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rocky needs a haircut. i don’t know what i am looking at anymore. where is up?

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ahh dudes i’m so sick. frowny face. looking at this carpet picture made my allergies sinuses everything act up. so stuffed up. there will be an over-abundance of the word “up” in this post. callin’ foreshadow. stamped it. (actually i was wrong).

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this retarded month of commuting back and forth all over and sitting in drafty coffeeshops has taken its toll on my immune system see, this is how homeless people die. they never get proper rest or shelter, always on the move in their patched-up too big for them coal miner pants and stick with red kerchief full of worldly possessions bindle hahah but you know what i mean, too much hustle and bustle, public spaces, no good for you. i’m just used to being a cave sloth, doing my jobs, then back to my nest. haven’t been able to do that with proper rests in between. there is always something, right folks.

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stupid mishaps, foibles, and catastrophes (i can’t believe there’s no i in catastrophes) are what fuel my blog and life in general i suppose. what the hell would i write about otherwise?

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life would just be pictures then, no stories. eeeeeeeeerrrrkkk that’s me screech steering us away from that sort of fairy talk for the rest of this journey.

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being a work out person makes you 50% more body conscious. i’m like jersey shore up here, caucasian edition, always lifting my shirt up and shit.

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except for my face, that’s still kind of orange.

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hahahah HEADQUARTERS. do we know who’s in charge? hmm it’s a mystery. we might have to hire professionals to figure it out.

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i battled and fended off a chill for 2 days. then friday night, the night of adventurehouse (which i didn’t go to i was that run down) which was amazing i hear, everything fell apart. well, my glands became engorged and swollen like bull testicles or footballs in my neck. coincidentally this was the night when EVERYONE i love to party with contacts me at once to give’r but meanwhile i have a very important personal appointment to tend to. it always goes this way don’t it.

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in the choose your own adventures grand schemes of things, you can’t choose them all.

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but oh lawdy, we try.

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ladies in hades. perfect name. put a tumbl on that shit!

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ugh and still climbing. guess who is winning, quality or quantity. one guy has offered money to kiss my ass. i have got him at $200, i have not counter-offered or quoted. hahaha. more on this later. well no not that i am not going to do it, i just mean, the whole dating thing. i hate it. i am sick of new people in my life i have enough people. i just want to be tethered to one thing. instead, i waste my life, one to two weeks at a time.

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love this book. my mom bought it for my dad years ago.

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doing buns to see how my hair fares this way, this length. when there’s only a blow dryer in the house or you’re short on time this is a good look. fluke look. at chap’s they almost had to call the newspapers they’d never seen something so wild before. at the coach and four, the more they drank, the cuter i got then every time i passed the gauntlet of people to get to the bathroom from mic to our nook, i passed by ten compliments. i was in an extremely foul mood, an email set me off. it got to a point where i just sat and refused to mingle or move. i loved watching lois have a grand time though. philip and i did a duet, we killed it. at the end i sang thank you by dido and all the british men lined up to basically thank and pay me accolades for it cos that’s one of my raymaoke ringer songs from years ago, i used to do it all the time and i can simulate dido’s accent and yeah, i killed it. killed it with leia buns and brits love dido and never saw or heard it coming. there’s something to be said about standing facing a cluster of moist-eyed soft faced endearing pub lushes smiling at you while you belt one out. laura told me she loves karaoke and fantasizes about her compliments for days on end afterward.

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i miss her. we met off the vice messageboard, she’s one of the original vice kids where raymi the minx began. she took me under her wing when i went to new york. she was 23, i, 18. super cool indie, but better. indie was a slag back then and no one said hipster. can you version 2.0 hipsters envision a world without the word hipster? it happened. no one on vice said the word hipster. seriously. hands to cheeks a la macauly culkin on that one. people were just cool without a label, without marketers re-packing their originality in the form of urban outfitters.

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i just sent her this email:

i want to come visit you.

my life is so different now.

i will be 28 at the end of march. our ten year pumps anniversary is coming up.

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remind me to write about the day i met her one day. it’s an incredible story.

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wah whut hayoooo!

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the socks were irritating the inner-neurotic. i coulda just put them on the other feet, the correct feet and the ribbons would have been aligned symmetrically.

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freak strawberry.

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massacre.

