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they’re way too big for me now i’m shoving them into my stomach here so you can’t tell. yes i realize the title no longer makes sense. no i don’t care. i couldn’t find one pair of highwaisted short shorts at the mall in burlington. i have a few more places up my sleeve. please recommend a secret spot if you know one. toronto short shorts watch update: still in the dark ages. i got my haircut by brennen today. i had a bit more breakage in the back, just a teeny bit ughh summer ponytails have to watch it. so now it’s some weird 80’s layered mop top. i don’t care anymore, my hair is a hat, it’s its own blog. whatever.

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what’s cooking tonight we feel like trouble. i was going to hang with the girls at midnight madness but i got the tireds and i am lucky i dodged that getting sick bullet so i better not push it plus last night’s fiasco was one for the shit show minx jinxed books, i should probably cut my losses now. pfft as if.

maybe i am just finally letting it sink in that i am home now and life is not straddling a palm tree while three shirtless cuban harlequin romance novel models slingshot daquiris up at me. aye carumba.

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haha in these pics you will be able to detect my deterioration over the course of the night. normally we hang just once per visit. this time twice. after a patio fiesta i’ll be back with the goods. plus her little sister too. so look out.

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haha dopey i love it.

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so yesterday was interesting. just when one drama bleeds into another and you think it’s all over you hit gridlock traffic due to collision and construction and the engine overheats and commences smoking as you’re rushing in to the city to catch your favourite band of which you have tickets for. we were on the shoulder for an hour, listening to the traffic report and trying to time it precisely for when someone might let us squeeze by. i was disgusted by a good 3000 people yesterday, no good samaritans. repugnant. i don’t have time right now to blog blast about it and there’s no point, people are selfish assholes, end of story. it was terrifying and it has put things into perspective, namely, do i want to be charged for manslaughter for launching a folk hipster over the balcony at massey hall for sitting in our fucking seats by the time we finally arrive for the encore catching 1.5 songs of the entire show. the usher chick points to “a seat” and is like this is it but 5 rows down and over 5, to where those guys are sitting. i look at her. fleet foxes are playing. everyone is starting to HATE US for simply existing. where is a megaphone please?

EXCUSE ME ALL OF YOU GO TO FUCKING HELL!

i say can you DO this for me, point at her usher shirt. she nervously tiptoes, afraid of the hipster hissing wave. i say they are in our seats get them out, this goes back and forth one guy goes “ARE YOU SERIOUS!?” gesturing to the amazing band and performance and us ruining HIS experience in MY SEAT! then she looks at me and says well maybe you should have got here sooner? i say WE WERE IN A CAR ACCIDENT! yes because i like showing up to show encores, that’s my jam. that’s my thing. i really fucking like it. she goes i’m sorry i’m doing the best i can here (NO YOU ARE NOT!) and i would have to look at everybody’s tickets and well.. i just say forget it and go back up to the door where we stand. we spent $262 to stand. WICKED. bullshit. here are four tickets, there are four seats, do your job and move those people. you’re too wimpy to? why are you an usher here then????? we were on the wait list for these tickets for MONTHS every week teacher would receive updates as to their status and would we get them. you care so much about us getting them then why won’t you plunk us down in our damn seats. i blame toronto’s hostile concert environments. i hate sitting shows anyway but fuck, what a piss off. after all that.

then more internet abuse and slander and lies and don’t you worry a tidal wave of acknowledgment will certainly be on the way for that garbage, if i get bored enough. the handful of trolls i have files on will be dealt with BY POLICE on monday. examples are being made i don’t care if i turn out to be some retarded online bullying PSA i am saying no more of this. i work my ass off for my brand, no one should have to live in fear of every time an article is published on me or i write one of horrible stalkers coming out of the woodwork to slander you in every thread, just sitting and waiting (HOW AM I THE BAD GUY IN THIS EQUATION HERE?) everything i do for my look is intentional and HARD WORK and for it to be besmirched by cows who say i do this or do that or think this is preposterous. you know i spend time with the same like TEN PEOPLE ONLY. i am very guarded and so it’s quite fascinating that hundreds and thousands of people appear to “know” me so deeply and how i am in the real world. it’s sick. i feel for celebrities, i get it very very bad but nowhere near the same as their harassment. i’m sorry you can only feel like a strong person when you are pointing out all of raymi the minx’s life flaws, criticizing her every which way. you are not special. you are every wet blanket in the room at an event i go to, pre-judging me. i am used to this. it’s sad, but i have been used to this since kindergarden. nothing’s changed. i have, you haven’t.

