O hai Raymi. I’m Nicole and I’ve never met you before, but I had a dream and you were in it and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t tell anyone about it so I’ll just tell you. I was somewhere (I think Hogwarts or some fucked magical place like that) and all of a sudden I was transported to your apartment which wasn’t really your apartment but somehow I knew it belonged to you and I had no pants on (being transported like that must make your pants fly off) and I was freaking out running around your massive bathroom and cid was on this really high royalty bed (apparently yours) and wouldn’t stop hissing and licking his lips at me and I couldn’t find any pants and I knew you were coming home so I just started to cry. You walked through the door looking cool as ever with this warrior headpiece and I had no pants on and was pacing around your apartment with cid threatening to ambush me as he was putting on his diamond leather boots (?). You started yelling about something to do with your curtains being dirtied by me being almost-half naked and then you walked up to me, yelled “FUCK THAT YOU CREPPIN STOOL” and punched me in the face and I woke up. You said creppin is that a new word? I just thought I’d share it.

-nicole

omg what a nitemare!
im sorry!

+++

Raymoomoo,

This will cheer you up.

Love HW

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some of fil‘s shedoesthecity launch party pictures.

one of my many stalkers. last nite i found out that people love me and waited in line to talk to me.

jen is the mistressmind behind shedoesthecity, we go back to when i was 19 and go go dancing at a kid koala show and her then-bf (now married) scooped me and my roommate lucas and asked us to dance in our underwear at the last art system party, so we did and the rest is history.

another stalker scooped me out of the crowd and said a lot of nice things, it’s funny when you meet people you’ve not met before and they know virtually everything about you it’s like so, do you want to talk about my clothes or the book i’m reading or my mom?

you may recognize this little pilgrim. i swear i was better-looking last nite, and in my photos which i’ll of course share in a bit. we got awesome loot bags.

when we got home the building christmas party was goin’ strong, we hid behind the stairwell door listening in on it but were too scared to check it out, i bet everyone shitbags us already why give them more ammo?

i was feeling suicidally uncreative so i gave myself raccoon eyes, yes more than usual.

i need new accessories.

we are going to a launch party tonite.

good thing i favour these $10 black pants over my $200 pair.

fil is such a baby he said he twisted his ribs when he fell pfft!

earlier today.

cid does not understand why fil is not home.

home at last oh what a happy ending for cid.

i have purchased ZERO chrismas presents to date. i’m getting my niece one of these. thanks now i know what the next ten minutes will be spent doing on the www. maybe i’ll get her the raccoon, my mom got her the black lab. too bad little girls don’t for real like unicorns or pegasus’, you don’t actually like those until you are 22 years old with premature bags under your eyes and a drinking problem.

i just went for coffee and a tan, and thank god it’s sunny today i would have been forced to have a huge suck-attack or fight with fil if it were cloudy and rainy again. i think next year we should definitely go away for christmas, or at least i will. fil had pizza while waiting for me to tan, i timed it so after i got my coffee and took out money i could drop in on him and have a bite of his pizza and bonus it was at the best prepared-bite part of the slice too, that made him angry. whatever, i always give mine up for him, i always put myself last. i bought a cherry jolt cola and orange vitamin rip-off water, i am practising my response for when he gets home and looks in the fridge.

phil: what’s this?

raymi: not for you

or

not yours, whichever sounds funnier maybe i should practise out loud.

my feet are sweating i like tanning in the winter everywhere you go after that feels like balmy seaside weather, except in stores with your sweater and jacket on, that’s madness.

i have to go i have to take my clothes off i am now experiencing hot flashes.

ok i’m back.

whenever i went grocery shopping in the spring/summer i would fling the bags across the floor upon flying through the door and peel off my clothes as fast as i could cos i’d be soaked in sweat, while trying to block cid from bolting out the door into the hall. the tiniest amount of physical activity causes me to sweat. i am a 350lb dude trapped in this body. this is why i obsess over dying my hair, it looks greasy all the time even when it isn’t, the roots are really long now and have no volume, i look like equal parts cher, hippie commune, and yoko.

i was THIS close to grabbing a box of dye.

i’m trying to think up more things to complain about so i can avoid sewing felt here is what the next guy is going to look like, somewhat, use your imagination, or don’t, imagination is for kindergarden.

tone that shit down i am not making a bed.

fil is back he said he fell down on the ice oh man i missed it!

now he’s trying to fight with me cos i’m not fawning over his accident enough omg don’t get me started, i hurt myself all the time and fil doesn’t even notice or care, not even if dragons were eating me.

if you were looking for the kindergarden blog you found it.

ps. we watched year of the dog last nite and i cried ten times, it said it was a dark comedy. fil cried too even but i didn’t make a big deal of it. molly shannon is cute as hell and i dress exactly like her so that’s good. then we watched next for some laughs even though it’s not a comedy.

q: how many nic cage movies begin with him in las vegas?

a: ALL OF THEM.

then we watched bully after that, i already saw it fifty times, when i lived with my dad i watched every single movie in the universe on his cable box thing. we have VOD now so get ready for lots of movie posts.

