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oh boy what a weekend.

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in times like these (temporary hysteria?) one must act as one’s own publicist and second-think about TMI-ing with the universe.

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you gotta bury it and carry it.

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i look pretty tired here. once again, allergies punched me in the face but i learned that if i have honey from this area it will help me become immune to the pollen, that those (MOTHERF-ING) bees in this area carry around to their hives. hey smojoe i know you’re a bee keeping freakazoid please bring me a jar of honey thanks. ps. coincidentally you wrote a nice thing about me in your pepsi post,

Thirty minutes later, and quite by accident I really annoyed Raymi with even more socially awkward behaviour. I asked for a pen to get a number from a guy, a hair dresser who wants to be on page one of Google and Raymi said she had one. Turns out she didn’t, but I went looking a little too intently in Raymi’s open purse and she scolded me. Rightly so. I felt foolish. Especially because it’s Raymi, and I have nothing but respect for her… Her acerbic wit is rare and precious, and she’s truly a unique voice and author. I’m not just saying that. Have you ever read Raymi The Minx ?

where was i…

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yes friday night bbq chez lisa, pre-advhaus party.

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we forgot this, it’s teacher and i, barbarella who is this famous guy again? all of teacher’s friends are in lust with him now that he is hotter by raymi osmosis. skinnier, no glasses, constitution, dating bombshell. heheh.

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tanya, bikini portraits for salv darling summertime frames?

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i didn’t get too many pictures because i was too busy experiencing the black hole what are adventurehouse parties. you must come to experience for yourself. the whole family was there and i love when random little raymis appear and they get to meet their hero in proper elemental form. yah yah. like that bar brawl that broke out. TMR has trained me into a fighting machine. one girl there is beefing up to train to be a cop she’s done her written test but now needs to get beefed up which, i totally am. guys should i become a cop? or like a secret interpol sexy sleuth that gets information from visiting higher-ups then karate chops their bodyguard (much like happened friday night hahah) and scale down a building pipe outside the hotel window?

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UO sat afternoon was very montreal hangover shopping spree. i don’t think the human eyeballs were meant to handle acid trippy colours and fluorescent lighting, not to be an eye specialist or anything here.

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i am going to be nude in a movie soon. i am getting more comfortable with that.

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think we have some winners. coed change rooming is illegal right?

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see my animalistic ab definition? i’m down to a 28 waist according to these shorts. which i bought.

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should have got these. also come in blue navy. everyone i know whines about UO it’s like walking into a candy store you can’t go in unless you are willing to blow at least $150. which is what i did and i am still having buyer’s regret over it. i still need a bikini for south beach.

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i didn’t buy this cos it was like lingerie on me, xs or large. my legs are too long and i am already getting nothing but bitchiness toward me for owning my new body i have laboured consistently to achieve. i am tired of passive aggressive beta girls and mean chicks and getting no break cos when i snap back or react everyone is extra sensi cos it’s raymi, meanwhile i’m the one getting bullied and shit slung behind the back of. i don’t have the patience or energy to be the bigger person anymore.

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a little too juvenile. i also owned this exact same dress (with matching belly top) when i was 6 and wore it to my bowling birthday party in streetsville hahaha.

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my dad was an understudy for charlie bucket in willy wonka and the chocolate factory.

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my grandma and grandpa. i have never see john so thin!

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my dad at 17.

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we watched true grit. pure coen brothers magic. jeff bridges was unintelligible beyond belief and i cried when i thought the little girl was dying and why didn’t they make her meet up with matt damon in the end ooooh yearning cliffhanger goodness.

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so far three have poppd off my right hand, the ones i applied stone cold sober, but maybe that’s cos i am right handed?

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that chick wears the same thing throughout the entire film. i think i need to see it again.

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my dad gave (until we break up which they both agreed upon hahah) teacher a pair of his raybans. score. where’s my glasses dad??!

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my niece’s clock.

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we whipped each other with the ball a ton. fun times. lots of ambushes.

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grabbed some shades from the tickle trunk.

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read this in bed last night til i fell asleep, may have influenced some dreams.

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everyone was fighting this weekend. we had late night entertainment courtesy of mcdonald’s parkdale ahh my fave. i never fast food imbibe so this was something special.

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white trash lady over yonder was screaming at the cute brown chicks, stuff like AFGHANI AFGHANI pure racist vitriol garbage. i went over to them all afterward to crisis counsel, but also wanted the inside scoop.

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there was another chick in line with the white shirt white trash garbage mouth and it was basically just like, why you lookin ‘at me like that for, got classist a little so the lesser than floundered and turned it racial. yawn. the girls called the cops, who never came and i was saddened to hear that “they were used to it” as there were other visible non-whites scattered throughout the dining room who just like, fully shut down. also shocking. this woman’s filthy spewy racial rant was deserved of total retaliation, but no one did anything.

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purple shirt was also compadres of white shirt racial spewer. every derogatory slag you can think of toward people of this identity, she said it. well not all of them but she said enough and it got my blood boiling. clearly she was drunk as hell and not to be taken seriously but they wanted to wait outside to fight these girls which is why i went over to them. when teacher and i finished our burgers we left and the crazies were gone. tales from parkdale princess.

