provocateur de cynic

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894246953/

there’s a bench of old men chiefs in trinity bellwoods that i bike by every single day (whether to work or gym) by the dirt path and they get maje enjoyment seeing me blow past in my bathing suit top and platinum hair. it’s pretty funny. takes me a few days to get over shyness of seeing the same person about town then i get to smiling at them then saying hello. blows their minds. floors them. speaking of the dirt path in bellwoods by the baseball field more southern in the park, i feel like there is a battle betwixt people on foot and cyclists. that path is kinda integral to cutting through the park yet people on foot get all staunch over walking space so i have to bounce off it and cruise the grass for a few as i’m gunning it up and up getting more exhausted and agitated. basically, fuck you lazy assholes, it’s a park! you can walk the fuck anywhere! get out of the way that path is for bikes and it’s a shitty path at that, so bumpy, rugged terrain, roots asunder, low tree branches death trap is what it is and then some slow yuppie ass family obstacles with baby strollers and relaxation footwear self-entitled dinkheads hogging up the way. i am going to mow you down one of these days and it will be a shit show so please if you hear a bike coming get out of the way or at least veer to the side a little and make room you selfish in the wrong crank.

whoops sorry that was the screwdriver speaking.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894838014/in/photostream/

there was something else i wanted to complain about but i forget what it was. all my mental notes to self are like REMEMBER TO WRITE ABOUT THAT NAPKIN THAT MADE YOU THINK ABOUT SOMETHING IN A DREAM ONCE then i read it on a receipt or something and my brain takes the form of the riddler’s question mark superhero costume. remind me to tell you about a photo that made me almost crash my bike last nite as well as a woman who said she hated me yet reads my blog every single day i ran out of blog time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894835692/in/photostream/

check these waste cases out. bachelor party. they wanted to go to the rippers, i tried to talk the groom into it but his woman is too controlling so he got right pissed instead. got the led out for the boys then some teenage wasteland and other tommy who and a full on air guitar brawl was underway. i cracked my head on the old school fridge tap and have a massive contusion now. good thing i have bangs. good thing i injure myself DAILY.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894240341/in/photostream/

groom on the right. best man on the left. both asleep while the boys give’r in the foosball room. i haven’t tended bar upstairs in months. it was fun. note the playboy mag.

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hahaha.

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love mirrored ceiling.

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serious now guys.

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evan works at suspect. he’s bros with eastern this funny ass asian guy who works in our mirvish hood who had no idea bout the henry bloggins of blogging what is raymi, just knew me as a regular civilian until his friend evan is like raymi works next door!? this girl i know is a massive fan and we’re going to hang and come see raymi. blew eastern’s drunk ass mind so they showed up for me to drop some raymi 411 on eastern’s ass all about this stupid internet dominance of mine. he’s in love with my dad’s band too, caught them when they played a couple months ago. think they’ll play central again in fall and you better not miss it. the wasps blew their loads big time over that gig. um what else yeah that’s me periodically takin’ a work minute rest to pose in a photo with a custy. can you imagine doing that? i know a lot of famous musicians/artists/actors have reg jobs in the industry where you can go and stare at them for hours by. happens to me. sometimes i won’t be told til i give them the bill, they’ll be like um, do you blog? i’ll be like you know very fucking well that i do thanks for telling me at the end of this and not at the beginning of serving you i’m racking my brain for all the stupid shit i could’ve possibly said to you over the last hour. you coulda got raymi the wicked instead of stressed out sweaty frazzled raymi. oh no wait that’s both.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894803320/in/photostream/

friday nite went to the drive-in with ginger at polson pier. he had never been to the drive-in before what??? you couldn’t pay me $200 to tell you what the fuck the expendables was about we talked through so much of it and were completely gunned. predators also kinda sucked but we had a blast. it’s all about the experience of sitting in a car with the windows open drinking roadies smokin’ weed eating garbage popcorn in a huge lot staring at a screen listening to a film over the radio in the summer in the middle of a city. you should do it. make sure you hide your booze smartly though cos they check cars there. i’d tell you how i do it but i feel like it could get back to them? i mean the entire city reads this stupid blog so maybe i should shut up once in awhile? (not happening).

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it was a hot nite. celibate hot. jeezus!

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then i changed shorts cos someone razzed on my strawberry shortcake pink puffalump shorts.

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this is what i looked like in september of last year.

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hung with brosz7 yesterday afternoon.

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drinks mix tour. in the coke we have fancy rum from wherever ginger got it. in the aloe absolut. belvedere in the diet coke and gin in the vitamin water new flavour (amazing blend fyi). has anyone tried that new coke that has ginseng in it? does it make you like the incredible hulk? i feel like i wouldn’t blink for a day if i had it. don’t think i won’t i’m a new product addict like mad.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894802284/in/photostream/

retarded salad from crappy qb sports bar dinner date with my dad. beyond offensive grammar all over that menu so atrocious. makes you feel like a smugbag going over it. fuck, what doesn’t make me feel like a smugbag? ps. i just invented smugbag WHAT A SMUGBAG I FEEL LIKE RIGHT NOW. <-scredriver city. oh right this is a blackened chicken salad and it was actually decent. iceberg lettuce is for miscreants though, the chicken itself was spectacular. http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894801826/in/photostream/ are you digging the non-order of these terrible blackberry shots? http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894761626/in/photostream/ stew is an awesome collector of knick knacks. i am so bummed he’s moving in september. we are both night owls. i’ll come home and text if he’s up and its literally a 3 second walk across the street. he’s moving into trish’s building (house?) and they want me to move into the floor on the top, also available. too rich for my blood. well it’s not i just like having lots of extra money to blow on shit i don’t need. well, i’m actually saving for travel. http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894158385/in/photostream/ how do you get rid of knee scars? http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894157899/in/photostream/ not to be conceited or anything but i have wicked gams. sometimes it’s like i can be the epitome of bloated and it doesn’t matter cos there are no cankles in sight. http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894752590/in/photostream/ etc etc http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894751530/in/photostream/ lucas hung as crap. me on way to gym. aren’t those mel’s shorts? hahaha. http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894155665/in/photostream/ it’s a good life. i know i’ll look back on this period of singledom depression and be like what the hell was i thinking this life is awesome! i did exactly whatever i wanted whenever i wanted and answered to fucking no one. buck the f up guy! melucas get drunk sentimental pre-emptive nostalgic over me living with them too sometimes then we all hug crying and beat each other up. i love them. we gang up boss lucas around too it’s pretty funny. poor guy (loving every second of it). i have to go hug them right now brb. http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894156285/in/photostream/ torture time. i felt like puking about here. sometimes you just push it too hard i guess. http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894750424/in/photostream/ after gym brosz7’s. http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894749994/in/photostream/ i’m developing a fondness for cider. i think i get off on the face flush high it gives me. probably an allergic reaction. well that’s what gin blossoms is right? can i talk about more alcohol in this post christ. http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/4894749506/in/photostream/ melodie says i am eating way too much tuna/salmon/sashimi/sushi etc. i am being an asshole to the planet (sustainable food) and signing myself up for mercury poisoning. fiiiiiiiine. ok newsies i think that’s all i have in me for now. i just had a shower now i have to do hair makeup and plan for dinner then don’t forget it’s strung out sundays (even though i’m not strung out) so you know what that means. it means i am not going to tweet anything retarded hopefully. miss you like a hole in the head. we made it through the week. xoxo -my little pony