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you are out to fucking lunch

this morning’s email brought to you by well, ugh, come up with your own LOLZ for her.

subject: really, i’m sorry

but the only reason you are ahead in the weblog 2008 awards right now is because YOU POSTED IT ON YOUR WEBSITE! so if you want to get angry and post the following in 2008, then go ahead:

“2006 best diarist
oh i won best diarist too everyone’s been nagging about it lately saying oh she only won cos dooce never mentioned the contest on her blog, and so what, did you guys win? no. were you even nominated? double no. so fuck off already.

i’m awesome.”

maybe it’s because you’re still quite young, but as someone who could ALMOST BE YOUR MOTHER (i’m 42, so actually, i could be) i have to tell you that if you win the 2008 awards for best diarist, well, you didn’t win honestly. if it weren’t for neil gaiman (see january 6 post here: http://journal.neilgaiman.com/), who ‘pimped himself out’, even though he didn’t need to, i wouldn’t have known about the awards. really think about this, lauren. i have been reading heather’s blog every day for four years. i have always found about about these awards after the fact, which is when she posts about it. if she posted the weblog awards on her page darlin’, you would not win. AND YOU KNOW THIS. it escapes me that you could think otherwise. where is your dignity? posting what you did in 2006 after winning . . . it only shows people how immature you are. be gracious, arrogance is not becoming.

and as far as i know, your blog hasn’t been featured in time magazine’s best 50 blogs. TIME MAGAZINE, lauren. please, correct me if i’m wrong. i’ve never read your blog, i’ve never heard of you before january 6. please don’t be so assuming about yourself.

-venusismycat

errrr ah, thanks for the insight?

you only know about dooce because she was notoriously fired for blogging and ever since has been milking the hell out of that ride (who wouldn’t) she’s a great writer but her subject matter is a snoozefest (IMO) and she is like the martha stewart of blogging, she’s MADE IT i GOT THAT you worshipping goon. what exactly are you trying to school me with? you pointed out what i said and then emailed me about it and who the fuck is neil gaiman? oh wait i think i’ve read a book of his. anyway, you’re mad lady and care WAY too much about all this. AND STOP CALLING ME LAUREN AND DOOCE HEATHER. you don’t know me or her, you’re mental! of course i’m going to post the awards on my website so that my readers can vote, they stick me in with dooce cos they know she won’t post about it so it gives the rest of us a chance. do i think i’m a better diarist than she is? yes. why? because i update far more frequently which i think plays a huge role when it comes to diarrheaing (which your email made me feel like doing instantly) and i am up against a key player here so i’m NOT going to post it? jesus woman get a life. you’ve never heard of me before cos you are part of the mommy blogger’s society, ignorant and redundant and irrelevant (but there’s more of you, following her, she certainly has the numbers and you know why? COS YOU ARE ALL STAY AT HOME MOMS ON THE INTERNET 24/7). did you know that there is an entire world wide web out there of thousands upon hundreds of thousands of different kinds of blogs aside from dooce and what time magazine lists or is even close to on the radar of?

i have been around long before dooce and i will be around long after too.

and as for dignity, well, that’s for ugly people. bye!

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE today you guys <3!


sort of sick of ikea from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

greasy mullet day, it was not shower day because i ran out of conditioner.


let it be clip from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

45 thoughts on “you are out to fucking lunch”

  3. ahahahahaha venusismycat you rock. Wow talk about taking everything a tad too seriously and TIME mag ahahahaha yeah that’s relevant

    Best laugh today

    chortle

  4. -sigh- i get all stressed out reading these sorts of things. I bopped over to dooce yesterday to gain some insight… you’re bang on with the snoozefest! And her accent is balls too. btw.

  7. i’m old enough to be your father, but i’m not pyscho enough to think that “vote every day” awards like the weblog awards shouldn’t be pimped out on your site. duh. if docce doesn’t want to mention it on her site, that’s her choice. where is your dignity? it’s right where it should be, stuffed up the rectum of venusismycat. oh, and if your blog ever gets mention in Time Magazine, you’ll know you’ve become old and irrelevant and most likely boring, so kudos to you on staying off that list thus far.

  8. how endearing is it when they say they’re old enough to be my parent like it actually stands for something? what point is that exactly other than, you are young and i am old, wonderful argument, well done.