and now if you’ll excuse me my roots are growing in and it’s not the 80’s last i checked.

tgifuckingf.

burlington blonde beat from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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aw i put this outfit on and dad said i looked really really pretty.

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my swarovski hearts from teacher.

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summer sales are awesome i love quantity! fleet foxes tonight waiting for my brother to get here then we go back to the city and catch up with teacher. pumped. hope i don’t fall asleep in my seat i’m super ADD it’s at massey hall, whenever i see a sit down show i get sleepy plus their songs are lullabies. darius is going too. i saw my other favourite band last week and now it’s my other equally favoured top band this week no wait that was this week? whirlwind.

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backyard time.

shit photo, can’t wait to wear this one.

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i’ll show you brooke hogan.

no way i could walk in these. terrifying. i am more of a practical gal.

mmm don’t you want one right now?

i have a champagne roady here.

mom can i have these flip flops?

getting a t-shirt done for my dad. it might happen.

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really wanted this shirt but in blue, by the time we got back the only small was gone. this was a small but not princessy enough.

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i need my nail polish back paddy i am still obsessed with the shade and photo pop.

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loved this corner. bumping place. at night it was junglesque.

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my hair was totally retarded this night. didn’t care. i had a barette headache. i searched for a jeweled clip but couldn’t settle. i bought three rings and a dainty heart necklace. the next night i found my barette.

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happy fourth of july!

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such a good dinner and mellow night. watched fireworks all around our hotel from the 18th floor, our penthouse terrace. it was magical.

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like bees to honey.

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ok one more.

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teamiami. ok i will stop making words using miami. not guaranteed.

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staged.

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what day was this?

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i am living in this outfit now.

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dreamy. i want to watch i love you man again now. one cos it’s funny but two cos a big portion is filmed in miami.

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i’m going to tan and finish my book.

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mural in the hotel’s resto lounge, fourth of july. they called me lady gaga. loved us. were so nice. gave us a jug of sangria to go which we drank none of.

tales from miami freak beach from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

i’ll give you grey gardens.

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see lois?

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fix your sign. across from our hotel.

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cabanas. bet they bang in there. good luck dude it’s boiling hot inside.

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as shown, this outfit was quite the draw.

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my brooke hogan outfit. i was racing back to the hotel marching into palm trees and sweating and this guy in a sweet ride goes BROOKE HOGAN! i stopped and went huh? oh! yeah! hahahaha! laughing with him. he dug it.

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more like it.

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inviting me to a party the following night, which we wouldn’t be around for. boo.

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found this our last night left out for a taker. i took it. someone over-ordered.

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mom caught me mid-trip.

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can’t embed this video but go watch it. will knows exactly what he’s “rapping” about.

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we kept the mirror tv on an oldies channel the entire time, there was a twilight zone marathon one day. mesmerizing. i love the lull of old music and cinema, their voices and dialect. fancy.

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popular t-shirt slogan. i also found a COOL STORY TELL IT AGAIN BRO! hahaha

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aerobics lesson a la raymi.

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night swim to swim the pasta off. wait, what night was this again? hahaa.

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my mom photo attacks everyone. please don’t blame me for the order, it’s facebook. the woman also refuses to email me them i have to get them myself and i’m sure facebook distorts photos when you download.

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off goes roller booze girl. i bet she gets a bonus if we all showed up.

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pedro loved the raymi gaga.

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i am getting hungry.

