Oh one day when you’re looking back You were young and man you were sad When you’re young you get sad When you’re young you get sad then you get high

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good afternoon.

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try sitting in this outfit. holy hell. so tight couldn’t wear underwear.

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carens in yorkville. dig that shit. def going back on an eating tour. dunno why never went before used to live within spitting distance of it.

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quickie wine slosh pre-movie. such a depressing flick, love during wartime? glad we didn’t pay, no one at cumberland is ever at the podium when i go there and i always say fuck that next time not paying but then i always pay and still, no one to greet you. last nite got my wish. i do not regret it at all. in the back of my head for two seconds there was a fleeting vision of a security dude tapping me on the shoulder but it was just other theatre-goers sitting down beside us down the row. have you ever taken the go train and not paid? not worth the anxiety at all worst fear ever sitting there thinking they’re coming for you every time someone walks onto your car or changes cars, moves in your peripheral vision. i used to commute all the time from ‘sauga when i interned at a mag in high school spent so much money on commuting like, a fuck ton a month, it was depressing, but anyway only once or twice i took the train without paying cos i was so pissed about all the money i was spending working my ass to the bone on weekends and monday to afford commuting (monday being the one day of the week we had class) fuck man i was so overworked and stressed and all these kids chose placements in shitty suburban locations and were getting paid and they didn’t have to commute. i was bitter but i purposely chose a placement in the city so i could fuck around and maximize my life. i was a maniac. the point of this is i was too chicken shit to not pay for a ticket there and back, day in day out, i am an honest person, i don’t steal or lie, i’m a law-abiding idiot you’re welcome. well i guess smoking weed is illegal. is it?

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THIS IS ME BREAKING THE LAW!!!

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so i’m a little emo at the moment. new orleans trip is postponed, friend is ill. i’m also overwhelmed because now i see all this expanse of time on my hands in this city that i didn’t have before but now i have it and i booked so much shit to do today that now i don’t have to do because there is no rush to get it done before i leave. so i have an extra day to practice lines. i canceled/rescheduled my mani/pedi appointment because i was too ambitious in thinking i could get my shit together enough for noon today. i like how the nite before you tell everyone you have something going on the following day and to tell them to tell you to go the fuck home and then it’s like 2 in the morning and you’re kidnapped by them. thanks enablers! yeah right so i kinda wanna put a bullet in my head right now haha. clem says at least 400 times every time i see him that he is in a dark place. i guess i am too. sometimes i’m able to chase it away but holy shit what a change 24 hours can make of a person’s spirit.

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well at least my hair is magnificent again and my eyebrows are like fuckin’ albino oh god i just looked in the mirror. britt is here laughing at my out loud blog type narration from the other couch.

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she picked me up from trish’s today so i got to walk around with her in last nite’s clothing while she did her errands she’s having suicidal crampfest. at least i was dressed for a date so i was able to look semi-good. i was going to write a guide to being a princess dirtbag for that fucking mtv magazine but they decided i was too edgy or some shit so it never got writ but basically that is one of my tried true tested dbag tips of looking put together.

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britt said the barista at starbuck’s double-taked me. i like that britt notices that shit cos obviously i’m equally as narcissistic as her probably more no wait who cares but anyway she always tells me when we go out if someone is looking at me. i think she thinks i’m more famous than i am or i am actually that famous? cos i do notice i get eye-hogged plenty but i’m not sure if it’s because people think i look like i should or could be famous cos i dress slightly eccentric and i feel like i have this noticeable energy that just makes people glance at me OR they DO recognize me. i don’t know. i only half pay attention to it but when i’m with britt or someone else it gets pointed out so the thought i sort of thought i had about it becomes reinforced. makes you feel kind of crazy i guess being semi-famous in a city where no one is allowed to acknowledge you cos that’s how toronto is.

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i just ran out of steam. i think i need a nap. should nap. but i won’t. i’ll lie in the tub after i eat something.

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the gym is so not happening today.

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i’ll be in town i guess for film fest stuff if it’s worth it enough to party by so invite me to something otherwise i’m going away.