here is a story about friday nite’s impromptu dance party that was cut short because a girl got kicked in the face, and it was the funniest thing i ever saw, even her friend was like are you ok i’m sorry but THAT WAS SOOO AWESOME!

the guy in the pants match the shirt outfit is the one who said that.

this is the hero (previously had a sweater tied around his waist, awesome) that felt it necessary to one-up my faulty breakdance moves by double-cartwheeling into two girls walking by with drinks in their hand, kicks one in the face launching her into her friend and both of them fly 6 feet toward our table and their drinks slosh all over the floor and our stuff piled up beneath the table. hilarious. dude is immediately ejected from the steamwhistle.

BEFORE all this though he was partying down with this cute little chick and one point picked her up like a baby and ran around in a circle with her in his arms which inspired me to approach her and say that you guys are my most favourite dancers ever! and she goes oh oh oh COME DANCE WITH MEEEEEEE in this breathless pipsqueak manic voice that melted my heart. i said i would after my drink.

then i instigated a dance-off as usual and then i didn’t have anyone else to dance with except for the guy who had the pants that matched his shirt and upon closer inspection, a really bad dancer , he had a flock of euro chicks egging and cheering him on SERIOUSLY and i had to bounce around him he kept dance-chasing me.

i danced some more until lindy came out to bring me back to the green room where we stayed til 4 in the morning somehow.

oh and cartwheel guy’s brother had blogspotted both fil and i prior to this so it made it even funnier. i have a video of some of these gnarly moves i’ll youtube later.

last nite we had sashimi for dinner and then rented mr. woodcock and drank wine, we thought mr. woodcock would be more slapstick, but it isn’t. just letting you know.

TORONTO’S SMALLEST HOUSE IS FOR SALE ! ! !

It’s nothing short of a ‘Glorified Tent’ . . . or is it?

If . . .
You live alone or with one other person (or an extremely small dog), or if . . .
You don’t have much stuff (barely more than a homeless person),

or if . . .You miss that cute little apartment you lived in while teaching English in Japan,

THEN THIS IS THE PLACE FOR YOU ! !

This house, located near the intersection of Dufferin Street and Rogers Road is believed to be Toronto’s smallest house. Occupying what used to be a driveway, i t’s a one bedroom, one bathroom home that sits on a parcel of land 7.25 feet (2.2 metres) wide and 113.67 feet (34.6 metres) long and has an interior area of just under 300 square feet (under 28 square metres).

Here’s the living room, looking towards the front of the house

Here’s the living room again, looking towards the back …

Here’s the kitchen. Note that despite the small space, they’ve managed to fit a washer and dryer into the place.

Here’s the bedroom. It comes with a Murphy bed, which is a necessity in such a space. This is what it looks like with the Murphy Bed down

And here the bedroom with the Murphy Bed retracted:

You also get some patio space out back. Here it is, looking towards the front of the house:

And here’s the patio looking towards the back:

Here are the home’s ‘Listed Features':

* Completely re-done top-to-bottom, front-to-back!
* Tumbled stone entrance walk
* Renovated Bath
* Renovated Kitchen with newer stove, new cabinets and new stacked washer/dryer
* Bedroom with Murphy Bedd + ‘Built-Ins’ … (doubles as a den)!
* Walk-out to fenced patio
* 100 Amp service
* 2 Satellite Dishes and Receiver
* Window Air Conditioner Available

THE PRICE ? ? ?

You get all this for $179,900.00 !

where is the picture of the bathroom? i’m glad there’s a washer/dryer because i would be really depressed having to lug my laundry once a month up the street and then back again to my tiny closet of a house.

two more days of voting left, then we won’t have to deal with this again until next year.

best blog.

best personal blog.

best humour blog.

and for philogynist:

best photo/art blog.

THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!

mr. moustache: how are you

michael “air” jordan: i’m sick

mr. moustache: i have the blues

michael “air” jordan: after your big news, you still have the blues?
no rhyme intended

mr. moustache: yeh im a loser
ive been getting a lot of nasty comments lately
they exhaust me
i just flat out delete them
i get affected by them and i shouldnt

michael “air” jordan: really? i hadn’t noticed. but i don’t read all the comments because they exhaust me, too
i know what you mean. if i get a nasty comment i think about it for days
it doesn’t even have to be intended as nasty

mr. moustache: yeah

michael “air” jordan: but sometimes they just get under my skin

mr. moustache: people are such dicks to me and treat me like shit

michael “air” jordan: not everyone
you have lots of fans
but the haters, yeah, they’re there for sure
i don’t understand it
it sounds cliche to say, “they’re just jealous” but what else could it be?