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lime jello is the classic family flavour favoured by us when sick. there’s a bottle of aloe here for my burn that looks exactly like my jello i am eating. WHY DOES EVERYTHING MATCH THAT OCCURS TO ME WAAAH KISMET CHARLIE SHEEN COSMIC ENERGIES blowin’ my miiiind. kidding. no i’m not. yes i am. kidding. just kidding. (hi steph! she laughs when i do the just kidding)(just kidding no she doesn’t)Ughbdshfgdsl ugh brackets forever sorry i am sick and hallucinating enjoy the ride.

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and now the past few day’s from my blackberry’s perspective. this is my fajita salad. i didn’t eat all of it. why can’t restaurants make smaller portions? why do they want to kill all of burlington?

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dad had this. yum. well i tried the burger and it was so totally mass-produced, it made me kind of sad. such a foodie snob. but i love going out and we love chap’s cos we’re weird so i give it a green flag.

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chap’s bathroom. i was extremely overdressed. hahahaa.

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i chose this one because of the catch me if you can-like label. have you seen that movie? the opening title sequence.

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roots scraggly mess after my workout friday morning using TMR‘s office for, you guessed it, internet. sigh. apparently it’s fixed now. ha right, early april fools day joke much lucas?

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weirdest oopsie outfits lately. haha one of my single white female blog (in-denial) stalkers who tries to emulate every single thing i do for 4 years now copied one of my oopsie outfits the other day, the one i wore to shasha what a retard you copied an accident. burn. one time a kid was copying my english quiz so hard and fast he wrote my name as his, i looked over saw it and snatched it out of his hand and slapped it down beneath our teacher’s nose on her desk and everyone around me who overheard died laughing cos andrew was a slack off loser who tried this shit on everyone. i was the class brain, big mouth, teacher’s pet and clown. do you think i let anything slide or an opportunity to get a laugh or be right go? fat chance. also countdown to said SWF copying my buns. clockwork!

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we always sit in the same place, the bar perch. i love people watching here. it feels like being in a barn, completely different from what it looks like on the outside. good place for a religious cult to operate out of or a setting for a sequel to dawn of the dead, board up the windows. i could envision the end of the world going on down here. i told someone on pof that i was training for the apocalypse cos he asked about this photo of me pushing a bunch of weight at the motion room “hey what are you training for?” my approach with men is to be as endearingly snarky as is possible straight off the bat so they know exactly what they are dealing with.

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u training for anything in particular in that one pic?

the apocalypse.

you should probably stay close in case a falling object comes near you, i will throw the undead through a wall to protect you also. no need to thank me.

i, am smooth. el smootho. hahaha tumbling that.

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gotta give it up to brennen, every time i see him he’s got a new look. this time? a little bit of the J man (jesus, who else?) and charles manson. we dubbed ourselves manson and marilyn. how sweet is that?

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what’s not sweet though is my burn. it just gets uglier and uglier by the day. you should probably try not to burn yourselves ever kids just a head’s up. i get really jumpy around hot water now, should have seen me making jello yesterday. christ that was scary.

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classic Veronica Corningstoner. in advertising the advertorial’s impact doesn’t show success until the consumer sees it three times, so repetition is key. what i’m saying is, the next time i say veronica corningstoner it will be committed to your memory.

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love rickard’s white. can you bring me an orange grove with that please? seriously. i had a phase of adding all kinds of real oj and juices to beers.

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big time food fetishist.

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when we hang my dad calls my brother to make fun of him over the phone so shawn can feel like he is with us in person being made fun of. a man at the bar was reading alone over a glass of red wine. he was there last week when my dad and i went for dinner. who is winning, him or us?

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my dad bought these to wear for one of their dr. robert performances for halloween but the night before he saw elton john on tv wearing the same pair, he didn’t want anyone at this party to draw a connection between himself and elton john and the beatles. hahaha oh dad. no i mean go dad. one of the funniest family dis-exchanges happened full circle on that blog, my brother and i still laugh about it and to not be selfish, i shall re-share it again here for all to enjoy and benefit from (laughter is the best medicine):

MOM SAYS: NEED TO THINK OF A BETTER BAND NAME, “GO DAD” IS “GAY”

RAYMI SAYS: OK HOW ABOUT, “MOM SUCKS”?

