by the time i got the courage to ask a question the host was like ok only one more question after this one and my hand was shot up and i kept pumping it up there like a grade school tool and making ooh ooh desperate panting sounds and jason schwartzman saw! and goes ok two more questions (for me) asking the host then the guy purposely ignored me and asked some other chick in the back i almost puked down my shirt i was so nervous, i had my camera ready to make a video and my arm was shaking and i had a heat body rush and jason looked at me a few times cos i was filming/taking pictures, anyway, i was going to do it for YOU GUYS to make up for pussying out of meeting douglas coupland a million times. my hands were shaking like crazy and i was dizzy and i kept shooting my hand up out of turn w/o thinking about it too much cos i would have lost my nerve if i didn’t just keep raising my arm and i was picturing being called upon then starting to speak then crying and then cry-question-talking oh brutal what is the matter with me?
i was going to ask IS THERE A SPECIAL PLACE IN YOUR HEAD YOU GO IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN A STRAIGHT FACE DURING A FUNNY SCENE? just like that, except high-pitched squeaky stuttering and projectile vomitting.
when it was over some people rushed him, i considered it, then didn’t cos i had wicked bad movie theatre breath. wes anderson has really long bony fingers. i made some videos i’ll put on youtube eventually.
the darjeeling limited is a wonderful film, see it.
these jeans i haven’t worn in a couple years they fit again and i don’t look like a fucking pear when i wear them!
Helle R (if i may call u so, just cause I am be lazy)
Well, u have to thank Franks Mag for a potential newcomber to your blog. I bought an edition for work purposes, an article that had to do with my work, and as going through it I saw your photo in the last page or two. Well, I am a guy, and seeing u topless had an affect. Apologize to your boy for me, but what can u expect. Anyway, it was the mixture of the magazine, your reply and the photo that made me check out your blog.
Funny, as I had some things to say, the “Hockey Song” came on my itunes and thru me for a mental loop.
K, some good underworld flowing now.
The more I looked into you and your blog and your life the more fascinated I became, yet at the same time I became less interested. Please don’t take anything here as a negative because it is far from that. Less interested as in why are we so prone to showing so much of ourselves so strangers so we can see the part of ourselves we may or may not like.
Yours was the first blog I have given any thought or time to, a fact I am still determining why. Maybe I am just questioning ones soul, maybe I connect to some of your words, in essence some of you. That’s the strange thing, how can one connect with a complete stranger. Oh yeah, the internet. Hmm, but is that just a forum to show a side of yourself that is not fully true, a side for others to see to find yourself or for one to move to something closer to their fantasy.
You’ve been blogging since 99 which means a lot for a reader, shows passion, will, persistence and a need. Why a need? Well, as much as blogging has become a part of our society it is still not socially accepted as an art form. Do I think it is so? No, no I don’t. Maybe I see it as a means to an end, an end I don’t need to describe as I know you know what that is.
Is this a car crash, am I just some passerbyer taking in? Maybe, maybe not. More music is needed. A little K-os
The flow, the word flow, ones mind flowing through fingers creating consistent lines. I am a flow writer, I live by the flow of my fingers. As you are searching for your first novel so am I. Coming from a filmmaking/script background, the novel, well it’s a novel idea. The depth a writer can go without the money machine hitting you over your head saying it can’t be so because of time or cash or the director sees different. The thing is we are not alone as flow writers, we are everywhere. We began so long ago with Dostoyevsky’s “Notes From the Underground”. The first true existential writings known to us. we are so many is their room for any of us for the public to see?
I guess I am questioning not only myself but you and every other writer finding ones medium. What is this blog for you? Is it your ends? How does your boy react to the constant invasion? How long can it go? Honestly the questions won’t end but have you at least found a few of your answers?
I’m sure this is pretty nonsensical but so are you. Are tou taking advantage of a new medium (meaning fearing the novel u were always supposed to write), have you given your dreams to another, can u not find your way outside the madness of your mind or are you just passing time?
