feed the blognster

Hey ding dongs, ready? Hope so!

I’m at Friday brain now. Felt a bit overbooked the past couple weeks, one part doing it to myself and one part scheduled. I have a lot to do on top of packing. This is how people lose their minds. I’m so stressed and doing absolutely nothing about it ooh fun! Haha.

Looking at pictures of myself is a good way to relax apparently?

Actually, not really. It kinda just gets me going again. Thinking about all the selfies and how there isn’t enough time to blog them all.

Dinner was great last night though. I miss fancy shenanigans. I apologize for using that word.. there’s just something about it that makes me feel like we are mommy bloggers.

If there is grilled octopus on the menu then I am ordering it. You do not come across it everyday. How many other creatures of the sea did we also eat? Some tuna, some snails. Obnoxiously foodie it was!

Escargots were so good. I was drunk like immediately (martinis) cos I am a lightweight these days.

Embracing my 80’s pop idol years. Will also accept spice girls.

And also, my dress. I put it on over the summer but did not even try to zip it up because no chance and oh fuck I just noticed on the label it’s actually a size zero not a two. Hi I’m Lauren, size zero. That’s me. Douchebag esquire at yer service. I remember when I was plumper and reading blogs of skinnier than me chicks and hating myself hard. I feel no need to fat shame and skinny brag although I “just did”. It’s more of a personal triumph kind of thing. If I can do it. If Khloe Kardashian can do it, we call can. You just need to tap into the willpower part of your being and reign it supreme.

Next week is go time at Naked News so everything I pass through to my stomach and exercise that I do not do I am only hurting myself. Do you like how big and psycho my ponytail is here? Excited to add more blond. Ok not excited but want to. Sitting in a salon chair takes the life out of me.

If you crave sweetness go for oranges instead of chocolate, you will thank yourself in the morning.

My tbt of the week. What I looked like at 25. I went to vintage by the pound one day and bought an insane amount of dresses and the very next day they were swarmed with little raymis and hipster toronto chicks in general inspired by my sudden desire to dress like, this. This is the closest I have ever come to wearing a wedding dress perhaps hahahha.

Alright, back to dinner and finding yourself to be extremely hilarious with your hand saxophone. We were listening to the doors as well as air keyboarding like we did not give a!

I have to get a makeup tutorial this weekend to look like Liz Hurley with smokey eyes. On camera on tv my normal loads of makeup amount are not enough at all wtf!! Halp me.

My body cannot handle whiskey sours. Too sweet and tart. I wore a tiny tight dress to ensure I did not misbehave with ordering food. Instead of getting mains we got 5 apps.

I really thought I was being hilarious adorable with this thing on and zero people cared. I like in nice restaurants how people are into their own worlds, have lives that you don’t matter in. This is the same place I had that horrible awful crazy date in over the fall. I don’t know if that date show is still in the works but the experience (story) is still on the table for sure and would require a look-a-like Raymi to play me while I narrate the date from hell. The resto still remembers the date ahha. I went to highschool with a guy who works there, it’s nice to have a sense of community and be remembered for a shitty date cool thanks everyone.

Sooooooo we broke up and then he swooped back in was kinda intimidating lets just not talk about it until I am next pissed off lol. He says there’s the bomb, then there’s the fuse (I would be the fuse) when it comes to being hot blooded (tempered) people. I am at a point in my life where I refuse to compromise on who I am as a person which I guess can be tough to handle. Men always want to dominate you. I am reasonably independent so there’s another obstacle. Plus a super fucking catch with plenty of options so good luck bruh.

We had great eats, sat in the window, my mom dropped in, they finally met she had some martinis and then liked the guy even though she knows all the complaints I have ever made about him, mom your judgment is flawed! Love my mom. I got him a nice gift too, felt very good about myself for that.

Fancy water. Always drink water. Water yourself every morning like a plant.

Camera quality is always better than phone.

I spelled out every hashtag there is on my instagram that’s involved here if you need to know or care.

Fancy menus too I scored a billion bonus points last night. Had his bday been in the summer we wouldn’t have broken up because then he would have experienced the gifting of Raymbo and how over the top I can go. My card brought tears to his eyes. I was Ellen friggin Degenerous level touching last night.

Once everyone left. I can see the seat over there in the middle back under a light where I sat on that date of legend. If you go back in my archives (sept, october?) you will find pics of this place. The guy trolled me on twitter afterwards and said good luck being relevant in my thirties fwahaha hey thanks pal, no problems there! Being Canadian in your thirties and famous is like being 19 and breaking out as a star in Hollywood. All about that really long slow build but then everything seems to happen real fast and your phone does not ever cool down. Or maybe that’s tinder lol.

Was into my outfit.

Ran out of time I gotta bounce. Have a nice night!