TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR ATTRACTIONS AT DISNEY WORLD

10. The Raw Sewage Flume

9. Oprah Mountain

8. Moses Malone’s Enchanted Laundry Hamper

7. Parade of short actors in stifling animal suits

6. Pegleg Pete’s Prison Shower Room

5. Muggyland

4. Hall of Vice Presidents

3. Walt’s Walk-in Freezer and Crypt

2. Turn the Hose on Lady and the Tramp

1. Peter Pan’s All-Male Cinema

JOHN GOTTI’S TOP TEN TAX TIPS

10. You can deduct the entire piano even if you bought it just for the wire

9. Guys who escape from the trunk of your car may be considered business losses

8. No matter how much he relies on your business, a funeral director does not count as a dependent

7. Another write-off: long-distance calls to Pete Rose

6. You must actually kill someone in your home for it to qualify as “place of business”

5. Three simple words to the auditor: “How’s your family?”

4. For a vacation to count as a business trip, return with 100 pounds of heroin

3. Smart-guy talk show hosts may end up with more medical expenses than they thought

2. When reporting income, be plausible. No pizzeria in the world takes in 3 billion dollars a day

1. What H&R Block can’t do, cement blocks can

TOP TEN ELF PICKUP LINES

10. I’m down here

9. Just because I’ve got bells on my shoes doesn’t mean I’m a sissy

8. I was once a lawn ornament for Jon Bon Jovi

7. I can get you off the naughty list

6. I have certain needs that can’t be satisfied by working on toys

5. I’m a magical being. Take off your bra

4. No, no. I don’t bake cookies. You’re thinking of those dorks over at Keebler

3. I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man

2. You’d look great in a Raggedy Ann wig

1. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners