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adventurehouse brunch made by lucas. we are making an adventurehouse tumblr because we are regressing into arts and crafts and activities land. no real jobs here. just kidding he has a real job. i think? something to do with the symphony. what a show off.

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i am an old lady and it takes me awhile to recover from my life sometimes. i got up and attempted to get some ice cubes from the freezer with my wet bare hand, they stuck, stung, tore at my skin and then i dropped the oldschool ice grid to the ground bent over to pick it up majorly clumsily opposite of black swan (no not the white one, i wish) and then i came up into the open freezer door, loud and painful simultaneously to this heroic act lucas got cooking onion stinging up his eyes and started wailing. melodie walked in on this precise moment and said, i’m getting out of here. the freezer was attacking me. we are winners in adventurehouse.

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and lucas looked like an ewok. whenever one of them wears a sweater the other one will wear it the following day and i’ll secretly be like come on guys get it together but secretly love it. whatever’s lying around the house in whichever room one will just put it on and then that sweater goes on an adventure through the house.

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our new bible. i will be such a good wife when i have 6 arms.

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we have aprons for our cooking show that no one films. we’re in production.

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i know the sun is moving gradually across the planet because the beams strike me more now when i’m on my couch. it’s great.

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if it weren’t for all these windows this winter i’d kill myself.

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down to business.

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trimmed it later on.

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then got ready for dinner.

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didn’t wear this. too courtney love and too datey. this is not a date dinner.

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so i wore a dumb outfit to yorkville to fuck with people.

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and i felt like a potato. melodie said when life gives you potatoes make potato chips. fair enough.

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i forget what this place is called again.

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bentler owed me dinner for being an unaccountable shit show on new years eve. i guilted him. not that there would be any chance in hell of me crawling out of my own party reverie that evening, hearing how his night went was pretty humourous and thrilling in a scary way. black out for 5 hours. pass.

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i tried to get him to take me to canoe. lucas helped me manipulate him via bbm. what do i say i’m pissed how do i win? how many moments have you had like this? texting is a fine art. anyway, i said remove my name from your contacts please. DEAD. to me. it worked.

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he was like how can i make it up to you? yeah i’ll believe it when i see it. monday comes, that’s yesterday and i only remembered about it about afternoon time and i hadn’t heard from him so i am already assuming he’s going to bail. i bbm about spice route, how i liked it there, we can wing man each other (i am not approaching this as a date we are both now forced to endure for the sake of our “friendship” i want to use this free ride to my advantage and at least both of us can maybe cruise and have fun with it) but the beauty of bbm, the meaning or description is lost and he replies confused which i then interpret as the beginning stages of weaseling out of our dinner so i say if you bail we are not friends. i can’t help it, i sabotage everything in sight and i have zero trust in men. zero. my expectations are so low.

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where was i. oh yes so we stick to our original yorkville idea. he’s cleansing. how boring. how nice for you to cleanse with me. i had sake.

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those two over there were interesting. so immersed in their world. couldn’t tell if they were gay or besties.

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we’ve already smooshed and i don’t waste my time. my nights are very precious to me, my time even more so. so having dinner that is not going to end in marriage proposals is bogus to me. like, that’s friend shit. fine ok i guess we’ll be friends. i pegged him as a player day one. he hates that. what guy looks like this, arrives in his gorgeous white car with flowers on time, opens a door, says everything right, pays, pays attention to you and isn’t a player? why the fuck are you wasting your time with me you can do better, superficially speaking.

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but, you cannot top the magic what is my brain. so they at least wanna stick around for some of that. i am a good friend, confidant, adviser, trustee and so on. you’d be a complete idiot if you turn that down. in friendship world it is reciprocal. you show up. if you can’t make it you have a better excuse than black out. you show up then you black out. i’m not a chump. one friend who owes me money i told him basically i paid you $50 to not be my friend anymore. i don’t even need the fucking money, at all, period. you do. i’ve loaned you so much shit, covered costs, you stole from me huge time and you have the nerve to call me to hang two months after this instance where i covered your bag of blow (charming, i know) and spotted you (this was years ago) anyway scumbag, you prove you want to be friends with me and not my money. you can’t? then fuck off. this, in my psychotic neurotic mind equates my prideful mexican stand off with bentler. i want absolutely nothing from this man and expect nothing. i am jack nicholson in the departed-level insane. isn’t it breathtaking?