mr. moustache: bitter because they have done nothing for themselves
i built my own fame and it took me a long time and actual work for little pay off
they’re jealous cos they work crappy desk jobs and get zero recognition

michael “air” jordan: i know. it IS a lot of work

mr. moustache: and i have a charmed life cos of how i look and my personality
like sorry for having a fucking personality and drawing a crowd you assholes
so anyway this negative feedback is nothing new

michael “air” jordan: i know

mr. moustache: but it spans a variety of topics
ungh i am already over complaining about the complainers
the thing that irritates me the most about flamers is that they forget or dont care that you are a REAL PERSON with FEELINGS and you are doot dee doo logging into your comments and then ten really nasty things greet you in the morning
i feel like i am constantly in a fight in some shape or form with someone
and they are all really demanding too

michael “air” jordan: some of the people who used to flame you have turned to fans, i noticed

mr. moustache: like come on i dont show up to your goddamn house and tell you how ugly and stupid you are
oh which guys

michael “air” jordan: didn’t that ***** person used to leave smart ass comments?

mr. moustache: in what way
they talk to me all the time now
i think they were smart allecky but always a fan

michael “air” jordan: i just remember when i read your comments, sometimes i’m surprised when i see a name that i recognize, and they actually say something harmless, or even nice
oh
i guess maybe i’m even more sensitive than YOU!

mr. moustache: well i think some of them get stockholm syndrome from my blog
so many people have said I HATED YOU AT FIRST

michael “air” jordan: hah

mr. moustache: irritating

michael “air” jordan: you should write about that

mr. moustache: to be hated for no reason, happens in real life too, often times when i dont even open my mouth
i know it has more to do with them then it does me

michael “air” jordan: people project all kinds of things good and bad on other people

mr. moustache: but still, this times 8 years, 365 days it is like enough already
i have a blog it is public it is a representation of my life and how i feel about things you do not have to visit it

michael “air” jordan: that’s always the big comeback, isn’t it? “You’re asking for it. You put it out there…”
but that’s such bullshit

mr. moustache: actually no people have rights over anyone who is famous
that is such total selfish pathetic bullshit to assume as much
this ” ” famous person has nothing to do with you, they were in a movie or wrote a book, they owe you nothing

michael “air” jordan: i remember when some kid posted a negative review of my ***** on his website, and I left a comment on the post, “Oh well, thanks for giving it a try anyway..” and he commented back, all surprised that I would ever see his review
that role model comment you got made me really mad
You’re a role model! You can’t say that!

mr. moustache: i know

michael “air” jordan: fuck role models.

mr. moustache: that was pretty funny
a role model is someone who speaks out where they don’t believe, takes a stand, not bends the fuck over
also, you’re reading a blog not attending the nobel peace prize

Hey raymi, I saw your last post about the haters. Keep your head up. Those people annoy the hell out of me. But you’re absolutely right. They’re probably cubicle-dwelling salary sluts, the kind that take the GO train on their 1.5 hour journey home (they lie and say it takes them 45 minutes) to Newmarket because they wanted a backyard for their kids to play in. Only their kids never leave the computer so it’s a total waste and they know they could have probably lived in downtown Toronto in a decent condo. But now all Toronto is to them is the location of their miserable Monday to Friday 9-5 existence which causes them to bash the city to make themselves feel better

Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world, are the ones who do.

dudes! big bragging news i can’t share with you yet! good good great news! blah! finding out what i can and cannot share momentarily. EXPLOSION! something big is on the horizon.

in the meantime there is this: (you can vote with multiple answers)

rob zombie at the ACC video.

i just cam back from seeing the U2 3D movie concert at the scotiabank theatre, it started at 9.30am, i know, imagine waking up to watch an almost 2 hour concert in an imax theatre. anyway it was worth it, totally amazing, and you get to wear 3D glasses that look exactly like bono’s regular shades hehehheh you feel a kinship with him. there is a four minute laser show before the movie and you’re not supposed to wear the glasses during it, it was pretty funny, unintentionally so. the concert was kind of a religious experience, well it looks like it is for the fans, and then of course bono does his whole coexist humanitarian rights blah bla spiel and you are like ENOUGH JUST SING MYSTERIOUS WAYS ALREADY! (doesn’t). all in all it is a good time even when the dude behind me was kicking the back of my chair to the beat of the last five songs (for me i felt it was five songs too long but i have wicked ADD so what can you do?) i let it go. looking at the drum kit was mesmerizing and the crowd and the lights and oh swoon. i bet my dad would really like it, i mean, i know he would. i only spent 3/4 of the time fantasizing about being bono and i know fil was pretending he was the edge (or just edge?). i think it just premiered and i have no idea how long it runs for, i would see it if you have the chance, i predict 3d concerts to be the new thing, i could be wrong, you dudes coulda been on this already and i am a johnny-come-lately but, i think it’s a really clever idea, cost-efficient and if you’re claustrophobic or hate crowds, experiencing the show vicariously is ideal. i was thinking man i should see more 3D movies then eventually and specifically only 3D and then weed out any and everything else life has to offer until i am 300lbs because 3D is that good. also imax was invented in canada.

here is some video footage from my girl date with seska, i am really bad on the spot.

