so everyone’s pretty fucking pissed at me. coolhandluke. yep. very. he went away and came back to an even more trashed (in the most rock of fucking rollin’ way possible though. YES!!!) apartment ever. whatever. contractors came by and tore shit up and they’ve been doing it for months and i really dont care anymore about anything concerning that house, the landlord, the crazy girl who moved out who i also just realised was the cause of the heat not working (flipped the fucking switch and told no one) urrrg, email hackingness, other crazy bitch happenings….more-over? that house rules and sucks and is the shittiest burden in my life on top of other shitty burdens and im pretty fucking fed up with people not getting it. me. my life. my house. my everything having to do with how psychotic i am these days. anyhow, it’s too much. much too much and my own indifference is what’s getting everyone so angry. even parkdalemassive can’t handle the raymi so much as before.

this website contributes to my own neurosis and micro-celebrity mentality and mania and obsessive compulsivity and it seems like sometimes nobody fucking believes one goddamn word i have to say.

back to coolhandluke. we had a screaming match on our cellphones and i was cramming a lock and cream cheese sammich into my face while he yelled at me saying, “and nine-eleven, whatthefuck did YOU know anybody who died?!?!? bla blargh blahh you think YOU were affected?!?” i didn’t really get why he was bringing that up. i dont throw 9/11 in other people’s faces, i mean, i talk about it and shit ’cause i have some photos but jesus, i talk about a lot of stuff, that shit has nothing to do with what i am doing everyday right now? i think coolhandluke secretly hates me and thinks im a joke and wanted to scream that at me several months ago and now that i am a homewrecker and he’s angry at me for these recent trash happenings…the floodgates are opened. im not mad at him. i understand that he’s pissed but really, i dont have the capacity to care anymore about these kind of things and i know it’s callous and mean – look, there’s a reason for everything and people are tired of hearing my reasons. fine. just stop calling me and screaming at me because now is not the time. i’m sorry there are two week old wine stains on your walls but what about the stains on my brand new maroon futon sheet that to date still has never been washed and yah there were a couple stains to begin with but you certainly added ten trillion more. and all the shit that got stolen when that chick moved out and the trashed backyard and all the things that are trashed that i have to walk thru all the time that i was never the cause of? and the almost 400 dollar phone bill that never gets paid and yes i owe part of it but no one ever seems to be available to pay them before they turn into 400 phone bills?this goes both ways coolhandluke. dont provoke me like this ever again. im being an asshole now. sorry sorry. but still. im getting shit on here just as much as you and if you have a problem with it why not address it three months ago?

i’m at my wit’s end, basically. you won’t even need our fucking loser of a landlord ever for a reference. i moved in there from le burbs and no one asked me shit. he’s shady, unreliable, unresponsible, daft and never takes my side on anything so you can all go blow for all i care. blame it all on me. that house is a piece of shit anyway. ill track mud thru the hallways all i want. the point is, hmm. we should talk later. this wasnt suppose to be a dear lucasaids letter. i love you anyway. bye

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