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raymi the decade speaketh

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5154421955/

to be a normal person, an every day person, and then have this perception of you so wholeheartedly distorted. it is something. it’s huge. nothing prepares you for it in life.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5154422825/in/photostream/

really what it can be defined as is internet bullying but because i am not in elementary school i am not shielded from it. people think i am a monster, well i know not everyone does. it gets in your head like they all do but like, wait a minute, the only time i am ever being aggressive is when i am sticking up for myself and defending my honour which is my right and any normal person would do so. over time people just see you fighting battles and they declare you are a menace so they run with that. they witch hunt you. i am repulsed by society now more than ever. i am trying to take it in stride but really no, i have not done anything bad to deserve such disgusting treatment. people outnumber me and want to take me down to their level and i refuse to let them.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155699413/in/photostream/

i will kill them with awesome instead. i have worked my ass off for ten years, through so many horrible things in real life and countless cruel (and crazy) accusations, gossip, scathing rumours, everything. i don’t care what the perception of what my actual “work” is or what you think i am doing here the fact of the matter is i bust my balls more than the average and instead of a hat tip i receive FUCK YOUUUUUUU DIIIIIIE from the majority.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5156310074/in/photostream/

but still they aggressively haunt and pursue me. chase me down. call ME crazy. say i am the horrible person.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155700019/in/photostream/

every single time i release a piece of writing or a piece of press comes out about me my detractors (anonymous cowards that they are) come out. i am not the only notable in toronto that this happens to. it is the thing to do. to crap all over everything and all tall poppies. thank you internet.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155700297/in/photostream/

and the solution to this problem evidently is taking it. i invite one of you supposed champs to take a week of this torture and see you not buckle under the pressure, the unjustified abuse that comes in droves. yeah i get that some of you do not dig this raymi personae thing but honestly, why are you throwing stones in the first place if you loathe me so much and you’re so much better than me allegedly yet you join the pack mentality. pretty pathetic of you. i forget the part that i signed up for where i said i wanted to stop being a regular human being like everybody else but that’s what happened to me one day when i wasn’t paying attention. i am not a real person imagine that! people want to sit around and discuss you like you aren’t a real entity and they really don’t like it when you show up and correct their faults so you have to let the fires burn and burn and burn and eventually smoulder out.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155701063/in/photostream/

the best ammunition is no ammunition in flame war troll land. cool rules! they also try and say the people who are defending me in there is me posing under anon identities. i have not written as anyone other than myself in that forum because 1. i am not a fucking loser and 2. i have a life and no time for their loser reindeer games 3. i wasn’t even on the internet at the time of whatever alleged comment was left (in my defense) i was AT FLORENCE AND THE FUCKING MACHINE.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5156311964/in/photostream/

lucas and i shut down a major flamer website though, a forum that existed purely to torture and bash cbc notables. they caught wind of me and let me have it 400 comments thick over the span of a week. it was retarded. lucas exposed the anonymous guy (with past harassment offenses) i got lawyers involved ( threatened to, i have many just dying to make examples of all my abusers/stalkers) so he removed all the content pertaining to me (photos and screen grabs) and then the thread no longer made sense so he took it all down.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5156312292/in/photostream/

speaking of, current looney tunes garbage (i am getting it from all sides at the moment) i am dealing with, he is trying to slander me and claiming i had a nervous breakdown there. i have kept this person’s identity anonymous and he is now continuing to harass me. when you write about someone they then become less real. i forgot that i was actually dealing with a maniac, an opportunist maniac pathological liar. i really wish street carnage could have ran my other story. they wanted to, it was loads more interesting anyway and would have gone viral, but again, too heavy to post. never underestimate the power of your stories. especially with a following like mine.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155702207/in/photostream/

in the end it doesn’t even matter what gets posted on that site, whether i wrote it or it’s a feature on me, my raymi haters cream with glee. raymi bashing forum for sure. i wonder if i was a guy sometimes would there be such a strong hate on for me. i know it’s a handful of the same slimeballs, people i’ve (rightly) scorned in the past (after likely really fucking with my shit) or crazies, legitimate mental cases who fooled me into being nice with them for a time then they lose their shit for some reason or other and can never let it go.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155702509/in/photostream/

over time people’s short term memory of why they hate me goes away. they forget they are the ones in the wrong. someone likes to come out of the wood works a lot in raymi hater forums and i have a strong suspicion who it is but anyway they say i stalked and harassed other people before. the only people i ever keep tabs on are people who scare me, who single white female me, who haunt my every waking avenue of internet involvement (in my line of work you have to spread yourself around right?) so of course i am going to pay attention to their mental, it’s part fascinating, my friends are bug-eyed over it. point being, fuck you like i want to be paying attention to your ridiculous ass. that is not stalking it’s collecting evidence to protect myself in the event of your going bananas on me. anything nasty i say to you is an attempt to silence you and get you out of my fucking life and make it known that i want nothing to do with you.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5156313336/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155703171/in/photostream/

