I caught an apple and she caught a fox

extremo behind on photos, when they were took, why, who what where etc etc zzzz. i am also lightyears irritable right now (what else is new) and had suicidal cramps all nite long, hot water bottle necessary cramps, fought through them cos we were playing risk til 2.30 in the morning and i am a competitive dickhead but then i couldn’t take the pain anymore so cut it short. next time can we start at 3 in the afternoon please? fuck, i love risk. everything always goes down in kamchatka. in summation, i am going to take out my present anger on… POSTSEEEEEEECRET! for the newbies, you are in for a treat.

ready set GO!

aw that’s sad, you buy tickets? hahahahEHHEheheheehe sorry. no really, i get it. concerts make me very sad maybe that’s why i hate live music so much. it’s so isolating standing in the dark as still as possible (toronto rules) getting zero attention or if you do get it you wouldn’t know it because no one approaches anyone. so many wasted nights and outfits. instead of trying to find someone to go with you to the concert, try to find someone AT the concert.

what are you a four year old? (by your multi-coloured pencil crayon words i’ll hazard a yes here) get the fuck out of his email you meddling lunatic. MOVE ON.

AKA i get laid never and desperately needed to let the world know about your pity laying me. this is you, oh me on my oh bother, what to do what to do oh my heavens. liar, you l.o.v.e.d. it and can’t stop thinking about it. make it happen again or shut up and ps. the word orgasm makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. you are not a harlequin romance novel, get with the times.

and i have tears welling in my eyes right now from how much of a pussy you are for not following through with divulging said secret. time waster. i’d be super pissed if i was the post secret mail carrier, or the guy who has to scan all this shit in. right in the garbage with you. do you think you moved ANYONE with this secret teasing, or the imagery of you on a bus with some hobo woman crying in your save it for oprah moment?

you should abandon christianity and get laid as soon as possible. you’re a sex-deviant waiting to happen, don’t fight it for stupid reasons you’re only fucking yourself up in the long-run. see you on intervention in like 3 years, looking forward to being annoyed by your clued-out parents who thought prayer could fix the problem they think you have. sex is healthy and natural and not so super duperly important that it needs to be saved for some prick you don’t even like when you are “ready”.

that’s heartbreaking and adorable. does he even deserve you? if you told him, would he freak or be flattered? tell him and based on his reaction, you will know what your next move is. i bet i am reading into this way too much. he’s probably simply a flirtatious customer oh my god jump his bones already!

bAHAHHAHAhHAah i knew a derek and he’s a complete fucking idiot.

here’s a comment someone left me beneath this card.

There’s a company that caters to that fear, run by non-Christians who won’t be going anywhere. In case of rapture, they’ll care for your pets — for an annual fee, paid in advance of course.

eternal-earthbound-pets.com/

how do i get eternal earthbound pets to hire me? fuck that i’ll start my own hahaha.

A+++++++.

people don’t change. don’t waste your time. no one can be cured. we are who we are and the sooner we accept it, the easier our lives are for it. maybe you can temporarily manipulate someone into bending to your ways but really, do you want to cage a bird? no, you do not, and you are a giant asshole for going there. fuck with yourself, not with others. ps. who are you this guy’s mother? more like smother.

it’s down ON you and i’m pretty sure she isn’t getting fat either. you are living in a cliché dreamworld. you’re the bridesmaid, she’s the bride. it doesn’t mean you are living in her shadow, you are only choosing to stay there cos in a fucked up way you enjoy it because it gives you something to blame everything on. focus on your own life, fuck, you pretty much bring it on yourself. do you know how many people populate the planet? you know it’s possible for you to NOT have anything to do with your sister, right? i am a fan of letting people know they’ve wronged me, so instead of making believe like your metaphorical cookies will have any sort of impact whatsoever on her write a goddamn email and blast her out of the water like a real woman instead of harboring this resentment for years to come and carrying it into future relationships that don’t even exist yet (your niece/nephews to-be) in short, GROW UP.

oh here we go again. humans are competitive bitter resentful spiteful pieces of shit. do you really feel good about yourself because you can only feel good about yourself over someone else’s weight fluctuation? loser.

why bother faking it? i have never faked it. if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. the end. i am annoyed on your behalf.

what are you a made-for-tv movie? who the hell says blowing coke? you are full of it girl, and i’ve heard this before from chicks who want to come across hardcore but really they’re just fat wimps LIKE YOU!