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it’s all cool dudes.

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sent this to my brother and he texted lol is that you?

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nerd hairdo boys love.

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at one point i said this is so trailer park boys they were clinksing their beers and cheersing mediocrity ahh i love my family.

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rocky is getting chubs, daddy and no it’s not the hair.

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burger run and my first nail pops off. easy to reapply. will def require a minxing afterward.

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my brother is my dad’s stylist. nice SPACEJAM shoes dad are you friends with michael jordan and looney tunes?

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attempting to youthen up my dad’s band’s target audience.

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the first applique.

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hit the photobooth at steamwhistle.

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i hogged the front. you can sit on my lap next time.

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see how i look like whomever i stand beside. i am mystique.

PS: MEDIA/PR HEAD’S UP RE: ALL THANGS NXNE/HIP THIS WEEK – I’M YOUR GIRL, RAYMI@RAYMITHEMINX.COM

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bit of a late start this day. bit of a case of the mondays and the sense that time is slipping away from you. summer stress! had a nice visit in burnoutington yesterday, saw my bro too. have so much to do why am i blogging aghh. brb with something realer.

the suburbs from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

slow ride from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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don’t get too attached to this painting i’m mailing it soon to lesliebian. i brought it here to guilt/force myself to do it. am i the only one who finds shipping and handling to be utterly annoying? when will there be a service that comes to your house when you call or email and say hey i have a lamp please bring your van full of bubble wrap, package accordingly and get the heck out of here like i have a maytag box kicking around to restructure into a suitable package. am i right? and, like i want to do that anyway. can someone go onto dragon’s den please and make this business happen? all you need is a van and then you drive to the post office. done. you can call your company the middleman or something cute stupid like that.

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the absolute only reason why i pierced my ears or wanted to get them done so late in life (five months ago!) was to exclusively wear feather earrings because of this video.

i have absolutely zero shame in my love of top forty garbage. i’ll unearth my rants about it if i have any energy left after writing this pile of crap. FOUND IT READ IT AND COMMIT TO MEMORY.

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many styles of feathers to choose from i held them all up to my face and knew these were the ones, kinda thundercats. i wanted a natural colour not bird-like peacock vibrant. i want to look like an animal woman, with fur/feathers growing out of me like the phoenix in the kanye runaway video.

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and my shirt, an homage to dazed and confused AIR RAID YOU FRESHMEN BITCHES! it was a hit at steamwhistle people (drunk baseball fans) kept yelling seniors! at me and i was so clued out, then i got it and rolled with it. oh the jokes i can get out of this one. obvs photobooth makes me backward, and the room.

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new kicks that slashed up my ankles so today will be a flip flops day. do i go minimalist blue or pink tube flops a la punky brewster?

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finally did them. they say not to wear for more than 7 days which i guess means i destroyed my nails. oh well. my minx nail tech will fix me up afterward. anyway, i somehow did this totally wasted, one hand only at first, super easy. just did the other hand now.

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slightly harder to type like an office girl clacking away with her french manicure slurping on a jugo juice reading tmz. plahahah.

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someone was party stalking me. look i have wizard hair almost.

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i tried lisa’s moroccan oil, serum style instead of the spray, the serum is loads better i have to stock up on hair product.

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ooh that was a skinny night.

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i party hair fidget. it’s at that length that it’s long enough to see when i look down so i’m more aware of it, i see it and then go oh hello, lets have a hair sweep over that shoulder right there, yeah that’s the spot, no? not good enough. satisfied? ok i’ll just tussle you a little bit here while nodding and put you right back to how you were in the first place. then lets do this 34565 times for the rest of the day.

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blaha teacher and the trophy. i am good at what i do.

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pre-lisa’s party pics.

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eastern bloc raymi.

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i am SO wearing the hell out of this hat come winter. teacher has all kinds of wicked accessories a brit poppy dapper m’f’r might own. score.

i woke up and went out with how my hair was exactly as it was when i awoke, no brushing. my cowlick will be cut into a more streamlined layer brennen said it looks like i am wearing a hair hat. well, at least i am not wearing a weave. how mean is it to be jealous of other blonds with longer hair, that makes them prettier cos mermaids are always prettier, but you know it’s extensions. dilemma. i guess look at it as plastic surgery or wearing makeup? verdict: don’t be an asshole or say anything.

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hand watch. how ocd are you about your nails?

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i got another pair of cutie patootie shorts from UO. show ya later. i am so pumped little shorts are in. summer shopping depresses me and stresses me out it’s like lying in bed staring at the ceiling panic, i don’t think there is anything in the city made for ME! omg summer is ruined! totally right?

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loved this. on the right was my bible while reading it (he never replied by the way i might email him ONE last chance tucker max you asshole) and then on the left we have my pedigree.

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i wish UO didn’t rip everyone’s designs off all the time and overprice everythang. we suicide shopped between there and AA and it was not enjoyable. to shop under duress, hung, stressed, timelined, bitchy lazy hipsters sneering at you, while sleigh bells is jacked to eleven i had style exchange montreal crushf–d flashbacks. we almost hung raged on a chick at AA. like honestly, someone’s gonna get a fat lip from me one of these days if these mouthy 20 year olds don’t smarten the eff up and respect thy elder.