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something about mary was also filmed here. raymi 2002 tidbit: the name of my short-lived (3 month) radio show was called THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT RAYMI. hahaha. it was an hour long and fucking hilarious.

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planes dragging ads all over the place. nothing is sacred, not even the sky.

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i spy a wicked bruise, a curb trip casualty knee graze and “the line” on my thigh (athletic toneage). mom got her own special white wine and then i got to hear the ten billionth exact same account of the first time she puked on red wine story. we gossiped about the juiciest shit this evening, very enjoyable evening, it was very windy and balmy and breezy. then i gave lois an intense half hour aquatic aerobic class.

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then i got drunk on the last morning and stayed drunk all day and ditched the girls at one point to get into my own mischief. it was that bottle of champagne i found in the hallway. then i had a real bottle of one. it was a fairytale vacation.

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ugh he was a bit gross. lois was about to pry him off me.

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mom rips off my entire style, here she is trying to wheel and deal me giving her my steve maddens. FUCK YOU! get your own shit. so the last day they went across town to the OTHER steve madden store so she could jock me. pfft. it’s cos i got such a great deal and could walk in them. we have the same tolerance and lack thereof of heels so when we find a pair it’s a big deal.

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she hadn’t seen this dress i bought and eyes lit up holy shit. lois was like yup, get it. i regret passing up that amazing purple one. that store was aggravating me with its obnoxious music and when a diva dude employee pounced on me for having all these items in my room cos i was sick of waiting and being ignored by the one clerk i said fuck it and took the onus on myself to get shopping done in the middle of an anxiety attack no less. i said if you have rules you must be around to enforce them (6 things at a time? time waster!) and by the way, your customer service here leaves much to be desired. rude! the other girl immediately and mysteriously became overly nice to us after that while we browsed the jewelry and sunglasses. i liked her to begin with it was this other lazy sloth that was unrighteously snotty and navigating the understaffed retail vortex, refusing to be of aid. i like to in and out it, i don’t like obstacles. employees who mess with that are a bother. let me help you be better: piss off unless you are helping me.

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wood chops.

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working this off. lobster tail. steak.

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gorge.

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missing the good summertime vibe. it made me wonder why we were sequestered in a cluster in the corner of the patio last night at emmas, why everyone just sits. i am on a social kick.

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well howdy there.

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lois’ dream date.

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it’s my parents!

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total score.

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fireworks.

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are those my shoes or yours mom?

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luxurious lois.

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bonding with my mother like old times!

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shorts are starting to drown me.

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bum bum lauren is one of my family nicknames. yeah cool!

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mmmmmm.

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very true!

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ooh love her hair!!

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ok BYE!!!!!!!!!!

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this is why i have a $299.56 phone bill. i bet gary just fainted.

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i missed this performance. bro was grooving to the live band, he looked like archie on steroids. my mom said he was very nice and funny.

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this is what my hater looks like in psychotic jesus preacher form. he was calling these poor women whores and hurling out babylonisms, they were humiliated then eventually turned over cos he wouldn’t go away. wish i was there at the time. mom captured it. she lives for these scenes.

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he spoke through his puppet. how is this a constructive use of one’s time? hi i have mental problems come watch. gross. it’s fine until you get into someone’s grill.

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skinny pose i taught her. gives more of a waistline.

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lois has a natural little one anyway so it’s not necessary but lends an added elegance to one’s capture. i am an expert photo stylist for hire raymi@raymitheminx.com sometimes i have swarms of women surrounding me at parties, events, all learning my up and over the mountain trade secret double chin concealer while men look on boggle-eyed. we don’t care we want that movie star group shot and if one girl looks fugly then we don’t use the shot and if YOU are the one who fucks it up everyone hates you, warrantedly so. my mom deleted so many good ones of me off her camera, guess why.

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i was in the room being crabby about bailing on mansion. aoki forgive me!

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do not disturb while it slumbers.

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resort at night.

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italian dinner night. we were starving and snippy, trying to decide on best place and they all compete throwing out smooth criminal claims about free wine and certain free appetizers so then we tried to work them over too, using my business card and informing them slyly that lois owns her own high end italian restaurant bla etc.