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once we got our oopsie out of the way, the competitor tough love in me moved on. shut the door. we’d bbm every so often tales of our exploits. realizing we’re the same fucking person. too many guys out there i am discovering i am very similar to. dogs, studs, players. so i killed my pof account yesterday. too many men, overwhelming. not to mention, pieces of work i’ve been building up correspondence with and this was the ready to meet week for some choice potentials. date machine gun. i have it down to a science. i’m going to write about one of my dates for sofi. is that even interesting to people?

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i made sure i ordered something expensive once i knew he was. then i ordered two more rolls this wasn’t filling enough and i had a period to feed.

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delicious.

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he’s american. he always makes canadian digs too. he’s available ladies, completely un-tameable. good luck. he’s all yours but you can’t have him.

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need to buy batteries for this thing. first battery camera i’ve had. rechargeables are expensive eh.

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it was really cold and i was apparently being demure. i enjoyed being eye-fucked and stared at a lot. when you walk with a hot person and you yourself are not too shabby, make sure to watch everybody watching you, their eyes bounce from you to them and back again until they settle on what they desire. i won more than bentler.

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my old life setting. four years. i don’t think i will get over it until i am in another thriving wifey relationship again. i hope i do it for the right reasons this time.

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this makes me feel haunted. i doubt other people feel the same when they look at these. when i go on dates in yorkville with men they do not know what i am feeling inside when they are arm candy shuffling me along the sidewalk, stare-and-be-stared-at’s row on cumberland.

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the way i felt at the time i was living it too. i was a charlatan and i could never take the attention but once in awhile i’d go shopping at whole foods and i would look amazing but i was too shy to enjoy it and now that i am blond i fit in too much. in oakville, oh my goodness, christmas shopping felt like a jungle and you’re the lion.

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i helped him get these. i advised. did i call them oliver twist or charles dickens? he repeated whichever it was last night when i took the photo of my legs, are you going to get mine too?

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and then i showed him my world. he invited himself up practically. i dashed into the lcbo at spadina/king in the nick of time, we had 5 minutes to closing, he’s like what should i swing around and you fly out of the car i say yes in one fluid movement it will be my opus. i would never say something like that on a date because you never know what it will be like when it leaves your mouth. it was the right thing. he laughed. i bought two different kinds of malbec, one a masi because it’s what i chose for the table in collingwood blondetourage wakestock weekend and i am sentimental like that. another, cheaper, was actually better. i wanted to drink wine alone, or with roommates or maybe see my newest crush.

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i showed my adventure family my piece of fish ghost from piece of fish past so they could judge and disapprove of him. they know all about our history.

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my real hair looks so fucking much like a wig. i am not curling it anymore until it grows. or only on skinny days. man do i ever fluctuate.

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sometimes i bring men over like a cat would a bird that its caught and killed. like a trophy. what does this say about me? i need constant approval. to my new crush i told him during an a-ha! moment, i am one who needs to be wanted. constantly. in short, it is very exhausting. i told one date we can meet at the shoe and i will be the one trying very hard. fuck man, do i ever know the lines.

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he’s too skinny for me. very cute and hipstery though.

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yikes.

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melodie’s like that’s just of you! when it was taken. i go, probably. ha.

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trimmed the flowers off to make it take on the shape of the chair cushions. bentler kept asking if it was for him. no it’s for my friend leslie. i was flattered he liked it so much though.

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the more wine we drank the more we fell in love with it. i sure did. it looks so beautiful. painting the background canvas a light yellow.

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see i need a table about the size of that white thing but more open so i can jam my legs beneath while i work.

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you can see the leia braid. that was crammed as stuffing on my head during my tenth anniversary party. all the others were platinum.

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then i changed of course. see how my shorts have become one with my fat day cute little roly poly torso?

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but you must have more wine.

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then of course i woke up with a trimmed down washboard stomach. good grief do i ever fluctuate. WHER THE FUCK WERE YOU LAST NITE!? so glad my face is blurred out. i’m sorry i’m so neurotic but if i weren’t there’d be nothing to read here.

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not even sucking it in and i know i’m not a twiglette but it’s weird to feel around your waist and it’s gone and there’s no smoke ‘n mirrors except this fuzzy one.

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adventurehouse offering.

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i have wicked cramps right now. i am clenching my entire being trying not to pass out.

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we are serious about our activities.

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just another manic monday.

toodle-oo!