Well i might take a boat or i’ll take a plane I might hitch hike or jump a railroad train Your kind of love drives a man insane So look for me walking just a any old way.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4998908769/in/photostream/
needs to be vacuumed. it only reaches so far in the house apparently. i’m going to let that french maid guy come over and clean up the rest of the room and film it. someone has to be here with me though. even i know that’s pretty damn crazy. i’m trying hard not to swear anymore. damn in place of the f word is just not linguistically appealing enough for me.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999512638/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4998908085/in/photostream/
dear santa. i’m kinda pumped for christmas. it will be my first one single. i imagine i will be hibernating in burlington.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999512214/in/photostream/
gross.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999511984/in/photostream/
yesterday’s rain. feels like a lifetime ago.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999511354/in/photostream/
date from two nites ago got mad at me for how i portrayed him because someone called him a pussy in my comments. big deal you are totally anonymous and nothing i said wasn’t true so what.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999511034/in/photostream/
i think he just felt rejected. i told him i was a free bird. it’s not your fault you’re not the one. for me. should people take rejection personally?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4998906017/in/photostream/
i only want the ones who don’t want me.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4998905769/in/photostream/
and i don’t take it personally because i know there is a flavour for everyone and i’m not everyone’s but then i fall out of love with them and see them for what they are and go, meh. what was the big deal about that one? some are catches you let slip through your fingers too. you get picky. you accept dying alone.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999509834/in/photostream/
an ex said he knew he would die alone i found that sad that someone accepted the fact that they were so fucking stubborn and difficult to live with that no woman would ever tolerate it. i lived with that man in brooklyn and then maine. i left him.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999509240/in/photostream/
his father died in the house we lived in in maine. in the den. he moved there to be alone and to die alone. a priest broke in and found the body two weeks later. he died the day i was driving/moving to brooklyn with ward so i was immediately alone in new york city for two weeks while the funeral affairs and family mourning in new england was dealt with. i was eighteen. i wrote terrible poetry in my journal by hand. my time in new york city is like a dream. it is a memory because it wasn’t blogged in length. it is something of lore to my own self. you remember things more when you write them down at least once. or share the stories of. i have many secrets from that time, many stories.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4998904515/in/photostream/
i called up vice magazine and said i’m in town eddy said come right over. i might have been blow hung. i did some things around the office. i scanned in photos smuggled out of afghanistan by a photographer i forget the name of (jason florio comes to mind if that is even a person or a real name) i still knew how to use a mac at the time because i used one at that woman’s magazine in high school. i fixed all the black and whites, pumping the contrast, brightening shadow this was early photoshop days eddy was like yeah do whatever i felt kind of proud that my “work” would be in the next issue. funny and ironic that the photos of old dudes in the desert street merchants total arabic-looking scenes and then some of that guy who was assassinated who would have been the che guevara of the country and gave ‘em all a good pr spin but then a couple months later the wtc thing happened and we all know how that played out…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999508354/in/photostream/
this is how i look without makeup. so naked.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999508032/in/photostream/
at that same time my parents were separating. their marriage was finally over. my mom called me a lot sobbing. it affected me but i had to be away from it i had finally had enough i was trying to break free for years. when i eventually left new york in october in time to show up for the diploma ceremony at my high school, my dad had a place above the judges in oakville like a bachelor for the first time in his life. i remember telling him my plan of moving to toronto and he yeah whatevered me like the unstoppable headstrong person i was. funny how fate is. i met fil because of all this a couple years later. i gave my mom my blog address so she wouldn’t be so lonely. regretted it big time for years completely affected how i blogged how i edited myself she would not leave me alone and to this day ugh. i’ve let it go cos everyone’s mom pisses them off on facebook these days welcome to my personal hell.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4998903439/in/photostream/
gah cocoon!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999507156/in/photostream/
the duvet is still not on. i at least put the pillow covers on.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999506310/in/photostream/
based on what it looked like before this is totally clean. i haven’t seen my couch in months.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4998901483/in/photostream/
a thing of art.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4998901157/in/photostream/
and so after a few missions (returning clothes to designers from fashion shoots) and days of just sitting around blogging from their offices vice invented a bar job for me in their soho store. i had to walk around picking up mix and beer from bodegas hoof it all over once rejected by liquor stores for not having proper id (underage) one time it was super close i went to like 5 and the last one in astor place finally let me buy all the jugs of cheap vodka and gin i remember that day was insane i got my photo taken in a fashion magazine cos of my slammin’ outfit and i also saw sex and the city being filmed during my booze mission people were losing their minds i saw the cougar slut one and the redhead lesbo one i was like what’s the big deal here? i know chicks who claw their eyes out with jealousy when i tell them that story. and the time keira and i met rob pattinson ahhaha. holy christ do my stories ever go on and on and never reach a point it’s worse in person but anyway that was one of my jobs when i lived in new york city then 9/11 happened and the parties went bust we tried maine for awhile then i moved to toronto blah blah etc.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4998900745/in/photostream/
before. so terrible. teenage runaway.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4999504608/in/photostream/
totally lame boring photo that’s the clothing rack that made it all possible. i have too many clothes i’m going to bring some “peices” to the raymi blog anniversary party.
please help me win this i want to be toronto’s number one blog!
time to drag my ass to the gym ughhhhhhhhhhhh death lightning cramps.
holy it’s friday the week just totally went time is flying is it for you guys too?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4995840919/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4996446884/in/photostream/
Hello Lauren!
