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thank god i don’t have to create a power point vacation presentation.
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came we saw we brang.
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iconic classic shot. good one mom. i was crabby in the other seat. tired. got a second wind for mangos.
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wore my butt cleavage pink nude aa bottoms, maybe that’s why i made so many friends.
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wednesday is ladies night at blue martini. half price martinis. we got sozzled. fort lauderdale. you get in free. dennis rodman parties here. we ate on the patio then went in to get loose. live band dancers, so interactive. they know every hit. pros.
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here we go again. this is at blue martini. when i saw dennis rodman and we danced with him for a bit then he took off thanks to the mc. idiot.
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movin’ on up.
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my girls did me proud this holiday. brought it. partied to the wee hours. full throttle vacation. we’re all emo now.
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i miss the freaks and hustle and bustle.
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mom loved her feathered hair. i thought it was oblivious. looks good when she danced. her dumb outfit partially influenced my opinion.
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shortly after this my mom left the convertible car keys on one of the statues. by the buddha, beside the roman warrior. i was PISSED!
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i only did it cos everyone else sucked so bad. oh the looks i got lois said, from girls. i gestured to one to come up and bring it and wipe that stank ass look on her face. she was a pussy. when girls do this shit it is laughable. you’re so ballsy and fem? bullshit. you’re a coward fraud. i’ll take you. bucket list. paddy has gotten me thinking about that. when she was in chicago she did all these wild things to just be fearless and live. stand up. burlesque performance. that’s the way to do it and if your dopey shoulder crop constrained frigidness takes issue with it, be angry at yourself, not i sir. not i. i just don’t understand it cos we’re all out to have fun, go out and party, why be shocked when someone else is also trying to have fun? if you can’t be a girl’s girl you are a major red flag to any potential suitor. be wary men.
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it was good practise and necessary. by the pool was too out of the element plus a doughy dumpling living potato woman was scowling at me the entire time. when i was finished sufficiently thwarting her pithy attempt at vibing me out i instructed the girls in a class of water aerobics. i love enforcing my mania on to other willing participants.
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we are free spirits.
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mystery charges are popping up. can’t get to bottom of it til tomorrow. charged for a dinner at a resto the night we weren’t even on site, we were having ribs at flanigans. way suspect.
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i look casket ready. nauseous here. chugged the ribs back anyway while jackie the psycho hostess stared at us like the night watchmen through the french glass doors to the diningroom. i sashayed like catwoman to the ladies at one point to let her know to slow her role.
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my mom thinks she’s diane arbus. actually, she just won another photo contest at oakville place. second year in a row. good form mum.
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i was wearing the perfect nail polish for this place. mom copied me and got a bottle from aa. mine was only 1.99 though.
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i’m still riding the glam newdy bravado wave and i forced paddy jane to get into it yesterday. i draped her in jewels and cleavage and shorts up to her ass crack. chick has a smokin’ bod.
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keeping it french. there’s no other way to explain my ways.
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perfect. reminds me of summer sisters. what is this martha’s vineyard?
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great footwear.
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awkward girl at the party no guy is into much?
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look i have a fan!
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i miss the heat. good thing it’s hot here now.
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if my face was tilted higher this would be better. tyra would say that.
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ok gary you’re cute. i spy lois.
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i wanted to pose with gwen stefani’s, the boringest of the lot, cos this is what she wore in the video where she jumps up and down on the bed, underneath it all, and for some reason guys have an unholy raging hard on for that/it/her. boggling. that part is a snoozefest. i’ve studied it cos i am obsessive like that but here you go, boring rags. cool also it’s a maje fashion no no who styled this? her 13 year old orange county self? omg i love her so much hahaa.
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they chose me this headband originally but i was already wearing feather earrings. swapped it for the gold jeweled one. this is pretty though.
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i look like a tool. the place was rammed. these were brits.
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this is when lois got WASTED!
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hahahaha.
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we buried jason. the drunker we got the more sand i piled on to his head and i’m sure it was in his eyes nose and ears. mouth too. facebook profile pics.
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that’s us tailing the boys for ribs.
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some canadian chicks diggin’ our steeze.
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stuff like this everywhere. just everywhere. take note toronto. how do we get as rich as miami? run more drugs? isn’t that what that fat dope mayor of ours is all about anyway now that he’s finally king? not the drugs thing, but flossing and wasting money on superfluous garbage?
