dude/ettes hey there hi there ho there i’m good i’m great no worries was just hangin’ with my pops out there in the burbs for a few, changed my whole perspective on shit holy crap is the city ever loud when you get back after a stretch, fuck, and so many people too. i have 200 emails to go through, and have skimmed the headers of which, thanks for the concerns but no need to panic we’re cool. i’ll get back to you all in time. let this be a lesson, don’t ever forget how much you need me on the internet. my dad’s laptop is hella slow, no point in even checking email it’s just beyond frustrating and stressful and overwhelming seeing the inbox number pile up and ten minutes later all you’ve done is click on some spam to delete it ugh. also that computer was my mom’s but before that mine, when you turn it on an anagram for lauren white pops up (luane writhe, alter-ego mania extraordinaire) i thought that was pretty funny. didn’t bother bringing my laptop, kinda wanted a temp hiatus you know? a bit hard when there’s internet in close proximity though.

bye for now, more tales coming soon.

i also learned that if i ever felt like being super cool in the suburbs, big fish small pond what have you, it’d be a fucking breeze. here’s what you do, get a tattoo on your arm, wear a t-shirt and walk around like a space cadet tourist. BAM! you are now king shit.

ps. guess who’s 5 foot 8 and 120lbs <-----this guy. oh yeah RIP swayze! and way to go kanye (i know so late in the game but i saw it live on tv at least) you made eminem look like a gentlemanly scholar. really mtv? stop inviting him! three years in a row now don't you learn? sassafraz blogged our ontario place party.

just got off the phone with my bro and here’s how his friday went.

he and his buddies hit up the classy establishment known as joe dogs and proceed to get ripped and bro out for the nite then all the sudden some hot redhead feels like chirpin’ at ‘em, shit like “i’ll fight you” and according to my brother they did not instigate it or rile her up in any way (yes complete innocents i’m sure) so she’s freaking out and one of my brother’s ever gentlemanly companions says to her and i quote, “YO I DON’T HIT WOMEN, I SLAP BITCHES” ahem. fair enough, chick hits the roof, some other posse of dudes overhears it all and says you shouldn’t talk to girls like that so then it’s group against group with this crazy chick in the mix (regular barfly no doubt). then my brother slaps a hot dog out of one guy’s hand (HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA) right to the floor and screams in his face LETS GOOOOOOOOOO the guy cowers, then comes back at him, brother strangles him, everyone is yelling at each other thumping chests or whatever hooliganing out big time then the bouncers come and make my brother’s crew leave.

outside my brother and company while waiting for a cab the redhead appears and starts it up all over again all by herself cos the group of other dudes split. she’s screaming and yelling shit like THERE THEY ARE FUCKER BLAAAAAH! (the guy who said the slap bitches line is MIA) so my brother goes look, i think you’re a beautiful girl (heartfelt) but i don’t think you should pick fights with guys, do you not get laid enough? then the chick bursts into insane loud tears, sobbing and proclaiming I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU all in front of the bar and everybody smoking, cabs, everything (like to serve and protect love it) and the bouncers are restraining her while laughing at the same time, one said i can’t believe you said that! kinda giving my brother props cos apparently she’s an annoying barfly drunk and this happens on the regular.

then all the dudes went back to my brother’s place to drink til the sun came up and crashed all over the house. as it goes, the more shit changes, the more it stays exactly the same.

THE END!

sass is going to cut off all her hair so little babies can have wigs, uh what? aren’t all babies bald anyway? i’d do it but my hair has been processed/dyed too many times also, i’m fuckin’ vain.

i make the dumbest noises ugh god enjoy haha.

the first time on the ride when the water spray blasted out it made sass and i conk heads super hard comedy sketch styles, hilarious and stupid.

the water slides were closed, i was pretty crabby about that. there was a teeny sign placed on a window at the park entrance that you in no way can notice, only on your way out. comped tickets courtesy of sass thanks!

i hear the toronto star has been downsizing.

nicely added fake water haha. rob’s hand/arm is covering the hairiest guy ever, like all the hair in the world on his ear. thanks for not pointing that out while in line as in, why the hell didn’t you i love givin’ that stuff a proper look-see.

i’m filming myself, sass is asian supremo, and fil looks like a sims character.

text message from random 905 number:

hey you have the eg6 bumper right?

raymi: who is this?

905: I pmed you about the bumper

raymi: and why? who r u and do u know who i am? (thinking some internet psycho got my number and is fucking with me who knows)

905: do yo have a bumper fs or not (detecting ‘tude now hey fucker YOU texted me first. also fil pointed out that fs means for sale by this point, prior to learning what fs meant i’m thinking ok this is some guy who wants to buy a “hot” item, mafia wars type shit haha)

raymi: i hav no idea what u r talking about or why u hav my # this is quite sketchy

905: clearly i got the wrong number

OH YOU THINK SO?

i wrote back ha no worries in case it was a big warlord (i’m wimpy like that) to make us cool about it. i also called the number cos i missed a call, two calls simultaneously (one being from the fucking gym of course) so the 905 number wiped out the number of the gym, i call 905 back asking for gym owner and guy is like, uh wrong number though obvs knows it’s me the person with the bumper, also a chick.

