at about 3 o’clock today after getting outta my thare-ape-ist session
i was attacked with all these sharp ouchy pains
and i still had to wait around to give blud (i’m iron deficient)
so we sign me up to give blud
and i sweat it out in the loo
fetal-like (seriously) in the handicapped stall
i felt so ill so weak so pale
a nurse came in and thought i mite be a patient of sorts
and gave me a funny look under the stall
“are you sure yer ok?”
“YESSSS” i screamed
i feel bad about screaming now
but at the time
you’da dun the same
so then i still have to give blud
and we’re waiting and waiting
and then my name is called
and i tell nurse i am on my rag and very weak and in extreme pain and i’ve gobbled a hundred pills (advil/tylenol/aspirin)
and i apologized in advance in case i mite throw up all over her
and i kept fidgetting
and i think she just thought i was nervous about the needle
and didn’t clue in that my fidgettyness was completely unrelated to the needle and keeps saying, “it’s gunna be alrite it won’t hurt at all.”
so she gives me this lil butterfly needle for babies becuz i have ultra-tiny veins
and i look over to my left and everyone in the waiting area is staring at me bob my head back and forth and clutching my belly and screaming and moaning and they’re just fukkin st ar in g at me becuz the curtain is not even drawn
arrrrrg
all the way home in the car i’m in a ball in the backseat screaming and screaming for my dad to drive faster
“drugs DR U G S DRuuuuugs more DRUGS!!!!!!!”
then i get home and get heating pad (electric blanket)
my brutha walked in the room to steal some change off my dresser and was like,
“woah, this is just like that scene in trainspotting where the guy’s comin’ down frum junk and he’s all sweaty and rolling around in his bed…..”

“getOutYoumutherfurkinsunofaBitchgetOutiamDyyyyying!!!!!”

i think that was the best analogy my brother’s ever made in his entire life. gud for him.

this is my absolute most fav’rite surprise attack up-in-the-air straddle jump hug to pull on people. after this foto was taken sandra’s knees buckled and we fell down like gay idiots and the banana in my bag got all squashed and exploded.

tell me i am not the only one who succumbs to clicking on porn banners when they pop up and flash all their graphics. i feel so duped. so easily seduced. in the back of my mind there’s a smart person saying, “NO, don’t do it, that’s not really a scroll bar just an image of one!” i tell this “smart” person to quiet down and i happily click the advert.

dumbass

ten windows open and reopen and the “smart” person’s all smug.

Fuck you Porn banner!

Bathrume interpretive dancing

things that piss me off:

any sort of “roll up the rim to win” cup where you’ve got to gnaw at the rim to unfurL it altho’ you just know it’s going to say sorry or please play again but you still gnaw away at it and then gnaw sum more and then it DOES say please play again and it’s like, sorta your own fault and you have no one to blame but your stupid self.

infomercials

Channel 12 and Channel 13 on TV (french channels)

FUN size m&m’s becuz you are actually getting less and they aren’t all that fun. really.

uncomfortable silences whilst talking to relatives or random people on the street where you feel compelled to say anything and the moron just stares at you, not realizing yer agitated by their simple presence and they just stand there and force you to make small talk and you always end up looking like a goon. Ffuk i hate that!

waiting for elevators

Sunday afternoon TV. it is always bad. I also hate TV between 1 and 4 in the afternoon during the week. Soap Operas. barf.

That is all for now.

went to fatboy slim. wuz gud. drank lots. smoked lots. danced lots. sweat lots. then i went home

so this dumbass of a guy walks into my store on saturday (my birthday) and goes,
“muttermuttermutter…I need pot lites. you know POT LITES!? they look like a P_O_T!”
to me and he sez this like i am a re-fucking-tard.
at the time i was trying to chew down sum chocolate and sum milk and was still on break
but this mutha’fucker is nagging AT me.
so i say,
“hmmmmmm, pot LITES, eh? hmmmm.”
and i stroke my chin and think about it cuz i know exactly whut pot lites are but i am just wondering if we have them in stock.

“yeh wELL!?” he is staring at me all impatient and i can’t get the words out to him yet BECUZ i am chewing and have that, ‘i don’t want to help you rite now becuz i am on my fucking break’ Look on my face but he is still standing there LOOKING at me and shaking his head,
“well which STYLE of pot lite do you want? do u need the case for it as well or just the POT lite itself?” i sorta mutter this out while i am walking towards johnny to ask him whut the dilio be on these gawdDamn pot lites….
SO, when the POTLITE guy sees Johnny he goes to me,
“Well, i don’t even really need a pot lite i just need the CLIPS for them.”
and then he starts following johnny down the aisle and i say in a cute and funny and charming tone,
“well now you’re changing your story ’round.”
and i go off but this asshole turns around and gets in my face (nose-to-nose, like he is gunna fucking hit me) and is all,
“whaddidyuhsay? HUH HUH!? come on. you want me to rat you out, huh uhh Are you always like this? eh? if so i’d hate to see you on a BAD day jesus kriste!?”
(In his mind he thinks i mutterd a fuck you or a go to hell you asshole)

i cannot fucking beleeve it, jesus kriste, so i sorta break down and step back a lil bit,

“Look, YOU walked in here and started in on your POT LITE charade WHILE i was chewing AND i was still on my break BUT i still went over to JOHNNY and asked for further help FOR YOU concerning your POT LITES but then you say “oh, i don’t even need a pot lite just the clips,”
and u know whut i sed?, “now you’re changing your story.” that’s IT! i did not swear at you i didn’t even say it with sarcasm like i usually do and NOW you’re in my face being verbally abusive causing a scene and it’s my GODDAMN BIRTHDAY so LEAVE ME ALONE!”

then i storm to the back of the store, grab my bag, walk rite passed this motherfucker and all the shocked customers and go out for an extended break.

ARRg. guidojuicemonekymuthafucker!

i bought pistachios at work yesterday and green gatorade.

this old guy came in and i shared my pistachios with him

he liked them

he gave me a dollar for being so nice

i like sharing

i stole a pair of blue rockstar sunglasses today. i was trying them on and in one fluid motion i dropped them in my bag and walked over to my frendz,

“Uhh guys, a barcode wouldn’t set the alarm off would it?”

“no. it wouldn’t.”

“Ok then.”

and off i go. That’s Rad!