Nice, pretty , beautiful without makeup and still with…
Or maybe it’s the opposite…!
It doesn’t matter, because it’s you!
Is it just me or do you look like Barbara Streisand/Bette Midler in the second photo from the bottom? When I say ‘is it just me’ I don’t mean that I look like Barbara Streisand/Bette Midler and I’m hoping for someone else to ease the strain of my doppelganger burden.
is this supposed to be an insult
voted!
auugghh i love duvets but i am too cheap to buy one.
This was quite an endearing post. Cute stuff, looking pretty and insightful words. You’ve got my vote!
I voted for you! =) always will!
Great Post! Not for the spicy parts but for the personality.
~ “linguistically appealing” HA!
I know what you mean here. I’m PROUD of the way I swear. I’ve been honing the ablitiy for years. It peppers lauguage and spices it up…and it will tell you a lot about a person. I tend to trust people who swear more often and I think it’s a conscience thing on my part…a mutual affection for the curse-word. The shock, the horror! He/she just called that dude a “FUCKFACE”.
Tell you what, I can put other sentances together too without needing to cuss. I know how to act in Church, for example.
You have my fucking vote, Blogslayer.
Raymi i need to ask, ive been reading your blog for years but i cant remember if you ever mentioned where you are originally from.
…and I mispell things from time to time…
“i only want the ones who don’t want me.”
I hear ya on this statement. Funny how that works.
You also look very pretty without make-up. Just sayin’.
you just made me so nostalgic for my youth and the secrets i held back then.
You are conceited in your posts, more so than lately. I know you think you’re all that, but really, you’re not gorgeous enough to be so so self-centred. You’re what my friends and I call “fake pretty.” You’re one of those girls who dyes her hair platinum, and you get attention because of that, but you’re a butter face.
An insult? God no. They are both yummy. You simply looked a little different in a funny sort of way. If I was going to insult you, I’d say you looked like a cross between Ann Widdecome and momma from Throw Momma From The Train. Coz they are well the ugly. Which you aren’t. You are well the fit.
I voted for ya.
“holy christ do my stories ever go on and on and never reach a point it’s worse in person … ”
I don’t see anything wrong with never ending stories, especially when you tell them.
Lots to say here.
Moms do sob when long marriages end. It makes them human.
How personal do you want to get here though?
When you go on first dates, don’t fork out money.
Let the man pay. And don’t get into drinking contests.
Maybe you shouldn’t tell your dates you are a notorious blogger to give yourself some privacy in the beginning stages? Gives you more freedom to write also.
You wrote well with this piece. Lots of dark stuff.
When you hook up with dark people, it bring out your darkness. And you don’t want to stay there. Thats why it good to find someone funny or upbeat to date. Helps take an edge off the darkside.
Your friends comment about dying alone. We all die alone. However, its still best to go through life with an upbeat friend then a cynical one who lives in the dark.
Don’t pine for the ones who don’t want you. Its destructive on many levels.
Walk away with your head up high and thank your lucky stars you got away from another time wasting dysfunctional heartbreak. And horrible for your self esteem.
thats all I can think of to say for now.
G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S without the makeup and I don’t hand out compliments lightly. I think you and I share the same eyeliner addiction, you feel like you can’t leave the house without it cos it takes away all your sass and edge but every once in a while you gotta remember the clean, fresh-faced and pretty little lady that lives under your makeup. sucks to be asked if you’re sick when you leave the house without it though aaahahaha. ha. ha. not actually funny.
do you chica.
Barbra Streisand was gorgeous, and ultra talented. Why would you take offense at any comparison to her?
Btw, are you still in your burlesque troupe? I never hear you mention it anymore.
Your mom is so bang-on it’s not even funny.
your clear, clear skin makes me sooo jealous.
Raymi, you ALWAYS deliver. Brains, beauty, humor, insight. So, hey, “Nad-edge”? Can you email me your blog? I’d like to go over there and express what a total FUCKWAD you are. Oh, oopsie
Heh heh. But yeah, I’d like to see how “gorgeous” you must be, speaking from such an obviously expert position that “your friends and you” are coming from.
You sound like Coupland with the below:
and i don’t take it personally because i know there is a flavour for everyone and i’m not everyone’s but then i fall out of love with them and see them for what they are and go, meh. what was the big deal about that one? some are catches you let slip through your fingers too. you get picky. you accept dying alone.
P.S. I’ve made it a personal goal to him to acknowledge you.
Sincerely Yours,
Jason Michael
*to get him to acknowledge you.
Once you see a person for who they are and the fantasy lost
reality removes the shine