she’ll be rich when she’s dead
i’ve been up since 6.40 my eyes are bleary as shit i have a hair appt at noon wherein i’ll finish up the rest of my shit show presentation and make it over to wherever this thing is happening today oh wait just look down here.
don’t be surprised if i roll in wearing tom cruise wayfarers. i think there’s tickets left to be purchased still so why not hey? or at the door just show up. we have booze and food and ‘tude. don’t ask me how much i make ok, i’m there to tell you how to get famous, not rich. if you know where we can attend a how to get rich AND famous seminar, let me know i’ll be your date. either way come meet lohan voice (me) tonite.
last nite after work i went to auld spot in my irish slut maid getup and made the band skip a beat when i came through the door in my trench and looks like a wig incognito call girl ensemble. everyone was already right pissed, i wasn’t. tried to take it easy as was sick but also knew today was a biggie. red flag decided to make a cheap tipper feel cheap that’s how cocked he was when i arrived. it got a little awkward and tense. i sidle on up and say well yeah fifteen per cent is fine and all but it isn’t mindblowing. certainly isn’t. in urban settings when you want to be a showboat (and show respect) one typically tips 20%, that’s how you do in nyc and toronto. so this guy wasn’t feeling that as he was made to look exceptionally stupid in front of some chicks he and his pals were trying to get up on. for me personally, fifteen per cent is fine cos there are plenty of non-tippers out there, like the musicians with the beer tickets FUCK NO the tip isn’t included in that and hello it’s already a free beer don’t be so cheap you scumbag. all taboo, you can’t tell them these things you just have to take it. the best is when you know a customer isn’t going to tip you before they don’t tip you, they’re the worst, most annoying and demanding of the lot. have much more to say can’t be bothered to now. the moral of the story is, auld spot is in love with me now for plugging them in the post and i’ll def be going back for an eating tour of their menu and a proper review.
the outfits went over well last nite. at first i was pretty shy, like, ultra, on top of having the shakes and chills and sweats and adrenaline surge from the 8 cold pills i popped. at first i walk out on the upper patio to a silent hipster mass and proclaim, well, this isn’t embarrassing. they all laugh, with and at me. i deliver the one drink i had for kamila and on my way out said hey guess what fuck you’s guys i’m not serving you anymore then went to hide at the downstairs bar until kamila got changed. when she went up they all applauded her. it’s hard to “own” it sometimes. i try oh i try but mostly i walk as fast as possible staring at the floor in my tornado of shyness. how many cocks i block all on my own accord. so many. one guy tried to be all offended on our behalf for the outfits, asking what is this hooters? i said today it is. he goes so you’re boss is all here you have to wear this. i said NO actually it was MY idea. a woman at the bar ordering some pinot was all fuck yeah, all for it. oh and last nite we had 4 death metal bands. very irish. very so not fucking irish. the second last band was the best. next theme nite will be around easter, i say playboy bunny jumper. but don’t forget my birthday/blog party friday april 2 as well as a raymi party the very next nite april 3. two benders in a row can you hack it? i have a death wish so yeah, i’m pretty sure i can.
what an asshole. hope their register was empty before this got smashed as it was clearly empty when i took this.
the girl who hates my shoes thinks i look like sofia coppola.
oh look here’s something fun!
you kind of look like sofia coppola on HER good days, and your bad days. maybe. but it’s still a flattering resemblance all in positive ways. and hey! that social media event on how to capitalize off of your personality is down the street from me! it would be rad to go!
I always bitch at the musicians I know when they don’t tip with their free drinks, but then again, half of them probably haven’t got a penny to their name. Still a dick move. I’m broke as shit, but if drinks are cheap, I’m probably tipping something like 50%. $1 tip per drink, at LEAST, depending on price and how complicated it was to make.
“Don’t ask me how much i make ok, i’m there to tell you how to get famous, not rich.”
Fame/celebrity IS the new rich, non?
then come sofia!
You work with someone who called out a customer for a 15% tip? That couldn’t have been uncomfortable.
I don’t think 15% is that bad, especially when all you’re doing is pouring a beer? To call someone out on that in front of other people is really tacky. You’re lucky people tip you at all, I hate self-entitled servers. Now bring me a beer.
Oh fuuuck you cheap bitch. Missed the point entirely. I didn’t bring any of this up, my friend did and it wasn’t at my bar either. U overtip so that the next time u visit u get special treatment and faster service. Cheap tippers are the self entitled acting prats who are demanding and rude. It’s more than beer pouring, we serve food as weel, bus, chit chat, tolerate their drunken shitty ways etc etc.
omg I always end up chided for tipping too MUCH. I’m like, do you know how fucking difficult it can be to serve customers? It’s not about how ‘easy it is to pour a beer,’ it’s about showing some respect and manners.
Also, superhawt dresses! I wore a shamrock deely-bopper headband thing at my previous job at Starbucks and ignored the polite/condescending reminders that it wasn’t part of the uniform. Too bad. Dressing up on holidays at work is way too much fun. Kudos to you babe <3
ugh. sofia coppola is mannish so that’s kind of a dig. I don’tsee it, she doesn’t dye her hair blond
The only time I ever tipped a barmaid on purpose was when she let me open my own beer, cause I like to.
Basically it’s not a prejudice against tipping, or any kind of judgement on how much labour pouring is or isn’t, it’s just a prejudice against counting while you’re trying to have a good time, against caring about the change in your pocket. To let someone keep the change is the easiest way, no calculation of 15% or anything, plus you get rid of the change in your pocket. It probably winds up to both more and less than 15% but I think a good rule of thumb is if it’s a coin then the barmaid can have it, i.e. Carry less fives.
You’re kinda hot.
thanks megan.
ryan, you can tell a lot about a person by the amount they tip. that is all.
If God played bass,
he’d use THAT bass –
Its like huge.
That’s the most flattering photo of Sofia Coppola I’ve ever seen. You’re prettier then her, though, most def.
you get stiffed because you are being taxed back. it’s called the arsehole tariff. guess who the arsehole is.
people who don’t tip have obviously never worked in the food service, above it all. fuck that shit, bad karma will be going their way.
Being compared to Sophia (or Sofia) can’t be bad. She’s a brilliant movie director, besides being pretty. You’re both hot ladies.
More like Blake Lively, for sure.