so i started writing a fictional story and i kind of want to turn it into fantasy science fiction psychological thriller somehow but i don’t have the capacity to or the attention span to make something like that seem believeable or make enough sense and then i wouldn’t finish it and i would hate myself. i dunno.

receiving jamie‘s and matthew’s book has inspired me to just fucking write and print and publish for fucksakes.

so i have already written quite a bit but i did it all by hand because that is how i write best so now i have to transcribe it, ho hum.

it’s ridiculous how drinking has just wiped away my intelligence completely. mostly my memory. it feels like a whole bunch of big words, adjectives mostly, have just, disappeared from my brain.

and i am fine with it for a little while but then someone comes in the room and asks me how to spell casserole and i am not exactly sure how to spell it and so i spell it and i think that i am right but i also seriously doubt myself and think ok well there’s another word that won’t be in my story because i cannot spell it on the spot and feel confident enough with it just sitting there, waiting to be spell-checked and walking over to a dictionary is just not in the cards for me, so fuck that word altogether.

and yah, so i’m writing this thing and i am already getting pissed off all over the place because i think of various directions in which to take it and then i forget them and then i have to play with the cat or read a tabloid and check email.

anyway, we saw boogeyman yesterday and it was stupid because they tried really hard to make it trippy and spooky and it was basically a bunch of doors slamming and then when you finally see the boogeyman you’re like pffffffft because he is just, silly.

and there were a gaggle of fat trashy teenage girls talking and running around behind us the entire time and their stupid voices were echoing all over the theatre because it was empty and then on the way home fil said, “i wanted to cut those fat bitches.” and i said can i quote you on my blog and he said no but i am doing it anyway because it effectively captures the feeling i had also.

the whole way through i was thinking of what i would scream at those girls if i finally decided to and i was going to scream, “SHUT UP YOU LITTLE KIDS.” and so i thougt about it the whole time and i didn’t do it and then i saw them in the bathroom afterward and i thought that i could lecture them about being polite in movie theatres but then they would roll their eyes and i would get really fucking mad and then i would get mean and call them fat and white trash and ugly and make fun of their clothes and then we would have to run away to the parking lot and that would just be, immature.

too bad though.

i should have said the little kids line because that would hurt them a lot because when you are out at a movie theatre and a ‘tween, you want for people to think you are an adult and cool and older and so if i called them little kids they would want to just die.

that’s what i thought about during the movie and i know that i am right.