i dunno what is more gross, the cat licking his ass, or me watching him lick his ass.

funny story

we’re going to vancouver soon to stay with the goods so i can play with their dogs and take them back with me to ontario when we leave. yesterday at the movie store i was drunk and there was this tiny dog that was following me around and so i picked it up and fil shook his head at me and said that is like picking up someone’s child ie. weird. whatever, the dog wasn’t even struggling. we rented alfie and it is nowhere near as cool as it seems to be in the previews and i am glad that susan sarandon told him that she was banging this other guy ‘cos he was younger. player guys are douche bags who think they’re so interesting and usually say, “man, there should be a book written about MY life, it’s SOOOO crazy guy!!!” fuck you.

anyway, ya, the goods and also that arts county fair backstageness – k-os, metric, stabilo, and matthew good. i will be the one vomitting out of my ears. that is all.

why isn’t there a letter ‘u’ in the word forty?

insane amount of sushi/sake last nite and scotch whiskey from 18 years ago i think i was mean to only a couple of people and i pushed martin after he called me a bad word and he flew into the brick wall all awkwardly over a bench and it was like i was rambo.

there are some nerdy kids two alleys over filming something and one dude has red paint all over his face with black stripes and a trench coat and they have a big sign that says film shoot in progress. um, duh. you have a camera and you’re a bunch of goofs hanging around obviously you are filming some stupid script you’ve put together.

so should i wear a t-shirt when i am walking along that says “i am walking” on it or “walking in progress” or “hey look at me walk” or “right now i am walking in case you weren’t sure already but yes it’s true i am walking and i hope i am not inconveniencing you in any way that’s why i am wearing this t-shirt to let you know that i am strictly walking but if i plan on doing anything else i will let you know” ?

i also get annoyed at books that say, “a novel” on the cover. hey thanks for the tip, for a second there i thought this was a telephone.

Ward @ Work says:

His mom is still kinda chunky though

raymi says:

i never saw her

raymi says:

is his dad still fucked in the head

Ward @ Work says:

yeah…. lol

raymi says:

ward dont say lol that’s gay

Ward @ Work says:

his dad was trying to get all his friends to open an Ice Cream shop

Ward @ Work says:

cause apparently that is where the money is

Ward @ Work says:

don’t say what?

raymi says:

lol

TOP TEN WAYS TO ADD EXCITEMENT TO A LONG CAR TRIP

10. Play “auto-bingo”

9. Try to eat ear of corn while steering

8. Play connect-the-dots with dead bugs on windshield

7. Practice sudden bootlegger turns

6. When traffic is light, drop pants around your ankles

5. Have long conversations with imaginary friends after picking up hitch-hikers

4. Lean on horn and swerve as you approach stalled motorists

3. Tune to static on radio and pretend you’re the last person on earth

2. See how long you can drive with your eyes closed

1. Talk guy behind counter at Stucky’s into leaving family and joining you

went to the back in the day scumhole last nite. same old bullshit. white guys who think they’re detectives of coolness and make a big deal of shaking each other’s hands for all to see. dude, you saw each other two hours ago so fuck off with your long lost brethren crap, you hang out every day of the week.

all of a sudden hanging out with your white trash homies means big sideways HYEH GUY hand shakes, like they saw it in a movie and passed word around about it and said let’s do that mang.

um are you the mafia? is this new jack city? why are you wearing sweatpants and dancing around to gwen stefani and when you make eye contact with your friend you immediately shake hands in that fucking way? is this the end scene of american pie where jason biggs is looking around at all of his friends dancing with their red cups of beer and then he nods his head to them and they all nod back one after the other smiling like goony fucktards like ya dude we suuuure accomplished a lot but we made it out ok?

anyway, if you and your friends practise the faggoty art of self-important hand shaking and you also think that lil john is a musical genius then you can just fuck off.

i am so getting my period today.