THE END FANTASTICALLY RIVETING DRAMZ!

here’s yoko’s pap photo the day lennon was shot. beautiful grief, so sad. my aunt is in the process of framing it.

oh and here’s my aunt.

we’re going to do a collab art show together in the spring. psyched!

sangriaiaiaiaiaia! so much better with better wine and tropicana no pulp, (as in NOT green room’s) pineapple and raspberries for floaters with a little bit of icing sugar to cut the tart, or lemon (i forgot that so icing sugar it was) and we sucked it all back.

amazing chicken curry w/ wild rice, my aunt was all if i gave you too much don’t feel like you have to eat it all. finished it in 2 minutes with more for the road.

bathroom window so cute.

we bought that bell for my grandfather one christmas, or birthday. yoink. this close to being a unicorn.

shit photo but back in the 70’s chicks used to bead necklaces with cantaloupe seeds. i know right, get a life much hippies. ha kidding i think it’s super clever.

alright last necklace jam for now.

when this was pulled out i thought hey that’s familiar but went on to say oh smart way to save on a/c.

omg ha. look how i used to dot my i’s. SO COOL. touched she kept it.

brought another miniature (tissue box) over for the dollhouse. this chick’s like oh no it’s the end of the wooorld.

sober week was not entirely a success. oh well. HOWEVER i’ve cut it down like mad. i’m over drinking now. finally. i know, standing ovation.

going to have to invest in some non-slob workout gear. oh hell every lululemon joke i’ve made is gonna come back to haunt me (not really i’m still gonna wail on chicks who wear that shit for no reason).

cid had been acting extra insane lately, turns out fil threw out his safety box.

crazy containment 2.0 – still needs to be sawed shorter. looks hilarious on fil’s desk, takes up so much room.

when i saw these it was like that moment on futurama when fry learns that his 60 whatever cents plus 1000 years of interest on his bank card turned into billions of dollars, he gurgles and foams at the mouth then faints. these all belonged to my grandmother. some spanning back to the 60’s.

my aunt says the hot pink one my grandma used to wear with a zebra print dress. hello factory girl.

these are the ones i claimed for myself. NOW i definitely need to get a necklace tree from UO.

they have good taste in websites.

harley lets do lunch!

aside from looking all dragged out, can i pull this pareo dress off? (obviously) i’m wearing a shirt underneath so it looks a bit bulky, nudes is better.

hawaii is just around the corner. my aunt bought this from g’s, the money goes to support tibet. think i might wear it tonite. came with a diagram of ten different ways to tie it.

our money used to look like yours. then we decided to give strippers a rough time.

man, those were the days back when i was 5 yeah.

no worries, all game, straight ballin’.

BYE!

another britt dress. girl has two tupperware bins full of stuff, american thrills we can’t get here and she’s mulling over selling them online or wherever. i guess prepare for more me in dresses photos.

incidentally, fil hates this dress so i had to secretly wear it yesterday when he wasn’t around. what’s not to like? the pile of ruffles adorning the chest and shoulders? or the classic mom arms sleeve cut? precious.

oh shit here we go.

WIENER!

nice thigh bruise, it just gets uglier and uglier.

you can tie it in the front or in the back. probably in the back but i like it in the front cos i think it gives you more shape that way. makes you feel skinnay-er.

got to hear all about britt’s chin zit yesterday, do go on! i think it has its own postal code by now.

after bunging up our order by bringing us sushi (we ordered 2 sashimi deluxes) making us wait longer and prior to that explicitly saying NO seared tuna, they bring us seared tuna. they’re lucky they have the least fishiest tasting fish on the block. it’s true though, sushi/sashimi is the best laxative ever, read.

these flowers don’t even look real.

ahhhhhhh.

brad left britt flowers and that huge bear the other day. PUKEVILLE! it’s like that simpsons valentine’s day episode when apu was making all the springfield dudes look bad. (do you like how the only thing i have to compare real life/any experiences to is the simpsons?)

boner in the street dress just saying girls.

it’s a lot darker now, i took this tuesday and i just discovered a bruise on my ass. wicked. big brother on youtube in the background i have no idea why i’m so into those annoying turds, i spend way too much time thinking about them too i know! when i wake up or about to i’m going over all their stupid shit in my head, mulling over strategies, thinking about the jury house gaaaaaaaaaah can’t wait til it’s over.

ps. antm started, why do you think that jesus nut had to leave for “personal reasons” i mean which ones, being fucking insane, nervous breakdown?