AHHAHAHahahhaHAHAHAHAHAHH!H!!!!!! yes. high five shawn. don’t feel bad for her she’s ripping on me and telling lies on facebook right now. ugh.

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two birds one stoner, selfies for dudes/blog/twitter. blast that shit out and spread it around. sometimes duckface can’t be avoided. i can’t help it that’s what my face looks like. it’s nana face.

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this was a fat night. immediately after this i ballooned right up. maybe it was the fajita salad and the beer and the sadness. women as they’re pre-menses they’re wolf vultures, it’s scary.

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i wonder what a wolf vulture could look like. amazing obviously.

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i like that rug. where did it come from dad? maybe i’ll buy a nicer one for my room. i might have to mine is full of never been vacuumed once evr and a billion and a billion tickle trunk parties. it was, i forget how much it was. under a hundred. from ikea. it’s the perfect fit though so i need one the exact same size. or, i could just buy a black & decker hand held vac. or their competitor could fucking mail me one already holy shit as if bloggers “pay” for “things” that moms have to buy.

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met the PBC (parkdale boys club) before i took the train out here (again) at mitzi’s yesterday. the spicy eggs are delicious. i wish mitzi’s would put a healthier option on their breakfast menu. like, salad. come on. just one fucking salad do it please.

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by the time we got to sobey’s with my mom (we drove in circles, her attention span steers the car ship man so naturally we were nowhere near the supermarket destination by the time we realised we were nowhere near the supermarket destination) i was hallucinatingly chilled to the bone, train ride wasn’t unpleasant as the one before when i was going to my dad’s (such a gypsy) which was a travelling icebox and packed with commuters. for everyone else yesterday riding with me i’m sure it was unpleasant, i was sniffling like crazy and when i wasn’t i was coughing and sneezing hysterically and frequently. sorry! no one sat near me. aww.

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i bought a bottle of bison sweetgrass vodka to drink through this bullshit, it’s not as good as the other brand though. i like the new tone to my hair it’s like, old lady toned. kind of silvery grey hint. white blond brennen said. i am forcing this smile. i was pretty miserable here. and the rain. blah. i get smiled at alot because i am pretty, yeah i said it, but when i am frowning frumpy mean crabapple face i feel so bad for that cute fool who accidentally looked at me smiling cos he saw the shiny blond puppy but then i am scowling, not at them just at life (can i get-a amen there!) and then their face goes from smile to scolded child i feel so bad, no it’s not your fault at all i feel like saying, i am just psychotically high maintenance and forever kicking schoolyard rocks in my mind a million miles away, in purgatory from a magical place i will never ever get to, understand? all this goes down on my way in to the lcbo as he is coming out, both alcoholics, starting from a high point. raise the bar high. look, i was relatively good friday night, you have no idea the incredible will power it took (sort of, my arm wasn’t exactly twisted) to avoid all those certain people and all the trouble i saved myself from so i had my saturday clear-headed enough, despite my sickness. i had a rough week. i am a whiner baby princess. i earned, needed, and deserved a break from the party and of course i’m guilt-ridden over it. blue eyed silver haired fox learned me a new term, the fear of missing out, forget exactly if that’s the term, FMO what the hell is it called? anyway, you see what i mean. i’ll make it to next advhaus party and the world will still keep spinning. speaking of, should i have a big birthday party or a private pity party?

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swapped tampon brands. i like that they’re marketing to junkies, how very syringe this design is and what’s more, in multi-rainbow colours. a drug addict so totally is the creative marketing director of this brand. some kind of wacky idiot. honestly what’s with the see through vial? is this the days of our lives hourglass? or did this come from my fisherprice doctor kit? where’s the big stethoscope that shit is FUN to scream in to when your brother has the ear buds in.

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ahha and GRANDMA WILL BE PICKING YOU UP TODAY WE’RE GOING AWAY FOR TWO WEEKS. DINNER’S IN THE OVEN, $’S IN THE COOKIE JAR.

should i cancel my work out tomorrow and rest up or commute back into the city tonight, still super sick and dope up on meds and man-up through it? missing work outs gives me huge guilt anxiety.

apologies for typos, i’m tweet/fb-blasting this pre-edit cos i pro like that. impatient. i know nerds are bored and waiting out there for their rayminjection.

SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY HURRAH!