when i was 17 i had a vision that this blog would make me famous. not a vision, a quest, a goal. i made it happen. sorry it didn’t occur to you to do the same but it’s not too late and telling me i am a loser idiot isn’t going to make it happen for you either. if you don’t like your body, you simply work out or modify your diet, you don’t attack fat people for being fat because you’re fat. get it? i’m not saying you want to be me or do what i do, just make better use of your time and hey if flame war is your sport and you have nothing else to do with your time, that’s too bad.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155703965/in/photostream/

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i’m so stressed i forgot this was an actual celebration and a wicked party. it is my goal to enjoy myself. at my art shows i am typically a pile of nerves and the drunk doesn’t hit me until the end of the night. everyone else has fun except for me.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155704853/in/photostream/

took my dad for lunch today.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155705131/in/photostream/

i had the quail. the server asked me what i thought of it cos the chef wanted to know. needs to be two dollars cheaper, the salad confused me but i loved it all, was perfect for my eating disorder high demands.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5155705443/in/photostream/

old fashioned bills are so dreamy.

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ahhahahaha.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5156316444/in/photostream/

eye weekly interviewed me on friday. i talked so fucking much i answered questions before they were asked. i am story teller supreme that’s how i do. it may seem irrelevant in the beginning, the meaning becomes clear by the time i wrap it up and take a breath.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5156316734/in/photostream/

mitzi’s wasn’t opened yet so we went to poor john’s. howie tripped on something on his way out. i said i did that too and it was really embarrassing (maybe for spectators but for me it was fine i am ok with being an idiot) and after-quipped but that wasn’t at all embarrassing. heh. i almost face planted one day over summer, hung, musta been out of coffee at adventurehouse but anyway a guy on his laptop erupted in coffee spit out laughter and i go, did you like that? which amplified the gaff more so as was not expected.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5156317046/in/photostream/

having this party i knew the media could not ignore it that’s why i am putting myself through hell for it. i told you i was smart. companies spearhead campaigns for months, planning the logistics of, unsure of what will take and how successful, hoping the media will take note, or paying the media, ads whatever. i did this alone. bare bones. on my own (minimal) dime. any favour and hand out i got was earned and then paid back in some shape or form. i AM the fucking LITTLE GUY which is why all the lashing out against me is an added piss off. these demons have been working against me for years, they see where it’s going and they try to tear you down and you still persevere despite them you’d think they might take a step back and admit defeat at some point. they won’t.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5156317328/in/photostream/

being recorded makes you a little more careful with what you say.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5156333336/in/photostream/

charmaine left me that blythe journal at central (for my birthday i think?) i wrote down all the restaurants to be flyered in it today and passed it off to my girl to give to her guy. i am consumed in this event co-ordinating. i’d like more swag for my bags by the way. also decorations. last minute i don’t want to have to spend money on ridiculous dollarama flowers but i will if i have to.

what else did i want to say hmmmm.

strung out sundays are kind of my favourite. hope yours was good too.

xoxo

21 thoughts on “raymi the decade speaketh”

  1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappear_Here

    I have done everything in my power to get Sebastian / Gavin to remove the article. My lawyers will be helping with this tomorrow. I think your Lawyers should do the same thing. We both have too much to lose and we are both talented people who deserve to live off our creativity.

    Please delete this . . . I know you moderate your comments before posting them.

  2. The food pictures made me hungry. yummm
    I’m sorry to hear that you are getting such harassment from people. It’s good that you were able to stand up for yourself though by shutting that A-hole’s website down. Keep strong. The haters may not go away but at least you know that you are better than they are.

  3. keep building a case. SC are experts at being sued. good luck. do not contact me ever again if you make me waste more of my time on this shit i WILL reveal your identity you are on my last nerve and your last (undeserved) chance. move on with your life.

  4. that street carnage site is a septic tank. Just garbage from floor to ceiling and wall to wall. You alluded to the fact your book-in-progress is about “…Internet fame…” if that’s the case then this latest chapter is just that. a chapter. Folks love the pain Lauren. Love the mess and drama and blood and tears. We are not real. Your family are real. Your friends are real. We are just cyber noise. Sound and fury. We signify nothing. I stole that…

  6. (Fan)tastic Post. I don’t know how you put up with it.
    You’re truly an inspiration, Raymi/Lauren.
    I wish I could make your party but…make sure YOU have a good time.
    TJ

  7. Raymi/Lauren:

    I’m a writer from NYC who was a regular reader of yours year ago—I stopped reading at some point because I got caught up in my writing deadlines. Then started up again recently to procrastinate because my new novel is due and your blog is totally keeping me from finishing, thank you. Anyway, I missed your blog. I have no idea why you get so much hate. People are sick and bored and and like to be bullies. Fuck them. Your post is exactly right.