  9. dooce DID mention the awards on her blog this year, so that fool can suck it. after i read what you wrote about her not mentioning it last time around i started reading her blog and lo and behold, there it is, “you can vote for me if you want, here’s the link.”

    and further, i had never read her blog until YOU mentioned it. i think it’s fine and all, but she hasn’t knocked my socks off yet and personally, i am tired of hearing about my friend’s babies and the trials of pregnancy and motherhood etc., etc., ad nauseum, so i DEFinitely don’t want to hear someone i’ve never met go on about it.

    you are infinitely more entertaining, and you’re a hell of a lot funnier. i can’t believe she’s got almost as many votes as you.

  10. oh! and it just occurs to me: too bad barack obama didn’t win the u.s. presidential election honestly. that guy has no dignity, pimping himself out all over the internet, tv, and even in person. apparently venusismy cat doesn’t really understand voting very well.

  12. well, never mind, i just looked again and i can’t find dooce’s mention of the awards anywhere. maybe i was thinking of one of the other entries. i was wrong.

  14. I read both your blog and dooce’s blog frequently — even though I have virtually nothing in common with either of your lifestyles or subject matter. I find as much entertainment value in the writing styles as I do in most of the content. You each have a way of making a comment or telling a short story that, while vastly different, keeps the reader’s attention. I don’t think one is ‘good’ the other ‘bad’–just ‘different’ from each other.

    That being said, I have been voting for you because I think the award would mean more to you. I appreciate your non-abashed campaign.

  15. I am going to get shot by all the “yummy mummies” out there, but here it is:
    There are certain stay at home moms of a certain class these days that are beasts. My mom stayed home to raise me and was wonderful. She was grounded, cool and aged gracefully and did not try to have the face and body of a tween. Mommy bloggers are the beasts I refer, and the moms of the kids I teach and are far worse to deal with than any bratty kid. Raymi, I am sorry they are attacking you, but the bitter ones are bitter because they are jealous with a capital J!

  16. jake, thank you and how true and insightful jen, it reminds me of a post i wrote four years ago:

    http://raymitheminx.blogspot.com/2005/03/look-at-that-drunk-fat-slob-who-i-am.html (check the comments in that post too hahah)

    so got my hair done and there was this catholic woman there who was also a bigot and claimed that she and her friends are considered the “yummy mummies” in town and i told her that religion is a crutch and she said black people are lazy and we were created different for a reason so races shouldn’t mix. she just wouldn’t shut up about her extremely rich trinidadian upbringing she was such a classist ignorant yuppie and there was nothing yummy about her. i was so fucking mad i just kept my mouth shut the entire time.

    she said she couldn’t believe people who have no faith and how they could cope at funerals thinking that their lost loved one might not be in a better place.

    you know what bitch, it’s called being realistic. when you’re dead, you’re fucking DEAD and your magical soul is DEAD TOO. there is no heaven there is no hell, fuck you, shut up. there is no such other being bigger than us who created us and is watching over us and helping us pfffft. life isn’t a disney movie. we don’t hang out in the clouds when we’re dead. your dead grandma can’t see you right now dude, she’s gone city and going to some building one day a week isn’t going to make you a better person.

    the sabbath is a sham and the other six days are just mind control.

    then she had the nerve to say oh when i was younger i was anti-religion too and since your grandfather was an athiest i hope he didn’t have a religious funeral. he didn’t but who the fuck is she to ask.

    make sure the priest doesn’t diddle your kids.

  17. I hate it when older people are soo condescending! Telling you that you will realize one day..blah blah or when you are older i certainly hope you will learn……bullshit! The tone of that email reminds me of this woman who fired me-very unprofessionally-and i called her out on it and she freaked!

  18. i just picture big lame hair, bad dresser, doesn’t get out much, has loud annoying stupid opinions after a glass of wine at boring “adult” parties you’re forced to go to (that they live for), is passive aggressive to the pretty ones in the room. typical.

  21. Well, not every mommyblogger is lame. Ok, maybe I am lame, but I can’t be that pathetic if I read you! I can’t believe that chick wrote that to you? What’s the point? Passive aggressive much lady?

    Everyone I know who was nominated is actively campaigning to try to win their category. They all have badges and are all talking about it. So what’s the big deal?