here is my homage to nicolas cage, (it is impossible to let yourself go in the sway of suspension of disbelief regarding his hair and jessica biel’s mutual affection, SURRIOUSLY hollywood do not insult my intelligence like that ever again):

pppppps. if you have been watching cock’d gunns on ifc saturdays at 9.30 i will be on the fifth episode, wearing the success dress in the background probably fat-looking, i’m not sure if the fourth or fifth episode is this saturday so watch both i guess.

lunch with pitt and a package from santa duane.

unbeknownst to me a zit is about to erupt out of the right side of my face.

mercurio’s caesar w/ dried prosciutto, not as good as the salad across the street from their bar but whatever, good enough.

lamb baguette, was it supposed to be cold? that was pitt’s. fil and i just had salads.

leaf game.

then we ate again.

oh ho ho ho?

cid, what is it?

something for c.

i think i know what it is, what a show-off.

even something for the monkey cat.

a most welcome gift to arrive on depression day haha.

a christmas success!

i had to stuff all the ribbons into the box and hide it cos someone likes to inhale them and then barf them up later.

then i bought lunch what an idiot.

we don’t have light in our kitchen right now cos the tubes burnt-out and we have to wait ’til thursday for them to be in cos someone likes to brag about how patronize the little guy is more important than seeing what you’re doing with a knife in your hands, therefore, garbage meals ’til then.

depression update

i am allowing my rotten mood to psyche me out of everything and the accomplishing of it, it’s about the time of year where i think it would be a good idea to break up with fil and then get back together after christmas so i don’t have to feel so scared by the failure of a party that no one shows up to and it’s just me and fil sitting there alone and crying. nice try there susan, i will never break up with fil i just wish he didn’t have a birthday. i also think i am getting my period again way early i have three incredibly obvious zits, one being on the very end of my nose and another appeared on my face yesterday (it was not there when i left the apartment) during a late lunch with fil and pitt, i had a gob of salad dressing on my cheek and then i looked in my compact and said thanks fil for not pointing out the garbage on my face, i then wiped it off which revealed joe versus the volcano.

i was going to help my dad trim the tree tonite but i sucked out of that, we can’t even bring ourselves to put up our xmas lights so pathetic.

i should go have a tan i am losing pigment so fast and the burst of vitamin d hopefully will help.

seasonal depression on top of all the time depression is the best!

reading my december archives made me very tired, and so it did yesterday, depressed even. ungh. tub time and more felt time. time is running out for fil’s bday/xmas i’m really hating this time of year. email me and let me know if you plan to show your face saturday nite thanks. raymitheminx@gmail.com

i don’t HATE this time of year per se, i just feel quite overwhelmed by it, i feel tired and anxious at the same time, too tired to do anything but there is so much to do and i have no energy to do any of it. hoping i will snap out of it soon.

december 2006 archives pt. II

i love rich old guys who insist that it is still 1920 so we followed them for a bit.

anyway that concludes raymi’s annual parental advice.

french canadians talk like this doo boo doo broo doo

i love when px tells people off.

First sentence from the first post of each month in 2006.

hi martin.

fil snores.

OK LET ME GO GET MY I DONT CARE NOTEBOOK

it was a bbq.

because i deserve it.

congrats

I’M still representin’!

who gets the orgasm?

seriously i just don’t know why the lcbo hasn’t sponsored me yet.

oh i decided last nite that i am going to let my eyebrows grow in like caterpillars i think people will take me more seriously in the right way if i have bushy eyebrows they will be forced into thinking i am extremely profound like sean connery in finding forrester don’t be jealous cos i thought of it first you can be sean connery in something else.

nurses and doctors were prescribing tylenol 3s like mad.

so when fil walks in with it i am going to dump everything on the counter and then run away

success!

blood diamond review.

i’m a crybaby.

sabrina‘s wonderful family.

merry christmas buzzkill email.

blow me flamers

intellectual genius 2006

fridge pictures.

nuts

*seinfeld voice* JUUUUST WHAAAT IIIIIS GOOOING ONNNNN HEEREEE

happy holiday shopping.

drunk bron <3 me: i dont have time nor respect for people who aren’t cool and who do not respect themselves enough to become cool and they hate on those who have spent years fine-crafting their cool
don’t give me yer shit
coolness is an art and it is also a skill
it cannot be faked

i was not referring to you specifically at all but it’s funny that i was right, again.

when you were my age i was reading r.l. stine alone in my room all nite long it’s my turn now you fucking hag.

raymi’s guide to hanging with celebrities.

like there are suppose to be rules if you are planning to participate in christmas, you have to do it right, greens, reds, whites ONLY. fucking racists.

dear raymi

grinning like horny nerds at him

dick in a box homage.

ok bye.

cheers! dustin

my face should be on a loonie.

warning: this post will open the floodgates of how cuckoo everyone who reads my blog is!

the wicker man review.

finger cancer

2005 year in review.

wow that wasn’t even remotely smart-sounding.

i could fall out of a thirty story building through multiple window panes and if i landed with my face in a pile of chinese food i would survive.

go cid!

we finally discovered the security channel.

if we don’t go out i think tonite will end in violence.

in no particular order here are 3 texts i’ve sent to duane.