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we ordered off menu and annoyed the hell out of them. the waiter said the chefs in the back would refuse to plate arugula with my simple spicy tomato pasta and prawns. he could tell we were the oh, you think you’re telling me how it’s done fare. lois understood though and said yeah i know those old guys, stubborn oldworld italian men. one time a guy fell all over himself flipping out over ice cubes in white wine meanwhile it was blazing hot summer and shitty wine at that. we get it you are the most italian person for miles. in the end they just did it anyway, turns out it was the server who thought he was battling for all of rome. he kinda was.

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see? not a second’s relief.

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burpees.

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borrowed gary’s umbrellas. only were used for her hallway shoots.

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omg fuck off dude.

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you don’t fight in paradise. i said that last night to lois and a dude at emma’s backporch. cos he inquired about strangling my mother at fort lauderdale airport. oh, it wasn’t a strangle exactly, more of a good squeeze. i felt the veins and arteries of her neck and said NOW THAT’S ENOUGH. lois just ignored us like it was normal. i dug up the last mini bottle of champagne from my laptop carry-on bag, downed a glug, passed her the bottle and she chugged it too. then lois. ARIBA! ahhahaa. i lasted nine days nonviolently. this guy said he lasted 3 days with his sister in europe. anyway, we never really bickered except for moments when i would have to talk extremely louder and faster to be heard.

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my mom tried to get me to dance with him. we constantly fucked with people or joined in on their merriment. on vacation you can be a new person.

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ugh.

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i am faking it here. three women trying to get out of a hotel room takes three times longer. i didn’t have my camera but i still wanted to capture my outfit. after telling my mom NO and hurry! when shewould try to take pics of the same useless shit, only so we could get out cos the agoraphobia was getting to me so finally out on the street i am ready for photos and she’s like NO because i just blasted her about taking pictures when she wanted to. this is a picture of WHO WON THAT WAR IN THE END! that’s right. capital this guy.

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tourist junk for miles.

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nice shirt trace.

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they both got a keylime cheesecake popsicle. i didn’t have any. so rich. well i had some of the chocolate.

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cashed out lois. i surfed.

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our own parliament.

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me cashed out.

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angry we didn’t buy more rings here. cannot stop thinking about this jewelry store.

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my prawns. i love saying prawns. so pompous.

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by the time i arrived he was having a siesta in that vacant lounger.

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i miss this place.

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summer did right.

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beatles chair! i inquired, it was $1690.

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so high up sitting in the heavens.

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leave me alone! i was buck.

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AHAHAHHAhahahaha

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jesus.

ok BRB i’ll start a fresh one this is confusing me and are leftovers from a prior upload. i have a new batch with brand new outfits and hairstyles. i don’t care if you don’t or do want to see. this is my blog and since i’ve been home it feels like the entire universe is conspiring to fuck with my good mood and ‘tude i REFUSE to let your evil and bitterness in. going over my memories and giving myself the time to go through these pictures finally is my personal treat. there’s a vacation going on in my head still.

message from the mayor of burnoutington from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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the naybe savant rainman kid is here chatting with my dad. he is obsessed with the cat and just let himself in to see him. fuck do they ever talk about the lawn forever. they are also wearing the same glasses. waiting for my brother to arrive. dad just brought the cat out he’s not happy ahahaha. this kid is rich as fuck cos he does everyone’s lawn on the street. i love suburban random drop-ins. ok rocky is happy now. giving my brother and dad and linda their matching I’M IN MIAMI BITCH shirts.

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and this would be when my mom left the car keys just sitting there. we walked halfway cross the compound and then she realized it. i sprinted back, still there! lucky!

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nothing like a good twirl. i am terrible at the stripper pole by the way. it’s hard. i had a lesson with carly at flirty girl fitness once. we sucked.

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now this was a performance. we had a great spot on the sidewalk pretty much in the show too.

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needs no caption.

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miss this view.

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honk honk.

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i liked her.

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they were pretty cool too.

