i can’t even pronounce half the ingredients properly.

it was too cold for this get-up on sunday, blah blah the cut-eye was worth it.

HAHAHAHAHA EW!

i have poor circulation, see how my pointer finger nail is white and the others are pink? sometimes my entire pinky drains of all colour and goes numb. scary! this happens when i am cold and complain of being cold, am ignored until i produce this blazin’ white finger as proof. the first time it ever happened was at the bread and honey festival after smoking a joint at nite, we were all so intrigued, repulsed and high as hell.

dropped in at fil’s sister’s place and she served us the most amazing BEANLESS chili from the states, by hormel (can’t get it here) and even gave us a can for the road. i think we’re going to crack it tonite.

yesterday i dressed like a stacked sailor.

i guess you kind of can’t tell but i’ve lost more weight, and i don’t know how cos i’ve been eating like a total pig lately. an absurd amount of carbs, salts, chips. last nite fil made chips from scratch. anyway, not complaining at all.

i hope you enjoyed this respite from cottage pictures cos that’s all i got from here on in until the next wacky adventure.

just a little cottage pictures break. i hope you are prepared for one of my shittiest stories ever all the way from grade 8? 7? probably grade 8. yeah right i wrote it yesterday hahaha. anyway, this bona fide piece of crap is called THE HUNTER AND RAINBOW WOMAN!

kids used to pay me a dollar to draw those block letters for them, yes, kids with even shittier more hopeless penmanship than that. i also fancied it up sometimes graffiti style.

evidence this garbage was totally created by me, my old signature.

you know i consider myself super smart on account of the pompous and unnecessary use of capable. i guess it paid off cos they did make me valedictorian.

and here’s our duck with arrow, clearly CAPABLE of flying.

retard, you only brought one special arrow to the forest?

i know i much preferred to use the F word here.

yeah makes total sense.

TO STUFF HIM UP HER VAGINA!

nice hair.

oh god two more pages to go.

does this guy not have a fucking compass or possess any navigational skills whatsoever??

this is the part when whatever quality or effort put into these drawings totally disappears. HAHAHA what the fuck is that a piece of shit with legs?

also, the plot gets a little confusing.

followed by another fantastic drawing.

blah blah blah basically dude runs on ahead like a coward, rainbow slut catches up, the giant woman is making “woomp” noises in close pursuit.

for some reason this guy’s outfit is now brown, i forgot to point that out from the first drawing of him.

rainbow woman’s outfit changes constantly too, hello continuity? i like her slutty lipstick though.

WHAAAT!? remember i warned you about the plot.

total trap alright, so ahead of my time. look how different the hunter looks now, becoming a father turned him square, and what kind of trap did she set, a bear trap? i’m obviously alluding to her seducing him, what a sexist dick i am.

then the plot turns maury povich, our hunter pulls a runner.

aw sniff. i forgot to colour her lips.

sucker. you can tell this drivel is religiously influenced.

get a life lady!

oh man SO didn’t see this one coming.

this is the worst story ever.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

wow i must have drawn this a minute before handing it in.

jesus, stay tuned for this one.

had to bring in the fern, stupid windy out.

thanks to the little mexican i had to lock it in the bathroom. it has since been put back outside. fil is home sick today. JOGGING PANTS PARTY!

so steve martin’s book i am digging the shit out of. way inspiring. there’s just so much about the guy i never knew before, he’s a genius. he worked at disneyland as a kid when it first opened in anaheim, he said it was his versailles. can you imagine being immersed in that kitschy vintage world every single day? it made me weepy to read that chapter, i have never been to disneyland, nor world. i didn’t even go to canada’s wonderland til i was 15, what the fuck right? he hung out with some truly colourful people in his twenties, beatnik hippie types. he smoked pot, went to a theatre and suffered a major anxiety attack that lasted two decades, and pretty much saved him from ever doing blow. it’s calming to read about this anxiety in a sense for me right now as i am currently going through the same shit. he hid his anxiety all those years too.

“When I think of the moments of elation I have experienced over some of my successes, I am astounded at the number of times they have been accompanied by elation’s hellish opposite.”

i also really liked shop girl, both movie and book, anyway, i’m 2/3 through born standing up and i think you would also like it.

ps. mr. martin i understand you’re an art collecting fiend, buy one of my paintings!

have to do this up in installments because i am too busy mourning the loss of the weekend and require 5 solid minutes to stare longingly at each picture taken (all 500 of them) and possibly compose a sonnet for each one. the set is here and will be added to.

i am SUPER into this game. it took a lot of explanation from sass i had no idea what i was doing for the first round, she basically played for me and i beat her. the next day we played twice and i beat her both times. ALL BY MYSELF. i am going to try and find this game at toys ‘r us.

pre-teen picture puzzle! we did not tackle this guy. i think it’s called pre-teen picture puzzle (featured at a cottage) cos pre-teenagehood is the only time you can drag the kids up before they are moody pieces of ungrateful shit, only once the teenage years are over do those guys GET IT.

we brought our own cook.

DEAR IT’S 50 O’CLOCK! ha DEER i just noticed that.

i made an investigation video of what’s behind the newspaper from 1970, you will have to wait and see. dave in all his life never peeked behind there, that’s a job for nosy city folk.

stefani/harajuku practice. sass has to learn to be silent. derno if it’s gonna happen.

could i look less like gwen here?

i was really into how into his dog this guy is, i hope he got a good paycheck out of this shoot cos i’m sold. even that dog brought his A-game.

creepy checkers, pass.

i seriously think this is a body pillow.

swooooon.

this game was only a teeny bit racist, not a lot, only a little, and just the right amount.

pink sparkly, makes sense.

we were a little cold waiting for dave to get back to start a man fire, didn’t want to go ahead and do it ourselves in case the flue was closed.

man fire! i was into making fires later on, paper fires!

one of my many talents is pretending to play the guitar for photographs, i’m pretty decent at it.

oh wiley you bring out the blue in my eyes.

sass’ crap letters, thanks for the vowel lesson.

my crap letters, “NOWQNF_ lets turn this into a drinking game.” raymi said, and so it was. 1 drink for every tile your opponent puts down.

tons of layers.

poison? oh man wait til you see the pics of fil in my wig.

super flattering kitchen lighting.

guess what, it is possible to be sentimental over kitchen chair cushions, recognize this mom/dad?

hahaha so international, do they mean slutty russian? and if it’s flame retardant why does it reek of gasoline?

ok stay tuned ya hosers.

before i put mine up i’m going to rip some from dave. you can see the rest of his in that set.

an epic performance, too bad you missed it.

haha old lady walking sticks and gloves.

i didn’t have to do any work, we didn’t give’r cos we wanted to keep pace with dave whom had his dogs with him, threatening a boat tippage every which way. i asked fil if he was doing all the paddling just so he could say he did all the paddling. he said no but sure enough left a flickr note on this picture about it anyway. groan. ps. i DID some paddling on the way back mostly cos i was hungry and wanted beer.

i laid on that rock for a good few while dave and fil nerded out on this island.

thanks dave for an amazing time you are the kindest no-bullshitest dude ever.

oh look it’s me on the tiniest bench ever. derlicte, sorry you didn’t book it.

morning gents. fil says i have moose knuckle in these. ENJOY.

i cried when we had to leave yesterday. sigh.