ok so there’s a garbage chute on our side of the floor, beside our neighbour’s (whom we despise ask me why later) yet kitty-corner to our door and the rule is that at 10pm no garbage-chuting, fine. however. duder at the other end of the floor likes to walk his ass over to the garbage chute well after 10pm SEVERAL TIMES and it’s super loud, the metal door slams and you can hear all these hollow metal (chute/duct) echo creaky loud clangy noises when you’re watching seinfeld on the couch or king of queens etc. and you’re like haha to your boyfriend but THEN 365 days later, this dingus is still partying his garbage down the chute after 10pm.

also, i have been conducting little garbage chute experiments to test this guy (WHO ALSO WHISTLES HIS FACE OFF ALL AFTERNOON WHILE I AM WORKING (yes i actually do work on the internet outside of this blog during the day you pieces of shit) HE WALKS UP AND DOWN THE FLOOR FROM HIS UNIT TO THE CHUTE WHISTLING WITH HIS LITTLE BAGS OF GARBAGE HE SPECIFICALLY SEPARATES SO HE HAS AN ACTIVITY TO STRETCH OUT ALL DAY LONG) my experiment basically is throwing out a bag of garbage ten minutes to ten and then 95% of the time dude pops out of his door to throw out garbage.

some nites he’ll do it at 1 or 2 in the morning even HOW MUCH GARBAGE DO YOU HAVE AND WHY CAN’T YOU WAIT UNTIL THE FUCKING MORNING TO THROW IT OUT!?

anyway, i wrote a letter finally, and not on hello kitty stationary (way too obvious) i wrote it on standard lined paper 10pm is garbage chute cut-off time and an arrow pointing to the sign THAT ALREADY STATES THIS. i haven’t put it up yet because i’m a coward, also, i’m also banking on getting some surge of bravery to just pop out the door the next time he slams the chute door and saying DUDE THAT IS SO LOUD IT’S AFTER TEN STOP IT NOW! PS. STOP WHISTLING!

i bet he’s a widower or something.

ungh!

i do feel bad about being grumpy over this cos i get that the guy is clearly lonely as hell and he is always nice to me unlike every other mutant who lives here and loneliness is something i totally understand and making up little activities for yourself throughout the day to make time pass but still, still! it is wicked annoying and i guess i’m getting older cos i feel all excuse me there is a RULE about this!

i’m so not going to hang that sign.

maybe i should invite myself over and get him to put me in his will as well as every other fossil who lives in our building, i could be a billionaire by 2009.

i also suspect he has a little crush on me to which makes it even worse.

noel gave me a button he pressed of some of his hair from a haircut he gave himself once, yeah, that’s noel, totally normal.

new installment: raymi’s flickr messages.

From:

Greg
Louisville

i never reply or even check my flickr inbox, right now it shows that i have 270 unread messages (most are people adding me to their contacts) anyway, orgazmatron inspired me to send back this:

i have flickr to upload pictures for my blog
im not a fucking desperate porn star
dont be irritating

to which he responded with this gem:

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bug ya. Believe it or not, I’m an intelligent caring person who loves all of the arts especially written & music. I collect books and I read constantly. I realize my pics are closer to porn (actually, you’d be giving me more credit than due) than yours ever in a million light years could be of which are art pure and simple. I use flikr on the other hand for a release of tension and anxiety, call it an addiction if you will. I’ve read your blog and I count myself as a fan of your words and pics. Some of your pictures are erotically charged. You know as well as anybody that when you do the same things over and over, it tends to stagnate. In other words, lose the safety net. Just my opinion but if your going to show your tits periodically, why not show the whole package sometimes. That is not porn, that is nude and that is art as well. Big difference. Not to mention your unique beauty would preclude it from remotely being called something as base as porn. I won’t bother you or contact you again and once again I am sorry if I offended you.

Greg

barf. i haven’t replied, here (nsfw!) is what his flickr looks like, and pretty much represents 85% of the flickr community, these people don’t get that it is a tool used for something other than corny “couples” searching for muff.

next.

From:

Hi honey! You´re very beautiful and i would like to tribute you, please. What do you think about?

didn’t respond but hmm what does he mean by tribute? he’s no longer active on flickr so fortunately i can’t link to his page, which solely consisted of pictures of girls, their clothing, face, ass, tits on his monitor with his spooge all over the screen. no thanks!

oh look a letter from orgazmatron from november:

From:

greg

oh shit one he sent ten days previous to this:

From:

greg

oh look another one from a month prior to this, fuck he’s been hounding me awhile.

From:

Greg

ok i am depressed now happy sunday.

my preferred medium is prejudice.

we watched once last nite finally, we’ve had a promo copy of it for a long time now. it’s a really touching film, endearing, and bittersweet, great music too, i’ll have to dig around for the soundtrack i KNOW we have it too.

yesterday was supposed to be clean the condo day but we were too hung and pathetic for that, fil was wrecked more than i was, the previous nite he drank three mouthfuls of jager. which reminds me, he has this toothpaste for sensitive teeth that smells a bit like jager and makes my stomach heave every morning when i’m rooting through the cabinet for my toothpaste. hahaha “morning” more like afternoon.

so i guess today is murderous cleaning rampage day, i hope fil forgets.