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guess what that’s what

sometimes i miss weed. i miss how i wrote stoned. looking back on the haze of the last several fucking months of my ganj career i marvel at how i was ever able to churn out blog posts pre-mj but then i remembered it was due to hung fumes, where everything is funny cos you’re drunk still and i’d just blog til i ran out of steam and was no longer capable of making myself laugh.

so the moral of this is i have to get back on the sauce again hardcore supreme if i want to save this shit show blog? no wait i discovered the cure for marijiuana, it rhymes with spokane. ha haha ugh. kidding jeez sorry.

look at how conceited this cat is.

i get my camera ready then i go pss pss psst and they all look up.

all five thousand of them!


brosz7 and i on the ferry, i sooo hate when it loops to hanlan’s from ward’s before hitting the city i get super duper crabby and impatient and all the small talk we make is totally forced sorry for faking it guys but in my head i am machine gunning the sky with rage bolts of lightning.

yesterday i received an overwhelming amount of nasty comments and it bummed me out. normally it just bounces off my heart and i’m like oh well but yesterday i felt especially sensitive, vulnerable? you guys are mean as shit eh. what did i do to you? i biked like mad to loblaws at queen’s quay happy with my bravery decision to go solo to the island for the first time this summer, i get to the supermarket to buy my beach snacks and then i check my blackberry emails and there’s 20 asshole comments waiting for me. i sat on the stairs and went through them and my heart raced and i looked up and felt like shit, felt like everybody around me in loblaws was feeling the same awful things being said about me, hated it. getting a little out of hand these days it really is. i am just trying to get through my stupid fucking life here why the need to stomp all over me?

people get more aggressive with me when there’s a change, i think that’s it. they see a free bird and they want to shoot it down. sometimes i wonder if i was a man blogger would i be harassed so awfully?

no one ever thought i was good enough for my ex. then we split and they’re like stupidest fucking move ever. now that i am dating for the first time in my fucking life that’s not allowed either. would it please you if i just sat in a room doing nothing forever then? or just laid down and fucking died? WHAT DO YOU ASSHOLES WANT FROM ME? back to boring housewife basics? cos even then you were railroading the crap out of me.

i am an eccentric being. i am different. DEAL WITH IT OR ELSE LEAVE. beast said it’s cos i paint myself as this flake here and in real life i am nothing like that, i’m sweet and kind and loving and generous but you forget all that when people are scream pound typing about how much of a fucking train wreck you are. come back when i’m 30 then we’ll talk about how much of a train wreck i am. i’ve had a rough year, lots and lots of changes, and last i checked i’m pretty sure i’m allowed to do whatever the hell i want.

i refuse to accept that consistent harassment comes with the territory of being a blogger. that shit’s not right and shouldn’t be allowed to fly anymore. how can it be policed? seriously it’s so disgusting it makes me so angry i feel like if i were to ever be face to face with one of these nimrods i’d end up in jail. i fantasize that the po po would be on my side, i’d be all guy, i gave them irish sunglasses because they’ve been torturing my ass for years and the cop would be like here is my baton finish them off.

matt said he was so tanked once coming off the ferry he tripped and fell on his face in front of everyone HAHHAHAHabsahahahaah i died laughing at that one. i would pay five hundred dollars to go back in time to see that happen again.

so once i was on the ferry i started texting everyone i know to see if there were any beach joiners. i learned that i have one friend only yesterday and it’s this polack. i made smalltalk with a customer about this and she was like not true, everyone else was at work. ok fine i have ONE unemployed friend only. basically i need new hobbies or new friends. no, i need more direction in my life. what i actually need is a new laptop so i’ll be motivated and inspired to sit down and finish my book then i can get that sweet fucking signing bonus then i can fly away and be somebody. i guess i’m just used to being in a relationship and all the activities that come along with that fill up your time, normal shit, but when single everything seems outlandish cos you’re doing everything solo or with a different buddy every time when really it’s no different than if you were hanging with your signif other constantly.

dude with the shovel quoted lord of the rings, you shall not pass.

this was too warm and whiskey coke-ish. like, exact whiskey coke dunno what the hell i was expecting haha. i didn’t want beer. i drank 1/4 of it.

bought a hobo-sized thing of tequila and poured some in a dasani orange-flavoured water bottle.

ok that’s it for the raymi times today. time to wash my hair and collect my bike from the market. it was pissing last nite and we all ambled to a house party. bumped into trish had a gas. two rounds of booze delivery took place. everyone danced with their shirts off and the nite ended with a beatles guitar scream sing-a-long. saw a dude get hit by a cab, he was alright but flew a few yards and it made a crazy bang noise. ran up to gawk but felt immediately sketched out by the pack of dudes all fighting about it.

don’t forget to tip your servers. xoxo.

39 thoughts on “guess what that’s what

  1. Definitely know what you mean about doing shit solo after you’re used to having someone do all those things with ya for years. Even the first time I went grocery shopping alone, I had a slight breakdown in the produce aisle. Fucking vegetables.

