annoying everyone in sight around me

Hey bae, I got all these ideas man lets discuss!

Idea 1: Raymi the minx APP. Lets take my blog which I sporadically write on and throw it into your phone, put all this work and effort into it so you can see like one extra picture I would have instagrammed anyway? I am nowhere successful or famous enough to warrant an APP. Maybe if I was on speed (coffee) and churning out one-liners like crazy (could do) around the clock and my APP just blasts those out to you or I dunno, some kind of insane and fun Raymi the Minx APP with exclusive content pop culture musings that I of course would write. That was an “idea” put on the shelf like a year ago. RAYMITHEMINX APP could have like one crazy useful viral feature like a daily thing to doodle or puzzle to solve…

THEN I wanted to audition for Dragon’s Den because those auditions are happening this month in Toronto. Knowing I would be destroyed and laughed at, plus insulted (nothing new there) the object is to get the 15 minutes of exposure. All I have to do is write an epic pitch with my hallmark blend of drink my koolaid Raymisms and motivational statements regarding my staying power, blabbity blah but I will slack on this wish, miss the audition date and just not do it. I do have a lot of compelling arguments and I am a very good debater. Then I was like, I could just take my me-investment speech to other venture capitalists yet those guys (D’s Den) already have a pretty organized system in place just do it and go to them. I have a special little anecdote about bartending the 18th hole of the VIP tent at the Canadian Open and one of the sections belonged to one of the Dragon’s Den’s guy, I was planning to appeal to the emotional side of shit and being like, I watched you off and on for four days looking all rich as fuck and I was completely invisible to you, then I’d go off on a tangent like a hard done by artist and try to manipulate something out of that experience which I would only write about more in length if I actually went ahead with this. I picture the redheaded women gasping and then siding with me and then we would fly away together on a unicorn to my new expensive condo they bought for me hahaha.

Anyway, just sharing some hairbrained schemes cos you love it.

If I am about to be on tv/web again doing silly things should I feel silly about posting a webcam video of me dancing in my bedroom? If It’s okay to do that and enough vomments come in supporting this then I will gladly share some Raymaerobics and was actually thinking about showing you guys how I do my work out and how I got chiseled and more cut in just two weeks. Your diet is important in reduction of course. I’ve lost 8 pounds. Well it varies from scale to scale as long as I remember what my before weight was before. I do a run on the spot for 1-2 minutes a few times in a row. Lots of free weights moves. Does anybody even care are you listening? If ths is boring tell me I will totally be able to talk about other shit pertaining to me that you wanna know. Except for what you wanna know I don’t wanna discuss that yet actually back off nevermind ahahha.

Okay back to my mega ideas!

Art photography installation entitled WALK OF SHAME comprised of images you have taken on your walk of shame home but to everyone else it’s just a nice garden or fence weird street urban setting thing but you sleep around a lot and you have a lot of city shots and then you make a whole exhibition about it. Yeah thank god for flickr I am going to rip off my own idea and do this.

I am replaying my screen test in my mind and all the funny shit I said to get a reaction knowing it would be used on tape and it was vey Sarah Silverman roasty in nature, epicly offensive and you can get away with it because it’s spoken word it is all out there and opinionated not written down on a blog that can turn into pages of flame war. Anyway, this is just me opening to a memory of something funny I said once that you didn’t hear about yet.

They also made me sing because I said I could sing so I sang and nailed it they were like, woah, you can sing. Then after I said my hugely offensive funny anecdote about boylord I excused myself by saying I was also a comedian (because I did stand-up a few times but also I feel like I write and live comedy every day) so they put me on the spot again and said okay tell us some jokes.

I blanked.

I remembered two jokes.

My one about shaving your pussy and the other one about spiders being scary that no one laughs at.

I was naked for this entire experience by the way. THAT is why I am getting into shape and I am 100% deleting this sentence when my mom finds out. I am hiding a gigantic secret out in the open now I feel like I am sitting on a fucking volcano. I have to move in a month too. If we could do an oculus rift from what the inside of my mind looks like right now you would BARF from the ups and downs but probably masturbate furiously to a lot of sequences ahaha.

Okay I am gonna leave you with that, y’all enjoy now Raymi out.