Yay Cray

Club Yay Cray official member salute. Stamped it.

This is the story about how language goes to die. One innocent girl’s night out quickly turns into a bunch of squeaky shrill cackly witch hooting and prehistoric verbage skills giving even cavewomen a bad name. Wait that sounds wrong, I mean we don’t talk good no more. What am I talking about I don’t fucking know read on dudes, secure and happy in the thought that it’s TGIFuckthisshit day!

The theme for my blog and life for the month of March (my birthday month as we all know and ignore) is 31 WAYS TO DIE. My bday is at the tail-end of March, on the thirty-first. I am that close to being an April Fool. My life would be forever changed for it, that, but anyhow I have 31 nights of partying in store and I think by my champagne birthday (I love these invented party justifications)(that’s turning 31 on the 31st btw) all my Minx hi-jinx will be about done. I’ve effectively forecasted and packaged the next three years of my life for prospective reality whatever the hell persons and tv outlets to start mulling over. However, lets get through this month first shall we and see how good I do at my own invented dare. Yes the stupid crap never ends.

And then I will pass the party wand on to Jules while Bechnique and I go off to our moon hut on a hippie cray farm compound and make our own manure from compost (wait that’s not how you do it lol) and make sun-catchers and have scraggily hair and be bitter about my entire fucking life in the form of book. OR we will be in Hollywood Hills with Blowhan, take your pick.

Hey it could happen. Shyea right Wayne and monkies could fly out of my butt. Hey wait a minute if we’ve ever learned anything from tv, in Wayne’s World every one of Wayne’s dreams come true AND happy ending always. Plus they got Farley in WW2. Ha ha Wayne’s War World Two. I just blew my little woman mind o_o. Speaking of SNL allumnai, Bech’s bud Serg knows Norm Mcdonald’s niece and so we talked about SNL for a good twenty minutes. I am like I must meet her. Hi if you are reading this tell your uncle what’s up.

Now where was I, oh yes. I introduced the Yay Cray Society to the by the way game. No one was at all drunk at this point so it wasn’t funny at all but then that first drink on an empty (waiting to eat tacos) stomach started happening and we applied BY THE WAY after every single sentence and it was funny. Sprinkle lightly throughout the night randomly and the more gonged you are the funnier the snort laugh HEE-Haws come out and whatever the fuck anyone was talking about is immediately forgotten and abandoned. Yay Cray is low on attention spans.

I made ten thousand Wicker Man jokes about us. Those stupid girls had no idea what that meant. Oh my god I am so glad it’s not witch burning times, this guy right here I like to call me? So burned like years ago. (ps yay cray club your yay cray homework is reading my wicker man blog post and we will have to watch the orig together because I haven’t seen it and we will need a big bag of old man popcorn too).

This is why I need plastic surgery her name is Jules, I am hanging out with a 20 year old. We only let her drink water and eat candy. True say. Before anyone starts ripping on me for corrupting this protege, you cannot corrupt the corrupted. Oh snap. I mean, we are protective of her that is all she can fuck up all she likes (no she can’t!!!) I also hung out with older chicks my entire life and now I am the age of the chicks who liked to tear it up and the dudes I blasted/dated, it’s strange but nice and now I “get it”. We tell her not to be us every four seconds and she’s like noo whyyyyyy lol.

You look like a baby adorablah giraffe thank you for that.

And here is when sexy died. I asked one of the waitor guys to take this picture of our Yay Cray society official handshake. Picture it with more girls SO Wicker man. I am going to get us all to do it tonight obvis and then all guys will be scared and know not to fuck with us ever. FUN!

Yay Crays eat a lot of tacos. We abstain to better harness our yay cray powers so no pink ones yet, only once it’s the solstice hey guys do you think I can earn witchcraft klout points? Yay Crays talk about funny things like pink raisins. Think about it. Lol.

Yay Cray came to me in a Penny Packer induced lucid waking dream, maybe a taco arrived? I expressed the two most beautiful words in english history yay cray and the rest is history. No seriously I am not saying yay cray ever again after this fucking day for at least a week and then only in secret, to my yay crays.