  2. eloquent as always

    Being without a regular guy gives you time to tap into the things you were always meaning to do.
    those time fillers in bad relationships are also time wasters
    And ditching time with friends to “get her done” helps too
    you got it right the other day when you went “missing in action”, knowing when to fold em.

    as for the “scummy nothing trolls”
    you really have to take away all power from them and just delete without reading
    why give them any means to change your mood, or give them a platform for being negative nothings?

  3. it’s all the same bool sheet. people who are miserable expecting the world to also be that way. yesterday morning i said something on facebook about being happy ’cause i woke up hungover to find that my bf bought bananas for cereal, and i was expecting no bananas in my cereal. awesome, right? later that day, a friend posts something about wanting to beat people with a baseball bat who say how happy/loved they are in their statuses… and i said to her that she is wrong for wanting that. people shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of their lives or their unique ways of finding happiness, no matter how different they are from our own. drives me bananas. shouldn’t we be happy that others are happy? shouldn’t there be some hope in that or something? fuck all of them up their stupid asses! ;)

  4. one more thing

    Dear kitties

    Pssst pssst pssss psss pss pss
    Pss Pss pissss psss

    I have to steal the “dumpster cats on old cars” shot

    procreating Ferrel feline adorables

  5. some people are just shitty in general, and i think because you put so much out there people feel like they get a say, or they want to knock you down or whatever. i dunno. there is too much shit in the universe, people need to knock it the fuck off really. i’ve been reading your blog off and on for years, and i appreciate that you try not to hold anything back. i don’t know how you’ve done it so long, i can only imagine how exhausting it must be to have randoms verbally (textually?) shitting all over you. ah well. here’s hoping in the long run the good outweighs the bad.

  6. Jealousy is an ugly thing. Pretty sure that’s the reason for 90% of those nasty comments you get. The other 10% I dunno, I guess they are bored and judgy. I’m glad you don’t let them keep you from blogging. It’s nice to see what interesting things you get up to. :)

  7. I need to find those cats!
    Also, I’m pretty sure it’s pronounced Spo-CAN…

    Was that dickish? It wasn’t meant to be… I just meant that I had difficulty understanding the joke at first.

  8. well in canada and in my head it is pronounced spo-kane but yeah i guess that totally flubs my stupid blow joke eh. good thing it went over my mom’s head phewf.

  9. Quite honestly I don’t know how you do it! I know I’ve said that before, but I still mean it.

    I think, personally, I would either just turn off the comment section or hire someone else to moderate them for you so you don’t even have to see them.
    It’s only realistic that after such a long while the spiteful nature of the comments will eventually get to you. You shouldn’t have to put up with that imo.

    I have such thin skin when it comes to mean comments, you think you are sensitive! Been reading your blog for years and every now and again there will be like a week or so of really mean comments that seem to pop up. You must actually be alot stronger than you think cus I would have bailed ages ago.


  10. I miss making my yearly pilgrimage to TO just to see you. All those things people say about you aren’t true at all it makes me sad to think that people are like that. You’re wonderful. And I totally had a beach towel like that only it shrank in the wash and faded.

  11. last time i did a lil spokane it’d been so long that i kept expecting the roll feeling to take effect.. it was disappointing. mdma once in a while = soo much more fun.

  12. I just discovered your site and I love it! Nasty rude comments are written by people who are seeking attention in whatever fashion they want.

    If they don’t like you or your blog there are millions of others out there.


  13. I suck at comments so I probably won’t be writing anymore after this one (it hurts to read my stupidity)…BUT this just really has to be said. It is FAR easier said than done to ignore assholes and pretend like they don’t exist and can’t hurt you. Obviously you are well aware of this challenge (hence the rants) but seriously, how bad do you feel like you want/need/deserve the last words in this argument with all the tits that make disgusting nonsensical comments?! I feel that way when people say rude things to/about my friends, family and other such things. I say write what you want, when you want because if anything, it’s an outlet for everything you feel…even it if is feeding the fire. The fire will burn out at some point and people will find someone else to harass for a while right?

  14. aw raymi. fuck them. i’ve been reading you for about 7 years almost everyday. and i love and admire how you do it. putting it all out there, being naked (literally and metaphorically) i could never ever do it without second guessing absolutely everything i posted.

  15. Your gut is right, the people who resort to tearing you apart in your comments (or elsewhere) have serious issues of their own. Keep on living, writing, trying to figure things out…The rest is THEIR crap, not yours.

  16. i just noticed the girldoll with the bloody nose. it’s disturbing – i dont like it. repaint it

  17. Still praying for you every day and night. Do not read “People Of The Lie” by M. Scott Peck, you could hurt yourself or have the very slight chance of getting better forever. If you wind up somewhere in-between, you didn’t really read the book at all.

  18. I really think that for every one person leaving mean comments, there are about 1000 people who love your blog. I don’t think it ‘comes with the territory’ of being a popular blogger either-I just think these are cowards who see a target when they see someone being so open (because they’re obviously too scared to be that way). That’s all I can gather anyway. I also don’t think it’s all that easy to ignore them or build a thick skin. I received a rude reply one time for a craigslist ad when I was renting a room out in my place and it made me cry and feel so bad every time I remembered it. Ridiculous, I know, when it’s so insignificant but somehow people just can’t seem to remember that everyone else on the internet is just as real a person as they are.

