meet mason

mason is a gambling-fiend who bankrupted his family and lost his house

he collected WWII memorabilia until he had to sell it all

he’s a completely lovable fuck-up

nice to see that ours is not the only skiddy mirror in toronto. ok now onto UK scrapbook II.

wedding confetti from when george harrison was on our campus.

look i said omg first!

awesome castle.

partied here too.

got jostled around a lot in shakespeare’s house by rude tourists.

this should just be called my garbage collection book.

sinfully delicious.

some guy me and this girl took turns making out with on the dark dancefloor of that eurotrash club equinox, then out in the light realised he was only 18, and here i thought he was at LEAST 25.

to see brands you’ve never seen before is like seeing commericals in other countries, and the word florida in england, boggling. wow what a scholar.

there was a renaissance fair going on when we were there.

more graphic than ours back home why am i turned on right now?

oh liane.

and now drumroll please…

yep mick jagger’s son did go to this school, st. edward’s aka teddy’s.

i wonder who did most of the work?

hahaha.

that looks like boy writing.

das ketchup would be a cool band name.

funny coincidence this teacher lived above me when i moved to the crawford ghetto at 19 and he came to some of our gong show parties too.

more sara drawings which reminds me i have to find her on facebook, i hope she’s a famous illustrator by now. she let me borrow her id for the rest of the trip (she was 18) and i mailed it once i got back to canada. this goth bitch stole my fake id and said she gave it back to me, left it on my bed, she did NOT. one time during dinner when she was in the caf i ransacked her entire room (didn’t have locks on the door) but i never found it. she was adopted into the family of one of the dudes who invented trivial pursuit. if you know her tell her what’s up? she was from stratford, ontario.

these dorks got lost on our way to a house party by these american dudes we met, guess who came to the rescue?

i brought my um, uh, red rocket vibe with me and all the girls wanted to “borrow it” just to “see it” i swear. after the program was over i stayed on for two more weeks with friends of family and started to panic about my suitcase being checked on the flight home and how humiliated i would be, so i threw it in a garbage can in rayne’s park on my way out to buy brie one day. L-O-S-E-R.

worst haircut of my life.

these were in the back of my scrapbook, for safe-keeping? yes that is me as a baby.

felting all day long today sorry bros, my back is killing me, i sit hunched over on the edge of the couch and think up personality traits for little felt guys and wonder if i will ever grow up. i’m almost finished working on one kind of based on this except cooler, cooler as in more retarded.

i don’t know what his name is yet but i know he bankrupted his family from his gambling addiction.

we did not go out at all yesterday. i didn’t shower either. we had maple bacon w/ eggs and toast for dinner and a caesar, all day long i fantasized about it then i made it too spicy and could only drink half. sigh.

fil left the bacon grease out during the nite and cid ate it. fil discovered it this morning then licked it and said i understand why he did this.

showertime i smell.

the party continues this is my i can’t believe how incredibly wasted i am face no wait yes i can.

last dance move of the nite (morning 4am) staying alive and also an example of the raymi not inhaling that bag of chips on the floor behind me diet.

see? collecting knick knacks is barely a hair away from mental illness, and i know this because i have fifty-thousand various collected items.

does a double rock on! cancel itself out?

gill actually put on a little robe thing to clean up a broken glass.

my pillow.

ok so this is how it started and i noticed jonathan at this party, i was pointing at claire and mouthing the a-ok with hand action as well regarding her outfit and then retardface beside her is like hey thank you and points at himself and then down at his feet.

look at these people totally uninterested in my jovial banter i have absolutely no idea why.

we ignored the sex and the city charades party taking place in the kitchen urrea ( i know!) and watched this guy, i need to get it for my dad if he doesn’t already have it.

i wish cid wasn’t such a selfish christmas tree attacking monster so we could have some christmas over here too.

the comedy just writes itself. don’t worry i made fun of them a lot from across the room and even got other people in on it too. mostly we just stood and stared at them aghast at what was unfolding before us. dude with the cards i asked him who won he said he did, oh you don’t say! i kept a straight face thank god. i told brad they are probably millionaires and i am blowing some future opportunity by opening my big mouth and firing off stupid jokes five feet away from them.

i like how i make fun of people for basically similar shit i would do myself.

do you ever go to a party (probably not you are a socially-inept shy nervous internet-addict) that has nice snacks and stuff and feel like you don’t deserve any of it and have tiny guilt feelings everytime you look at the food and calculate in your head how much money was spent on a jerk like you while you are stuffing it all in your mouth when really it is because people like to entertain and impress and it actually has nothing to do with you at all but you still can’t help but feel guilty anyway?

tha roots.

my head is like eleven different colours.

all you need is retarded. me being adorable and hideous at the same time video.

and here i am reusing my material.

gay moment alert!

yeah it’s true your eyes aren’t busted i’m kind of wicked.

this fence is redundant that’s what i said and no one cared but me, i care, so i took a picture.

i don’t get it you like weed or something please help this is really hard to “figure out”.

she’s laughing because i just asked if her dog was on her way to rotate this and then maybe shanghai cowgirl after that. that’s ella, she is blind and a pretty slammin’ party dog. if i had a dog i would call it party dog. no i wouldn’t i would call it frankenstein.

burn! jonathan dropped a can of diet pepsi on his toe and thus opened up a gauntlet of jokes for me all nite long about it (diet pepsi for example what the hell people drink that?), everytime he walked past i held out my beer and went WHOOPS! and pretended like it was going to slip out of my hand. (i will sue you if you steal my material ps.) he was wearing black socks and tevas cos his foot hurt so much that’s how we found out about his toe i was like whatEVER you are wearing sandals at a party then he takes off his sock and i’m all STOP IT I CAN’T BREATHE! i have a dictionary’s worth of burns i made about him all nite long i’ll share with you later.

this is the part where i tell you i have rabbits on my socks, like stuffed bunnies. i went hey want to see something stupid? to brad and busted one out and he snot-laughed basically. you can invite me to your parties if you want.

see? thanks mom!

britt has a tattoo of john lennon’s chop because she thinks she is better than me i will spare you the details of the beatles yoko ono fact fight we had it got a little heated i am basically my dad now.

that’s the drummer for goldfinger.

hey how did you know? gill has a betty boop “thing” it’s kind of scary.

basement ceiling humour.

oh thanks i would LOVE a potato!

so incredibly hung right now go away holiday parties! and my body is sore from pole-dancing and then dancing more last nite i can’t even lift my arms how pathetically out of shape i am too! i remember once i threw a rolled up piece of paper across the room and my arm was sore for like a fucking week!

i am going on a talking-at-parties hiatus.

yeah right you wish.

and did you know that i cannot do the roger rabbit and i tried like fifty times and i looked like carlton on meth? so sad because i really want to do the roger rabbit i think my life would be a lot better if i could do novelty dance moves perfectly.

later i will tell you about some other thing i think was funny that i said but probably isn’t.

rilah interviewed me again about this thing call eating disorders.

jen gives head.

it’s nice to see that someone else out there doesn’t have a life too.