Raymazing etc

I feel like I want to blog but I have no idea what to say. This usually happens in between events and recovering from them as well as other life things in general. I remember when my blog used to be more organized on a daily basis schedule. Like Monday I do this, Sunday I am here doing that, blah blah. Sure as hell not now though haha. Like here is another picture of me with my phone in my hand in the mirror. MINDBLOWING. Don’t worry, I get it. I see it too. I am no fool. I see the selfie thing as a daily routine/fitness goal/body obsession and the laziest blog content ever but it works because it’s a curvy woman over and over again. Yeah I can do better.

Actually maybe I don’t feel like blogging who am I trying to please right now anyway? All it achieves is leaving me looking like a mess. Which I recently discovered some people discussing about me. I am just sick of opinions and people thinking they are all-knowing making knee-jerk statements based on, yeah I guess, all the mess one displays online.

I do not see it as a mess though and if I felt that it was a true mess I would not be sharing it. You came to the conclusion that it’s a mess, fine then. It’s a life stage perhaps, a change. When changes occur there is always a bit of fall-out which is why people never change or fear it but you have to embrace it if you want to better your life.

Being a blogger and a human at the same time can be hard. Being fluff and happy go lucky for forever is harder than it looks. I work very hard at making it look easy. Since I joined tinder again and started putting myself out there more again I’ve had the opportunity to explain what blogging is a thousand times a week to newbies. Dissecting for strangers what it is that I do. Being approached to promote and cover other people’s businesses who do not get that this here too is a business and I put myself on the line not purely for enjoyment but to pay my goddamn bills. It’s exhausting and demoralizing this blogger shit. When you work for many years to be seen and appreciated and invited to things, it’s a fine line the business and pleasure of it all. Coming up with new concepts and ideas, people knocking you down the whole way and cutting your grass. Haters banding together to talk shit and make a point to go out of their way to contact a client of yours because they want the action for themselves, like seriously if I knew this was going to be so annoying I probably would have gone into LAW which was my original plan. Superstar writer and lawyer lol.

Another thing about Raymi is, over 15 years of doing this you meet a lot of people and make friends with some of them, frenemies, you are notorious and then like everyone has to know about you and if they don’t know you do not fucking worry someone will not waste a second talking about you and cutting you the fuck down like they KNOW your insides. Rumours and industry reps, like in highschool, can be damaging. All it takes is a conversation someone has about you to fuck you over. Which, they do. A lot.

I just know I’ve always been this weirdo semi-unapproachable lone wolf who is also a people person, funny, gregarious, obnoxious, charming you know, but the blog world, the people world, have more to say on it and prevail in just so much shit talk about me, shunning me, what is even the point sometimes it feels.

Like who cares what people have to say about me in the real world the proof is in the pudding, should be, it’s all right here. The majority of my readership will never even meet me why should they care what some douche in Toronto thinks about me because HERE is where they come everyday to see me not to hear opinions. Just enjoy the source bro.

I am sitting on top of this valuable blog “empire” here with klout, readership, eyes, traffic which really should be the only thing speaking for itself. I fucking started this before you, you know. With soul and integrity and realness. I didn’t copy ONE fucking person ever. No one believed in it or even understood it but I knew this was going to pay off one day and be the way to do things. So I kept at it, keep at it whether obsessively or passively. I play the game. I keep cards to my chest. I work on my looks, I starve, I tan, I cry. I do not give in, or up. Not yet.