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catsuit outfit was a hit.

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it was only flooded in this one part of miami. it was raining a lot, eventually that shit accumulates.

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this pizza was shockingly good.

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a girlfriend of curly got a bit jealous after this was taken. he jumped in there. i tried to reason with her but some chicks are just psycho jealous and threatened. lame.

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we got some good luck out of this.

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love this polish. paddy where is it?

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oh just a few screws loose, not a big deal.

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classy.

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and you think you got ass? you got nothing.

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the short while i rocked the feather headband before trading it in.

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the next afternoon i looked like this.

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creepy driver.

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this strip is a gigantic runway. best people watching place. it just keeps going.

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my hairstyle varied had to side braid it post podium dance.

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yup. you forget you’re only in florida. traveling europeans know what life is all about. butts and beauty.

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my mom is gay for these shoes. i think she thinks she’s roman royalty. she certainly has the feet for ‘em. did i say she bought the same steve madden wedges as me too?

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lois has a buddy holly boner.

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and i have a venti americano misto boner.

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photographing in lieu of strangling. this was a testy evening hahah.

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shoulda took’er for a spin.

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versace’s palace.

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ladies night at blue martini. wednesday. half price martinis. the food is really good too.

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i am down with the drag queens, they know a diva on their team when they see one. didn’t stop her from putting me in my place though when i tried to turn my chair around. love it. i’m a good wing girl.

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you see this toronto? why can’t we be this?

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or that?

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i love those shorts. i want more like them. aa has some nice highwaisters but so expensive. maybe UO is having a sale now or i’ll go ransack the clearance section.

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daycare area consisted of a big sand circle tower built entrapping the tykes.

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this is literally the gayest photo that i have ever seen and you cannot even be offended by that. what is this 1982? i love it.

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kay lois just stand over there let me take your picture ok hang on turning it on and click…holy shit.

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can you spot raymbo?

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mangos is another really fun place.

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before you know it you will be annihilated. easily roped a dude into buying us lots of drinks. lois got mango’d.

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this woman stopped me in the restroom and commented on my dance shoes, asked when i was going up. i blushed. also couldn’t believe my mom was my mom. ex model. gorgeous knows gorgeous.

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no false advertising here.

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they wore AA body suits. tame over here but over there, powerful.

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being tall rules. i’m wearing heels all summer long now.

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it was the chocolate martinis. i love drunk lois.

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it was like dancing with the stars super intense dance moves on the spot.

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then a bit of ho train with live singing.

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it was certainly the night of live entertainment.

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versace’s again.

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i was blushing and screaming like a maniac.

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mj showed up.

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i’m trying to thunder steal by doing nothing. no matter it’s a gay bar (palace bar) anyway but you must go, when the show was over the shirts came off and everyone was just drinking and mingling and dancing. good spot fyi.

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see?

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best vacation ever. i’ll be sad when i finally run out of pictures to blawg.

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this is how you play it cool.

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fabulous.

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that too.

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they were like heavy metal salsa chippendales.

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what are you talking about now woman?

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looks like i’m doing more squats.

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jesus.

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oh hai there.

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our first room at loew’s then we moved on up to 1840.

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this is where my brainchild for flock of seagulls lifeguard dance was born. drunk sun siesta.

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loved this tree. do you know what it is?

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by this point i just gave in to my mom’s bullshit and kept posing no matter what i was wearing lord knows she blasts them all up regardless of what YOU want. meanwhile a tiny balcony of bros were watching.

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i so relate to that guy.

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something was going on behind my mom and i said mom, trust me, this is something you want to see.

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don’t miss the old view anymore i miss this one.

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loved this installation.

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our resort at night. pool open 24 hours. unheard of.

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this was the night i could have seduced steve aoki. should have. mom tired me right out. yes i am blaming you.

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i should have tanned my butt. i’m wearing a thong so relax trolls. fucking sick of you.

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hahahahaa.

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took me awhile to settle on an outfit for dinner. the white shorts won again.

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ok to be continued. off to see my pa!