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versace was murdered behind those gates. it’s a private hotel now. private invite only. keeping the allure and old school alive these fellas i tell you. mom wouldn’t shut up about a dead pigeon calling card and it being a mob hit. ok there scarface, settle down. then when blasted she went BOO! to the security guy. i dragged her away after apologizing. as i type this only now it seems funny. i’m like fine, go ahead, dude could have just shot you mom don’t spook people. BOO! BLAM! ahhahaha steph i will act this out for you in thunder bay.
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how 1992 film is this photo. i like it.
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i should have worn a thong. too lazy.
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they give you frozen grapes at wayne gretzkys too. smart. i bet when he started that place he went ok everyone number one to do idea: frozen grapes! i am positively mad for frozen grapes, they do it at all the beach resorts on patios. people will LOVE it yeah yeah stick hockey sticks wherever for door handles yeah cool. ahahah.
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you still get sun when it’s overcast. i wasn’t psycho about tanning cos we have a roof here. i want a light tan nothing crazy.
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for alicia.
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mom’s toes are always perfectly manicured by bina. same woman for fifteen years?
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ok lets see if i can remember this. from right to left: gwen stefani, pink, lil kim (moulin rouge video) then one of the other three is beyonce, i think it’s the american flag outfit. don’t remember the others. one is shakira or madonna.
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great beds.
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same?
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never ended up jetskiing. finally convinced them down to $50 for two jet skis for twenty minutes. instead of $80 per for a half hour. we were tired everyday. eat sleep party shop eat sleep sun beach shop shower party party etc.
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fabulous.
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trouble starts with a T also a tracey.
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sorry! sort of!
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who’s that glamour star over there?
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so cute. they’re so cute together. my lesbo moms.
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we are artists. i should make calendars. no, someone should do that for me.
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i wonder what shit they were talking here.
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this guy was cheeky. albeit full on gross. said my name over the mic.
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gary was our handler cock blocker best guy companion. it was like emma’s on the road. we are already planning another.
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it was paradise. thunder bay can be almost tropical i told teacher, in the summer.
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this was kind of tropical too. those mini vodkas came in handy for shopping.
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it’s kind of meh kind of safe classic but you know to wear this you would have to be a bird, a zero. a 1920’s wallflower, struggled so hard to recreate a teeny shape for a boring glitzy can’t afford it gown. the world is mad.
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prepared for battle.
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the day after blue martini. my back was severely sore. you know so bad must be 180 degrees? we did aerobics the day before in the pool and i ran like a raymiac too. punish the hangover with marathon shopping. had time to kill switching hotels. needed new gear for the bringing it of miami.
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gary was thrown into the vortex pit with us.
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i took my outfit seriously. didn’t know what to expect in miami. envisioned vegas pools and glam kinis and perfection. i created way too much attention when i catwalked on out. it’s the shy. it makes you get snotty.
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saying one loves old cars is obvious. adore them. we reject the present, crave the past. back to the future forever.
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sigh.
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camera snap happy for good reason.
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well hello there. brought a bit of miami beach to adventurehouse party on friday. pics of that to come. it was so fun and i didn’t strangle anybody. not a one!
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my brain looks like this still. on the inside. i think i’m still there. seriously ask anybody. i am an island that floated away. i used to be such a traveler i completely forgot how devastating it is when it’s over. no wonder britt bums about it or talks about travel all the time.
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our faces are so serious. this was a mexican stand off. everyone looked. mean looks, daggers, and then dudes were feeling it. i became the enemy.
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more versace.
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i am a gag prop. i went with it. i am a good sport. good wing girl. i know how to not outshine. it’s good to go kaufman. scholar of comedic silences.
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and then there is this.
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my mom is a prick. she prefers these people over perfects to photograph though.
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ok i am starting to get stage fright now i bet i’ll lose 5lbs today.
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this chick was lame but ripped. no one really scrutinizes you so i don’t have to be uptight. i’m going to do it slow sexy like some of my videos.
you’re the only one from raymi lauren on Vimeo.
in the fade from raymi lauren on Vimeo.
jut need to settle on the perfect song. i have so many ideas but not only one solo and the duet is already decided. it’s like buying the perfect gift. outfit on top of that.
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sea blob hag HAHAHAHA. you landed on my island. y’all fucked now.
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they tried so hard to sabotage my diet.
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ok this is ridiculous to keep adding and refreshing. to be continued. so many more good ones to come. better and better. happy sunday!
