oh yeah, i forgot to brag about taking out the recycling.

I TOOK OUT THE RECYCLING.

so last nite at the bar after dinner this guy shows up and sits beside fil and chats up the bartender, his name is mike, the bartender not the dude, anyway blah bla, after their catch-up, dude pulls out a novel and reads it whilst simultaneously eaves-dropping on fil and i’s game of twenty questions (i was lindsay lohan, fil was obama) (and hey eaves-dropping at this bar is my thing pal!) and so deeper into his book he gets and then he says out loud OH-NO! and gasps, then keeps reading. i tried to stealthily stare at his eyeballs to see if he was speed-reading or had that CAN’T BLINK SO EXCITING reading face on.

that was the funniest part of last nite, for me.

oh also, the dude down the hall who habitually whistles his fucking head off when he’s cruising the floor, same guy i deduced probably didn’t have the internet cos he has a newspaper subscription, welp, i overheard the clacking of typewriter keys last nite, so that’s two proofs now of no internet. i inform fil of my typewriter discovery and he all personalizes it (typical fil) and says that he enjoys the paper, yeah yeah that’s fine but you’re not a fossil hermit who whistles constantly out of boredom and loneliness.

god i am so fucking right i am restraining myself from writing further about how right i am cos that would make me no better than the whistling geezer down the hall.

IF YOU HAVE A NEWSPAPER SUBSCRIPTION AND A TYPEWRITER AND YOU ARE IN YOUR 70’S THEN YOU DON’T HAVE THE INTERNET STAMPED IT NO ERASIES!

AND YOU HAVE A TYPEWRITER BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE WRITES LETTERS TO THE EDITOR TYPE GUYS!

haha accidental pun, typewriter, type guys.

yes i have gone out into the world today ok shut up! and i wore the success dress and matching big red umbrella and everyone was in love with me and it poured and i went grocery shopping and now i will work out bye.

oh noes my signature move has been captured!

slobkong*: minxx where is chicksss??
B-)

me: um
hi

slobkong: B-)
sexy girls, hot chicks, where can I find se?

me: oh you could just like go to google and type in: sexy girls, hot chicks,

slobkong: minxxx
i really need manaa use your contact

me: i dont understand

slobkong: MAN hot chicks, take me with you
USE YOUR CONTACT

me: are you fucking with me
like, for one thing you are TALKING TO A HOT CHICK RIGHT NOW

slobkong: I am not fucking with U …
but I w2ant to FUCK A HOT CHICK

me: how old are you

slobkong:

me: ok that emoticon doesnt really answer my question
you want me to get you laid but you give me nothing to work with
on top of that you make me think you have a learning disability

slobkong: old means???? you want to take my
huge cock

me: bingo!

slobkong: learning disability… yes i realy want to learn dirty game
do u teach me

me: ok you are so fucking with me now
who are you

slobkong: am not fucking with U …
but I w2ant to FUCK A HOT CHICK

me: how are you on my chat system

slobkong: MINX who call you for HOT CHICK contact #???

me: how do you know i have minx in my name

slobkong: All the buddy call you MINX
***** HERE YOU FUCKER
B-)

me: why are you swearing at me
and what buddy?

then i blocked him cos it started getting scary and i looked up his name and turns out he’s all over extremist messageboards yikes where’s the ativan.

*name changed

i don’t really feel this dress, buh, flattens me right out and has extra ruching around the waist for what, for fun?

in the words of molly shannon I HAVE SKINNY LEGS COS I LIIIIKE TO DRINK!

oh yeah i had the kung pao chicken salad and there was nothing kung or pao about it.

please give me dinner suggestions thank you i feel like punching through a cement wall right now i am starving like bananas, it can’t be making dinner too lazy/hungry for that, and it can’t be anything fatty or carby or any of the restaurants we have previously boycotted oh and it has to be not too many blocks out of walking distance either as i’ll have to claw my way there on hands and knees and stomach i’m that hun-gee! fil’s sense of humour is on its period rght now so he isn’t of much help, plus evening activities are MY dept. oh nevermind we just reached a decision. looks like i’ll be having a bunless burger tonite.

i got a small sized levi’s skirt circa 1999 (2 dollars was supposed to be 50 cents according to meryl but she was wrong, green tag day is not monday, white tag day is monday) from the salvation army fuck it could even be late 80s, the point is it’s highwaisted, no, not the blog, and the only way i can pull it off is by tucking a shirt in, which i have yet to road test. are you a tucker-inner? i’m not, fil is when it’s cold and i never tire of burning him on that, he tucks in his t-shirt and then layers a sweater over. oh and this skirt has a slit up the front, i know look out peg bundy. we’ll see how long i can hold off turning it into a suicide mini skirt, oh and it can only be worn on a skinny day the thing goes more than halfway up my goddamn torso. this post is basically a hello new world of tucking in shirts it’s been so long how’s grade school been treating you? tell vanilla ice i’m on my way over.

dan was the headliner at sunday’s jamboree chez emm/sean‘s, before that andrew played before him, and then it was wolfkraft (<3!) the entire experience was so so cute and fun, very hippie'd out, lots of kids sitting with star sunglasses on, good friends and family, sigh. i have a lot of sweet footage and more pics you will get to see sometime this decade i swear.



anything you ever needed to know about every single fashionable japanese girl book, i ate it up.

poor sod wow i totally feel for that dude.

actually, miraculously, i LOST weight this weekend wtf.

NAPOLEON, GIMME SUMMA YER TOTS!

huge typo there raja i can’t talk right now though guys cos i’m DINNING.

gluten free urrea.

saturday nite we went to last temptation to eat, stupidly, the meal way bummed me out, we walked all over the market and passed up everything else and by the time we got to last temptation we (i) (fil too i guess) were crabby as hell. we got a spot near the open window looking over the patio and all the gross people smoking, totally disgusting, i have a full on hate for patio eater smokers now if you want to fight about it with me lets fucking go!

desperation saturday morning (well 3pm) meal, stir crazy and fil’s sickness metroid playing meant lauren has to make the decisions.

i’ll spare your eyes a picture of the egg whites addition, just picture barf and you’re gold.