  19. Just wanted you to know that I think you are great and I love you! Sorry for all the nasty people, maybe someday they will grow up?
    P.S. Do you have I (Heart) raymi shirts? I want one :)

  20. You should only allow people to comment after they’ve personally written you and asked you for the right. ?? I don’t know… it may be difficult, but it could be done. Approve the people rather than the comments… I dunno…

    Irish Sunglasses… ha, ha…

    Your ex wasn’t too good for you- PLEASE! I’ve had a relationship end and was viewed as the bad guy once… It ain’t fun. Or not that you were viewed as a bad person, but that people would question that you didn’t know what YOU were giving up… the nerve!

  21. I also had a day where I amd my coworkers were (metaphorically) shit upon by higher-ups at my workplace, so I really feel this post – sometimes people are shitty and there’s nothing you can do about it, no matter what you do or how hard you work. What makes it exceptionally difficult in your case is that your content (for your blog readers, at least) is your own life, so instead of separating your professional life from your work you are judged upon what you do personally, not just professionally. You can’t write it off as a bad day at the office as easily and go on with your life where it becomes unimportant. However, I just got home from beers on a sunny patio and that helped tremendously – I hope you did something similar. Cheers!

  22. The fact that you get all of this negative energy has nothing to do with being a female blogger vs. a male, it’s because you constantly spew negative energy yourself. It’s so strange that you play the victim in between being hateful, saying nasty, superficial, spiteful comments about people, even strangers minding their own business! People who are just going about their lives just like you claim you’d like to be able to do. But despite your constant claims that people should just let you fly like the free bird that you are, you are always shit talking, being catty and judgmental, and just generally being a disgusting bitch regarding others. I’m sure it comes from insecurity, and not to be cruel but you are marginally average-looking at best with pretty shitty style, yet you talk about others as though you are coming from some higher place. It’s awfully despicable and you are truly living in a fantasy world if you don’t understand why you get that same energy back that you put out into the world. I guarantee if you looked at yourself and stopped being so deluded about your reality instead of spewing your constant catty hatred, slowly better energy would begin to infuse your life.

    You’re always insisting that you are this kind, generous, wonderful person, but I’ve never, ever seen that energy come out here on your blog anyway. I’ve only seen the self-centered, uneducated, catty, vicious, deluded energy. I don’t even know how you are able to cull through your comments to even find a few positive ones. You get back what you put out in the world. There’s no mystery about it.

  23. Not sure if you care, but I’ve been reading your blog for years and maybe you were just venting, but here’s my take on it. Sometimes, you do say things that could be taken the wrong way. For a casual reader who hasn’t been reading long, it might cause them to have a bad reaction and leave you shitty comments. I personally think it’s because they don’t “get” you. Or at least the You that you put out here to the internet world. There have been times when I wasn’t exactly offended, but sort of put-off by something you said, but for me, it’s balanced out by other stuff I love about you. Plus, I know most of the things you say are said tongue-in-cheek. Others just may not get it. Just trying to give you a different point of view as to why you might be getting shitty comments. Of course, some people really are just dicks and have no good reason. Anyway, I’ll keep reading and respecting you as a writer, take care.

  24. See

    H is a prime example of an angry abuser looking for a victim to spew their own internal venom

    and the garbage H has written is more than likely the ugly things H feels about oneself inside.

    H put the negative comment out there, and the negativity came back to H, just like H described it would

    H stands for Hell

    which is the abusive world H lives in

    Just delete.

    Painful to even read about these sad creature types who have very little room for change in their hellish minds.

  25. yes, that is no way to spend your friday night H. being a total fucking cunt must be what you do best.

  26. I love this blog and have for ages. I appreciate that you post every day–there’s an obsessive quality about that that I relate to. :) You rock a black bikini. Try a little gold glitter on your next tan-in-the-sun photos–sprinkle a little all over–fabbuu!

  27. Guys, seriously, is it surprising that she gets negative comments? Her blog is a guilty pleasure of mine, she is the first self-important internet semi-non-yet-always-on-here-celebrated-celebrity (is that even a term?). Some of the negativity is warranted, she does come off a bit self-important, under-educated and crass but that’s what makes raymi, raymi. if raymi had a bachelors degree in art history or visual arts, would she put a show she did? no, the exploits which we enjoy here (of raymi, which she is nice enough to let us in her life) are of a person stuck in arrested development.

  28. under-educated my ass. as if a degree would change a thing about her blog. does a so called education make her more worthy or something?

  29. You are impersonating as my son which makes you more likely a person of “arrested development”

    She doesn’t need a degree in visual arts, when she comes by it naturally.
    And Raymi having a degree in Art history,
    Bore me a river, she lives in the now!

  30. I think you’re right about your free bird theory.

    It’s like the Kafka “A cage went in search of a bird” quote. People want to cage other people who have more freedom, happiness, creativity (insert some other desirable quality here). One way of doing that is through cutting, cruel mentally abusive comments, which is easy to carry out when you don’t have to make eye contact with the person you are targeting.

    A very small percentage of these people would ever say these things to your face.

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