My friends are harrasing me so I must go… An answer to any question. Is such a thing possible?
to rod
i believe in blogging and i have always written and i will never stop
and i have already published a book, not the greatest, but a story that needed to be told and i am working on another book and i finally got back some creativity i was missing all summer to get it finished, there is no fear, just anxiety over acute laziness
i am stubborn and i dont think in terms of what if i never make it
blogging is the lazy way of making it, it is only inevitible if you have a fraction of talent and know how to engage people, at this point i think that’s the necessary skill to keep going there are authors whom publish many books and people keep buying them, that’s oldschool blogging, if you look at it that way.
i dont think blogging will be my ends, it’s the beginning
and fuck frank mag they purposely chose a fatter naked picture of me to piss me off and left out some parts of my email where i said way to go for choosing a tit picture (in the previous issue) i can’t even show this to my nana
this blog for me is my office, the office i choose to go to everyday, when i first started it i had no idea it would turn out to be something so big in my life, and others’s too, it’s working right now, so i keep going. celebrities blog in their myspace journals, if they finally see the benefit of blogging then that is a good thing, if a celebrity blogs it shows that even when you’re famous you still want to reach out you still want to share your thoughts ok this is going gay
clearly i am blogging this email as i am taking the time to write more than a few sentences back as is my style
if you think this is a car crash or if someone thinks that they can just keep driving, go over to a celebrity gossip blog or something, because i do not care, saying they don’t “get it” is cliche, but there i said it, if my life looks like a car crash, wicked, cool for me, that’s something isn’t it.
do you have any answers, does anyone ever have answers, i do not know. i know that for now i want to keep doing this and i will. i would like to do more, be more, and when the time is right i will.
you asked a lot of questions i guess i missed some, evidently you are searching for something more, some meaning in your life and by asking me it is more of a comfort, you want me to tell you that it’s ok to fail, basically, and it is ok to fail, just don’t let it consume you or shame you because the greatest failure in life is a wasted talent.
here’s another little thing i have noticed, people often want answers from me because they don’t have answers for themselves. not because i am this ancient wise old man or anything, but because i live this vagabond seemingly does nothing lifestyle and if i can do it, why can’t they. even the nasty ones when they’re being nasty they are just reaching out and don’t know it. shutting up now.
Why are you so rad? Oh, I know… it is because you are everything that is right in the world. J/k…you are everything that is beautiful…whateve’s…just don’t ever stop doing what it is that you do…much love from LA, Ca. 90031.
Phil is the luckiest guy in the world and you are the most beautiful and intelligent writer on the web. Your use of your computer inspires me everyday. Thank you for your artistic work. Jack K. would be very proud.
I can’t wait to meet you one day (creepy much?).
Stoner bowls and orgasmic rolls…
Later,
mike Mr. C | Edit comment Delete comment | Email | Homepage | 10.18.07 – 1:17 am | #
i think i know how i am going to die, my death will be caused by a freak dance party accident, and by freak i mean drunk.
i call this the praying mantis, make yourself as tall as possible, for no reason.
then dance like a stripper.
challenge someone more inebriated than yourself to a dance contest.
this one’s especially attractive. i don’t think those pants will survive winter.
perform “the (secret) spill” when people give you shots you didn’t ask for after having five already because by that point they won’t take no for an answer, say thank you take a sip and OOPS it onto the floor and keep partying.
the postcards taped to the left pages were a big deal at the time, england used them for advertising before canada, and everywhere we went we tiefed loads of them and could not believe they were free.
my dorm was right beside harrod’s.
my writer’s craft classes were at imperial college.
oh what a whimsical turd i was.
i think i added that part in after my teacher finished reading my journal and graded me. anyway, i was paralyzed for two whole minutes (terrifying, felt like forever) and fucked up my knees on that harsh british carpet, from ketamine + 30 thousand drinks the nite before.
i think this is an irish joke that i changed to canadian, basically if you are about to get in a bar fight say this line and raise your fist. my teacher told it to us and look he corrected me by crossing out the of, haha.
the guy who gave me K and tried to give me his apt. key too, i met him the next day for a big mac and then he stalked me until we left london, he even got into our dorm, luckily i was out that day.
i went out by myself to eat and get loaded and then sat with this guy from america for dinner and got him to pay my tab. lonely people are easy, myself included.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA! gear! madonna, remember what i said.
i want to punch the word whilst in the fucking head even though i still use it.
oh what an insight, friggin’ rocket scientist.
everytime i hear while my guitar gently weeps i think of this day, the mental picture hits me hard.
little kids are cuter in england.
was either hung or drunk or both when i wrote that.
this is the business card jamie and i (mostly jamie) designed a few years ago when i still had raymitheminx.com then i lost it and said fuck it i don’t want .blogspot on a card anyway now i have it back so i’m having these printed. no phone number on it tho i’ll write that on it if the person is so lucky, i left it out in case i decided to stick in a couple for people who buy paintings and other junk i mail them.