dude check your eyes! i didn’t get it either and i even met the motherfucker. he smelled, was rude and obnoxious but LOOK at him. don’t comment on pop culture just to be like “i don’t get it” cos i’m pretty sure that you DO “get it” and you’re just in the mood to debate and exhaust everyone’s patience. not getting pop culture is like not getting why water is wet. what planet are you from? in fact, sending in a postcard to postsecret was ultra pop-cultured of you, you may as well be whoever he is from twilight. BYE!

and i tell postsecret and everybody else all this because i desperately want to be seen as a sexual creature. what’s with all this sexy talk all the time? i demand better secrets. not secrets about secrets about secrets about dumpy chicks who get laid once a year then write a fucking memoir about it. ps. yoga doesn’t make you better in bed. being flexible doesn’t make the skill of sex more finely-honed. being sexual does. yoga farts, not.

so you only go for dinners on business trips, take the hint. he isn’t feeling it or you. eat alone in your hotel room, don’t allow him the pleasure of your company. if he doesn’t want to take you to dinner in your own town, he doesn’t want you, sorry. this shit comes from within not from what other people see, or want. the guy is no fool, whatever magic you had over him is long gone, like you should be.

you’re not doing them any favours, trust me. so don’t stay. people misguidedly think that the livelihoods of their kids are better in a nuclear family setting, not so. show them how strong you can be, don’t cling to a dream that is now a nightmare for you. live for yourself not your kids. they will understand and appreciate you so much more if you do yourself this solid. don’t lie to yourself anymore, you do not HAVE to stay “for the children” and you know it, you’re staying for yourself because you’re afraid.

oh get over it guy. if it can fuck you over career-wise then why are you bringing it up here? stop selling yourself so shortly there are other things in this world far more enriching than football for crying out loud.

that sucks. i have no jokes for this one. i’d treat myself to a tropical getaway every holiday if i were you.

“that month” way to back your mom you little bitch.

this is so sweet. please tell her. acknowledging the weirdness of others and relieving them of the burden of living in their head too much about it is probably one of the most selfless acts one can do.

yeah, welcome to the rest of humanity. you are boring. i feel sorry for you. i get that you want to be involved and feel special, and hey at least you made the effort but really, next time try digging deeper and coming up with something real a la jeff buckley.

again, we get it, you’re SEXUALIZED and in-tune so NEXT LEVEL HOT WOW YOU GO GIRL GET ON WITH YOUR BAAAD SELF.

well your brother must be super rich if he can afford that many women.

um dude how the hell are you masturbating, on cinder blocks? and what’s the kneeling for? ever heard of oh i dunno, LYING DOWN? maybe i’m being vanilla here or something but, jesus, hahahaha i can’t finish this one.

yeah i dare you to do it i’m sure the reactions all ’round will be highly favourable. may as well follow it up with mentioning christ and aliens to a schizophrenic.

this postcard was meant for the fridge IN THE OFFICE KITCHEN you passive aggressive dish washing asshole. stop doing their dishes, they will never learn if you clean up after them.

i will keep this in mind next time i get trapped discussing garbage i have no desire discussing with a smug university student who is dying inside, forty grand in debt and starving.

HAHAHAahahaahaHAHHA still funny weeks and months later. whoever you are i am totally down to hang anytime. making a point to inform the world how unimportant sports are to you is hysterical. you’re all HEY I DON’T LIKE ANYTHING AND NOTHING, PEACE!

hmm hmm HMMMM gee now, how could you achieve this mind buster? maybe by downloading some on his computer when no one is looking. though aside from that, don’t be such a shitty scoundrel. get over him, psycho baby.

you should go on a date with pees in the shower genius, you seem to be about the same speed for each other. i bet you don’t even know what a meme is.

exactly. coming from an arrogant twat who has never been molested or raped, my go-to sympathy motto is do not let this person (or these people) who have hurt you, continue to further hurt you. rise above, carry on, show them they haven’t trampled your spirit or destroyed it. fuck them, they are nothing, and you are something.

good girl.

COOOOOOL! i think?????

ask him to or is part of the kink for you actually busting in on him? whatever just make it happen already then write a postcard about it zzz.

you are a self-entitled lazy beast woman, deserved of all the unhappiness you clearly suffer. clean your own fucking house or get fucked by someone else already you cruel menopausal bitch.

i am proud of you.

i met a girl who can only come from doing sit-ups. never got to witness it though.

or, die. what a magnificent loser you are.

ok i can’t do this anymore, way to downer myself in the middle of menstrual depression.

LOVE YOU LONG TIME!