HOW TO HAVE A SHITTY BLOG

1. make sure that everything you write is vapid and unintelligible and redundant.

2. make it obvious that you are ripping off other bloggers and that you are trying to always one-up them with your witty banter and personal stories that nobody cares about and you wonder why it’s not working for you, this is because you exclude writing from an objective vantage point oh and ps you’re fucking boring.

3. when something big happens in the world, DON’T WRITE ABOUT IT. remember when hunter s. thompson shot himself and how every fucking blog you went to had the same na na na he meant so much to me na na na NA crap like they knew the guy personally and it was one big circle jerk competition of who could write the longest tribute like they were his brother, wasn’t that annoying? fuck that, you are a moron douche bag who has a two month old blog, you don’t know anything about anything so fuck off.

4. if you want to look like a desperate piece of shit blog then link everybody who so much as whispers in your direction. linking and blog politics in general have got to stop, this groupie blog culture is retarded which brings me to my next point.

5. just because you have a blog and you meet some kid from the internet and then THEY start a blog, this does not make them more interesting and it sure as shit does not make you more interesting either and it also doesn’t make you BEST FRIENDS ps. nobody cares who you have met in real life and therefore listing who you know in real life on your blogroll makes you about as cool as the smell of hot garbage, fag.

6. post pictures of your face a lot. here’s a fun thing to do, go through your archives and see how many photos you have of your stupid face, doing the same pose and holding the camera the exact same way and then read what you’ve written, same. old. crap.

7. do not lend insight or have any depth whatsoever in what you write and always state the obvious, write about things like you are the only person in the world who knows about them and go into great detail about everything you do, every place you go and so on because your readers are stupid and have never ever been to a wal-mart before and they don’t know what double-dutch is because you are a fucking genius and we are not.

8. when you write about going to a show, write like you discovered the band and you are all best friends, people love that because name-dropping never gets tired and also the mostest most bestest part is an intricately detailed account of the conversation you had with famous whoever the fuck.

9. be arrogant.

10. when you’re being unoriginal, act otherwise.

that’s all i can think of for now.