+++
if you could ask wes anderson or jason schwartzman a question, what would you ask, you as in me, because we went to go see the darjeeling limited last nite and saw a sign that they would be at tonite’s screening instead so we bought tickets. so far my question for jason is: if, you could, have, MY PHONE NUMBER, would you want it? and for wes: do you want to see my boyfriend’s renee zellweger impression? oh no i don’t have a question about any of your movies, they’re perfect. oh one more thing jason, why did i heart huckabees suck so hard? fil wants to ask jason if he wants to BE tom cruise or have sex with him.
too bad i will be sober and therefore have zero comedic timing so i cannot go the route of refreshing dude-voiced eccentric hot juvenile how did she get in here anyway?
we had sober nite (thank god) and we watched the reaping, you know the biblical plagues movie? it is good and scary but for me not too scary even though there are lots of jump out at you spooky things, i just couldn’t let myself fall into the suspension of disbelief (shut up i took drama) because of the religious angle, i don’t believe in it. whereas a movie like texas chainsaw massacre i can be for real scared cos the guy isn’t raining frogs and lightning. still, see it if you haven’t already. the way it ends there’s a possiblity of a sequel and the little crazy woods girl is that bridge to terabithia chick and she’s all dirty and weird and wearing a red dress.
i like her cos i like to think that one day when i finally lose all my marbles i will live in the woods barefoot and run around mute and dirty.
i have finally decided that A CASUAL GENIUS: THE BIGGEST THING THAT NEVER HAPPENED or even THE BIGGEST THING THAT NEVER HAPPENED is wickedly unjustifiably pretentious sounding for my next shitty book so those won’t be the titles, it will be something way more simple. just sharing.
my phone bill from going to woodstock is 181 dollars don’t text me for awhile y’alls.
change your links you dinks cos raymitheminx.com is back in my hands insert mad crazy bitch cackle!
ignore the part where i look like a man, instead, look at how blond my roots are.
ungh i don’t know why i took these i look like greasy shit, we had to run out and pick up something from citytv our friend won off breakfast television, it was not worth it. 4 VIP “gala” passes to take back the nite, girl drum circles for STOMPING out violence, at lulu lounge, uh sorry but drum circles MAKE me the opposite of non-violent. there was a gift bag too with ome tacky ski jacket looking bags. i was accosted by a street kid too he said he liked me and did i want him to be my boyfriend, uh yeah did you not just see me step out of my boyfriend’s car? yes ok fine i want YOU instead.
renee zellweger was on oprah yesterday.
my body is only craving garbage right now. fil and i used to eat these four times a week no wonder i was a blimp.
i’ve had that pin since grade seven, there’s dried resin tar gunk all over the back of the pokey pin part from cleaning out one hitters haha.
1) Is lingerie an appropriate gift to receive for Christmas?
YES BUT USUALLY EVERY GUY GETS IT WRONG SO DON’T BOTHER GIVE MONEY INSTEAD.
2) What if it’s from your boyfriends’ parents?
SURE BUT WHY WOULD THEY?
3) And is a ball-gag even considered lingerie?
NO WAY
4) Is it acceptable to re-gift?
YES BUT IF YOU GET BUSTED IT’S YOUR OWN FAULT.
5) What if it’s a sex toy? (but it’s totally been washed)
GROSS.
6) Is it okay to have a few drinks at the company Christmas party?
GET BLASTED.
7) Is it okay to get drunk and sing Jingle Bell Rock topless with that intern from the mail room?
N-O YOU FUCKING LOSER. UNLESS YOU WORK AT HUSTLER OR SOMETHING.
8) “It’s the thought that counts” – true or false?
TRUE IF THE THOUGHT IS BEING LAZY, SELFISH, AND RUDE.
9) Is sex ever an acceptable substitute for a Christmas gift?
ONLY AFTER I OPEN MY PRESENTS.
10) What if you’re the one that forgot to buy a present? (this applies to everyone from your partner to the mailman. Say what you will, but my Victoria’s Secret catalogue has never been late)