Our friends in the underground send us secret messages like this druid candle, what it’s no coincidence that it was on our table and that there is a big curtain cloak when you walk in there? Oh and look at the red light on my hand, I am a wizard. Is that an Exit sign? BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN. Probably a reflection from the candle/light flash OR, wait for it, contact from Zul?

Pictures galore. Photo cred big-ups to my girl Bech who takes care of all of that. I drove life documenting second nature obsession home so hard my best friend toilet paper does it for me. This is like Andy and Edie now haha you are a skinny artist Rebecca and I get to be the trainwreck muse.

And payment is fifty pictures of her and Jules doing facebook selfies on my blog. Whatever man they’re good for business, guys are fan-girling the Yay Crays like Cray. Jules got tons of friends in the night they’re all jocking her hard. Oh, wait a minute here comes another movie analogy (metaphor? what?) I am Regina Gorge and Jules is Kaddy, Kady? and maybe if we are lucky some day down the road I can scream in to the night I invented you. Ha nah, mean girls don’t win so f- that s-.

We were waiting for one more photo (a flattering one for once jeez cray get it together) and she was ignoring us so then we were like WAHH won’t do it in baby mocky voice and this is the photo of it thanks.

Jules thing is “weird shoes” girl. Get a parrot next and wear it on your shoulder, then a fancy hat. Then walk around Parkdale for a little bit. Yay cray Hazing is never over. It’s like a gang. There is no getting out either except for the witness protection program because once you’ve been blogged your entire life is ruined anyway right.

Longboarding accident so I wore a tensor bandage. Kidding it just looks like that.

Get your Yay Cray on quick seats are filling up fast. There is no shortage of cray girls in the city.

Best friend TP needs a mirror flash photography intervention. You will never make that happen ok, it will never work out for you, I love you and that is why I am telling you to never take a picture in the mirror again with the flash on there is no Yay Cray in history who has ever been successful in this endeavour no matter how much Witch craft they source from watching Nicolas cage get burned alive inside the wicker man *spoiler*. Thanks be to Cray + a Yay Cray handshake. There there.

There you go now (said in Stella baby voice) good girl aaand it’s too dark in here lets go to the lcbo Yay Cray allons-y. (unrelated, how much faking of knowing how to speak french would it take to get hired as a flight attendant, I wonder).

I brought my own tupperware to Grand Electric but then I forgot to order some to go and I wanted to keep it there (seriously I will be back next week to eat more) but our waitress did not take me seriously (who does?) and so I walked it to Yay Cray palisades and left it there after threatening that I would get this tupperware home safe and sound. I failed. That was a Nay Cray. Lulz.

They wore normal outfits and matching druid-like adult jackets. I dressed like Jimminy Cricket. Well, guess who is the founding father of Yay Cray society (aka Club Yay Cray) after all, ah-duh. I think we should have Zissou Society style rings for the Little Raymis all over the world and we will individually type our adorablah Yay Cray member letters on type writer now who wouldn’t want that in the mail? You are stupid and go back to bed if the answer to that is no.

Yay Cray commentary on the above photo that I can remember: making fun of my scarf like I just left an Italian restaurant ayyyy! Jules hair and face obscured by my tups got the most laughs. My stupid thigh highs. Jules is too close to the curb, we yanked her from near the edge of the street a couple times and yelled HEY I CARE ABOUT YOU! At the same time. Barrel of non-stop laughs.

Oh wait, now one for the older ladies yeah guy!

Hi!

We watched (tried) to watch Jersey Shore. Will have to re-watch again tonight before going out. Again. Zzzz.

HAah these are the worst pictures. Blog it!

Here we go now that is more like it. It’s a catch 22 to get a Yay Cray salute going because of all the yay cray in the room GUYS no this way, or Rebecca is ALWAYS holding something in one of her stupid hands and she delays a yay cray NEVER delay a Yay Cray EVER. It’s ok this post is a rule guide meant for learning. If you have to drop a glass full of water and shatter it for a Yay Cray DO IT. Okay you can put it down first but make it speedy or perform the Yay Cray with said object in hand too.

I need to go drink some gingerale all this trying so hard is making me thirsty. Thank god it’s over. Yay Cray meeting adjourned.

Taking over the world looks like this.