    I read the piece on the other site and your longer–imo, it’s better longer–version on your blog. First off, let it be said that if someone I knew offered me a room in a house for free where I could be secluded and write for a week, I would say yes. It’s seriously hard to write a book in the madness that is real life, especially in a big city, and I crave an escape daily. So I completely understand why you took this risk and went. I hate how it turned out for you, but I don’t fault you for jumping on the offer. I’m desperate to finish my novel… so I know I would’ve.

    Last thing: Congrats on the literary agent! I must have missed your original announcement about this, but I’m so happy for you!

    I’ll be buying your book when it’s out.

    -N

  8. I believe that is from the fellow Chris Farley, in his role as Matt
    Foley, referred to as, “Bill Shakespeare…”

  9. I’m confused. Isn’t “Raymi” just a persona, like an actress in a role, a character in a play, a shape in a painting? Why take any cricitism personally, since it isn’t directed at Lauren, it’s at “Raymi? Meh….it’s a free country. Don’t take criticism personally. Doesn’t notoriety make you more marketable? Isn’t it part of the strategy?

  11. Yup your birthday! Also, for the first time I saw your hater comments. Even after everyone’s bitching… I dunno what it is that you do that miffs people so bad?

  12. Whether it is just a persona, it is still part of who you are, and that hurts over time. There is only so much a person can take. And though you are strong you are human. Chin up because there are so many people out here that thoroughly enjoy your blog on a daily basis and adore you. I know it is easier said, but your fans are behind you 110%!

  13. i say this every time but people are just way too bored. bored and lame and stupid. and jealous cause they wish they had some semblance of a life.

  14. I feel for you, I can’t begin to know what you are going through but I had a little peek this summer. I had to put up with a 2 week attack from a local. Even though I blocked the person he was on a rampage and harassed all my friends.
    Caused me a real crisis of confidence.
    I guess you can take from this if you sucked they wouldn’t care, and being so awesome they feel insecure and, well I don’t know what else, they’re dickheads so who cares.

  19. i’ve followed your blog off and on for years -we have a mutual friend from nyc- and it’s been interesting peeking into your day to day, though lately it’s more sad and confused than anything else.

    seems you flit back and forth- raymi, supposedly a persona, this role that you play on the internet, and yet, when you get any kind of criticism..however slight..you rage on about how hard it is to put yourself out there every day for 10 years, and the like. which is it, raymi/lauren? i think this is where you’ve made your biggest mistake. you rely on one or the other when it suits you, and thus you’ve sacrificed authenticity. you need to get some balls and either put yourself out there as lauren with NO APOLOGY and no hiding behind raymi when shit gets tough and the claws come out, or accept that you’ve created a personae that is famous for being hated and quit giving the negative feedback your time/attention. eventually, they’ll get bored and find someone else to tear down.

    for the life of me, cannot imagine why you would ever want to submit anything to SC. seems like you walked right into that one.

  20. i went platinum and everything changed, people started saying i had a personae. i’m allowed to fuck with them when they decide FOR ME who or what i am or what i “should” be doing. what are they doing? what are YOU doing? think i’m doin’ just fine thanks. i hide behind nothing. we all know my real name and why i started using raymi ten years ago. you do not abandon your brand name or nickname because that’s how you are known and how people identify you. when did i EVER say it’s hard putting myself out there every day? i never said that and ps. if we have a mutual friend why wouldn’t you just be fucking nice to me about this? you had to be a bloody asshole for what purpose exactly?

    the hard part of this is listening to 3000 people in my ear every fucking day and learning how terrible people can be, for no good reason, and when you finally fight back they tell you you can’t.

    can you summarize your comment’s point please? its doesn’t make sense. i interpret it as, i have a big mouth so how dare i fight back?

    as for SC it’s street cred. important. raymi is cool branding, not everyone gets accepted into the fold.

  21. well…look…this is just not that unusual. matter of fact a good chunk of current media culture is organized around selling the likable/unlikeable character. It’s kind weird ’cause just recently I’ve been impressed by the professional presentation of the restaurant reviews. The hip yet zany and sometimes flippant presentation but pretty slick all in all. I can’t quite get the business plan that has that “look” running alongside the SC piece.

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