    Reality is that if you didn’t have a bunch of readers who wanted to vote for you, you would not win, regardless of how many badges you had, or how much you begged. And if Dooce is that popular, then how come her readers don’t just know and aren’t just voting for her like crazy?

    Anyway, I voted for you.

    *Whispers*-nobody has big hair, but yeah, you are right about the wine and stupid opinions, hehe

  22. good point liz! aurelia not every momblogger is lame you’re right i’m just saying, different audience is all, there are so many mommy bloggers blogging the exact same material – whereas i feel like i stand out cos i’m not one. i’m not saying i’m the most original thing on the planet but i’m certainly not ordinary. what sets dooce apart from the rest is her fame.

  23. haha fuck.

    I love you Raymi.

    You know what… it’s like college… it doesn’t matter what kind of a prick, brown noser or total slacker you are it’s a piece of paper that says you know something. It doesn’t matter how the fuck you get it.

    Just because it’s not posted on their blog doesn’t mean there’s not an email list going out saying that they should vote.

    Whatevs.

    Do I think you should win yes… am I biased sure. Does it matter? Nope.

    Rock On Raymi

  28. i agree mommy bloggers should be in a different category. i had never heard of dooce and checked out her site and was surprised you guys are in the same category.

    i have been voting for you. i can see how mommy blogging would get boring quick.

  30. Oh tweetheart. I came in to check on my meower to see what’s goin on. After a storybook of thoughts that I had, reading this clueless self-righteous cougar’s what-for, let me just say that I’m proud of you.

    xow

  31. I voted for you because your blog is the most entertaining blog I have ever read, besides mine when I was blogging. ;) No seriously I entertained the shit out of myself. I would reread my posts and laugh and laugh. haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    Going to vote for you again.

  32. I’ve just voted for you because I think you are unique. TIME Magazine should put you on their cover – you’re much more photogenic than any old yummymummy!

  34. The logic of that crazy woman’s personal attack utterly escapes me. She doesn’t want you to win, or something? So she thinks that by belittling the fact that you’re telling people you are up for an award, she can shame you into not pimping votes? Then Dooce can win and she can feel validated or something? Why does she care so much? Does she not realize you’re only soliciting the readers you already have to go vote; it’s not like by wishful thinking/self-promotion you’re pulling voters out of the ether? That it’s a fan’s perogative to vote or not in the first place and they decide to vote even if you do remind them?

    I read both you and dooce, and while I like dooce well enough, you can tell she’s definitely going for something with her blog- a certain cool I ‘like to swear and be a badass suburban mother’ attitude which apparently resonates with a lot of people. She’s a good enough writer to pull it off, but I really appreciate your lack of pretension in your stream-of consciousness blog. I feel like with you, what we see is what we get; not that there’s no more to you than your blog (of course not), but you aren’t trying to be fake or an assole or someone you aren’t or imitate anyone but yourself. That’s why I appreciate your blog and I’m sure others would say the same.

  37. I never heard of this douche before! 30 seconds into her blog and you want to shoot yourself in the face!

    If I hadn’t seen how bad the competition was I never would’ve bothered to vote!

  40. all i read was blablabla who cares, forget them i’m glad you post it on your site raymi plus it’s more faster by one click, and of course you get to remind us. i’m still cheerleading for you V-O-T-I-N-G. you known raymi how there’s THE TERMINATOR. WELL WE GOT OUR OWN RAYMINATOR you Grrrrrr you go girl!!! ;).

  41. Wow…how dare you want to win??? What is wrong with you??? Only people who are published in magazines deserve to win awards naturally. Pttttttttth. What a load of horse shit.

    Seriously. That lady has way too much time on her hands.

    I have been voting for you daily and I have my fingers crossed!

  42. Both blogs have a completely different subject matter. Peaceful coexistence is totally ok. How does the purpose of one blog, cancel the other out? You can love two different blogs and that’s OK CRAZY LADY!
    Raymi is young, fresh and hip and her blog and the way that she writes speaks to the young and cool suburban population.
    I don’t like Dooce’s blog, but I also read other blogs (political for eg).
    So dude, instead of taking the time to SLAM Raymi, find the time to get laid and get over your anger already.

  43. YES! Bahahahahaha. Oh man. I am going to fedex that woman some human faeces, because that is the kind of stuff she has been ingesting.

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