no matter where you been the people try to do you in

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here i am last nite oh i guess you figured that out already from my video before. how do you like your brains, scrambled?

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here i am relieved today is all over. so wound up i could have sprinted a block. i was meant to be a super lazy waste of space OR the complete opposite, like a person on an assembly line, go go go go go. just keep barking at me til closing time. that’s april. i made her breakfast and for lots of real customers too. actually i made everyone’s food today who came and it was free sorry if you missed it.

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hahahha. last nite casie and i sat front row at the rivoli with nick our asian chaperone cool guy, not the same asian in this photo, that’s shawn hawaii. he also has style. but anyway we were total mean girls at the front and threw everybody’s game off and/or were incorporated into all their jokes seriously just sitting there made everybody nervous. one guy was like, hi judges. sean ward was super good last nite at that holiday jam. i played the drums. ambushed everyone from behind like i was fucking aerosmith they were doing a social media gathering hug a la band aid no live aid and i started blamming on the drums behind them on stage and they collectively were like WHAT THE F– about to reem out whatever xyz drummer was ruining their sing-a-long they turn around and SURPRISE it’s ol’raymbo. kept a beat, someone freestyled and then it was outtie.

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shawn brought us watches i demanded the my melody one, casie got hello kitty. such a gentleman. thanks for the champagne at the drake buddy.

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casie got to devirginize my steve madden dress. no spilling!

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happy birthday BOOM!

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come on edie lets go.

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libraries to talk loud in. books to dog ear.

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i am 89.9% stressed out in this photo.

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here, no stress. i am 89.9% wasted in this photo.

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casie has way better photos than me can you pester her to get me them so we can stare at my dress which shockingly wasn’t spilled on.

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hoo-ya.

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those tights were so worth it casie.

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feelin’ narnia up in hurr.

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somehow i got a massive rip up my inner left stocking. sigh.

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see right there. no, ignore it i mean. like my spider legs? imagine those bad boys wrapped around your ass in bed. they call me the black widow.

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we lured the door guy into taking our picture multiple times. you know they want to and all you have to do is play it real coy and naive then ten pictures later they’re over it.

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who’s sugar?

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and who’s spice?

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the drake is covered in lennon right now, how is that, why is that? dad you gotta see it. i thought i was hallucinating.

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this looks familiar. there’s pic of me doing this with casie at hemmingways and i’m wearing hearts undies too. should do a side by side.

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christine looks like a cute little bug aw.

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it’s ok we all know what i look like.

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i love comedy. i love activities and being entertained, laughing. so good for the soul.

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i was telling a story about how my parents accused me of being a lesbian for wearing a tie to school in grade seven and how i was casually sitting all defiantly dykey in the livingroom, no, i’m not a lesbian but so what if i was! they gasped. i said it was pretty lesbian of me, i was lying all kd lang’ed out with my tie smiting them so casie copied my mannerism and then in a following we are mistresses of the universe rant she said if anyone messed with me she was going to kd lay(ng) them out. consider yourself warned.

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as much i love to own the blond sometimes it makes me extremely uncomfortable you see people’s judgments about you before you even have a chance to sit down.

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dinner was fun and nice. had the holiday vibe. good will towards men level shit.

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A+.

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i was very nervous about the soy sauce overflowing wasabi soup i made and my white skirt i asked for lots of napkins and was like duh, look at this shit do you want me spilling on myself in your restaurant you guys should be very nervous for me right now and bring me an apron.

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sake bombs.

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that’s the money and the first one she took and it’s perfect why does she have to get inside your head like that and say one more. meh. more for me.

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waiting for casie. i was on time, and early! she took a cab. she lives around the corner. how much was the cab 3 dollars? awesome level lazy.

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i even waited for her to arrive. i am a gentleman.

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nut cracker anyone?

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girls dates are fun.

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that ring is impossible to do anything with so i’m giving it to my niece who has even tinier fingers than me. she’s very into pearls anything right now so here you go. maybe i’ll put it on a chain so she has that option. i still have to buy her present for christmas. i’m a perfectionist gift giver. i am obsessed. no really, you should date me.

ok listen up i need your voting help i’m not winning (it’s very close i want more of a lead) it’s very close please spread this around and vote for me in the people’s choice RAYMI THE MINX thank youuuuuuuuuuu we don’t lose ’round these parts. what do i win? nothing. not the point. love me or hate me you are addicted to this thing every day so you better feed it its ego medicine. may peace be with you, also to show my appreciation here is some behind the scenes of me being useless, charming, a diva, and cluing in to why wendi showed up with some novelty tongs for me of microphones. i need a tv coach to teach me how to remember to hold my face up i have fat kerouac face all the time when i talk ughh yes like omg i am so sick of hearing about your kerouac relation cram it down my throat more why don’t you. you sound so stupid when you repeat that in hater feeds since 2000 fyi. if it was a white trait, (dad’s side) i’d say i have fat white face. another thing i am not allowed to remind people about is that i WENT TO ENGLAND TO SCHOOL ONCE. sometimes i just want to put the internet into a massive chokehold. a one-hander.

my camera guy’s mic picked up someone talking shit about him not filming anything haha yes. dear notables, watch your mouths always and never forget the mic.