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cabbing to the pier. jason was texting me the boat’s leaving we were inches away. when i tell a cab driver to speed what i really mean is drive on sidewalks and on two wheels and get my ass there i will pay double. they never do it though. i am a cab whisperer, i’ll have my hand on the door handle and before even getting in i know he’s a slow driver or a prick, sometimes i’ll next ‘em and close the door. they love that. i love the ones that eavesdrop in on your soap opera.

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which teacher and i had yesterday en route back to the tower to clean it up for a little “to-do” cab drivers get to hear the most personal of things and i don’t care, where is it gonna go? i’ve had drivers so immersed in my drama they drive way passed our destination, and of course i’m not paying any attention anyway cos a heart to heart is happening in the backseat. they turn the meter off at that point. these are the cab ride days of our lives.

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we could have water taxi’d to it but that would be embarrassing. darius is like what am i a sultan? too much attention no thank yew. there’s one on june 24 or something, i’ll be in south beach july 1/4 so not able to go for those oh well. at least we got up and out with nice outfits. the lisas coulda gone on they made it in time but the day was about hanging as a pack so we stayed on land.

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be nautical or nice?

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i couldn’t finish this. i asked if they had champagne, waitress said they didn’t. they did. no baby didn’t flip out or say i told you so. even though she made our skin crawl down our faces waiting for service. then a beautiful bollywood cast came in all in amazing futuristic euro fashions. i was in a makeup competition with one of the girls, we kept looking at each other like two cupcakes haha. omg her eye makeup was awesome and their one token white friend was wearing guy-liner too. hi can we have your life today what the hell is your back story, so intrigued! people should pass notes to each other in restaurants. YES WE ARE ON A DATE or I’M IN TOWN FOR ONE WEEK ON A BENDER DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME BLOW?

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no one was terribly upset (or they hid it from me EXTREMELY WELL) over missing the cruise, the weather wasn’t exactly warm and i had bare legs.

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that would look nice in a den, in my fantasy cabin. costs a bill probably.

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some people at steamwhistle asked me if these were some namebrand, perrys? please no way guy, with fads/trends until you settle on the style and are sure of it, you go no name, then when ready, splash on expensive conformity.

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lisa has lots of rainbow coloured pants, she must have a source.

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casie’s candles. not bad eh? nails i mean.

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the only bloomer up there right meow.

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toldja i’d make my own spa water. so refreshing.

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can you get patio mats at home depot? i want something cocoa mat-like. swanky.

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butt cleave underoos from AA. need a pair in every colour.

you can see on my back splotches. that’s total pigment loss and why i won’t tan my back because it will be more pronounced so i’m going to look like a weirdo all summer long, brown in the front, ghost in the back.

oh, and as for the name of this post, i’ve decided to burlesque dance again and this time as myself: RAYMI THE MINX. no brainer, duh? i will require a few girls but yeah, soon, sometime this summer, raymi the minx will be strip teasing von teese style. i danced on the bar at Motel last night in my jeans running shoes and seniors shirt (like tracey rock of love) and then all the girls copied me coyote ugly ugh but i stood out the most because i had the best moves. i’m really good and when i break out of my shyness, it works. what venue would i do this at? somewhere classy, tattoo’s stage is nice and has an actual stripper pole so hmmmm. ps. i will wear a minx tail too.

freestyle messin around from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

i’m actually in the middle of a panic attack here. it was a very humid day, stressful day, so i sequestered myself to the rehearsal space while the girls had break in the back. blasting tunes and being constructive helps anxiety, and then it goes away, and then you have a video like this.

strung out sunday begins, see you in Burnoutington!

happy suicidal saturday!

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old school film cameras, gotta get it right.

+++

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ok remember how i keep pestering you about the Carole’s Cheesecake Cake Baking + Cooking Evening with Carole and Michael THIS WEDNESDAY JUNE 15 6-9PM? well there’s that but also groupon launched a deal at 3am for CCC and it’s selling like gangbusters (so far 529 bought in 8 hours) you can access the coupon there i don’t have a direct funnel link so there’s no point or ability to track analytics but anyway, THIS WEDNESDAY JUNE 15 at Carole’s Cheesecake i will be making my own damn cake and i will give it to my dad for father’s day the weekend after! yay go me best daughter ever. so my little foodielites i’d love for you to join us, i cannot wait.

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do you know a debbie? me either. make her a cake too!

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mmmmm.

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i’m sweaty and gross as hell but strong like bull! tyler gives me a spin halfway through.

ok allow these to make up for the gross. i’ll be wearing this tonight at adventurehouse at salvador darling and i’m mouthy as hell right now so you should probably come by for a piece of that.

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teacher is wigging out right meow cos he just remembered that i am a babe. i’m meeting a few other reg friends of his tonight.

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plus six swarovski bracelets. a ring too probably.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5819087581/in/photostream

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5819650282/in/photostream/