to that pretty woman moment in that boutique and bought that girl a ring, who should have had one bought for her back then but she didn’t know that she deserved one. dudes i am bawling right now ahahah wow hormonal!

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loved this and loved dinner last night with colleague and jeanette. it was amusing to give her a sample of raymbo’s world. see how hard it is not to succumb to temptation?

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chocolate ricotta cake? i mean, come on. i had the teeniest bit and let her take the majority home with.

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lora kirk will be at CB on sunday do not miss her. here she is showing my colleague what she plans to make, i saw it too. mini macaroni (as the bun) hamburgers! if you go to cheese boutique this sunday to get your mother’s day crap you can sample that while you shop. the festival of chefs is upon us again, it’s festival season oh yeah and chef lora is kicking it off. there’s your lead, foodists.

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check out the other mastermind in the kitchen at ruby, chef lynn crawford. she scared me a little bit, haha no i was just nervous. colleague says she has a show on food network, or had one? looking at the bio on ruby’s site it looks like the owner cherie is the one with food television ties, anyway the point is, tv is important to me. i get starstruck too you know. she followed me in to the bathroom with this camera and was like what are you taking pictures of? i wanted to get the napkins, they have the resto’s logo on them, which i equate to $$, if you are branding top quality paper hand towels, for some reason i feel like that’s important to my audience? to princesses, i like every single detail covered and featured. my food reviews are more than just food, because food has more to it than just food. it says something about the person, where they dine and what they dine. do i ever review garbage fast food chains? never. i would never associate my brand with rubbish. so i appreciate the extra mile in stamping napkins, as chef lynn crawford, eons and light years more famous and talented than i, wipes down the counter surrounding the crate of paper towels, so thick may as well be linen, so that i can photograph them. this woman is a perfectionist, i thought and i see perfectionists as holy sentient beings.

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my colleague was like, you took a picture of towels and not of her? or you and her in the mirror? uhhhh…..shit. i couldn’t even get a shot of myself, the lens and distance from wall to mirror, it wouldn’t focus or take. it would have been embarrassing had i thought to do that so thankfully i kept it cool and retarded and took pictures of napkins like a fucking idiot! IDIOT YOU STUPID STUPID GIRL! haha chris farley interviewing paul mccartney on snl moment.

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lynn inquires, so, are you (you are) that blogger girl? i blushed. but went yeeee-ep. longest yep of my life. i apologized for not ordering the pork shoulder (she specially made me beef tenderloin instead, it’s a set menu, it was taboo of jeanette and i to do that on a set menu, no, it’s insulting is what it is. cuisine world is a bit fascist, you’re a vegetarian oh? fuck you no you’re not you’re having venison is pretty much how it goes) and stammered a bunch of other crap too, that i would have the pork anyway from my colleague’s (ended up not doing that) of which said he would get the kitchen to accommodate my post cleanse diet. coming back from the kitchen i nod and go, so you said hi and mentioned my food thing and did they tell you to go fuck yourself? he’s like, pretty much. kitchen intuition. fuck at this rate i’ll be penning a cooking confidential of my own.

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i love the style of presentation, very family sharesies. the menu changes daily. so fun and fresh. i checked it out online and had the words STEEL HEAD TROUT stamped in my brain.

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my next post will be colleague’s pics. hope the lighting wasn’t too dark.

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cherie (the owner) found this amazing sign in the junction and it became their name. it is such a great piece. it’s obviously from a watch company. i forget that part of the story unfortunately.

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fellinis. delicious. i just looked at the menu and my heart sprung a boner, they have seared beef carpaccio on the menu tonight. omfg. the place will likely be packed. they had the windows open last night, the vibe and atmosphere is so date bar, so special occasion restaurant. it’s in the east end too, a side of town i seldom investigate. queen/broadview it’s right there, you can go to jilly’s afterward. ew. by the way foodies (who hate/love me)(just give in to it already ok, i got you beat, just, i dunno, take it out on your whisking) it’s a big deal that we got in at ruby, they are not all about the internet. they tell the media when they show up not the other way around. nothing like the foodelite.

*if anything i said was incorrect here (sometimes information going through the raymi filtration chambers gets a bit like playing telephone. i don’t take notes. or do duvet covers on comforters.)

TGIF!

i just sat in silence for a very long time writing this it’s like loudness was holding its breath i deserve some music now.

ps. tonight i’m a cheap drunk and it’s melodie’s birthday/going away to paris party at our fourth monthly ADVENTUREHOUSE PARTY @ SALVADOR DARLING TONIGHT!!! come!! 9PM. you are all invited. 1237 queen street west.